Friday, February 29, 2008
- Jill Conner Brown
my weight keeps going from 200 to 201. I am gaining and losing the same pound over and over again. It is enough to drive this girl MAD! This is not typically the time of the month that I lose much weight, so I guess this is to be expected. I just want to be in onederland so badly. I want to be there by my one year anniversary. Not sure if that will happen though.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Pants are another thing that really trip me out. I am constantly holding up a pair of pants thinking...."There is no way that I can fit into these." Yet, I can fit inside them. The pair I had on today even had room to spare.
I talked with a principal today. This is a man I greatly respect. This is his second year at one of the roughest and most challenging elementary schools in our state. I really want to work there. He is an excellent leader. I spoke to him frankly about how I want to go back to the classroom next year. He said he would love to have me on staff at his school. This would truly be my first choice. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to apply there. I want to work with high poverty kids where I can truly make a life long impact.
I can't get to the point yet of not weighing multiple times a day, but at least it is a start ditching one of the scales. Hopefully it is a step in the right direction.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I am going skydiving in just under three months. I am so excited and nervous. I have been too cautious in my life, and I am ready to start taking some chances.
I am trying to decide how I can get out of going to Easter on my dad's side of the family on the 15th. I saw them at Christmas, and it has only been three months. That is entirely too soon to see them again.
After all, too much sitting on a fence post makes ones rear start to hurt!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Here are the stats:
- Since surgery, I have shaved 30.2 points off my BMI.
- Here is my BMI category progression: Super Super Morbidly Obese, Super Morbidly Obese, Morbidly Obese, to where I am now: Obese BMI.
- I am exactly nine pounds from having an "overweight" BMI.
- Size 36W Pants to size 14.
- I have lost 79.6% of my excess weight.
- I have lost 49.1% of my total weight from the day of surgery.
- I have 50 pounds until GOAL.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I've been thinking about relationships. Last night I was all excited to see Nate today, who I didn't see. I really started thinking about things. I am just going to focus on redeveloping friendships right now in my life. I have started to socialize a lot more, and that is a good thing for me. A relationship will come in time, right now I just want to have some fun with friends. :)
I am having dinner tonight with my family.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
I am fifty pounds from goal. (I have revised my goal back to 150 pounds.) The end is in sight. For so long I was buried in fat. Yes, I could lose 30-40 pounds, but that wouldn't even cut the top layer off of what I really needed to lose.
- I can make goal.
- I will make goal.
- I will maintain my goal weight.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I suspect that my old roommate might know I had the surgery done. This is because a former co-worker I still see goes to the bank she works at. I imagine at some point it has come up in conversation.
There is one girl there I have never really cared for. If she were to ask me, I would probably just turn around and walk away. She is always trying to find out things that she had no business knowing.
So is it bad to deflect the question, and not really answer it, should it come up? I really wouldn't mind talking with someone who sincerely wanted to know about WLS, but otherwise, I really don't want to focus only on that. I know I have more thoughts that will emerge on this issue, and writing them out really helps me focus.
1. My best friend Wendy: Wendy has never been "heavy," but a few years back she did set her mind to lose 25 pounds. She is now at the lower end of her BMI range, but looks very healthy. I admire her because she really works at keeping fit. She watches what she eats, and works out regularly. She has been super encouraging to me throughout the process of me losing weight.
2. My dad: Growing up all I ever remember was my dad being active. He played on competitive softball teams up until the twins were born (then travel got to be too much). He would always jog 2-3 miles a day every week. Many times I would ride my bike while he jogged. I remember him being on a basketball league. He did all these things even though one leg was 1 1/4 inches shorter than the other. My dad ended up having to have a hip replacement, and cannot be as active as he once was. He was a great example of someone who made being active part of their lifestyle.
3. Tia: Tia is a fellow DSer. I found her blog "just in time." I savored over every word of her journey. She gave me hope when I really did not have any left of my own. She has been the most dedicated to following the DS rules, and I have learned a lot by her example. Her motivation to exercise is also inspiring. I would not be where I am today without her words. I am greatly in her debt!
