Friday, August 31, 2007


I have worked out every day for the last two weeks!!! I am so proud of myself. This is a huge accomplishment. Now here is to making it on week three!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Feeling Good

I feel good. I exercised today when I got home from work. I have decided that I prefer exercising in the morning, but when I travel, evening is really better.

I bought some new clothes tonight. Since I have purged about 3/4 of my closet, I needed a few new things. I know I won't be able to wear them for forever, but it really does build up my self confidence. I got some 18/20 tops, and I got a size 24 black pant suit.

My weight is still at 274. I lost ten pounds thought from last Monday to this Monday. I suspect I will stay at 274 for a bit longer. I know the body has to adjust. I still don't have a clue where my body will be come time for my vacation in November. Since I will be going someplace WARM, I will probably have to buy some clothes off of Ebay. 75 days until I am on vacation!!!!

This weekend, I am going to the tanning bed. I am also getting a pedicure. I am excited that next Tuesday I get to have lunch with an old friend I have not seen in a long time.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


I just picked this book up and have read the first chapter. I am very excited about it. :)

I just finished House! It was very suspenseful. I love how the authors made it tie back into the spiritual realm. EXCELLENT!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


I have been going back in forth for work this week. I was too tired to work out this morning. I decided to work on this evening. Since I have to be up so early because I have to drive a little over an hour, I needed to switch my workout to the evening. I love working out on my eliptical machine!!! :) It is awesome!

I have gotten so many compliments the past two days on my weight loss. It makes me feel so good. :)

Hope everyone is having a great week.

Monday, August 27, 2007

81 Days

Until my nine day vacation with my two best friends! We are going to go several places in Florida (including Disney). We are also taking a cruise to Key West and Cozumel, Mexico! I am going to start going to the tanning bed next week, because I am white as a ghost.

Here are my hopes for the trip:

That I can buckle my airplane seatbeat WITHOUT a seatbelt extension.

Although I am not going to be "thin" by any means by November, I hope that I don't "Spill over" into the next person's seat.

Last but not least, TO HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My best friend from college, Penny, is having Lap Band surgery on September 6th. A few months after I announced that I was having WLS, she decided to start the process to do the same. What Penny didn't realize is that I had spent the better part of the previous YEAR researching and learning more about the different types of surgeries, and what life would be like after surgery. I really feel like she is jumping into this so haphazardly.

As her friend, I have asked her tons of tough honest questions. How will you get your supplements in? (She HATES taking pills.) Do you realize that for the size you are that the Lap Band is probably NOT going to give you the results that you desire? Do you understand that PROTEIN will have to be the first thing on your brain all day every day? (She is a huge carb/bread eater.)

Don't get me wrong, I don't want her to fail at her WLS. I do however want anyone that decides to have a WLS to realize the huge commitment that they are making. The surgery itself is only a few hours, but you have to make choices for the rest of your life in order to make it successful. As I share with others about my WLS, I want to make sure I convey what a big commitment it is.

Countdown to an Obese BMI

This may seem like a weird title for a post. Since I started at Super Morbidly Obese, I am very excited that I am only THREE points from an obese BMI. I am ready to leave the "Morbidly Obese" category. I have approximately 19 pounds to lose. To get to an "Overweight" BMI, I will need to lose 83 more pounds. I hope I don't bore you guys too much, but numbers and statistics have always fascinated me.

This morning I weighed in at 274. I have 13 pounds to lose to achieve my 50% excess weight loss goal.

This morning I really did not want to work out, but I did it anyway. It took about fifteen minutes, and my body began to really get in the groove. It was nice. I did learn that I need to listen to my body. I really wanted to workout for 55 minutes. (That was how long I worked out yesterday.) My body said it was time to stop at 42 minutes today. I know there are times to "push" your body, but there are also times to listen to your body. Today was one of those days. I am sure I will experience many "learning curves" as time goes on, as I start to learn my body all over again. I knew what my body was like as an extremely obese person, but I have to learn the new body that I am developing.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Five Month Post-Op Pictures

Five Months Post-Op

Today I am five months post-op. I can tell you that I would have the DS WLS again in a heartbeat. I was getting ready to write "My only regret is not having it sooner." But, that is not really true. It is not that I had enjoyed all those years being imprisoned in my body, but I was not emotionally ready to have this surgery. I finally reached that point last August when I began seriously researching weight loss surgery options. Physically, my body was ready to have this surgery a long time ago, but by emotional maturity standards, it wasn't until last August. I started taking a long hard look at how my life would have to change if I was going to take this step, and I felt I was ready to make that commitment.

