Monday, June 30, 2008
1. Skydiving (May 24, 2008) DONE
2. Horseback Riding (Scheduled for July 25, 2008)
3. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
4. Go Whitewater Rafting
I have got to get the last two things scheduled before the summer is over! This summer is about breaking out of boundaries that I have once been tied down to. :)
I think we often spend more time planning, and not enough time doing. Then, when I actually start to do something, I get upset because it is not going perfectly like I had invisioned in my head. I need to go ahead and do things instead of waiting for some ideal circumstance or time.
With the mental struggles regarding my weight/body image, this quote really hits home to me. I need to find the balance between high standards, yet realize that I am never going to reach perfection. I remember a quote by Salvador Dali that said, "Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it." For some time that quote was on my scale as a reminder that a perfect life doesn't start when you reach a number on the scale.
This morning I am going to work in my classroom. It is so slow right now, and it is hard to see progress. I know it will look the way I want it to, but getting it to that point is going to take some doing.
We had our KADS meeting yesterday. It was good to be with the group. I am posting a picture of Ken and I. It is so weird, because I look so thin and healthy, but yet I don't see myself that way.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
This morning, I drove him to the airport so he could go back home to see his new nephew. Since I had some time to spare, we sat and talked for about an hour and a half before he had to leave for his flight. We got a lady sitting nearby us to take our picture together. That is our first picture together. I will post it when he gets back from North Carolina, since he is using my camera to take pictures of his new nephew.
My friend Wendy loaned me Skinny B*tch. I have been meaning to read this book for some time to see what all the buzz is about. It looks to be a very quick read. I will be posting my thoughts on the book soon.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
So, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "It's no big deal, it was just one lemon bar." Yeah, that is true, but if I don't watch things, this is a behavior I could easily resort back to, and I don't want to do that. It wasn't one thing that got me fat, it was a series of small stupid choices that I made repeatedly. If I let my mind fool me into thinking that this one thing doesn't matter, then I will think that gaining five pounds is acceptable, and going back up a size in jeans is fine too.
Ok, I'm officially off my soapbox and going to bed now.
I could see the tears forming in her eyes, and it broke my heart. She started talking about how successful I had been with my surgery, and how at three years out, she still is twenty pounds from goal. I whipped out my calculator on my cell phone, and pointed out to her that she had lost 87.7% of her excess weight. Then I also mentioned how many lap-band patients gain a significant portion of their weight back, and here at three years out she had not. She said she had all these skin issues, so I pulled her in the bathroom before my session started and I showed her mine.
I think in the end, she walked away comforted, and feeling better about her accomplishments. This losing weight and maintaining weight is a tough, tough battle....lets be gentle towards one another guys.
This morning I weighed in at 167. I am down eight pounds for this month. This puts me at a 93% excess weight lost. I have lost a total percentage of 57.5% of my weight since the day of my surgery.
It is wild to think that I have lost almost 60% of my body in fifteen months. Although I found a picture of myself with my class when I was unpacking the other day, and boy was I ever huge. I wonder how I did anything in life being that size.
Something cool that happened this month was breaking into size 10! I have bought a skirt, dress, and a few pairs of pants in this size. What is amazing about this is that getting into a size 10 was back to school goal. By reaching this goal midway through summer, I hope to be universally in a size 10, and would love if I could possibly have broken into a few size 8's. (Wow...I would have never thought 15 months ago that I could possibly be on the brink of going into a SINGLE DIGIT clothing size.)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
My two closest friends from this group are Donna and Vicki. Vicki asked me if I was in size 10 yet, and it was great to be able to tell her YES!!! :) Donna said that we wear the same size pants. That completely blew my mind. I've always thought if I could look like Donna I would be so happy. She asked what I currently weighed, and it turns out I am only ten pounds heavier than she is. (When I started to think about my bone density from all those years being SSMO, I guess that takes into account how I can wear the same size as she does, yet still weigh a few pounds more.) I am going to try to post a picture of Donna, Vicki, and myself together tomorrow.
When will my mind ever catch up?
Then, I worry about what I will be able to eat. I have never done well with strange foods. I want to try a few new things, but I don't want to mess up my digestive system either. That would certainly make for a miserable time.
The biggest problem I have is not being able to WEIGH for that many days. I obsess over the numbers on the scale. I love when they go down, and I want to watch like a hawk that they don't go up ever again.
The other thing I want to make sure doesn't happen is that my vitamins don't get taken at airport security. I would hope that I am not the only person in the US who takes a zillion pills a day. I would flip out if they made me leave my vitamins behind.