4. John Bingham: He is a runner. Many of you know about him if you have been a reader of my blog for a bit of time. He started running at mid-life and he was overweight. He has since gone on to run marathons. His book "The Courage to Start" has provided so much motivation to me as a non-athlete who is working towards becoming an adult-onset athlete.
When I am out in public and see my reflection, lately I have been doing a double take. I really am not huge anymore. This is hard for my brain to wrap around. I still feel like a bull in a china shop, but that is not the truth. Last night in particular, I noticed that I am "starting" to take on a nice hourglass shaped figure.
I have been tired lately. I feel like I am fighting coming down with something. Here I thought I could possibly escape this year without doing so.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Weight stayed the same.
I went to a singles group at Southeast tonight. They spoke on one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis. A few weekend plans are starting to take shape.
Nothing else going on....pretty boring here.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
This is the billboard I was talking about. I have actually seen two of them. Again, I appreciate them not using a stick figure as the "post" picture, but this woman still looks like she needs medical intervention for her weight. I don't want this post to come off very critical of one type of surgery, but I would not be happy if that was the end result of my surgery.
There are simply too many other things I want to do with the money.
Monday, February 18, 2008
I can now wear a size 14 pair of pants! I only bought one pair, but how cool is that!!! They are a bit too tight for my personal taste to wear just yet (I am still getting used to wearing clothes that actually fit properly).
What makes a size 14 pair of pants so significant? A few things. One, it is another size DOWN in pants. Two, I am inching closer and closer to a SINGLE DIGIT clothing size. Three, the average female clothing size is 14. I am the size of an average woman in the US. (I am not going to settle on being just average though!)
The tops I bought were all size L. It is nice not having an "X" in front of any of your clothing. I really tried to look for some more fitted type tops. My only criteria was that the sleeves were there to cover up my upper arms some.
One other thing I saw today that hit a little too close to home. I saw two friends shopping together. One was the size of a twig, and the other was a pretty plus sized lady. The plus sized lady was helping the skinny lady pick out clothes, and lathering her up in compliments. It reminded me of my high school days. I used to go shopping with my skinny friends. I was never one who went shopping for me, I just tagged along to all the stores they could shop in like Express, Gap, The Limited, etc. I was too mortified to ever ask them to come to the one store I could shop in.
Onto other news....I got my two season tickets for the Louisville Fire Arena Football team! I got some AWESOME SEATS!!! I will be at all eight home games with bells on, and we also get to attend an away game in Lexington as part of the season ticket package.
I also purchased tickets to the Southeast Easter Pageant. It is something I've always wanted to attend, but never have.
There is ANOTHER Lap Band Billboard (like I described in the post yesterday)! I am going to take a picture of it, and get the insight of those who read my blog. I really don't like it.
a) compulsive preoccupation with an idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion,
often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety
b) a compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion
I am completely addicted to the scale. I don't always post my weight here everyday, but bet your bottom dollar I weigh myself many times throughout the day. The closer I become to the goals that I have spoken about that are just right around the corner, the more I am weighing myself.
I hope once I reach goal (whatever that is), that I will be able to back off the scale some. I'd like to get to only weighing once a day. I just know I don't want to ever get back to the point I was before, and that is going to take some effort on my part.
Weight is the same as it was yesterday.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Lunch was great. It was nice being around a group of people my age. Although I would have never said so as a pre-op, my weight really did hold me back as far as relationships (even friendships). I had just gotten so big that I really did start to close everyone out. I miss all the times I spent living, and now I want to make up for them. It is not going to be a simple journey, but I am going to start socializing more. One day at a time, it will get easier and easier to do. There is more to this life than going to work and coming home. I've chosen to sit on the sidelines for so long. Now, I am ready to step up and start investing my life more into others.
Random Note: I saw a billboard advertising for the Lap Band on the way to church. It had a picture of a couple, and the sign said: "Lap Band Surgery: Weight Lost, Health Regained." The man was normal size, but honestly the woman was morbidly obese. I am not sure what their objective was for this billboard. I appreciate that they didn't use some aneroxic looking woman, but if I looked like her after working my "tool", I would not be happy.
