Monday, January 7, 2008


The scale is not budging, and it is really ticking me off. Granted, I am happy that it is not going up, but I want it to go down. There are so many logical explanations to this. First, I lost 17 pounds last month. Most of that weight was at the beginning of last month, but that was still a lot to drop in one month. Second, I am right below the lowest weight I have been in so many years it is not funny. My body has been taken out of its comfort zone. I am sure there are more logical reasons if I sat and thought about it.

Even with I see the logical reasons, my brain doesn't want to process those. My brain is saying I am failing my DS. Thoughts like, I paid a bunch of money, and left the country to have surgery, and I'm still going to end up fat for the rest of my life are dancing in my head. No one has any type of WLS and expects to fail. The reality is there are failures out there. I don't want to be one of them. Has the train stopped after nine months? I am scared.

I had thought about not weighing until the end of the month, but I really don't have the willpower for that. (The scales would not be able to be in my house in order for that to happen.) I also think what if I got to the end of the month and there was no change, or even worse...I had gained.

I upped my carbs for three days to see if that would help things, and it did not. I am going back to low carbs today.

Sorry for such a negative post, but I am really discouraged. I truly want to lose 50 more pounds, so I can be a healthy person. I am fighting for my health, and it is a fight I don't take lightly. I didn't care about my health for so many years, and that is how I ended up at 393 pounds.

I know this is one of those points where the rubber meets the road, and I really have to barrel down. It is hard, because I feel like I am giving things my all, and I am not seeing any results.

I want to get back in bed, have a good cry, and go back to sleep. :(

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