So here are the stats on month five. I began the month weighing 296. I ended the month weighing 275!!! I lost 21 pounds this month! I attribute this significant weight loss to two things. I seriously started watching my carb intake. At first I was trying to stay "close to 50" carbs a day. After about two weeks of doing that, I dropped it down to 30 carbs a day. It really has not been that hard to maintain. The second factor is exercise. I have been getting up faithfully every morning and exercising. I have not done this for the whole month, but have done it consistently for the past week.

Stats (because I am a nerdy girl):
  • I have lost 44.9% of my excess body weight.
  • My BMI has gone down 18.5 points.
  • I am 14 pounds away from achieving the goal of 50% loss of my excess body weight.
  • I have lost a total of 118.6 pounds.
  • I have gone from "Super Morbidly Obese" to "Morbidly Obese." (I'm only twenty pounds from being in the "Obese" category.)
  • I have 145 additional pounds that I need to lose in order to reach my goal weight. (Although this number is still quite large, I have confidence that I will be able to achieve it.)

Oh something really cool happened yesterday. I occasionally watch a lady's kids when they go out of town. The last time I was at their house was in February. I saw her yesterday afternoon to watch her kids. She looked at me, and started to tear up. She could not believe how much weight that I had lost. That was a really special moment for me. You know when some people compliment you, they are just faking it. I could tell her worlds really came from her heart, and that was what touched me so.

Tomorrow should be interesting as well. Part of my job involves me working at the State Department of Education. There are twelve people in the state who have my job, and we all work in different regions. The last time I saw them, I was about 65 pounds heavier. I cannot wait to see their reaction!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I Can't Stop Smiling!

Not that I am complaining about that or anything though!

I weighed in at 277 this morning! The coolest thing is I did the calculations to see how close I am to achieving the 50% loss of excess weight. Many surgeons say that you should ideally achieve this within the first six months. I am at the end of month five tomorrow. I only need to lose 16 more pounds in order to reach this milestone of losing 50% of my excess weight. I like thinking about achieving goals in small increments. It seems so much more manageable than always looking at the big picture.

I went through my closet and got rid of four huge bags worth of clothes. I don't want them in my house anymore. I am becoming a new person, and I don't need those huge baggy clothes around. It really felt good to purge those clothes. I purged them CONFIDENTLY knowing that I will NEVER be in those sizes again.

Tomorrow I am going to dinner with my dad. I am going to have him take some pictures of me with my digital camera for my five month photos. I will post them for you all to see. I bought two saucy dresses, I'll have to decide which one to wear for the pics!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Thoughts On The Future Concerning Men

Again, I am saying up front this entry may step on some toes, but it is important for me to write.

I have been Super Morbidly Obese for the last 10-12 years of my life. Even prior to that, I was always significantly overweight in comparison to those around me. Since I chose to have the DS, I am making some permanent changes in my life. Once I lose my weight, I realize that maintenance will be required. It could (hopefully) be easier, since I have had the DS, I will still have to work at it.

When taking these factors into consideration, it really makes me think long and hard about the type of guy I will eventually date/marry. I truly do not think that I will be able to date/marry a man who is overweight. I know to some, this may seem like I am being a hypocrite, but I really think this is critical. I will need a man who can support me during the lifelong maintenance that is going to be necessary in order to keep my excess weight off. Having a man who has poor eating and exercise habits, could pull me down. I get this visual image of myself standing on top a chair. Having my spouse/significant other standing below. There is only so much strength one person can muster to "pull another person up." Eventually, it is simply easier for them to pull you down. Once one is pulled down it is easily a long downward spiral.

