Monday, December 31, 2007
I have lost 179.6 pounds.
For the month of December, I have lost 10 inches.
From September 1-December 31, I have lost a total of 67 inches. That is over five and a half feet off my body! (How I wish I had kept track of this all along!)
Not bad at all! :)
- Reach ONEDERland. (199)
- Lose half my body weight. (Reach 196.8)
- Have an overweight BMI. (191 pounds)
- Begin running. (180 pounds)
- Doctor's Goal Weight for Me/Skydiving (175 pounds)
- Reach First Personal Goal Weight (165 pounds)
I know it is going to take me a while to reach goal, but having these several mini goals will give me plenty to celebrate along the way. This year is going to be the year I achieve so much as far as being physically healthy and active. I can't wait.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
I am very inspired by John "The Penguin" Bingham, who began running at 43, being overweight. I ordered three of his books tonight off of Amazon. I figure getting myself mentally prepared to run will be one of the biggest obstacles I will face as I lose the weight that I want to lose in order to start running. Here are the books I ordered:
- The Courage to Start: A Guide to Running for Your Life
- No Need for Speed: A Beginner's Guide to the Joy of Running
- Running for Mortals: A Commonsense Plan for Changing Your Life with Running
I held off on getting his book "Marathoning for Mortals." I'd love to complete one, but that is certainly a way off!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
I don't just want to plan pie in the sky physically challenging activities...I want to accomplish them. I want to overcome my shyness and socialize more. I'm not far into the book, but something that I really liked was how Dr. Carson analyzes risk. He asks these four questions:
* What is the best thing that can happen if I do this?
* What is the worst thing that can happen if I do this?
* What is the best thing that can happen if I don't do this?
* What is the worst thing that can happen if I don't do it?
The other good news is I should have two new career options should I ever grow tired of my current one. Whenever I walk, all I ever watch is the Food Network and HGTV. So, perhaps I'll be a chef in my next life or a home repair specialist.
I am due for a big weight drop soon. Looking forward to that GREATLY. I am also eager to record my measurements and see how many inches I dropped for this month, and to see how many inches I've dropped since September 1 (when I began recording them).
Friday, December 28, 2007
I looked up small/large bowel obstruction. I had a few of the symptoms, but did not think it was that. Finally, the pain subsided. What a relief. It truly did freak me out. I guess I just had really bad gas or something. I felt better last night, and feel fine now.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
My best friend Mandi got engaged. She is engaged to a complete loser. I've talked with her about him several times, but she still persists. I told her she is an adult, and I will support her choices. She is planning an August wedding. We were talking about bridesmaid dresses, and Mandi brought up something that shocked me. She said, I bet you will be in a 14 by then. WOW...me, a 14!!!! Also thinking...that is eight months from now, I could very well be SMALLER than that by next August (and hopefully so)!
I still cannot get over how the DS has changed my perception of food. I hope to one day be able to adequately put the changes into words that really describe how different my life is now.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
These numbers give me hope that I will see three major goals by my one year anniversary. Those goals are: 1) To have an "overweight" BMI, 2) To be in ONEderland, 3) to have lost 50% of my body weight from my pre-op weight.
The Current Stats:
- I have shaved 27.9 points off my BMI.
- I have lost 73.3% of my excess body weight.
- I have lost 45.3% of my weight from the time of surgery.
- I am 65 pounds from pre-plastics GOAL.
- I am 24 pounds from an "overweight" BMI.
- I am 16 pounds from ONEderland.
Life is good. I feel great!!!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
1. Discussion of Goal Weight
2. Going over my current vitamin schedule
3. ACNE medication
4. Flagyl - it's time folks, really, long overdue
5. Setting up my next set of bloodwork
6. Want her to run a urine test to make sure I don't have a kidney infection. This is per the request of my grandmother. My lower back has been hurting for about a week, and there is no real explanation for it.
