Tuesday, September 30, 2008

How Fitting

Pulling a Late One

I'm done with the conference and heading back to school now. I've got a ton of stuff to do on my to do list. I know I could wait, but that will drive me batty not getting this stuff done that needs to be done. My motivation is: complete so I can enjoy my three day weekend with NO WORK! Wooo Hooo! :)

These two conferences have left me with a lot to chew on. Instead of trying several things ineffectively, I am going to pick TWO things that I am going to work on implementing. Two things are manageable. Little changes make big changes over time, just like losing weight. Adding up a pound here, a pound there, sooner or later it is a whole lot of weight lost!

Checking In

Not really a whole lot to report here. I was at a conference all day yesterday. I am at a conference all day today. Then, I have one day (Wednesday) to get it all back together (after being out three days in a row) for extremely important vistiors we will be having in our building on Thursday. Most likely, I am going to school after the conference today in order to start getting things in order. I also want to finish doing report cards so I can officially enjoy my three day weekend.

I think I am going to see Sinbad at a local standup comedy club. I am very excited about that. He is someone I have wanted to see perform live for many years.

Outside of that, nothing new is going on. Weight is the same. Ben and I are doing well.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

One Pound of Fat

Hello, do you know me?If you don't, you should.
I'm a pound of fat,And I'm the HAPPIEST pound of fat that you would ever want to meet.
Want to know why?
It's because no one ever wants to lose me;I'm ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound!
Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds, or fifteen pounds, but never only one.
So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.
Then I add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to notice it.
That is, until I've grown to ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight.
Yes, it's fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT, left to do as I please.
So, when you weigh in, keep right on saying, "Oh, I only lost one pound."(As if that were such a terrible thing.)
For you see, if you do this, you'll encourage others to keep me around because they'll think I'm not worth losing.
And, I love being around you - your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and every part of you. Happy Days!!!
After all, I'm ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT!!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Forgot to Write about the Comments

Today I was at a reading conference. Between one of the sessions, I was talking with one of the teachers at my school. The subject turned to weight loss. She said something about how I looked good. I said I felt kinda grubby because I was wearing jeans. She said, "But there is a difference, you are THIN and in JEANS." She called me THIN.

Ben continued to shower me with compliments again tonight. He said I looked good before, but now I have absolutely no fat on my body. (Little does he know!) He has been rubbing my stomach lately. I really like it when he does that. :)

I posted on OH about my 18 months progress. There were several people who said I needed to get the size 6 jeans! Woooo Hoooo!!! Maybe a trip to Target is in order this Sunday.

18 Months Post Op

I weighed in at 147 pounds today. I am in a size 8 pair of jeans and a medium top. I will probably write a deeper reflection later on. Here is my breakdown by month.
Month 1: 35 lbs
Month 2: 22 lbs
Month 3: 22.6 lbs
Month 4: 18 lbs
Month 5: 21 lbs
Month 6: 11.4 lbs
Month 7: 17.8 lbs
Month 8: 12.8 lbs
Month 9: 17 lbs
Month 10: 10 lbs
Month 11: 5 lbs
Month 12: 5 lbs
Month 13: 10 lbs
Month 14: 10 lbs
Month 15: 8 lbs
Month 16: 6 lbs
Month 17: 8 lbs
Month 18: 7 lbs

Grand Total: 246.6 lbs

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Losing the last few pounds really does suck. I really do "get it" now in regards to people talking about those last 10-20 pounds. My body is very happy where it is at. VERY. HAPPY. I hate that. I just want to full force steam engine ahead and be done with this! Is that such a bad thing?

I am elated at the progress I have made. I am so happy that I don't wear a size 36W pair of pants anymore. Other things I am happy about .... that I don't fear breaking chairs when I sit down, I look normal out in public, I won't die of health related causes before the age of forty, I can shop for clothes at normal stores, the list can go on and on.

In other news, I am really loving my class. I work in a very tough school, and things are very challenging, but I have fallen in love with my students. I am committed to helping them succeed and have a better self-image. I will be out of work Friday, Monday, and Tuesday because I will be at a conference.

Things are going well with Ben and I. Today we have dated for four months. I am looking forward to seeing him tomorrow evening. On Saturday, I have to watch the boys, so we will be discussing our books via phone, and then we will be together Sunday for church. I had told Ben a while back that I would love for him to come have lunch with my class. He offered to come this Friday, but since I will be at a conference, that won't work. I look forward to him visiting and getting to know my students.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

From National Eating Disorders Website

Ten "Will-Powers" for Improving Body Image
Written by: Michael Levine, Ph.D., and Linda Smolak, Ph.D.