I have a long life ahead. I can't take the risk of being with a guy that could jeopardize that. Comments are welcome. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

My One Week Anniversary!

Today is my one week anniversary of working out. I have exercised for the last seven days in a row for 35-45 minutes. I am so proud of doing this. More importantly, I feel great. I have so much more ENERGY! They say it takes doing something (or not doing something) for 21 days for a habit to form. I am eagerly looking forward to starting week two tomorrow. I can do this.

Back in 1997/1998 when I was really into exercise (I was on phen-phen, and had lost some weight), I was always looking for motivation. One of the best motivators I found was a Nike Women's ad. It showed a picture of a woman running in the rain. It said, "In the pouring rain, in the freezing cold...nothing is worth that. Then it said, "I AM." I AM WORTH IT!

Cheers to exercising!

Bye Bye

to the 280's. I am officially weighing in at 279 this morning! That brings me to a 17 pound loss for this month. I have been really good at keeping my carbs at 30 or less. It was quite difficult at first, but now it is getting much easier. I do want to make the most of my weight loss window, so I want to do whatever it takes.

I don't have time to post about this now, but this will be an upcoming post. Certainly one that I think may step on some toes. I am single now, but I want to find that "special guy." I will discuss how important his overall health will be to me, especially considering where I came from. Look for it sometime this weekend.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Almost Farewell

to the 280s! I weighed in this morning at 281. Here are my current stats:

  • I have lost 42.7% of the overall amount of weight that I want to lose!
  • I have lost 28.6% of my overall body weight!
  • My BMI has dropped 17.6 points!
  • I have lost 15 pounds for this month so far.
  • I have lost a grand total of 112.6 pounds.

Time to go workout. For the past two days, I have done fifty minutes on the eliptical machine. Each day I am trying to go a little bit longer. The confidence that I am starting to gain is amazing.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

After a Week

of no weight loss, finally the scale is moving again. I am down another pound to 283. My total loss for month five so far is 13 pounds. I know that I look to the scale for validation that I am doing the right things. I keep trying to remind myself that validation can come in many forms. There is a bounce in my step that simply was not in my life five months ago. The fact that I have energy to do more than just breath in and breath out.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Showered in Compliments

Today I went back to my old job. I was there in a different role. I was serving as a Literacy Consultant to the new principal. Most of these people had not seen me since I left Mid-December. (They actually didn't even see me at my highest weight either!) I got one compliment after another on my appearance. Two people said they could not hardly believe their eyes, it was like I was a whole different person. While I do see the physical changes, it is so hard for my mind to catch up with what is physically happening to my body.

The neatest thing...
Even my former students noticed! I went into one classroom, and said hello. The teacher told me at lunch that they kept saying, "She looks really different." Yet, they could not put their finger on how I was different. (They are 5th graders.) In the other class where I went to say hello, one boy told his teacher, "Wow, she really has lost a lot of weight."

I know that some day I would love to be where no one ever knew I was fat, but today I was soaring on all the compliments.

I did twenty five minutes on the eliptical machine this morning. I am getting ready to get back on it. Since I cannot physically do a super long workout in one swoop, I am going to try doing a smaller one in the morning, and one in the evening.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

I Feel GOOD!

Nothing particularly special today to write, but I just wanted to comment on how GREAT I feel. I have so much more energy it is amazing. I shopped for groceries, continued the kitchen purge, cleaned out my oven, cooked a roast, and did twenty minutes on the eliptical machine. Before WLS, shopping for groceries would tire me so much, that I would typically stop for fast food on the way home from the grocery store. Also today while I was out, I tried on some more clothes at Wal-Mart. I was worried that because I got the 26's at Lane Bryant they might be bigger than what sizes are in other stores. I fit in the size 26! Then I tried on some dress pants. The 26/28's were too lose. I ended up buying two pairs of the 22/24's! They are not super tight, but I am going to wait until I lose about 10 more pounds, and I think they will fit perfect.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

There is Hope for This Underdog!