I also want to get her some sort of small gift as a token of appreciation for all of her follow up care since my DS. She really has went above and beyond. She has really studied up on it, and made phone calls when she was uncertain of things. Anytime I have been worried or concerned about something related to my DS, she always makes sure that she gives me an appointment for that day. I'm going to make an effort to look for something at Hallmark the day after Christmas.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I am debating joining the YMCA. I so wish that I had a workout partner. It would be nice to have someone to do exercising with. I have two pieces of gym equipment at home, but really like the idea of having access to weights, the swimming pool, aerobics classes, etc. I like the community aspect of the Y too. If I am serious about wanting to be in a 5K, 10K, etc...there would be others there training for the same goal. I was very interested in a cycling class that they offered. The other advantage is how close the Y is to my house. It is about 1/2 a mile from my condo. I could not ask for anything more as far as distance. I am going to make up my mind in the next few days. The promotions that they offer at the first of the year are just too good to pass up.
I'm not sure what it is worth, but I recently redid my body fat analysis on my elliptical machine. I did it awhile back and I had "greater than 48.8%" body fat. (That was as high as the machine would go. I did it a few days ago, and it said my body fat was 38.8%. I love the decrease! I bet the Y has more sophisticated machines that could analyize my body fat. I might consider doing that.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Another example of this body dysmorphia I seem to be developing....Yesterday, I was talking with my secretary saying how I wish that I could be thin like her for Christmas. She gave me the strangest look and said, "I'm a size 22." I thought to myself, "Holy Smokes, I never really saw myself as being smaller than her...yet I am."
So at what point does your head catch up with your physical body? I mean I am almost at the point where I realize that no matter what chair I sit down in, I'm not going to break it. That one aspect alone has taken me almost nine months! The mental aspect of this surgery really does take some getting accustomed to, especially if you have been SMO as long as I have been.
The one thing I am most thankful for by having the DS is that for the first time in my life, I feel like I am in control. Not only am I in control, but when I make the right choices, I typically see good results. It is such an empowering feeling after years and years of failure with dieting. The DS is a powerful tool!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
We are going to have our first meeting next week. FUN TIMES!
Knowing this will really affect how I eat over the next few days. I have a lunch and a dinner to attend on Saturday, and Christmas with my family on Christmas day. Yes, I know that I can have a small bit of "anything", and its OK. Yet, I know that keeping with high protein/low carb food will give me the best weight loss results. Looking at how close I am to these TWO major milestones, the food is really not worth it. I can always have a piece of pumpkin pie or a bit from a casserole dish. These food items just seem very petty now because I want to reach these two milestones desperately. I want to finish the next three months (which will be my one year post-op anniversary) out with gazelle intensity!!!
Now, I need to keep my head clear. It is so easy to crunch numbers and make predictions of when I will reach what goal. Each step in the right direction is a positive one.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
This song is very motivational to me. I feel like the DS has given me more than just "one moment in time"...but as many moments as I am willing to grasp. No, I will never be an Olympic athlete, but I will certainly have my priceless moments, some have already happened, but so many more are yet to come.
I do two quirky things when I exercise on the elliptical. One...I do most of the workout with my eyes closed. I have no clue why...wait, oh yes I do. When I first started using the elliptical machine in college, there were mirrors right across from me. I hated watching myself workout. GAG. Two...I do my elliptical machine workout in my flip flops. Since it is such low impact, the type of shoes that I am wearing really does seem to matter.
Well, off to work. Only two more days left in this week, then I am off until January 3rd! Woo hoo!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I am setting my goal weight at 150 pre-plastics. If I go below that, it will be a bonus. I know that will be a great healthy weight for me.
I can do this. I will do this.
Monday, December 17, 2007
According to the Center for Disease Control (2002):
"The average female weight is 164.3 pounds. The average adult BMI is 28."
This is from an unofficial source....The average female clothing size is a size 14.
Slowly but surely, I am creeping towards becoming average. I have always excelled in everything I've put my mind to....so I intend to become way above average by the time everything is said and done.
One day at a time. I will get there, I just need to focus on slow and steady....it one the race for the turtle, and it will help me to do the same.
Also, I am down two more pounds. Today I weighed in at 216 pounds! :) I have lost 45.1% of my body since the day I had WLS. I have lost 67.4% of my excess weight. I am 25 pounds from an "overweight" BMI. I am 16 pounds from ONEderland!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Pictures will be coming soon!
