Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Inches Lost in April

This month I lost five inches. I have lost a grand total of 98 inches since September 1, 2007. I need to realize that the inches are going to slow down. I need to celebrate even when it is a half an inch. Every inch (or smaller increment) counts. Just as they say once you get below 200 it doesn't take long to change sizes clothing size, I have been looking at clothing charts. It truly doesn't not take many inches to move you up or down a clothing size.

I called today to put my downpayment for skydiving down. The lady asked me what my height and weight was, and for the first time in my life, I wasn't ashamed to say what it was. I also didn't feel like a freak hearing the numbers aloud.

Today, as I was wearing my size 12 pants, I seriously could have tattooed that on my forehead, because I was so happy. It amazes me that I am not only in the misses department, I am also not the biggest size in the misses department. I can recall a few months back hoping that I would reach a size twelve by summer, and I did it with a month to spare.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

An Open Letter

Wal-Mart, Target, and Catos,

PLEASE order more size twelve capris. I am having the hardest time ever finding them! Trust me the world is not ready to see me in shorts. I feel it is your social obligation to make certain that my thighs stay covered from the rest of mankind. You guys are about the only place I can afford to shop at while I am still losing weight. Help a girl out.

Forever grateful,

Monday, April 28, 2008

Indulgences...and Finding a Balance

I have been thinking about indulgences for some time. Having the DS means that I don't get punished physically (dumping) from eating a sweet. Since I didn't have the lap band, the calories is sweets don't ruin me either.

Now that I am thirteen months out, I do indulge some. I guess I am struggling to find out just what that balance is. Normal weight people indulge, but keep it in check. I know that I can indulge, but I need to watch it. Too many indulgences and it could keep me from reaching my goal. I do not want that to happen. I've also read too many stories of people a few years post-op getting too free, and picking up twenty pounds or so.

This is what I know about myself...

1. I am more apt to indulge on the weekend.
2. If I don't keep a few safe items (like sugar free dove chocolates) in my purse, I am much more likely to put something else in my mouth that is not good for me.
3. I have a hard time when some things that are tempting are on my plate. For example, last Saturday I ate lunch with a friend, and I told them not to send any fries. Of course, the server explained how they "came with the meal" and that the meal would be the same price, but I just wanted my temptation to be removed.
4. I am proud of myself when I immediately throw away half of whatever I am indulging in. This is my way of controlling how much I eat. A few weeks ago, I broke a brownie in half, and threw the other half away.
5. I also indulge more when I have longer drives. I pack DS friendly foods, but somehow justify my extended drives for a chance for a treat.

One thing I know for certain is that I never denied myself prior to having my DS. Whatever I wanted food wise, I ate it. I rarely felt bad about it either. I want to know that balance that allows me some freedom, yet still has some firm boundaries.

Blue Man Group

The Blue Man Group was awesome last night! :) I think something that I will remember is that the man sitting by me didn't look disgusted when I went to sit down. Before in the past, people have gotten pissy because of my size, and that didn't happen last night.

I am pretty tired from the weekend, but overall it was good. Especially when I found out my friend's mom is going to make it.

I've been mulling over the concept of indulgence the past month. I am going to try to write about it soon. There is so much there that I have been thinking.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

13 Months Post Op...

I seriously cannot believe my DS was thirteen months ago. This journey has happened so quickly, especially when I think of how long I was fat. It seems like becoming thinner has happened within the blink of an eye.

I started this month out at 195, and ended it at 185. I lost ten pounds for month thirteen. I love every time I leave a set of numbers for a smaller one, leaving the 190's felt good. I guess it felt so good, because while in the 190's, I was so afraid I would blink, and I would be back up over 200. Now that I am in the 180's, I feel I have a little bit of safety in that regard.

I guess the biggest thing this month that has really hit me is that I'm not huge anymore. I can excuse myself while walking down the hall of the office, and people don't have to clear the way for me to get through. Chairs seem to keep getting bigger and bigger. Yeah, I have some saggy skin, but when I am clothed, I like the reflection that I see from the mirror. I do stop and stare often, truly thinking I have a body double and that they have just politely put my head back on top.

The Stats:
  • I have lost a total of 208.6 pounds.