I wish I was as techno savvy as Dagny at Live the New Day, but I am not. Instead of getting awesome songs to listen to while you read my post, you'll have to settle for the lyrics instead. :(
"I'm in last place, if I place at all, but there is hope for this underdog." (Audio Adrenaline - Underdog)

This was one of the songs I listened to a few times while I was walking at the park today. I walked 1.6 miles today. What was a great accomplishment about this was that the terrain is not all flat. There were some small hills. When I am walking on my treadmill, I don't walk with an incline (not yet, that is). I am thinking that walking in the park should be my weekend treat. During the week, I will use the treadmill. (With my work schedule, this is just easier.) I loved being outside. It is hard to describe it, but I felt so alive.

Dagny frequently posts about loving to exercise. As I was walking today, I thought, every time I make the CHOICE to exercise, I am doing my body, mind, and spirit a world of good. Each time it will get a little easier. The more I exercise, the less excess weight I will be carrying on me.

Somedays, I feel like "tigger" because I already have 109 less pounds on my frame. I can only imagine what it will feel like when I have the PROPER amount of weight for my body on my frame. I am sure I will feel like I am walking on air.

Keep fighting the good fight everyone. We all really were underdogs prior to our WLS, but our WLS has given us a new lease on life. I don't know about you, but I have a whole lot of lost time to make up for! I'm not sure who said this quote, but it seems appropriate now,

"In the game of life, even the fifty yard line seats don't interest me. I CAME TO PLAY."

Friday, August 17, 2007

I'm a Tucker

Today as I got ready for work, I did something that I had not done in years. I tucked in my shirt. Even with my shirt tucked in, my pants fit very nicely. Not too loose, not too tight.

Why didn't I tuck in my shirt before? As being super fat, usually my pants were too tight, there was no way any extra material could go in them. This of course always made me look like a slob.

The kitchen purge continues. I have gotten three Glad Force-Flex bags out of my kitchen. Mainly, the items have come from my pantry. My goal is to finish the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator by tomorrow afternoon. I'm not sure which room I will start on after that.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Holy Smokes!!!

Guess who is a size 26? ME!!! About three weeks ago, I went to try on a size 26, and it could barely come around my hips. There was no prayer that the pants would button. Today, I went into Lane Bryant, not only did they button up, but they fit very nicely! I was totally doing a dance in the dressing room today. It really is true that your body "changes" even when the scale is not budging. On Ann's blog she talks about never underestimating the small wows. This is a small wow for me. I have not been a size 26 since I was a sophmore/early junior in college. I have gone down SIX clothing sizes since March 26th!

The cleaning and purging mode has truly struck me. I am starting with my kitchen, and will be moving throughout the house. I love to be organized. With changing jobs and surgery, I have let some of my good cleaning habits get away.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Rethinking Thin...

This book was quite interesting. It went into the history of dieting. At times it was pretty heavy on research. I think it would be an excellent read for those who have been "naturally" thin for their entire life. It really talks about the struggles of losing weight, and how hard it is to maintain weight loss. I know I stink at writing book reviews, but this was a good read. If anyone wants to borrow it, email me.

The Willpower to...


Will I ever have this willpower? I guess from failing so many times with diets it is ingrained in my brain. I need to start with mini-goals, like weighing every other day, then weighing once a week, every other week, and work my way up to weighing once a month. It is so difficult. I don't want to fail. Even though the scale doesn't go down every day. It is so encouraging when it does. I also like the pattern of seeing how my weigh changes from week to week.


I have been working really hard at this "low-carb" thing. I do really well with my carbs during the day. It is always the evening time from when I get home until I go to bed, that can cause my carbs to creep up. I think I need to start exercising in the evening. Maybe this will help some. I'm not eating bad things, but a "few" carbs here, and a "few" carbs there really add up.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Getting What You Pay For....

I bought a cheap $4 pedometer yesterday. I set the stride correctly, and all that jazz. It was adding anywhere from a 1/3 to a 1/2 more steps that what I was actually walking. Me being the nerd that I am, I actually counted from the parking lot, and a few other places. What is the point if it is not ACCURATE? I went ahead and bought a nice one from the internet.