Taking care of your body and doing things you enjoy will enable you to enjoy a happy, participatory life.

Twice a day, everyday, I will ask myself: "Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believe are the flaws in my body weight or shape?"

I will think of three reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people are happier or "better." I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare my body shape to someone else`s.

I will spend less and less time in front of mirrors--especially when they are making me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about my body.

I will exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I will not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to "make-up for" calories I have eaten.

I will participate in activities that I enjoy, even if they call attention to my weight and shape. I will constantly remind myself that I deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter what my shape or size!

I will refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not like but wear simply because they divert attention from my weight or shape. I will wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel comfortable in my body.

I will list 5-10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding, intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel bad about my body.

I will practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do, not for how slender, or "well put together" they appear.

I will surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.

I will treat my body with respect and kindness. I will feed it, keep it active, and listen to its needs. I will remember that my body is the vehicle that will carry me to my dreams!

I will choose to take care of myself and my body!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

View from another angle

You can see more of my body here. I look so different than how I view myself in the mirror.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Temptation has a FACE

They come across so welcoming....so helpful to your diet. NOT! I am happy for people who do well with the whole 100 calorie pack concept. I am not one of them. I have a hard time stopping at just one pack. That pretty much blows the whole concept out of the water. I have to resolve that there are some things that are trigger foods that I simply cannot keep under my roof. 100 Calorie Packs of M&Ms are one of them.


I'm so grateful I had the DS. I am so thankful for my ultra talented surgeon Dr. Daniel Huacuz. He truly helped restore my life. I can do things now that I never dreamed possible before. Life is so grand!!! :)

New Favorite Blog...

I just discovered Frayed Laces last night, but wow, I am already hooked! Her number one motivational saying is above. This saying is going to become my new mantra! This saying has special significance to those of us who have been SSMO for most of our lives. There were YEARS that my body could barely do basic things necessary to get through life. I have been freed from that. Now, I want to make the most of the years that I have left where I can be very physically active. I know eventually I'll age to where I'll have to take on lower impact sports, etc...but TODAY is NOT that day. I'm going to embrace today and love every minute of the freedom I have from not being obese.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Pumpkin Flavored Ricotta Fluff

I made a new version of Ricotta Fluff last night. I LOVE pumpkin pie.

1 large container of Ricotta Cheese
2/3's of a can of pumpkin pie filling
3-4 spoonfuls of Splenda
4-5 spoonfuls of French-Vanilla Cool Whip

It was heaven! So yummy! :)

Saturday, September 20, 2008


I'm worried about returning to school on Monday. There is a good chance that at least 50% of my students have spent the last week at an American Red Cross shelter because of no electricity. I know we will need to debrief about what has happened this past week, I just need to think about the best way to go about it.

Photo from Saturday in the Park

Good times great friends! :)


"Put all excuses aside and remember this: YOU ARE CAPABLE."
- Zig Ziglar

Friday, September 19, 2008



1 . the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched

2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity or the like.

I have resilience. Small acts each day will show that I do. I can overcome living in a prison of fat for all my life.

Truth For Any Form of Exercising

Sad But True...

And I Thought I Was Sick of Eating...


Ready for the Weekend...

Ok....so I'm ready for the weekend, even though I never had a work week this week. School was cancelled all week due to the power outages from the wind storm. I was one of the fortunate people, who was only without power for one day. Ben and I had spent Sunday night with my parents.

How have I spent my week?
* Watching Season One and starting Season Two of 24. I'm hooked.
* Working out (Go Me!)
* Spent a bit of time with my mom
* Went to the nursing home with Ben
* Cleaning out my closet, gathering things to go to Goodwill and to my friend Vicki
* Watched the end of Season 2 of Avatar with Ben

Have I done anything else that would classify as productive? NO

This afternoon, I am going to work on organizing some books for my classroom library. That will at least make me feel productive. I brought home a few things to work on, but the majority of what I need is at school.

Ok, back to my weekend. Ben had suggested we start watching Season 3 of Avatar. I am really into this series, but mentally I cannot handle another night of sitting at home. I have to be out and do something. He laughed, and said that he understood. We are going to the Gas Light Festival's Balloon Glow tonight. It is really pretty seeing about 25-30 hot air balloons all lit up. Then, we can go for a walk and have dinner.