Ok, off to go to a convention downtown to present. :)
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
"For a long time I was embarrassed to be standing in a group of runners with a number pinned to my chest. How presumptuous of me, I thought, that I should try to join in. How outrageous of me to think that I am, a waddling middle-aged man (for me: a former 393 pound fat girl), could be one of them."
There is certainly an intimidation factor when it comes to racing. I don't want to let this keep me from racing though. I really want to try this.
The other quote from tonight's reading was,
"I used to believe that there could only be one winner. What a moment of enlightenment it was to discover that there are individuals who are winning races irrespective of their finishing time."
I am not in the least bit concerned about ever winning a race, but I do want to compete against my own personal best every time I do race. I am becoming an adult onset athlete, one day at a time.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Today (and tomorrow) I moved into my new classroom for the fall. I have so much STUFF. Don't get me wrong, it is all good stuff, but getting it organized is going to be a big pain. Above is a picture of me with two of my former students. I must admit these boys are very near and dear to my heart. I know they will accomplish big things in their lives, and I'm so happy I got to be their teacher. Must go to sleep now, I have another LONG day ahead of me tomorrow!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The easy life is the empty life. Whatever the status quo is in your life, bust out of it, you owe it to yourself.
This post secret has an interesting perspective, since I have only found the OPPOSITE to be true. I feel the smaller I get the more people are willing to listen to me, and take me more seriously. I guess we all come from things at different perspectives, but for me, the evidence in my own life contradicts this post secret.
Ben was really surprised about the murder mystery dinner theater for his birthday. We had a really good time. Afterwards, I had nothing else planned, and he said the night was young, and we should do something else. We went to Borders for a few minutes, then went to Starbucks. When we got back to campus, I got the longest best hug from him. He told me that he loved holding me.
My mind is still really warped as far as what size I am. I really felt so small because when he hugs me, I feel like am wrapped so tight in his arms. His arms go all the way around my body, and it makes me feel so tiny and petite. It is such an incredible feeling.
He then asked if I wanted to take a walk around campus. We walked for some time. We met a guy he had class with, who was a teacher from Nigeria studying at the seminary. It is so fascinating to me to learn about other people's cultures.
When he took me back to my car, I got another long hug, and my first kiss. Ben also said something very sweet to me, "You are getting prettier every time I see you." With how my self-concept has been so low, I really needed to hear this. :)
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I met a lady who taught ballroom dancing at my school last year to the 5th graders. That would be a cool thing to work with her in the upcoming year, so I could help teach my students to dance.This girl also asked me how long I had been dancing. I told her it was my second time. She said that I catch on quickly. I have a STRONG suspicion that she was just being nice, but it was still sweet to hear.
Then the awkward part came, his ex-girlfriend came into the dancing studio. So what is the first thing I immediately do in my head....I compare my size to her size. (Ok, I do this with practically every girl I meet, but this time it meant more, because it was his ex-girlfriend.) I am guessing I am about 10-15 pounds heavier than she is.
The best part of the evening was as we were leaving the bookstore, and driving towards the dance studio. He said, "Tiffany, what do you say about making things official?" I asked him to clarify what he meant by that. He then asked me to be his girlfriend. :) I said YES! (I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to have met a guy who knows what he wants, and doesn't want to stay in the just friends stage for ten million years.)
More updates later...time to go teach GED. Tonight we are going to a murder mystery theater performance.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Ok, back to work!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I am beyond pumped about dancing tomorrow night. Have I mentioned that this guy is sweet and I really like him? I am getting way girly!!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I did end up buying the Eating Disorders book last night from church. I think it can help with my mindset some.
I need to seriously get in gear and finish packing up for my move into my new school on Monday and Tuesday. I have about 75% of it done, but have really been too busy to finish everything. I will be glad to have all this school stuff out of my house and back into a classroom.
Sleep would be GREAT right now, but when one can't sleep, there is always STARBUCKS! I will certainly be stopping on the way.
"All great accomplishments were, at one time, considered impossible."
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
On the scale front, I am down another 1.2 pounds. 171.8 this morning!!! Hey I will take it! I am certainly ready to say GOODBYE to the 170s!
I was talking with my friend Mandi on the way home from my date last night. I told her what I weighed, and she says, "You weigh less than Barbie." Barbie is the name we gave to her mother in college. She is gorgeous. I was floored that I weighed less than her. Good times!
Monday, June 16, 2008
I also just calculated this: I have lost 90.5% of of my excess weight! WOOT WOOT!!!!
I am thankful that I had the Duodenal Switch. I am far enough post-op that people with other surgeries reach the point where they start to regain some of their weight. This is just a common statistic of the other WLS out there. That doesn't mean those with the DS cannot gain weight, but statistically they are less likely to do so, especially to the extent that RNY and Lap-Band patients do.