I know that monitoring my activity level is much more important now for many reasons. It will help me to gain more strength, and become more physically active. It will help in the weight loss process. Most importantly for me now, is the fact that I have switched jobs (as of January). I used to be in the classroom, so I was always up moving around. Now, I primarily have an office job. I am sedetary for most of the day. I will go out to different schools, but then I will be sitting at meetings in those buildings. I know that I will be shocked at "how little" steps I record during the working day. This will only give me more reason to workout before going to work, and work out in the evening.

On an unrelated note, the water bottle has now become a permanent extension of my right hand. This is something that I never thought would happen. I am so excited! I love drinking water!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Another Slip...

down the scale. I weighed in at 284 today! That is twelve pounds for this month. I have lost 41.5% of the total weight I want to lose!

I am going to do some cleaning, and get ready to go to a movie with my friend. I am also going to buy a pedometer. I want to get at least 10,000 steps in. I know I am not getting that.

Enjoy the day!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Busy Busy!

My weight is holding steady between 285 (in the morning) and 289 (in the evening). I am happy with where I am right now. I would like to have another drop before my 5th month is over. Hopefully that will occur.

My Vitamin D level is low. I have to start taking a prescription pill for it.

Here is the crappiest of crappy news. I got my paycheck today. It was SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS (NET) LESS than it should have been! I go to work, thinking surely they have made a mistake, but NO. I am a teacher, and I switched jobs in January from a 187 to a 195 day contract. Teachers pay into "escrow" all school year, so we can get our summer checks. Since I was working more days, they took out less escrow. This was my last summer check, and what a crappy check it was. I was so upset.

I had the 6 carb cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory the other night. It was awesome. I only ate about 1/4 of it. It was worth every carb and then some. Although I would like to try another one of their cheesecakes, I just think they would be way too sweet for my tastes. Not to mention more carbs than our National Debt.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


The number on the scale represents several things. This is a number I have not been at in seven years. Prior to starting my teaching job, I joined Weight Watchers. The scale then read 286. I am the lowest weight I have been in such a long time. This weight loss and this surgery truly do blow my mind.

I am off to have my work ID made. I told my boss that I couldn't wait to "lose it" several months down the road, so I can get a newer one to show off the shrinking me.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Happy Days!

The scale showed 287 this morning!!! I have lost nine pounds for the month.

I tried on my size 28 jeans again last night. They are getting looser. I can tell that they are not loose enough for me to go to the 26, but I am making progress towards it. I have not worn a size 26 in at least 7-8 years.

Monday, August 6, 2007


Today I had to go to a training at a professional development center in my area. I used to always hate going to this place. Why? Because the chairs would literally cut my circulation off. I could barely squeeze myself into them, and had to make a grand effort to get out of them. Today I sat down in the chair, and I did not touch the side of chair. (Just barely, but hey, it still counts!) Throughout the whole inservice today, it was so liberating not to be in pain from the chair. There were no grooves in my body from the chair pressing into me. THANK GOD!

I also realized that to date, I have lost an average of .78 pounds per day since having my surgery. That completely rocks. :)

I am watching "Fat March" on ABC. Any thoughts on this show ladies?


to the 290s. This morning I weighed in at 289!!!

As for the number crunching...

  • I have lost 39.6% of my excess weight.
  • I am only 28 pounds from reaching another goal of 50% excess weight lost.
  • I have lost 26.5% of my starting weight. (I have lost 1/4 of my cool is that!)
I am eager to move down a pants size. This seems to be taking a long time. I know we all lose weight differently, but I am not losing much to change my pants size. I am so ready to be in a size 26. I have not been there in soooo long.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Portion Distortion

We all know that food portion sizes are crazy at restaurants. This link is helpful in showing just how much they have changed over the last 20 years.

Nine Out of Ten People Agree...


Today I went to the zoo with my family. I had mixed feelings about going to to zoo, because of my last experience there. It has been I'd say, 4-5 years since I have last been. I went with a group of four girls. I was just getting to know them, and I was trying to make some more friends for myself. Of course, the zoo has many slopes and hills. I could barely make it up them. One girl, Nicole, was sweet and walked slower so I could still enjoy the zoo some. I sweated like a pig, and was exhausted by the time we left. It was such a huge reminder of just how out of shape and fat I was.