Tonight was my immediate family Christmas. We had to have it early, because of my brother and sister's crazy work schedules. We had a really good time. I did really good on the eating front. I had some country ham, and that was all. I tried on several of the things I got tonight and they fit well. When I was with my mom, I bought them super tight in hopes that they would fit. It it a great feeling! :)
I have a work party tomorrow and one on Friday for lunch. Hopefully, I can get through those without having to worry about any food stuff. I like my boring food and staying away from temptations as often as possible.
I am off from Christmas Eve through January 2nd. I am looking forward to the break.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Here is what I am wearing:
The sweater is a size 18/20, and the pants are size 18.
Friday, December 14, 2007
1. Reach ONEderland.
2. Reach my Weight Loss GOAL. (The exact number remains to be determined.)
3. Go Skydiving.
4. Go for a ride in a hot air balloon.
5. Go white water rafting.
6. Participate in a 5K and a 10K walk.
7. Start running.
8. Be able to take a bubble bath with room to spare in the bathtub.
9. Stay diligent with protein, vitamins, water, bloodwork, and doctor's visits.
10. Be able to wear a single digit clothing size. (Thus being able to buy clothing in any store I want.)
11. Get some nice professional pictures made once I reach goal.
12. Work on socializing more.
13. Continue to work on becoming debt free.
14. Be able to comfortably wear panty hose.
I'm sure there will be more....but for now this is all I can think of.
I feel better physically than I have in years. I guess I was so fat (and had been for so long) I really had no idea just how tired and run down I was feeling. It is nice not feeling so physically dead tired. Movement seems effortless. Nothing I do in my day to day routine exhausts me. On a random note, several people have complimented me lately on how healthy my skin looks.
I think I am going to go to my PCP and get on a prescription for Flagyl. Many DSers are on this as a routine prescription, and I think it would be helpful to me. Heck, at this point, I already take so many pills...what is a few more!
Another WOW: Yesterday at the consignment store, I bought a pair of Liz Claiborne size 1X velour black pants. On the tag, it had written 1X (16)! WOOT! WOOT!
I don't mind slow progress, but I really do need progress. Hopefully, I will show progress when I measure my inches this month. Some days I also just think that I truly need perspective. For example, I have gone from a size 28 (in August) to now a comfortable size 18 in December. I have gone down a size a month in my pants. That is a great accomplishment. Yet, I can't wait to be in a 16, and will be THRILLED to be in a size 14! I don't know if I will ever reach goal (or even what that goal is), but I want to be able to shop in normal stores.
I am still not certain if I had an addiction to food as a pre-op, but I certainly did have a fascination with it. I would think all day about what I was going to eat. (Now, I don't really think about what I want to eat, instead I do a mental tally of carbs and protein grams all day.) Food does not really have that kind of hold on me anymore. One interesting thing is cravings. I will get a "craving" for something, so I will go out and order it. Last night it was a piece of Long John Silvers Fish. I got it, and I ate about half of it, and didn't even want it anymore. Food does not give me the mental satisfaction that it once did. It is just food. It is fuel for my body. Gee, maybe I'm starting to use it how it was intended all along.
I am sure I am going through the same emotions that countless other WLS patients have gone through. It is nice to have this blog to get them out. I hope it helps others in their journey as well.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I hate going to holiday gatherings alone. I don't want to settle for just anyone, but a little hope on the dating front would be nice.
The scale still stinks. :(
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Of course, I have a lot of fears shooting back into my head that I will fail my DS or that I have broken it. Those thoughts had actually been out of my mind for quite some time.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I was wearing a size 20 pair of pants today, and they were dragging the ground. They were way too big. I have to get some smaller pants.
The first came as I was leaving the school where I used to work. A parent of a former student of mine yelled at me from the carpool line, and said that I was looking really good. When her son had me as a teacher, I wasn't even at my heaviest.
The second came from a secretary in our department. She asked if I was about ready to start "maintaining" my weight. This is no where near true, but the thought was very nice.
Enjoy the day.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
I also got the IPOD Shuffle that clips on your clothes. I have a regular IPOD, but like the portability of the Shuffle. I live near a really awesome park, and look forward to working towards running by summer.
I am SO CLOSE to making my skydiving reservation for late May. I really want it to be something officially tangible that I am working towards. Calling and making a reservation would really make this REAL. Just like when I got my surgery date. It became real, not just something out there that "might" happen. Hopefully, I will get the courage up in a few days. It will be my Christmas gift to myself.