Time to get ready for church. I am going out with a group of people afterwards that I used to be semi-close to. I have mixed feelings about it, especially if one girl in particular is going to be there. I am going to keep a positive attitude, and try my best. :) Hopefully the situation won't be too weird.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
All I can think about is the lyrics to a Rich Mullin's song "On the Verge of a Miracle" now....
When you've played out Your last chance
And your directions Have all been lost
When the roads that you look down
Are all dead ends
You could see if you'd just look up
You're on the verge of a miracle
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
You're on the verge of a miracle
I spent last night with my mom. We went to pick up my gran from another city who had been on a trip. I love my Gran. She is an amazing woman. I am frustrated that she keeps on saying how much weight I have lost. I am past the point of telling people in general the exact number of pounds I have lost. There are many reasons behind this, but I guess most specifically that I can see in their head they are trying to do the math to see just how fat I was to begin with. I know I can never say anything to my Gran, because it would hurt her feelings, but it is just frustrating.
Now onto the subject of things that no longer fit. My winter coat is too big. It is a safe bet that it is now a full TWO sizes to big. I can wrap it around me to where the coat overlaps a good six inches. I bought this coat at the beginning of October, and it fit. Last night, I forgot to bring my coat when I went with my mom, and I wore one of her XL fleece jackets. It was big on me. I am certain I could have worn it in a size L.
I have struggled with acne off and on for years, and typically it is more ON than off! Prior to having the DS, I was on a prescription that I took orally that was supposed to help. It did help tremendously, but also killed my stomach. When they took away the majority of my stomach, I could not handle that presciption anymore. My acne has been raging up quite a bit. I have noticed that the right side of my face is worse than my left. I put two and two together, and I think a large portion of this is coming from using the telephone!!! I have been faithful with using my bluetooth and speakerphone at home, and my acne is starting to clear up. I think this may have been the biggest part of the problem all along.
My best friend Penny will be in town at the end of March. We are going to go to the season opener of the Louisville Fire Arena Football team! WOOT WOOT!!!! I LOVE ARENA FOOTBALL!!!! :) I am so pumped about it! I need to call Monday and see the best seats that they have available.
Ok, enough typing now. I am going to attempt to go back to sleep.
Friday, February 15, 2008
My weight is still maintaining. I still have eleven more days before the month is out. Hopefully I'll lose a few more pounds.
I purposefully spent Valentine's Day at a school instead of the office. I didn't want to be around a bunch of people who would be getting flowers, etc. I think that was a wise move. I had an early dinner with my friend Stephanie at Red Robin, and then we went to church. It was nice not being along on Valentine's Day.
I am cold all the time. I am so happy that I lost all the weight that I have, but seriously, I am freezing. I keep my heat cranked up very high, and need to break down and buy a really nice electric blanket. Even when I have been at the office or out at a school, I've found myslf just keeping my jacket on to try to stay warm. Ah well.
Now some sad news...I had posted a while back about my former student and her mother being shot by the stepbrother. My dad left me a voicemail yesterday saying that the dad killed himself in his car while parked in the driveway of their house.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
My new pair of Spanx arrived yesterday. The woman who invented that stuff deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. I got a size XL, and they worked awesome. When I held them up I thought no way would they be able to work. In November, I had a pair of 3X Spanx. Nothing short of amazing the progress that has been made.
So how is everyone celebrating their Valentine's Day today? I will be in the classrooms of two teachers who are less than thrilled to see me. Fun, Fun, Fun.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
YUMMO! Try one today!!!
I am thinking about trying Hardee's Low Carb Burger today. It has 30 grams of protein, and only 5 carbs. I will get it without the onions though.
This morning for breakfast I am having cracked pepper bacon. It is yummy. I kinda got burned out on bacon a while back, but the cracked pepper makes it worth another go around. As I was making it I thought to myself, I definetely can live a DS type diet for the rest of my life. Protein first, veggies, then a bit of bread, fruit, or dessert.
