Packing Up Clothes

So the only productive thing I've done this surprise week off is pack up clothes. I packed up four bags to take to Goodwill. I packed another two bags up to give to Vicki, a fellow DSer. I got rid of all the 10's in my closet. I was so hesitant to put the 10's into Vicki's bag. Yet, I knew I needed to give them up as a security blanket. I don't want a large range of clothes in my closet, because that means I am allowing myself permission to go back up to those sizes.

Pasta Queen talks about her resolve not to go up to the next size. She says if she has to have the material cut into her clothing to remind her not to eat another serving of ______, then so be it. Ignoring warning signs is what contributed to me getting up to 393.6 pounds, and now that I have been given this second chance, there is no way in the world I am going to even creep back in that direction.

Pressing Forward....

"I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

It gets tougher on some days being so far out to follow the rules and really work my DS. The magic is gone of every day stepping on the scale and seeing the number go down. (I can say it still does go down every week.) The statement above is not one of complacency, but thankfulness. I know I have a ways to go, but thank heavens I am not where I once was!

Things now come down to resolve. Each day I must resolve to make the best choices to continue moving in the right direction. My next goal is not a number on the scale, but as I spoke of in a previous blog....I want to be able to where a pair of size 10 dress pants to work on August 11th (the first day back to school). The smallest size I ever wore while teaching was a 28. This would be a huge accomplishment for me.

Well time to get ready for work. I have my Dexa Scan today. Fun times!

Making Impossible My New Favorite Word

I am at the home stretch of my weight loss phase. The word that keeps coming up in my head is... RESOLVE. I can do this. I can make goal. I will make goal. Even the other day I caught myself saying to Redwing "If I reach goal," I quickly corrected myself and said, "When I reach goal." This last step of the weight loss phase is as much mental as it is physical.

After work I went to spend some time with the boys I nanny. I am pretty good friends with their mom, and I wanted to spend some time catching up over dinner. After dinner, she wanted to show me the dresses she was wearing to Derby and Oaks. I have always considered this woman to be such an amazing example of health. I looked at her dresses and one was a size Large and the other was a size 12. This was such a WOW moment for me. I can wear size 14 "fitted" dresses now, and they look very nice on me. Regardless of the messages I keep telling myself, my body is indeed getting smaller. Even if I cannot physically see it, something registers when I hold something up that has been on my body, and I am amazed that it actually fit on ME. I so want to be like the kid on Home Alone who shouts, "I'm not afraid anymore." Except I will be shouting, "I'm not fat anymore!"

I bought a "worry" ring today...one that you can turn round and round while you are wearing it. I recall when I graduated from college getting a size 13 graduation ring. Today, on that same finger, I could wear a size 8 ring! :) How cool is that?

I am calling on Thursday about joining a recreational sand volleyball league for the next eight weeks starting in May. It is only one night a week, but I really think I would like to do it. This is so bizarre, me wanting to be on a sports team. A year ago there is no way I could have done that physically. I think I will still have a few issues as far as probably being the biggest girl on the team, but at least I am out there giving it a shot.