Tomorrow and Wednesday I am giving the biggest presentation of my life. By that I mean, I am presenting to more people than I have ever presented to before. Had an opportunity come up like this prior to my losing the weight, I would have never had the confidence to share and lead a presentation. I am ready for the presentation, and it is nice to know that I can reflect a polished professional image too.
Right now I am a bit awestruck that someone wants to ballroom dance with ME. :)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I'm not going to get unreasonable and lose down to some ridiculously low weight, but I do think the BMI index is appropriate for me. (I have seen many people who carry a bit higher BMI, but really do look fine. I am just looking at where I am now, and where I want to go to. I think it is pretty much on the money for me.)
Here is to being HEALTHY and having a weight in the NORMAL BMI RANGE!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I have a date in two hours. I am a bundle of nerves! This guy and I have really hit it off on the phone, and exchanged pictures, etc. I hope he likes the me he sees. I figure I'm almost 29 years old. The only person I can be is myself. I feel that I am pretty consistent on a day to day basis, and there is no need to pretend to be anyone else. (Not saying that I do, but I do think this is a common practice when you are younger. You try to "mold" yourself into the person you think that guy might be interested in.)
The only thing special I have done for this date was to get a manicure and pedicure. Trust me, the pedicure was WAY overdue. I think the pedicure was needed for anyone who had to look at my feet during sandal season. :)
Also just another small suggestion that has helped me as a Post-Op: If you are going to a major restaurant, look up the menu online. This way you have time to really think about the best choices that are DS friendly on the menu. I am nerdy, and like to plan ahead. I think this has helped me to make better choices than perhaps if I had felt pressured to make a quick decision at the restaurant table.
I'm off to get ready for my date. Fun times.
Friday, June 13, 2008
- I no longer wear size 36W jeans.
- I no longer wear size 5x/6X shirts.
- My cholesterol has gone from 189 to 120. (At one point it was 105.)
- I will be able to live to see 40, wheras before I wasn't even sure I would make it that far.
- I am able to work. I never lost this ability, but with how my weight was increasing, I could certainly see that as being a possibility a few years ahead had I not had WLS.
- I no longer sit down in a chair and worry if the chair can withstand my weight.
- I can easily fit in booths, with tons of room to spare.
- I can shop in regular stores.
- I was able to go skydiving.
- People no longer move out of my way when I am walking beside them. They know there is enough room for me to pass without their moving.
- People look me in the eye more. (This one is especially hard to relate to unless you have been SMO.)
- I feel like I am treated more professionally at work than before WLS.
- I hardly ever sweat anymore.
- I have so much more energy.
- People actually think my sister and I look alike now.
- I can fly on a plane with ease.
- I am diligent about taking my vitamins/supplements.
- I am extremely proactive when it comes to the healthcare I receive, especially regarding my labs/bloodwork.
- I am able to run!
Keep working on your own journey to health. That is why we are all in this. I have been discouraged lately, but better days are sure to come.
While we all want to achieve better health, I am personally trying to not let the number on the scale define me. There is more to Tiffany than just that number!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
As I have blogged about before, there seems to be NO connection between the amount of carbs I eat and the number on the scale. Granted, I have not gone wild with the carbs, but my body does not seem to respond any different from 30 carbs than it does to 100 carbs. I don't understand this.
Then there is my current mental disposition. Since there is actual progress on the scale, I am on cloud nine. My mind forgets that I bought a size 10 zip up skirt last weekend. It is like I want there to be progress every single day, and when my body doesn't allow me that, I get upset with myself.
I did call and get the name of a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. I am going to call her this afternoon and see about at least setting up a consultation.
Can't wait until I get off work on Friday. I am going to go to the park and hike. :)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Onto the next subject...there is a guy I like. We are going out on a date Saturday. This brings up an ocean of thoughts, mainly questions. He has seen my pictures, and he is still interested in me. What will he think when he sees me in person? Is there a thought that he might actually want to have a relationship with me? (I struggle with always being Miss Congeniality. You know, the person with a nice smile and sweet spirit, but the girl that guys only want as a "friend.")
Off to bed. I hope I can turn my brain OFF.
Monday, June 9, 2008
All I can say is that I am so humbled and blessed. I have never really struggled with learning. School work has always come easy to me. Watching and helping these people who are struggling with basic reading, math, and writing concepts has truly put things into perspective for me.
It also makes me think more about teaching my students. Every minute I teach them matters. I don't want my students to struggle through life as many of these people have done.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I weigh only 20 pounds more than my sister!!!!
I had an awesome time with Vicki shopping today. She is so sweet! :) I got a super cute dress and shirt. The skirt was a size 10!