Fast forward to today. I weighed in at 290 pounds this morning!!!!! (My total loss is now 103 pounds.) I went with my sister, her boyfriend's two children, my mom and dad. It was quite hot, and I hardly sweated at all. I was able to handle the slopes and hills without a problem. We got to a tent, where there was food. (It was a company event for my dad's company.) They had popcorn, cotton candy, ice cream sandwiches, frozen lemonade, soda, etc. I took four individual pieces of popcorn and a teeny bite of cotton candy. It is so empowering to feel the willpower and the desire to be able to say, "No thanks." Nothing that they were offering there was worth messing with my weight loss. Does that mean that I'll never have a "sweet"? Of course not, but it felt wonderful to decline sweets, and feel good about the end result that it would give me.

I am definitely going to keep up this low-carb thing. As soon as I lowered my carbs, the scale started moving. That is not a coincidence. I am going to run over to the grocery store to look around for some more low-carb options that I could take to work. One thing I am very happy about is that protein shakes don't bother me at all, and I actually like them. I hope I can ride out that for some time. They are quick and easy.

I've Been Tagged....

Dagny, from Live the New Day, Tagged Me....

The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number. Not three.

Randomness about Tiffany...
1. I love children's books. I used to be a classroom teacher, and I have over 4500 children's books. I still read quite a few of them.
2. I am super organized. One of my student's said, "Even your organizers have organizers." Another said he was going to start calling me, "Your Royal Neatness."
3. I like folk and bluegrass music. (I like many other types as well, but those genres tend to surprise people about me.)
4. I want to live in a major city.
5. I love going to new restaurants, especially ones that are very unique.
6. I have a very compassionate heart.
7. I want to get my PhD, and become a college professor.
8. I am much more comfortable in small groups than large crowds.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Pictures as Promised

Here is my 100 pounds down picture! :) I went with my best friend Mandi to the Creation Museum. We had a great time. I weigh 293 pounds in this photo.

I also did really well keeping my carbs down today. :) A small "wow" for me was that today while driving I put the arm rest down, and it didn't hit my hip!

I am the Newest Member...

OF THE CENTURY CLUB!!!! That's right folks, today I weighed in at 293! I have lost 100 pounds! I have only lost three pounds so far this month, but right now all I am going to focus on is that the scale is indeed moving downward, and I am the new century club weight loss member. These are 100 pounds that are NEVER coming back on my body! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Friday, August 3, 2007

Changing Up the Diet

After posting about my stall and my fear of this being "the end of the road" on the DS forum, I am going to change up my diet. I got a great deal of advice from people who have lived this surgery much longer than I have. I have been 'moderately' watching my carbs. This comes from a girl who was getting over 140 carbs easily from COKE alone as a pre-op. I truly believe I was probably having over 400 carbs a day then. I had decided to limit my carbs to between 75-100 carbs a day.

When I read the posts, many people were saying I need to keep my carbs as low as possible. I have a lot more weight to lose than many people. I am going to have to even more diligently "stay the course" in order to get the most out of my weight loss window. I am going to also start working out. I feel that I can lower my carbs without much of a problem, but I do wonder how to increase the fat consumption.

Today at work my cubby mate and I were doing major housecleaning. We are getting ready to move to another cubicle. I found an envelope with some pictures taken of me towards the end of December by a parent of one of my students. WOW is all I can say. Honestly, if I had been alone and not at work, I probably would have started crying. I am guessing that my weight was around 380. I was so massive.

So many people at the office gave me compliments today. Even the head boss gave me several. (Most of these people have not seen me for the entire summer.) When I told one co-worker how much I lost, she said, "That is like a small person." My friend has a 13 year old boy who weighs what I have lost. I like to think that I have "lost a Justin."