I really want to go skydiving, and that is about 3 months and 1 week away. I have to be at 175 pounds. Even though this has been a slow month, there are many people that have come back from a slow month and had big losses in the months to follow. It was just like their body was taking a break from all the massive losing. I hope that I can make that weight by May 24th so I can skydive, otherwise I will have to push back my skydiving date. Skydiving is one place where you wouldn't want to lie about your weight!
Another thing I want to do this summer is go whitewater rafting. I am not really a "camping" type girl, but I want to do the whitewater rafting. I am checking into some places in West Virginia, since that is not too terribly far away. I would love for it to be a thing that I did with my dad.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The closet has slim pickings. I liked the challenge that one of the post-ops on the DS board said she created for herself. She built a "designer" wardrobe from thrift stores. Up until this point, there has only been one really nice thrift store that sells high quality clothes, but I am almost to the size where five or six more will open up to me. I can start doing the "tightwad trail" as Val calls it. I would love to be in a size 12 by summer, and I believe I just might make it. Gee, lets think about this....last summer I was wearing 28's, and could possibly be in size 12 this summer! WOW! WOW! WOW!
Monday, February 11, 2008
It felt so good. Less than a year ago, these were the only ways I could have clothing. I was at the largest sizes within those catalogues. Now, I don't need them anymore. I don't want to see reminders of them every other day in my mailbox. May I never take advantage of the fact that I can go into many stores and buy clothing now. I actually have choice, not just what will cover up my body.
I am so close to onderland. I know I keep harping on and on about it, but I have not seen those numbers since SIXTH GRADE. Seventeen years have since passed, and I want nothing more than to be in the promised land of having a weight that begins with a ONE, instead of a two or a three (heck I was just a few pounds shy of having a weight that began with a four).
As I have blogged about before, I have a really bad habit of comparing myself size wise to other people in the room. As a pre-op, this was a quick thing, 99.999999% of the time, I was the largest person in the room, hands down. Yesterday, before Sunday School started, I was looking around, and discovered that I really did look pretty normal compared to the rest of the group. Size 14 is supposed to be the average American female clothing size. I am one size away from that. (I am really a 12/14 on top, but I can't do the pants in a size 14 yet.) It is nice to blend in.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
This post is all about giving props to myself (sorry to sound vain). I have been wanting/CRAVING/dying for a huge Rice Krispy Treat from Starbucks. I have wanted it for weeks and weeks now. I have been going to Starbucks regularly because it has really seemed to help with getting the weight loss moving the past two weeks.
The treat is 55 carbs, and 2 grams of protein. NO WAY. There is no way I am going to jeopardize my loss by eating this. I want goal. I want my mini-goals. The pleasures of certain foods just are not worth the sacrifice of stalling out my weight loss. As a pre-op, I really didn't have a lot of will power or control. The DS has given me a great majority of that back.
So many big things are in store, and I feel as if they will happen soon! I am almost in ONEDERLAND. I am a few pounds from losing half of my body weight, and having only an "overweight" BMI. I strongly feel that these things will happen before my one year anniversary.
This journey has been such a ride. A year ago I could not fathom being where I am today. I couldn't understand not having my day full of being tired, my ankle killing me, always thinking about food, etc. My life is so different now.
I am off to get ready for church. I am going back to the church I visited on Wednesday. I used to attend it many years ago, and really feel lead to go back. I am nervous about seeing so many people that I used to know. I know this is a good move for me.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
I went to Borders yesterday afternoon before going to eat with Steph. I was looking through the book called, "Eat This, Not That." It was quite interesting. For the DSer, it was kinda opposite though, because you really should eat the one that was higher in fat, because we malabsorb so much fat. It did not include a lot of carb information or I would have bought the book.
It listed the 20 worst things to eat while eating out. The number one item was Outback's Cheddar Cheese and Bacon Fries appetizer. It came in at a amazing 2900 calories and 280 fat grams. Pre-DS I would eat this at least three to four times a month. Not JUST this, keep in mind....I would have a huge side of ranch to dip the fries in. I would also order salmon, mashed potatoes, and a piece of cheesecake. There is no telling how many calories I consumed in that one meal. Believe me, I totally consumed it. I wonder just how big my stomach was. I should ask Dr. Huacuz, maybe I had the stomach the size of a small third world country. Regardless, I am so thankful and grateful that I don't have that now. My desires for food have changed. What a miracle the DS is!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Jen posted a picture of what she has written down on her scale. I really enjoyed this. As someone who weighs daily, multiple times a day, I can see this being helpful to me. I am going to think about the words I would like to have on my scale. VERY POWERFUL!