I went to see Prince Caspain tonight with my friend Michelle. That was fun times. Last night went over and picked up a few books at the Friends of the Library Booksale.
My bone density scan came back and everything was within normal range for my age/gender.
I love countdowns.....
37 days until I go to Colombia
60 days before I start teaching 5th grade
Count UPS I don't like....
Day 14 of a nasty STALL!
Friday, June 6, 2008
At one point, I was pretty big into organic products. Well, I let that all slip to the wayside. I would like to move back toward products that are less-processed. I am going to start doing a little write up about new products I find at Whole Foods, and my thoughts on them.
I have heard people rave about Fage Greek Yogurt. It is a very DS friendly food, as it is high in calories from fat, low in carbs, and a solid amount of protein. I tried it, and did not like it whatsoever. I even tried to doctor it up some with sugar free syrup, but overall it was too tart for me.
The AP (6/6) reports, "Utah schools give teens more access to unhealthy foods and drinks than anywhere else in the country," according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which noted that "86 percent of Utah schools allow students to buy soda, compared to the national average of 63 percent." Additionally, "[e]ighty-three percent of Utah schools offered chocolate candy in 2006, compared to the national average of 40 percent." The AP explains, "Instead of ordering a ban, the state school board last year said schools could prohibit unhealthy food or drinks."
The Salt Lake Tribune (6/5) added that, overall, "Utah has the most schools that allow the sale of unhealthy foods and drinks during lunch -- 81 percent versus 35 percent for the national median." However, soft drink companies "have voluntarily agreed to remove sodas from elementary and middle schools and sell diet sodas in high schools" by the 2009-10 school year, and "the results also showed" that currently, "Utah schools do a better-than-average job of offering healthy drinks, such as low-fat milk and bottled water." But while state policy "encourages healthy environments" through guidelines, officials say that "few schools are willing to cut out junk completely, often citing the needed revenue."
Thursday, June 5, 2008
So about that mental vacation...
I have done a 180 over the past 14 months. Physically, my body has changed so much. You have heard me blabber on about this more times than I can count. The mental part is getting beyond belief tougher than tough. I have gone from trying to ignore the elephant in the room for oh so many years, to NON STOP thinking about my weight/body image/size.
I am constantly sizing myself up to the size of other women in the room I'm in. Truth is, I still don't have an accurate perception of myself, so I don't even know what that is. I think about carbs, why I am in a stall, will I ever get these last twenty-five pounds off, what I would look like in a size 10 or size 8, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. It is exhausting. I have spoken many times about finding balance, I just wish it were easier to find.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
My body is changing, even though the scale is staying the same.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
My body seems very happy at 175. VERY happy. I on the other hand, would love to see that number go DOWN. Hopefully this will happen sooner, rather than later. I am scared I'm going to stall. I don't want to stall. At least if I am going to stall, I hope that I will continue to lose inches.
My best friend Mandi is getting married at the beginning of August. Buying a dress has proved to be difficult. She has finally picked out the dress, and after looking at the sizing chart, I need a MEDIUM! Woot! Woot! :)
Not too much else to report. My brother's graduation party went over well. I wore a sleeveless pink dress.
Monday, June 2, 2008
My air is completely out in my condo. I have no clue what is wrong with it. A guy is coming over tomorrow to look at it. PLEASE let him be able to fix it!!! I couldn't imagine how I would have handled this pre-DS.
Perhaps I should just sleep on my balcony tonight. I think it is about 15 degrees cooler out here than in my condo.
My mom made me a really cool collage of my skydiving pictures. It looks so awesome. I can't wait to hang it up. :)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
I first took my measurements on September 1, 2007. I wanted to do a "then and now comparison with the numbers.
Area of Body 9-1-07 6-1-07 Total Inches Lost
Waist 46 inches 29.5 inches 16.5 inches
Area above Waist 49 inches 32 inches 17 inches
Hips 60 inches 40 inches 20 inches
Breasts 43 inches 34 inches 9 inches
Right Thigh 31 inches 20 inches 11 inches
Left Thigh 31 inches 21 inches 10 inches
Right Upper Arm 15 inches 11.5 inches 3.5 inches
Left Upper Arm 15 inches 11.5 inches 3.5 inches
Above Right Knee 21 inches 15 inches 6 inches
Above Left Knee 21 inches 15 inches 6 inches
This chart really speaks volumes about my journey over the past nine months!
(Sorry about the spacing, Blogger would not honor my spacings when it went into publish mode.)
Ok...this post card above hits home. Pasta Queen talks about having that "fat layer" to hide behind. Now that I am not morbidly obese will people like me for me? This postcard alone could really spark a long long blog entry.