Ok, back to the clothing thing again. I guess part of my frustration is where I carry my extra weight. It seems like that area is the slowest to lose. As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, from about mid-waist up, I look completely normal. I don't really look obese (that is if I can hide my ugly arms!). I have a ton of excess weight in my thighs and hips. I still think I am a ways away from being able to wear a size 16, even though many people at my weight can wear that size. I know that really targeting exercises might help some, but I just need to accept the fact that the fat there is very clingy, and is only going to depart very slowly with a whole lot of kicking and screaming.
For those of you with kids out there, they have a children/teen BMI calculator. Here is the link:
Saturday, December 8, 2007
I am going to go to the upscale consignment store on Tuesday, and see if I can luck up and find anything there. I have had quite a bit of luck there in the past. If I can't find anything, I am just going to give up, and wear something that I have in my closet.
The good news....in trying on many tops/sweaters, I am swearing a 14/16 in tops. If the top is really long I need an 18 because of the hips. I even tried on a pair of 16s just for kicks. I've still got a ways before I can wear them.
At least my hair will look good for the holiday festivities. I am going to get it cut and colored on Monday. I am tempted to get it permed, but you can't color and perm at the same time. I am also a bit leery of perms since my last perm experience (5th grade) was NOT a positive one. We'll see what I come out with. I have grey hair now, not a lot, but enough that I have to start coloring it. Fun times.
I haven't lost steam...I'm still following the rules, just tired of it all.
Ok, two-year old tantrum is over. Back to your regularly scheduling programming.
Friday, December 7, 2007
I think I would like to get my feet measured by a nice shoe store. I know that I have went down in shoe size, I'm just not sure by how much. On one pair of dress shoes the difference is quite substantial.
Nothing else of note going on. I need to work on getting a social life.
- Order a Large Thin crust meat lovers pizza, 2 liter of coke, and family size order of cheese sticks....and polish that off in the course of two meals.
- Stop at the drive thru two times a day. Always "super sizing" my meals and drinks.
- Buy two batches of those "just bake" cookies, and eating all of them in the course of a week.
- Pick up two candy bars any time I was at a checkout (buying gas, a coffee, etc.)
- Always getting a dessert when I went out to eat.
- Ordering salmon, mashed potatoes, a dessert, and the cheesy-bacon fries from Outback once a week curbside.
- That I no longer eat the portion size that an NFL lineman needs to eat in order to maintain his weight.
- Happy I don't feel like I always need something in my mouth.
- Downing coke like there was no tomorrow. Easily drinking 4-6 cans a day.
After reading over this list, which is by no means exhaustive, it sure makes me feel good that now my only indulgence is five sugar free dove chocolates a day. I am not justifying my replacement behavior, but compared to what I did as a pre-op, it is certainly a MAJOR improvement.
I am getting bored with the food choices I currently have. This seems to be a long term pattern for me. I will eat something until I am completely sick of it. I need to get creative. Many people have been doing extremely well living on an Atkins-like diet for years. I just have to put my mind to it.
The cool thing is that I don't really miss a lot of things that I used to eat pre-op. For example: bread. Yes, it is ok, but not something I am "dying" for. The few times I've had bread, I honestly felt bloated. Other things that I surprisingly don't miss are: pizza, most fast food items (I was a big fast food junkie), and many sweets. I count not missing those things as major blessings! I would love to be able to incorporate fruit back into my diet, but know that is not possible at this time. A few months back fruit would actually make me more sick to my stomach than having something really rich (such as a small sliver of chocolate cake).
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
I have tossed many things back and forth in my head about how I will celebrate hitting ONEDERLAND, but I have decided I am going to go
I have already emailed the local place to find out about height and weight restrictions. I am hoping that 199 will let me in. I've heard they will go up to 235 (usually for males). This past eight months really has been an amazing ride, and I want to do something BIG when I hit ONEDERLAND. I am ordering the video of my skydiving adventure when I do it, and will post it to the blog!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I have also been checking out different workout videos. I have Netflix, so I thought about renting several until I found one that was workable to me. That way I would not be stuck with something that I would never use.
Regardless, working out has to become a way of life for me. I need it. It makes my body feel good. I feel like I am accomplishing something worthwhile.