  • I am ten pounds from my PCP's goal.

  • I am thirty-five pounds from my personal goal.

  • I have decreased my BMI by 32.6 points.

  • I have lost 52.9% of my body weight.

  • I have lost 85.6% of my excess weight.

  • I wear a size medium top.

  • I wear a size 12-14 depending on who makes the outfit.

(Please see back a few posts for my thirteen months post op pictures. I took them a few days early.)

Saturday, April 26, 2008


I ended up at the UK ER last night. My friend's mom was stat flighted there, thinking she had a brain aneurism. She is going to be there for a while, but she is ok. I am so thankful this day for my health. Please don't take yours forgranted. It is hard for me when I see people who are my parent's age very sick or pass away. It really scares me to death.

FYI Note: Redwing and I are no longer dating.

I'll be doing my 13 Month Post-Op Write up soon. :)

Thursday, April 24, 2008


My Muffin Top!!!

For years I have heard about this mythological creature called a "muffin top." Ladies claimed it was the bit of fat that hung over their pants. For so many years I think I just had 8-10 loaves of bread that hung out from my pants. I'm thrilled that I can actually pinch all my "muffin top" and there is still not a sea of fat that cannot fit into my grasp.

I went to work in Frankfort yesterday, and the first thing one of the ladies said to me was, "You must be a size 12 now." It totally flipped me out! I was thrilled to hear those words. :) These came from a lady who has treaded up and down the sizes over the years, so I really think she has a good eye for things like that. Later on that night we started talking about weight, and I only outweigh these ladies by thirty pounds! Things are slowly starting to become a reality for me, but some days I wonder if my head will ever catch up with how my body really looks.

What I am avoiding like the plague: BUYING A BATHING SUIT!!! My body is in desperate need of plastics. I am not at the point weight loss wise to have them yet. I don't mind swimming at my parent's house, but in July I am going to Colombia. We are going to visit a region that is known for its hot springs, and I certainly want to try them out!

It is exactly ONE MONTH until I go skydiving. I am scared to death, but also looking forward to it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Crazy Week

I'll try to post by Friday, but it really has been a busy week already! I am sorry for the lack of writing.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Thirteen Months Post Op Pictures (A Few Days Early)

T-shirt is a size Medium. Jeans are a Lane Bryant Right Size Red 1 (equivalent to a size 14).

Numbers...and Their Importance

Numbers have as much power as we give them.

This quote came from Pasta Queen's "Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir" book. As you are going through the weight loss process numbers can play a big part of it. I have always weighed myself frequently, even when I was huge. The difference between then and now is that I had gotten so big, I really didn't know how to get back down to a normal weight. It was almost like I got to the point of oh well it is just another few pounds.

Some WLS patients will say to only weigh once a week/month, or even to only go by the scales at the doctor's office. Many studies support that those who weigh daily are more apt to maintain a healthy weight. Truth be told, numbers are a huge part of my life. I want to be a DS success story. I want to lose all my exces weight. I want to wear a single digit clothing style. Yes, I had the DS to save my life, but I also want to look smokin hot at the end too!

I am sure I will reach that point where the numbers are not as significant anymore once I am in a steady maintenance mode.

Tonight I went to Sojourn. It is a church for people 20-45ish, and I really enjoyed it. I think it will be a good opportunity to meet some more people my age.

Sad News

A friend of mine who had the DS, Robin, has passed away. She was such a role model to me. She will be missed greatly.

Some Comedy....

Wearing high heels is something new for me. As an SSMO person, walking in general was hard enough, let alone throwing in a curve ball of walking on two-three inch heels. I figure most ladies my age have a good ten years of experience on me as far as wearing high heels. I am certainly trying to make up for lost time, but this is a steep learning curve.

The first thing I had to learn was how to stand in them without my legs wobbling and teetering. I have gotten this down. The second step, actually walking in them and looking graceful is a whole different ball game. I walk very slow, and there is just not a rhythm to my step. I know the only way to get used to them is keep practicing, but I know I must look silly!

Steps are also a great hazard with heels! I have to go down steps one by one, for fear of falling flat on my face!