Tomorrow, my church has a service in the park. This is always such an awesome service. Afterwards there will be a picnic/games in the park. One of the things I know we will have are those bouncy things. I've always been too fat to bounce in those. If there is a way a few of my friends and I can get in one, I am going to be all about doing that too! I have invited Ben to attend, but he may not be able to because of studying obligations. If he is busy, afterwards, I'm hoping to go with a group of my friends to hang out on Bardstown Road. :)

Sunday will be church....and I'm not acting, just doing the normal crowd control with the kids. It was so nerve racking getting ready to act last Sunday. After church we are going to lunch, then to see "43 Plays for 43 Presidents."

Sunday evening, I was supposed to go to my parents for a birthday celebration for my brother and sister. I have been growing a backbone though. A few weeks ago, we were planning when to celebrate their birthday. I expressed to both of them that I wanted to see this play, and I was going to make arrangements on whether to see the afternoon or evening performance based on when they wanted to get together. They decided to get together in the evening, so I made the reservations for the play in the afternoon. Well, on Thursday my sister decides to change the plans of when we are getting together. Of course, there is no good reason for it, it just suits her schedule better. In the years past, I've always been the one to be completely flexible and accommodating, but I made plans around what was supposed to work for them. I told them I would not be at the get together, because of my plans. This may seem somewhat selfish, but after years of always bending, it is ok not to always bend.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Packing Up Clothes

So the only productive thing I've done this surprise week off is pack up clothes. I packed up four bags to take to Goodwill. I packed another two bags up to give to Vicki, a fellow DSer. I got rid of all the 10's in my closet. I was so hesitant to put the 10's into Vicki's bag. Yet, I knew I needed to give them up as a security blanket. I don't want a large range of clothes in my closet, because that means I am allowing myself permission to go back up to those sizes.

Pasta Queen talks about her resolve not to go up to the next size. She says if she has to have the material cut into her clothing to remind her not to eat another serving of ______, then so be it. Ignoring warning signs is what contributed to me getting up to 393.6 pounds, and now that I have been given this second chance, there is no way in the world I am going to even creep back in that direction.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

37 Flights of Stairs: February 7, 2009

Last Sunday at church, I saw a guy wearing this shirt. I found out that he did the stair climbing event in Indianapolis. You are climbing the second tallest building in Indianapolis. Doing an event like this had never crossed my mind until one DSer did this out in Washington State. This should be a fun way to break up my training for the mini marathon! :)

How to Melt a Former SSMO Girl's Heart...

We are walking up the stairs to my condo last night, and about half way up the stairs Ben stops. He says, "Shall I just carry you up the rest of the way?" I laughed and said no thanks, but talk about making my heart melt...that comment sure did! :) In 29 years I've only slightly ever entertained the thought that I would be light enough for a man to pick me up. The day has arrived!

To make matters better, I weighed in at 147 this morning. This is the time of the month where I typically do lose, so I am pumped! I did have over 200 grams of protein yesterday (about 130 from three shakes, the rest came from food). I am now down six pounds for the month!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Great Motivational Sign

You Can Tell I am Bored....

I keep on posting on my blog. Post after post. Hopefully something will be of use to someone.

This post is on PROTEIN DRINKS! :) I love protein drinks. They make me smile. I'm so thankful we are at the point of time we are now in, instead of twenty years earlier when options were so much more limited. The truth is, if you will seek out a quality protein drink, there is SOMETHING out there that you can tolerate, and most likely you will find one that you absolutely love.

Champion Whey's Banana Scream and Chocolate are my absolute favorites. If you watch around several different nutritional websites you can find them on sale typically. They are a much higher quality than other protein drinks. I also love Syntax's Nectar drinks. A new drink I love is Click Mocha Expresso Protein drinks. At first I found these drinks to be a bit pricey, but once I compared them to my Starbucks drink, they really are not that bad.

So why all the blabbering about protein drinks? I have upped my protein drinks to three a day. I was doing one a day. I am still eating quite a bit of protein, but drinking extra protein has truly made a difference in my energy level.

School has already been called off for tomorrow as well. The coolest thing is that we might not even have to make these days up, because they are most likely going to fall under a "natural disaster" category, which means they will be forgiven.

The Stats

I have lost 62.1% of my body since having my surgery.

I have lost 98.3% of my excess weight.

I am four pounds from goal.