Monday, December 3, 2007
On an unrelated note...I have the most excess weight in my thighs. They are much smaller than before, but still they are big. If pants are going to be tight on me anywhere, it will always be the thigh area hands down. I wish that I could really "target" that area, but I know that my body will lose there as it wants. Thunder thighs be gone!!!
I should be most thankful that my stomach area is shrinking. That is the area that is always worrisome to doctors because of all the diseases (diabetes, etc.) that it could lead to.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Eight Months Later...
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
My dad always asks me how much I have lost. When I told him last night, he asked me how much more I was going to lose. I told him that I didn't know yet. I just know that I am not to where I want to be. Of course, my dad had no idea what my pre-op weight was either.
I wore the size 20 pair of pants that I bought yesterday. Before my cruise, they fit pretty decent, but were tight in the waist. They fit great now, and are very comfortable.
There is family stuff going on. My sister continues to con my father out of money. Honestly though, at this point it is his fault for being stupid enough to believe her even when everyone else knows she is lying. I pointed out how I knew she was lying about the latest way she got $100 from dad. Dad said that he was the only one that had some faith in her. Whatever.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Also, I am thinking of venturing into Old Navy tomorrow. It has been probably two years or so since I have been there. When I was there, I certainly wasn't there shopping for myself. I was looking at their sizing chart on the website, and I really think that I can wear their larger ladies size (size 18 or 20). I am really trying not to buy much of anything until the spring, but I really would like to have one really new nice outfit for Christmas.
I am eight pounds away from the lowest weight I achieved on Phen-Phen. In the back of my head there is that thought that I will get stuck, and not go below 220. I don't want to think that way. I want to know what it feels like to do so many things....I am thinking about when I reach ONEderland I will celebrate by SKYDIVING! :)
I am going to really think through what I want my strategy to be over the next ten months of my window. I am a "game plan" type of person. More on that in the next week or so.
On another odd note....before long I may be able to SEE my BELLY BUTTON. I was looking in the mirror, and I still have fat on my stomach, but it is remarkably shrinking. Wouldn't that be cool to actually see my belly buttom without having to lift a layer of fat?
Monday, November 26, 2007
We went shopping, and I got brave and decided to try on a size 18 pair of pants. They fit! They were a bit too tight for me, but I want to wait until I lose about 10 more pounds before I would wear them. I stared at the pants thinking there was no way that I would be able to fit into them, but I DID! I bought two size 16 sweaters as well.
At the store, they also had "elastic waist" pants. I never want to go back to elastic pants. I remember back when I could ONLY wear elastic pants. I like being able to zip up pants and button them. It really makes me feel great.
Five Months Post Op: 275 Pounds
I am down 161.8 pounds total.
I have lost 12.8 pounds this month.
I have lost 25.3 points off my BMI.
I have lost 68.6% of my excess weight.
I have lost 41% of my body since surgery.
I am 41 pounds away from an obese BMI.
I have 73 pounds until I reach goal.
I can fit into a size 18! That is down from a size 36W prior to surgery!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
- I fit into the plane seat with NO problems. There was no "spillage" into another seat.
- I was able to BUCKLE my seatbelt, with NO extension. Not only that, I was also able to tighten it, so that there was about five inches of seatbelt to spare!
- I hardly sweated at all.
- At Disneyland, I hit the park RUNNING. I had energy to spare. I was bouncing off the walls. After a full 13 hours at Disney, I was barely tired. My feet were a bit sore, but no swollen ankles, aching back, etc.
- I rode the roller coaster "Space Mountain" at Disneyland!
- I was able to go through all the turnstiles at Disneyland with no problem!
- It feels good not polishing off food. I like seeing food left on the plate. I would eat a few bites of dessert, then stop. This is what people who have a NORMAL weight do. I really loved that feeling.
- I saw pictures of my two best friends and I together. I really am the smallest of the three of us now. It was so weird seeing that in pictures.
- I could lay up in the bunk bed on the cruise. The weight limit was 250. (I was 235 pre-cruise).
- I am starting to feel so much more "normal" within a crowd. Although mentally I still have that fattest girl in the room syndrome, physically that is just not true.
- I had to tighten the straps on by backpack.