I think the one fear with heels that I have gotten over is that the heel will actually break off while trying to support my weight. Thank heavens!

My New Favorite....

way to drive. I love taking my left foot and putting it up on the seat. This pulls my leg against my chest while I am driving. Yeah, I know it is weird. I can do this even after the fact that my seat has been pulled up about five inches closer to the wheel. There is still room to spare. Very very cool.

A Thought I Had Today....

"I should have gotten this skirt in a medium!" (Who would have ever thought that thirteen months ago!)

OK, I am really going to bed now.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Bill Cosby

My dad and I went to see Bill Cosby tonight. I have respected his work for many years, as he has been such a pioneer in many things. As an educator, I especially respect his work towards literacy and other educational matters.

He was so funny! The man is simply brilliant. At 71 years old, he didn't miss a beat. I really think his entire routine was impromptu. My dad and I had a great time.

Something to Ponder...

Small slips are how bad habits are started.

I am almost thirteen months post op. I think taking a look at things from a grandstand type view is helpful every now and then. I am going to talk about a few of my small slip ups that have been occurring as of late. This is not a beating myself up post, but just taking a look at some things that I could easily tweak. The things I am going to list tonight involve eating out. Since I have started dating Redwing, I am eating out more. This is not a horrible thing. Normal weight people eat out and find ways not to climb up the scale, and so can I.

1) The bread basket! I have stated several times before that I don't keep bread in my house, because I know I will consume it. I allow bread to be my treat while eating out, and have been ok with that up to this point. This has to change now because of my frequency of eating out. I need to forgo the bread so I can have more room for protein at my meal.

2) Mashed Potatoes, French Fries, or Rice as Side Items: These are crappy side item choices. I know I should be getting something better such as asparagus, green beans, or broccoli. I will pat myself on the back for really focusing on eating my protein before touching the mashed potatoes, french fries, or rice. Typically, by the time I eat them they are cold. I am not eating a large amount of them, but things do add up.

So those are the two areas I am going to begin working on as I go out to eat from this point forward.

Great Day!!!

Well, the day started off with a nice little EARTHQUAKE, but after that, things got better. :)

After lunch, I went back to the office. I was DREADING this because I knew I would be facing my boss. I had sent her an email telling her about my decision to leave and go back to the classroom. We talked for a bit, and both cried. She respected my decision, but said she hated to lose me. She is so sweet. I am completely at peace about my decision to return to the classroom.

So a WOW happened to me at a meeting today. I can now officially DOUBLE CROSS MY LEGS!!!

I asked my sister what size pants she wore tonight. I am only TWO sizes bigger than her in pants!

I went with my mom to Texas Roadhouse for dinner, and we sat in a booth. One of my most mortifying moments as an SSMO person happened at Texas Roadhouse, when I could barely get out of the booth after eating with my family. What hurt the most was my eyes meeting my dads when this happened. I kept looking down. There was a good SIX INCHES between the table and me. This amazed me, I kept staring down at the space. That space was so significant because my stomach used to fill up all that area.

My sister got to meet Redwing tonight. I got to stay and have a late dinner with him which was very nice. I like that he makes me smile. :)

Thursday, April 17, 2008


What I regret the most is all the stories that I don't have to tell.

Thinking about this statement really explains how people who have been thin all their life really don't understand some of the things people "have" to do once they have lost their weight. There are many things I cannot make up.... lack of prom dates in high school, etc.

Yet, as I have dropped the weight, there are MANY things I can make up. My life story is not over. Although truth be told, August of 2006, I did not have much hope. I was imprisoned by fat. Not only was I dying, I was so unhealthy, that I couldn't afford to truly live the days I had left.

So many fat people have made a "list" of things they want to do as they lose the weight. Some lists contain things that seem so odd to thin people, such as take a bath in the tub, or be able to walk in a room and not have people stare at you. Other lists are more radical, and include many big goals that seem "outrageous." I have several outrageous items on my list, but man am I ever itching to do them. There are stories that I will never have, but there are also some GREAT stories that are in the works of being created in my life. One of them is happening in 37 days....skydiving. This former 393.6 pound girl is going to just from a plane to feel a rush that words cannot express.