Today I found Hershey's Sugar Free Chocolate Syrup at Target. I was quite impressed. I bought a thing of it to try at some point. I'm not sure when I will use it because I really like the Hood's Chocolate milk "as is." Adding the syrup would make the drink too rich.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
So the down part....there is a meet and greet, and a lady asks me when I was "DUE." As she was asking she patted my stomach. I told her I wasn't, to which she apologized. I have been asked if I was pregnant before (since I taught in a school with elementary kids), but I could always write it off, because hello they are KIDS. I could have even written off the comment had the woman been a senior citizen. She wasn't. It is crushing to hear that comment when you have lost 188 pounds. CRUSHING. Tears welled up in my eyes, I was so hurt. I have tears in my eyes right now as I am writing this.
If there is a thin person out there reading this blog ever, please never ask a fat woman when she is due. If she happens to be pregnant, let her tell you. For heavens sakes, keep your hands off her stomach!
I have promised Steph I would try sushi on Friday night! We may need to capture that one with a camera.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
"Shoes are proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy!"
I found three ultra cute pairs of shoes this evening! I am so excited! Two of them are certainly spring shoes, so I will have to wait at least until the first of March to wear them. Plus, they will give me an excuse to get a pedicure.
I would love to start getting some ideas of summer concerts. This Friday, REO Speedwagon is playing in Southern Indiana, and I had thought about going to that.
"When the solution is simple, God is answering." -Albert Einstein
As humans we try to make things so complex, and our best solutions in life are often simple.
I think I have procrastinated as long as I possibly can, and I really have to get ready for work now. An extra hour or two of sleep sure sounds yummy. Wish I could make that a reality!
Monday, February 4, 2008
I met with a principal I used to work under. At the time, she was a principal intern in my building. I spoke very frankly with her about wanting to work under her if she had any openings. She was very excited about it. She said to put her building down as first on my transfer list, and she would make sure that I had a job. I love this woman because she is so motivating, and is very sincere. I would also get to work in an at-risk school, which is where my true calling is. The meeting gave me hope.
Also...have been itching to travel VERY badly. I was talking with Penny yesterday, and we started to think that perhaps a weekend trip was in order in order to hold us over for our Spring Break trip. We were thinking of Portland first (I have a friend from high school that lives there), but Seattle is actually cheaper as far as plane tickets go. We could leave Thursday afternoon and return on a Sunday. I think a trip may be just what the doctor ordered. We are going to try to have plans firmed up by the end of the week.
The new Jack Johnson CD is coming out tomorrow on ITUNES. I have had it preordered for forever. I am excited about finally getting it! :)
Sunday, February 3, 2008
This is going to be a tough week.
EDITED: The marinated mozzarella cheese tasted so nasty. Yuck....never again!!!
I also got some of the Special K Protein Cereal. I like cereal as a snack, and it has 10 grams of protein per serving (and 9 net carbs). The carb count is a bit high, but I am still going to give it a go. Maybe it will be more of an occassional treat.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
How does that old adage go..."The best place to diet is in the supermarket." If it doesn't make it home with you, then you won't have the temptation in your house to eat it.
Is this not crazy? I know Mississippi is one of the most obese states in the country, but still. What do you bet you can still smoke in almost all of their restaurants? Sigh!
Why can't they do something more sensible like NYC's new ordiance where nutritional information must be listed on the menu (I believe this is only at fast food venues)? I am fully supportive of that.
Then, it is off to the KADS meeting in southern Indiana! I am excited because our group is growing. We have a new guy coming from Indiana to join us. I will post a picture from our group later.
The scale is almost back to normal from the sudden (and uncalled for) shooting up it did at the beginning of the week. Thank heavens!!!