- I wore size 20's the whole trip. Honestly, several of them were big. I may be breaking into an 18 before too long.
I'm sure there are more, but that is all I can think of right now.
Although my vacation was good, I think it will be quite some time before I take another vacation. I really like my routine for food now. I have ten more months of my prime window (many people say you have up to 24 months of prime losing time, but for certain I have 18). I really want to use this time to shed as much weight as possible. I was also very afraid of gaining weight. I did not have the safety net of my scale to see how my eating was affecting my weight. Once I am in maintenance mode, I think I will be more open to traveling. I know this may sound silly to some, but I think this is what I need for now.
I have a dentist appointment in the AM. She thinks I have an abscess tooth. Why is it that I always get to personally finance my dentist's new BMW? I have really crappy teeth. Sigh.
At the airport there was a news clip on CNN about binge eating. It says that 1 in 35 Americans suffer from binge eating. It is a more "hidden" eating disorder, but they actually believe it is more common than anorexia and bulimia. I wonder if I was a binge eater. Just gave me a lot to ponder.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I am addicted to them. For the longest while, I kept eating them because they didn't "hinder" my weight loss. Now I am rethinking that....maybe they are NOT helping my weight loss. I wish I were the kind of girl who could have a piece or two, and be done. Lets face it, I would have never got to the weight that I was if that were the case. I'm going to steer free of the Dove SF Chocolates, and see what happens. Of course, since I am getting ready to go on my trip, I really won't know the true impact of this, since my eating will be "off."
I am proud of myself last night. I had to work late, and they had lots of CARB FULL food. I stuck to 6-7 pieces of broccoli and 3 Cherry tomatoes, with some ranch dip. I didn't touch the cookies, chex mix, sandwiches, or chips. I'll take that as a victory.
The scale is not budging. I have lost a little over 9 pounds this month. I hope to be able to say that when I return. Tonight I pack. Will probably need a last minute run to Wal-Mart as well.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Speaking of my vacation...I have not packed a blasted thing. I have managed to get the suitcase from my car into my house. I am not going to pack until tomorrow night. My friends Mandi and Penny are bringing up clothes that they think I might be able to wear. If not, I'm going to be buying some cheap clothes at Wal-Mart/Target once I get down to Florida.
While getting to goal is ultra important to me, I am happy right now. I have so many things to be happy about. I weight under 300 pounds...under 250 pounds. I enjoy having so much more energy than before. I am happy that food no longer rules my life. I love not feeling hungry. I like sitting down in chairs, and not having them cut off my circulation, or wonder if they can support my weight. I like being able to slide in a booth without feeling my stomach rub up against the table. I am glad that the scale is no longer my enemy. I love feeling that I am doing so much more than simply "existing."
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
- I don't need to hold onto the rail when going up or down the stairs. I used to always do this. I still find myself doing it occasionally, but more often than not, I am not clinging to the rail.
- I went this weekend to borrow a suitcase from my parents. They have a better traveling size one that I needed for this trip. I just brought it in from the car tonight. My mom had put some shorts in there of hers that she thought I could wear. They were all too big. Granted, they fit better than anything I currently own, they are still too big. I tried on a pair of 22 blue jean shorts (with elastic waist, not a zipper and button), and they were too big. I could have certainly worn the 20. I am smaller than my mother size wise.
- I have been carrying my trash to the dumpster. In the past, I would always load it up in my car, and drive it over to the dumpster. The distance is so short, I am embarrassed to say that I did that!
- More and more in larger groups I am starting to feel normal. It really is a nice feeling.
- I desperately want to reach (or exceed) my goal weight. I was number crunching today in my head during a meeting. I have just a little over ten months in my prime weight loss window. Of all the things I have done in my life, there is nothing I have wanted more badly than to be successful at getting to my goal weight.
Monday, November 12, 2007
I would really like to do something big to celebrate my one year DS anniversary in March. I have talked about going on a trip, and that is certainly still in the works. I would also like to do something physically challenging to really "push" my body. It would certainly keep my focus on the "prize" of reaching GOAL. I am thinking of walking a 10K. I am going to keep my eyes peeled for one that I can enter in around March/April of 2008. My ultimate goal is to be in ONDERLAND by March 26, 2008. That is my one year anniversary. I strongly feel I can make it, even if it is to 199. I hope that my body wants to go along for the ride.