Seize the day!


My copy of Pasta Queen's (Half of Me Blog) "Half Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir" came in from the Amazon fairy today! It is a beauitful evening, I'm going out on the balcony to read. :)

Respecting Our Bodies

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I bought some skincare products from an infomercial today. ( My mom has aged really poorly. Her mom I think has aged very well. I know I'm 28, but I need to start getting into a good skincare routine to help with the whole aging process. I'm not saying this stuff is a miracle, perhaps it is snake oil. I just know by not doing anything I am not helping myself. Just for kicks, I'm going to take a picture of myself prior to using it, and another picture of my face at a month and see if I notice any differences.

I am wavering....about the job thing. I posted yesterday that I had decided not to transfer back into the classroom. Today, going back to teaching was ALL I could think about. Friday is IT. I have to make a decision by then. I work in a very large district, and I will always have other opportunities should I want to leave the classroom again. Redwing says I should do whatever makes me happy. It feels good having his support.

I know I have a weird obsession with thighs, and today is no exception. I was looking at the thighs of the lady I work with, and sizing mine up compared to hers. My thighs really are not much bigger than hers. It blows me away, really it does.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Making Impossible My New Favorite Word

I am at the home stretch of my weight loss phase. The word that keeps coming up in my head is... RESOLVE. I can do this. I can make goal. I will make goal. Even the other day I caught myself saying to Redwing "If I reach goal," I quickly corrected myself and said, "When I reach goal." This last step of the weight loss phase is as much mental as it is physical.

After work I went to spend some time with the boys I nanny. I am pretty good friends with their mom, and I wanted to spend some time catching up over dinner. After dinner, she wanted to show me the dresses she was wearing to Derby and Oaks. I have always considered this woman to be such an amazing example of health. I looked at her dresses and one was a size Large and the other was a size 12. This was such a WOW moment for me. I can wear size 14 "fitted" dresses now, and they look very nice on me. Regardless of the messages I keep telling myself, my body is indeed getting smaller. Even if I cannot physically see it, something registers when I hold something up that has been on my body, and I am amazed that it actually fit on ME. I so want to be like the kid on Home Alone who shouts, "I'm not afraid anymore." Except I will be shouting, "I'm not fat anymore!"

I bought a "worry" ring that you can turn round and round while you are wearing it. I recall when I graduated from college getting a size 13 graduation ring. Today, on that same finger, I could wear a size 8 ring! :) How cool is that?

I am calling on Thursday about joining a recreational sand volleyball league for the next eight weeks starting in May. It is only one night a week, but I really think I would like to do it. This is so bizarre, me wanting to be on a sports team. A year ago there is no way I could have done that physically. I think I will still have a few issues as far as probably being the biggest girl on the team, but at least I am out there giving it a shot.

What the Heck???

I was just struggling through my ever sparse closet trying to find something cute and professional to wear to work tomorrow. I tried on a few of my size 12 skirts I had bought a few weeks back. They are already starting to get too big! What the heck??? I am now thinking I can wear them for another four-six weeks tops. Darn I even think I might be able to soon wear a size 10 skirt? WOW! WOW! WOW!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Comments and a Big Decision

I got two more comments at work today. My boss said she could tell I had lost weight since the last time she saw me. Another co-worker said if I get much smaller I am going to blow away. (I am a far cry from blowing away, but it sure felt good to hear that.)

I am so close to being at the skydiving weight (185). Just as much as it is a physical act, it is symbolic too. It represents that my weight does NOT control me anymore. I am free to live life, and live it to the FULL. Am I scared? You bet your bottom dollar I am, but I've lived too much of my life on the sidelines. I am 28 years old, and want to start really living.

I also made a huge decision today. I am not going back into the classroom next year. It is too late to get into the reasoning, but it is truly the best decision for me at this moment.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Today Was Good!

I was talking with my mom today while waiting for the play to start. She asked me where we sat when we went to hear a friend sing/play guitar on Friday night. He is a friend of my sister. He thought I was Amber! It is still weird to think I am starting to look more and more like her...which means I am getting thinner! I am about forty pounds heavier than she is. I guess if you take into account my bones being heavier and extra skin, that is why people are starting to say we resemble one another.