I am thinking about going all the way. I would like to get to 130 pounds. I know that adds more on the weight that I have to lose, but I have come so far, and see no reason not to go all the way. I've not made up my mind 100% yet, but it is a thought that I am entertaining.

Conversation with Wendy

I am talking to Wendy just a bit ago, and I was telling her how I dropped two more pounds. I said how that even with WLS, the weight for the past six months just has a mind of its own as far as when it wants to come off. She says, "Yeah, when you get to the point you and I are at, it really really does." She just classified me in her category of weight gain/loss struggle.

I was studying the picture of us together on Saturday. She told me she weighs 123 pounds. I was 151 on Saturday. It is hard to believe I weigh nearly what she weighs. My body structure will always be different until I have plastics, but still! Sweet sweet victory! :)

Farewell 150's!

I weighed in at 149 this morning! Woooo Hoooo!!! I have lost four pounds so far this month, and a total of 244.6 pounds! I got into the 140's this month, which was the big goal for me! YES!

I am pinching myself realizing that I truly am in the home stretch. I am almost to maintenance mode. I had so much to lose that I thought this day would never come. It has arrived!

I feel like those old Superbowl Commercials...."What are you going to do now that you have lost 244 pounds? I am going to Disney World!"

Of course, Ben commented at Denny's yesterday how he thinks it is so cool I can eat certain things and lose weight (I was having eggs, bacon, sausage, and hashbrowns then). I can't wait to tell him today it must have been the Grand Slam at Dennys that caused my weight drop! :)

Monday, September 15, 2008

Bone Density Talk

When I first started researching Weight Loss Surgery, I heard a lot about bone density. Since most of WLS patients have been SMO/SSMO their entire lives, their bones are more dense. This meant that they can typically wear smaller sizes even though the scale says they are heavier. People who have not been heavy for their entire lives will have to weigh less in order to fit into the same size clothes.

I used to think this was a bunch of crap, now I don't. I am 151 pounds, and I can wear a size six in most clothes now. My sister weighs 160, and wears a size 10. She has never been obese. Yeah, this is just one example, but it works for me. :) Last night, before going to my parent's house, we stopped by my sister's place to make sure they didn't need anything. Once we got back into the car, Ben said, "I know one of your goals was to be smaller than your sister. I just wanted you to know that I can tell a noticable difference in size between the two of you."

I have also decided that I'm going to get a Henna tattoo on my foot. It is something I've always wanted to do.

Crazy 24 Hours

I survived my first performance on the small screen, aka Children's Church. I was really nervous, but I only ended up messing up one line. I played a bully, something so opposite my character, is it crazy!

After church, Ben and I went to eat. The wind was blowing like crazy. The lights flickered while we were at lunch, but nothing big. I decided to take a nap at Ben's place, because I hate when I feel like I am not in control of my car. (When I feel like the wind is blowing so hard, I lose my ability to control it.) By around 3 in the afternoon, they had already cancelled school for Monday.

The power goes out at Ben's, and pretty much over most of the city. That night, we end up eating dinner in the seminary cafeteria. It was very crowded, as most people did not have power, nor were hardly any restaurants open. We decided to go to my parent's house and spend the night since they had electricity.

Today, we came back into town, had breakfast at Dennys, then I took a nice long nap again. :) I came back home, and I have electricity. My friend Wendy gave me Season One and Two of "24" to watch. I am hoping to finish season one between tonight and tomorrow. I am going to do some major cleaning as well.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


Last night Ben and I were doing our "101 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married" book. The question was, "How are you different now that you were before this relationship? What was your life like before this relationship?"

I let him go first. I didn't think the question would turn into some huge pouring out of my feelings since having weight loss surgery, but it did. I told him that I was still figuring out who I was, since I no longer had the fat to hide behind. He knows some of the mental things I go through, but I gave him several examples of things that had happened this week and even that day to help him see where I was coming from.

Ben, once again, was so understanding and loving. He let me cry on his shoulder. He said that when he looked at my before pictures, he did not see a fat person. He saw me "wearing the fat." He went on to explain further, and told me that the fat did not define me. I said I appreciated his thoughts, but I had to differ. Being fat has defined me for many many years. I gave him the example of someone who was raised very poor. I said while they may grow up and become wealthy, there are still many things that make them who they are based on how they were raised. He did agree with my analogy.

One thing I know I have to do is call the eating disorders counselor. There is a ton of mental stuff I need help with. I keep thinking that things will get easier over time, as I lose more weight, but that is not happening. I can't spend the rest of my life with these thoughts. Ben offered to go with me to see the counselor. I think that might be a good thing for him to go with me to a few sessions, so he can hear her perspective on how to help me get better.