I would really love to run a 5K/10K, but I am just not there yet. I broke my ankle in 1998, and have screws and a plate in it. I just don't want the extra strain on that joint, without my weight being much lower. I would "love" to become a runner, but I don't even want to start entertaining that idea until I am under 200 pounds. Other people may be fine with running prior to being under 200, but for me this is most comfortable. I am thinking that by the time I finish the 10K, I should be under 200 pounds, and I could start training for a 5K RUN.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The only things I really have been ordering at fast food places are: Chili and salad from Wendy's and occasionally chicken nuggets.
I watched the documentary with Morgan Spurlock "Super Size Me." He talked about how he really started to crave the fast food, and how he would even find himself checking his watch waiting for the next time to go get it. He went on to say how good it made him feel after having it. I can certainly relate...this was me as a pre-op. The hold that was once there, simply isn't anymore. All that makes me want to do is rejoice!
The scene that hit the hardest was they were going to a water park. You have to go through those turnstile (spelling?) booths to be admitted. His wife was struggling to get through there, and finally broke the booth. I remembered a few years ago I went to a concert with my best friend Wendy and we had to go through one of those. She went through first, and kept walking. I struggling to get through it. (Keep in mind, I was probably 50-70 pounds less than my surgery weight.) I finally got through, and raced to catch up with her so she wouldn't think anything was wrong with me. Back in August, when I went with my family to the zoo. I saw the turnstile booth again. It literally sent me into a panic. Luckily, we did not have to go through this. I am fully suspecting we will be going through when we go to Disney on vacation.
Even when I reach goal, I hope I always have a sensitivity to SMO people. Letting them know I've been there, and I know how bad it hurts. Not trying to sound pious, but I don't ever want to have a laugh at the cost of someone else's self-esteem.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
- I am 36 pounds from ONDERLAND!
- I am 44 pounds from an "Overweight" BMI (29.9)
- I am 76 pounds from GOAL. (NORMAL BMI)
I am scared about riding on the plane. I have always worried about this. I am worried that I will spill over into another seat. I am hoping that I don't need a seat belt extension. I don't want to get looks of disgust from other passengers. I don't want to have to walk "sideways" down the isle. I rode in first class to and from for my surgery. I completely filled up the first class seat, and of course, I needed the seat belt extension. I keep trying to remind myself that I don't weigh almost 400 pounds anymore, but most days I truly think the mental aspect is the hardest part of the WLS journey.
I have talked with one of my friends who is going on the vacation with me. We are going to exercise every day. She talked about a few mornings waking up early to walk the deck of the ship and watch the sun rise. I will certainly be all about swimming on the trip. I am also loving my elliptical machine, so I want to do some of that too.
Tia made some good suggestions about how she handled eating while on her vacations. It is ok to indulge on one thing a day, and try to stick to your plan the rest of the time. In thinking about her comment...this is what thin people do on vacation. They have a little bit, but don't go overboard.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I was craving chips so bad today. I literally had a huge battle going on in my head to justify why it would be ok to buy a .99 cent bag of chips. I ended up not getting them. I knew I didn't need them. It was still a huge struggle.
Lately, I have been comparing myself to everyone. For the first time in my life, I am not the fattest person in the room. I am constantly sizing people up and seeing where I "fit" in at. I know that this will end soon, but I am just fascinated that I am a smaller person that I have ever been in so long. I hope this doesn't seem too weird.
I got this dress from E-Bay. It was from Lane Bryant. I got it for $15. It is a size 18. Although my arms look pretty bad, overall, I think the dress looks good. Besides, I don't want to only focus on the negative. I had several 34W dresses that I could not fit into as a pre-op. I am thrilled that I can fit into an 18! I am going to take it on my vacation.
Here is picture of me in some new blue jeans. These are the best fitting jeans that I have. They are Lane Bryant Size 3 (Blue). I am guessing the size is 20/22.
Next Thursday night, my two best friends that are going on vacation with me will be staying the night at my house. We are going to the airport early in the AM. They are both bringing down some clothes that they think might fit me. It will be interesting to see what fits, especially since clothing seems to vary so much based on whoever has designed it. I sometimes wish that women's clothing sizes were more streamlined like mens.