Speaking of thinner....since getting the DS, I have been in a habit of buying things super tight, knowing that in four-six weeks I will be able to wear them. I tried on this really cute black dress I bought a few weeks back, and it looks great on me now. Perhaps if we can have a few days in a row that are remotely like SPRING, I can actually wear it out.

Good Times

I weighed in this morning at 187. I am down eight pounds this month. :)

Last night was nice. I went to church, and afterwards got to spend some time with two of my friends. Although we don't always get to hang out, I appreciate the times we can get together. I am going to plan a board game night sometime soon. My vacuum cleaner is broken, so I will have to borrow one before people come over to cat fur heaven.

Today I am going to a play with my mom, and then she is going with me to meet Redwing. Well off to enjoy the day, since it is the last day of my spring break.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Friday, April 11, 2008

Just Because It is Funny...

The Weekend Is Here!

Today I had lunch with a few of my teacher friends. That was a lot of fun. I met my friend Mandi to take her to the airport. Tonight I am going to dinner, the Louisville Fire Football game, and to see a singer with Redwing.

I am glad to be back home as far as eating is concerned. I like my predictable diet.

Weight is still holding steady at 188. That is a 7 pound loss so far for this month.

Last night was great at GED class. I ended up teaching the last part of the class. I really love encouraging people. I asked one guy to stay behind for a few minutes so I could go over some of his ore-testing results with him. It was so rewarding to be able to tell him he is ready to knock this GED out of the park. I think the hardest thing for me will be teaching the math. I can easily do the GED math, but making sure they understand it is a whole different ball game.

I am already sweating next week. I am going to tell my boss on Friday that I will be transferring back into the classroom.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Things I Cannot Explain

I am thinner now than I can hardly ever remember. I am certainly the thinnest I have been in my adult life.


I have never felt more self conscious in my life. With the right clothes, I look pretty decent. When I have no clothes on at all, I look horrible. My skin is awful. I seriously need to start researching plastics.

Quote on Expression

Although I am not a writer, this quote really resonated with me. What do I want to shine through when people see me? Professionally I want them to see a passionate person. Someone who loves to help kids learn and inspire them to dream big dreams. Personally, I want to be known as a person of compassion. A person who exhibits the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Weigh In Wednesday

Bye-Bye 190's. I weighed in this morning at 188! I lost two pounds while on holiday in Niagara Falls/Toronto.

Today has been an errands sort of day. I am working on making a slide show of my trip and I will post it here when I am finished.

Another WOW...I bought two size 8/10 tops today!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Oh YEAH!!!!

Guess who wears a size MEDIUM top? ME!!! I did a little bit of shopping while doing some touristy stuff, and I kept debating between the medium and large sizes on three different tops. I decided to go ahead and buy the mediums. I got back to the hostel and tried them on. THEY ALL FIT!!!

Today I went to Casa Loma, The Hockey Hall of Fame, and the Royal Museum of Ontario. I walked all over the city, and had a blast doing it.

Mini Motivators From Back in Skinny Jeans:

Here is an interesting article (click the word article for the link, for some reason it doesn't appear like a hyperlink with the background of my blog) concerning how one school district is trying to help with the obesity epidemic our children are facing. This subject is of great interest to me because I work with young children on a regular basis, and I was an obese child. Any child that I could help not to grow up obese, I would love the chance. There are way too many social stigmas, emotional and physical battles they have to face.

Did I mention that....I can wear a size medium top!!!!!????!!!!!

Sunday, April 6, 2008


I am sitting in the common area of the hostel I am staying in. Thank heavens this place is AMAZING. The hostel I was supposed to stay in while in Niagara looked worse than a crack house. I ended up getting a hotel.

I have walked non-stop today. Niagara Falls was better than words can describe. I went up into the tower to see the view from up high. In Toronto, I walked all around the downtown area. I went in the CN Tower. The view was too cool.

A few things I noticed today...there are not as many overweight/obese people in Toronto. Granted I only had a small portion of the population to observe, but there still were less than you would typically see in the states. I also noticed that there are a lot less handicapped accessible buildings.