Ok...now it is time to get ready. I have a skit to act in this morning! Wooo Hooo!!! :)

Saturday, September 13, 2008

It's No Wonder I Was Fat!!!

Yes, I knew that Coke could make you fat. Seeing this though makes me so happy that I have sworn off the Dark Love FOR LIFE!

Family Fitness Fun Walk/Run

I went on the Family Fitness Walk/Run with my friends from my old job! It was so cute to see little kids kindergarten, first, and second grade out there running. I so want to encourage my child to do that! :) I would love to run with my children in the future in similar events. I have also heard about moms having their children run with them the first few miles of a larger event. That would be so cool.

Here is the first "WOW" of the day. We are in line to pick up our t-shirts, and my best friend is in front of me. The lady says, "Adult Medium." Wait. Ault Medium is the size shirt I am picking up too. Below you can see Wendy, myself, and Andrea. This is so weird to me to see myself normal sized. I like that I am beside my best friend Wendy because I can compare what my body looks like to hers.
The walk in the park was a breeze, and I didn't even break a sweat. This afternoon I got new running shoes

Stepping Out

Sunday I am doing something that is also stepping out of my comfort zone. Something that I would have NEVER done when I was SSMO. I am going to act in a skit for children's church on Sunday. I know you are thinking, "Aren't you a teacher?" Yes, I am. I can do almost anything silly in front of small children alone. On Sunday, there will be about 50 kids, but there will also be around 10 adults. I volunteered to do this part in the skit. Of course, I may be regretting this decision later on tonight when I am learning my lines!

The new book I am reading is called "Thin is the New Happy," by Valerie Frankel. It is a memoir about her lifelong struggle with her weight. It is interesting thusfar.

I got a dozen roses last night from by beloved! He got them in honor of me finishing up my four weeks from Hades. :) At dinner last night, he says, "I don't mean to keep focusing on it, but you are so small. You are thin now. You know that right?" It is so weird hearing those words, but wow, I loved it.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Scaling Back....But a Good Thing

I talked with Ben last night. We are going to scale back a bit on our time together. We are still extremely happy together, but he needs time to study. It was great spending so much time together in the beginning to really start to get to know one another. Now I want to still spend time with my smokin' hottie, but I also need time for other things....I want to cultivate a few new friendships with coworkers, train for this mini-marathon, scrapbook with my mom, etc. I have always struggled with balance in my life, and I think I need a little bit of balance in the relationship.

He did not bring up anything about time spent together, etc only that he needed to study more. Just in reflecting about everything this morning, I'm ok with us not spending every waking moment together on the weekend.

Although, I am delighted that he will be here in a few minutes to spend some time with me this evening! In the morning it is the Family Fun and Fitness Walk! :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Two Pictures of Me with Students

April 25, 2009

I registered for the Kentucky Derby Mini Marathon. I am training, and I will run this mini-marathon. I will be two years and one month post op when I race. This is going to be a major goal for me, and oen that I cannot accomplish instantly.

I don't want this cartoon to end up being my weight loss story:

Interesting Quote

People don't succeed because they give up what they want the most, for what they want right now.

This statement is so true. It is easy to not look at the long term effects of making a certain choice. I have stated before that I becase SSMO because of a series of small ineffective choices. No one choice ballooned me up to 393.6 pounds overnight, but continually having what I wanted "in the now" affected me.

Something is Wrong

I went to Cato tonight and found a few things (tops) to purchase, and every single item I tried on I needed a small in. SMALL and ME do not go into the same sentence right? Small is for Barbie types, sorority girls, and the like. (Ok, I'm writing in sentence fragments, sue me.) I am thrilled, but so confused. My brain really does not see myself as this size.

On an unrelated note...
sometimes I forget just how much my students have been forced to grow up so much faster than their peers in other areas. I was talking with a therapist that works in our building today, and he was checking in on a student. This student had witnessed an armed robbery at the beginning of May.


151 today! I am down another pound! Six pounds until GOAL!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


After two weeks with no movement down, the scale drops me a pound to 152 pounds. :) That puts my BMI at 23.8, and at a one pound loss for this month. I have now lost a total of 241.6 pounds, and am 7 pounds away from goal!

Off to work now...picking up the pieces after having a substitute is always fun. We have Open House this evening, and I hope to meet some of the parents I have not seen yet.