Although this WLS process is going so fast, sometimes I wish I could just hurry up and get to the part of maintaining my weight loss. I am trying not to think like that, but sometimes I do.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
- I can easily wear size 18/20 in almost everything now. It is scary to me to think that next summer I could easily (and hopefully will be) out of the plus size section. I have shopped in the plus sized section every since I can remember. Even when I was young, there was a special line by Sears that mom used to get my clothes in ... "Pretty Plus" or something to that effect.
- I have been in a few meetings lately. Sitting at a table, I pretty much look like everyone else. You can't tell that I am obese. I have checked this out at every single meeting I have been at.
- I was talking with our secretary about how much weight I had lost, and how much more weight I wanted to lose in order to reach goal. She has been super sweet to me throughout the process, and is really genuine about her interest in my progress. When I told her that I wanted to lose another 80 pounds, she was surprised. She said she figured that I did not have that much left to lose. I am guessing that I am carrying my weight pretty well.
- I am the same size as my mom, or smaller. I believe that I am smaller than her, but I have not tried on any of her clothes to confirm this.
- Sometimes I just stand and look at myself naked in the mirror. I am just amazed at how my body is changing. I really have a lot less fat, especially through my belly. I still feel like my thighs are enormous...that is definitely the area where my body is losing weight the slowest.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
The rest of the week will be busy, but it is almost vacation time. I am so ready!!!
I have one co-worker who treats me pretty badly. I've talked about her on here before. She thought she knew everything, and tried to get me to have the lapband (because she had it). I had already done my research, and I knew that the lapband was not going to cut it for me. I know she is probably sticking needles in a vodoo doll praying that I regain every bit of my weight and then some.
I am still considering how awesome it would be to work at a place where no one ever knew that I was fat. It would just be nice to have a place once I am at goal where my "fat ghost" won't haunt me. A place where I could just blend in...
Monday, November 5, 2007
- I have lost a grand total of 152.8 pounds.
- I have lost 65.1% of my excess weight.
- I have lost 38.8% of my body (my pre-surgery weight).
- I have shaved 23.9 points off my BMI.
- I am 40.9 pounds away from ONEDERLAND.
- I am 49.8 pounds away from being considering just "overweight" (according to BMI).
- I am 81.8 pounds away from GOAL.
I am so thrilled. I feel like a success. It is such a wonderful feeling. I want to keep going. I am encouraged. :)
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously giveother people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson (Also attributed to Nelson Mandela)
Friday, November 2, 2007
Maybe over the next few days I will post several of the questions that are in my mind. I am not necessarily seeking answers to them, but it will be good to think them through a bit more.
Not sure if any of these AM ramblings make sense. I just needed to put out a few thoughts on my blog about the ramblings going on inside my head.
Also, on another subject, it still amazes me how different our bodies can be proportioned. A teacher asked me yesterday if I was losing weight. She had noticed a difference in me since the start of the school year. I told her I was. During her planning period, she tracked me down and was asking me questions. She revealed to me her weight. I was shocked that I weighed less than her. I guess I still really see myself as a huge huge person. (I am no small fry by any stretch of the word.) The truth is that I am no longer the fattest person in the room/building anymore. It is just weird trying to wrap my head around that thought.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I love the fact that I can pull my legs up to my chest. My thighs are still huge, but it is nice that I can do this. It just really makes me feel so much smaller. :)
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Somewhere in my head, was I trying to see if they were "worth" the cost? This is about my health. I need protein, and sometimes I will need protein bars for when I cannot access other food choices. It just makes me mad that I was trying to justify the cost.
I am excited about taking my measurements on Thursday. I am doing them on the first of every month. I started this at the beginning of September. I wish I had done this all along. Of course I would have needed one heck of a measuring tape to have done my pre-op measurements. (Man, I can only imagine how scary they actually were!)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
I am going to keep you guys updated on my weight loss, but I am going to "try" to not weigh as much. I am seven months post op, and I've blogged about trusting my surgery and the decisions that I make, but I still have a hard time with this. I really think I need to step away from the scale for a bit. I'd like to work towards only weighing myself once a week. I am just going to take baby steps right now.
My vacation is coming up soon! Woooo Hoooo!!! 18 more days!