I was also thrilled with my physical stamina today. Yes I am tired, but I had a jam packed day. It is a good kind of tired. It feels so good to be healthier.

Saturday, April 5, 2008


There SOOOO should be a picture of Niagara Falls right here. Why isn't there one? My digital camera is completely BROKEN! I ended up going to Best Buy tonight and buying a new one. That is less money I can spend on my trip. Ah Well...

I debated and debated this morning about whether or not to bring the scale. I have been on such a good losing streak, I hated to not bring it. It is such a mental thing with me and the scale. I ended up deciding to NOT bring it. I will be eager to weigh when I get back.

Tomorrow...I will take pictures of the falls.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Off to the Great White North....

In the morning I will leave for Niagara Falls and Toronto. I am so excited. :) I will be taking quite a few pictures.

Tonight was our KADS dinner. Vicki, Ken, and I had a good time together. I am happy that Vicki will be having her DS so soon.

After our KADS dinner I went to Lane Bryant to get some smaller jeans. (They are going to suck out my money until the very last second. I am soooo happy I am almost out of their sizes!) I bought two pairs of Red 1. That means I've gone from curvy to "moderately curvy." It is so weird when I looked at the jeans. They look so small. I thought as I was walking to the dressing room that there was no way these jeans would fit my butt, but they did. I also stared at my thighs once I put my jeans on. They don't look massive anymore. I mean they are not small, but they don't look HUGE either. One thing is for thighs look MUCH better covered up. :)

I need to pack now.

There is a Rush...

There is a rush for me when I step on the scale and the number has gone down. At first as a post-op, it would sometimes drop several pounds within a day. Now, as my weight loss slows down, I still love getting on the scale and seeing a smaller number than was there the day before. It doesn't matter if it is just a few tenths, it is still headed in the right direction. PROGRESS is a beautiful thing to see. :)

Last night I was shadowing for the GED class that I will soon start to teach. At the end of class, I got to sit down and work with a man who was needing some help in math. It was so rewarding. I really enjoyed encouraging and working with him. I know it may take a bit of time for be to get used to teaching this type of course, but I am thrilled about doing it.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Chew on This!

One salad does not make a diet.
One walk does not make a fitness plan.
One day, one week, or only a brief time of making good choices, does not make a person entirely healthy.
One indulgence does not make a pound.
One day of lounging does not make flab.
Taking one day at time, making one choice at time,over and over again, does create a healthy lifestyle.
~ Lady Rose

Cholesterol Check and Weigh In Wednesday

I had my cholesterol rechecked, since the last time it was checked was May 2007. As a pre-op it was 189, last May it was 108. This current check on my cholesterol was 120. All the subcatergories were within range as well. Not bad for a diet that is high in fat. I love my surgically altered body. :)

Today I weighed in at 190. I have lost a total of five pounds. This week has been pretty awesome as far as weight loss goals. I lost over 200 pounds, AND I now have an overweight BMI.

I am looking forward to my trip to Canada. I can't wait to hike down behind the falls. I want to see Niagara from the helicopter. I am going to cram as much as I possibly can into three days in Toronto. I am going to back a different route, and will be stopping by the Neil Armstrong Muesum.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Inches Lost

I lost seven inches for the month of March. This give me a grand total of losing 93 inches since September 1, 2007. That is 7.75 feet!

What? It is Only Tuesday??

Yeah...I'm tired. I really thought it was Wednesday just a few minutes ago.

My weight is still holding steady at 191. Four pounds down for this month. I will do my measurements today to see how many inches I lost this past month.

A few nice things....

This morning I was at the school I used to work at. Two of my former students said that I had lost a lot of weight and that I looked beautiful. What precious little girls!

The other thing came from my sister. She went to pick up her boyfriend's kids at school. I know the principal of that school. She knew me from when I was really heavy, and she saw me about a month ago. My sister said she kept staring at her, and finally asked, "Are you Tiffany's sister?" It was really cool that someone could actually tell we are sisters now that we are starting to look alike physically. That makes me so excited.

Last night I went to shadow for the GED course that I will begin teaching in May. I loved it! I am really looking forward to teaching adults. It is one of those things where I think that the students will give me more than I can possibly give them.