Sad

One of my student's father was shot and killed this past Saturday. I wish I had the words to say to comfort him. He did stay extra close to me yesterday. Mom is not in the picture at all. It is just dad. He has two younger siblings as well.

Temptation has a FACE

They come across so welcoming....so helpful to your diet. NOT! I am happy for people who do well with the whole 100 calorie pack concept. I am not one of them. I have a hard time stopping at just one pack. That pretty much blows the whole concept out of the water. I have to resolve that there are some things that are trigger foods that I simply cannot keep under my roof. 100 Calorie Packs of M&Ms are one of them.

Computer Problems...GRRR

My hard drive completely crashed on my laptop yesterday morning. It has been completely replaced. I am currently on the phone with Verizon trying to get my internet access card back up and running. So I am blogging from Panera. I cannot believe how addicted I am to having computer access. Several of the sites I want to access are blocked by my normal work laptop.

High Carb

I have been doing fairly well with low carbs, but I think it is time to switch up my body. I am having a high carb day. The scale tomorrow will tell which direction I'll go from there. Hopefully it will help with my DS bathroom issues returning to normal too.

Inconsistency

I weighed on a newer school scale this morning. I weighed myself on this scale about 2 weeks ago. According to it, fully clothed (I did take off my shoes), I weighed 8 pounds less than what I weighed two weeks ago. I need to relax, step back, take a breath, and TRUST MY DS. Some days it is just SO DIFFICULT TO DO!!!

I got two more compliments today. One lady said I looked like I was losing several pounds by the day. It never fails every time I wear clothes that actually FIT me, I get compliments. This is hard at times, because as a fat person you always camouflage yourself. I have a hard time distinguishing the line between what "fits" and what is too "tight" (for my personal comfort level) sometimes.

JUST MOVE!

The scale is not budging, and it is really ticking me off. Granted, I am happy that it is not going up, but I want it to go down. There are so many logical explanations to this. First, I lost 17 pounds last month. Most of that weight was at the beginning of last month, but that was still a lot to drop in one month. Second, I am right below the lowest weight I have been in so many years it is not funny. My body has been taken out of its comfort zone. I am sure there are more logical reasons if I sat and thought about it.

Even with I see the logical reasons, my brain doesn't want to process those. My brain is saying I am failing my DS. Thoughts like, I paid a bunch of money, and left the country to have surgery, and I'm still going to end up fat for the rest of my life are dancing in my head. No one has any type of WLS and expects to fail. The reality is there are failures out there. I don't want to be one of them. Has the train stopped after nine months? I am scared.

I had thought about not weighing until the end of the month, but I really don't have the willpower for that. (The scales would not be able to be in my house in order for that to happen.) I also think what if I got to the end of the month and there was no change, or even worse...I had gained.

I upped my carbs for three days to see if that would help things, and it did not. I am going back to low carbs today.

Sorry for such a negative post, but I am really discouraged. I truly want to lose 50 more pounds, so I can be a healthy person. I am fighting for my health, and it is a fight I don't take lightly. I didn't care about my health for so many years, and that is how I ended up at 393 pounds.

I know this is one of those points where the rubber meets the road, and I really have to barrel down. It is hard, because I feel like I am giving things my all, and I am not seeing any results.

I want to get back in bed, have a good cry, and go back to sleep. :(

Can We Just Be Done Already???

Sorry today is one of those days. This post is pretty much going to be negative. I just want to be done with losing weight already. (No, I don't want to stop at my current weight, I'm just talking about the process.) I've been obese for 2/3 of my life. Most of that time I have been Super Morbidly Obese. I would like to close this LONG LONG chapter of my life.

I haven't lost steam...I'm still following the rules, just tired of it all.

Ok, two-year old tantrum is over. Back to your regularly scheduling programming.

Continuing to Defy Logic

I decided to take my measurements today. Since September 1st, I have lost 5 inches. Hmmm, I gain SIX pounds, yet lose five inches. The human body is such a weird creature.

Tonight I am going to babysit, and they have a rowing machine. After the kids go to bed, I'm going to give it a whirl. :)