While in the shower, it hit me why I have been so fearful about the slowing down of my weight loss. I am now at a point weight loss wise that I have never been at before. Back in 1996-1997, I lost around 90ish pounds on Phen-Phen. That is the most weight I have even lost in a single dieting attempt. The most weight I have lost on my own outside of medicine has been 40-45 pounds.

I am so afraid of failure. Here I went to a foreign country (to an excellent doctor I might add) to have a surgery that I paid for out of pocket...and what if this is it? What if I don't lose any more weight? My head keeps telling me this. I am doing all the right things to take care of myself....getting my protein and water in, taking all my supplements, etc. My bowel movements are very normal, etc.

Yes, I have made great progress over the past several months. The fact is that I still have a LONG way to go in order to be considered "healthy."

Time to go face the day, whether I am ready for it or not. Thanks for listening.

Met a Goal

Today is my first official day back to work. I am a consultant now, so I only work part time during the summer. One of my goals that I made back in May was to be under 300 lbs by the time work started back. When I got out of work at the end of May I weighed 336 pounds. Today I weighed in at 295. That is a total loss for the summer of 41 pounds. I have been kinda worrying over the past few days because the scale is not really moving much even though I am following excellent eating patterns. I know I have to have some stalls here and there, but I just want slight movements DOWNWARD.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Associating Weight with Beauty

Tonight I had a nice long three hour talk with a great friend of mine. I love talking with Andrea because I like to hear her perspective on things. I do think she is a very wise person. I was describing my sister tonight and I said, "She is 130 pounds, ....." Andrea stopped me right in my tracks. She said, "Have you ever noticed how when you describe someone you think is beautiful that you always begin with what their weight is?" Honestly, it had never even hit me until just then.

I have always had a negative body image. I can remember my mom telling me that if I didn't lose weight I was going to have to have my clothes made by Omar the Tent Maker. (My mom didn't say many bad things about my weight, but this is one comment I still vividly remember.) I guess it would be easier to feel like I am beautiful or pretty if I had ever truly been loved by a man as a heavy person. I have never felt this type of love. I secretly hope thta I will meet my true love before I have lost all my excess weight, because I want him to love me for who I am completely.

I know many times throughout this journey I will be frustrated with my body image. I've actually heard many people who have lost all their weight say that they are more concerned with their body image as a thin person than they ever were as a heavy person. Andrea reminded me tonight that I am a beautiful person. I long to hear that from a man who loves me. Old habits die hard, but I want to try to break the habit of associating weight with beauty.

New Haircut

I got a new haircut today. I promise to post pictures on Saturday. The stylist was really sweet, and really tried to "work" with my hair, even though I still have quite a bit that is falling out. I ordered Biotin that people keep saying will help to slow the hair loss process down. Lets hope that helps some. Oddly enough, she suggested I part my hair on the opposite side because I am losing less hair on that side. Weird.

The Scale Is Moving Again and Other Notes

Aunt Flow always messes with the scale. The scale says 295 this morning. 98.6 pounds down since surgery. I know my weight loss is going to start slowing down, and this is where I get scared. I have failed every diet I've even been on. I don't want to fail the DS. I prayed and decided to have this surgery as a final step to help me begin to get my weight under control. I know it is normal to have stalls and for your weight loss to slow down, I just don't want it to stop. I have a significant amount of weight to lose.

I am going on vacation November 16-25 with my two best friends from college. We are going to Florida, and will be taking a cruise to Cozumel. I am so excited to have a nice vacation! I am more excited about being able to keep up and enjoy myself while on a big trip. I hope that makes sense. We are going to Disneyland on the last day of the trip. I really hope that I am able to ride some (ALL would be AWESOME) of the rides.

I watched the Season Finale of "Shaq's Big Challenge" last night. I was very impressed with this show from the onset. I feel that he truly is interested in helping with the problem of childhood obesity. It was amazing to watch how far these kids had came over the course of nine months. I have reflected a great deal on how I will raise my kids lately. Since I have grown up obese, I know I will need to take special precautions to insure that my kids don't travel down the same path. I pray that these kids can continue their successes. Every day you are obese is not only a threat to your health, but it is a day where you truly cannot fully live your life.