Monday, September 8, 2008

They Are Back....

Migraines. I have had several in a short time span. I have had four in the past two months. I really don't like this. I am going to set up another doctor appointment to see what newer meds might be available to assist me in decreasing their frequency. It wouldn't be bad (aside from the killing pain) if they didn't knock you out for practically a whole day, and usually the next day or so my body seems on slow motion for getting back into gear.

Going back to bed.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Break Thrus That Don't Involve the Scale...

Yesterday, I did a victory dance in the dressing room at Target. I am twelve days into this month and have lost no weight. This is saddening to me. I know I still need to lose a few pounds, and I want to finish this just as strong as I started. Throughout this journey, sometimes when the scale doesn't move, there are breakthrus that happen in other ways. This is so wonderful, because otherwise it could get very discouraging.

I took some pants back to try on. A pair of size 8 jeans fit me very nicely. Then, I tried on the size 6 pair of dress pants, and they FIT! They looked NICE on me. This is my first size six pair of pants! Wooo Hooo!!! I remember asking my mom to hem size 22 pants from Target last November.

Later on that morning, I tried on several pairs of size 6 jeans, and they are certainly within my grasp of reaching soon.

When I started this process, I was hoping to get out of Lane Bryant jeans and buying pants off the internet. Things have evolved so much more than that. I never before thought that I would be in the place that I am right now.

I sometimes wish that we lived in a society where numbers were not so important, but they indeed are. This new number is important in my life because I have never achieved it before, and I have worked hard to attain it.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Date Night

Ben and I went bowling after I got out of work yesterday. I scored a 44. Way to go me!!! :)

I still cannot express the relief I feel knowing that Ben knows about my surgery and weight loss efforts. He continues to say words of affirmation and love. Words that I need to hear from someone that I love deeply. I don't take compliments that easy, but when I hear these words from Ben, I know that they are coming from his heart.

I sat in his lap last night, and again I was worried about hurting him. I asked him a few times, to which he reassured me that I was not. He reminded me that I see myself as much much larger than I really am.

I really want to get get to the point where others are so accustomed to seeing me like I am now, that they have forgotten how big I used to be. Not because I am ashamed of where I've been, but somehow I think it will help with my mindset.

Today is going to be a full day, but a great one. I am going to go shopping for some fall/winter clothing, go to the nursing home with Ben, then I am watching the boys this evening. While I am at the boys, my friend Sam may be stopping in.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Goal Achieved...and The Most Fun to Date!

I finally did it last night. I ended up eating dinner with Ben, even though we had not planned to do so. Afterwards, we went back to the seminary, and spent some time together on a bench. He was talking about how a year or so ago, he noted a guy who had his girlfriend sitting on his lap and they were making out pretty intense. So I said, "Want to give that a try?" He was thrilled because that meant that I was consenting to sit on his lap. I sat on his lap, on two different occassions last night, and we kissed. Man did we ever kiss!

It felt so good to be able to sit on his lap. Although my mind was working against me for some time, I was too busy enjoying kissing to pay much attention. Trust me, there will be more of sitting in Ben's lap in the very near future!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Why It Is Important To Have Goals....

Jeanette, aka Pasta Queen, says....

"I'm very proud of all that I have accomplished, but I don't want to be waving my fat pants around 20 years from now and saying it's the only thing I've accomplished. It is time to evolve."

I can relate to Pasta Queen's quote. My dad was saying to me the other day how I should be about done with all my big goals, etc. I said yes I am, now it is time to dream up another list. Yes, some of them will still directly relate to my weight loss, but others I just want to continue to live my life to the fullest. I love the concept of evolving.

Reluctantly I Agree... Point Proven

I had a great weekend with Ben. We spent from 2:30 until about 10:30 together last night. Towards the end of the evening, he gets up, and sits in MY lap. He said, "Now see, if I can sit in your lap, and it doesn't hurt you, then you can sit in my lap." I go on to tell him that I only weigh 42 pounds less than he does. He assures me that this makes no difference. I am going to do it soon. Heck, I've been dying to give it a try! :)

My school is a "Health Promotions School of Excellence," which I don't mind, and actually am happy that we have that emphasis. Here is the kicker....at this school TEACHERS have to weigh the students. WHAT? I remember the trauma of being weighed when I was younger, and I don't want to be the person inflicting it. Do I have the students step backwards on the scale, as not to diminish their self esteem? Do I raise a fuss, and not do it at all? I am so confused here.