Saturday, February 28, 2009
Today was a pretty good day. I want to tell you about GSCC, Girl Scout Cookie COMA. My cookies came in, and I went WAY overboard. I was shoveling them into my mouth like no ones business. I am so embarrassed about the way I went about eating them. I didn't take any time to relish and really enjoy them. I purposely left the remaining boxes at school. I needed a detox.
I have read many people who feel you can eat whatever you want. The counter argument to that is, "Well, I'd always eat cake, cheesecake, chocolate," (fill in the blank with your favorite guilty pleasure). I love cheesecake, but I could not eat it every meal. Eventually, I would get tired of it, and crave something more healthy. I have many more boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, but I truly made myself SICK of them today. I fully suspect those boxes will be around for some time. That is something that I would have never imagined being a former SSMO person.
Tonight we went to a marriage event at my church. It was really good.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Here is the easiest thing that I made tonight that I am looking forward to having on the menu OFTEN:
I tried a spoonful of it tonight, and it was incredible. What I particularly love is just how EASY it is to make! Now I can use the several cans of chicken that have been sitting in my cabinet for oh so long!
Ben and I talked about weight/body image issues for a little bit tonight. For someone who has never been down the road I've traveled, I could not ask for more understanding than he has given to me. He is such a blessing.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Ben bought me a nice size of peanut butter fudge last weekend at Graeters. Normally their fudge is awesome, but I took a bite into it, and it was NASTY. For some reason, it tasted like dish soap. Being a former food junkie, I had to try a few more bites, "just to make sure." I finally used self talk and realized that I don't like the taste of this, why the heck am I wasting calories on it? I threw the bulk of the (nasty) fudge away. I remember my best friend Wendy used to say, "If it tastes bad, then I am not going to waste my points on it." AMEN.
I went shopping after faculty meeting at one store today. I am ready to buy some cute spring/summer clothes (in hopes of bringing along warm weather with them). In the summer of 2007 and 2008 I was losing weight. I am eagerly looking forward to buying clothes that I could KEEP for a while. I didn't see anything that really caught my eye. I'll need to keep looking, especially with several dressy occasions coming up (showers for the wedding, etc.).
Monday, February 23, 2009
* Decide how we want our invitations to look. I've printed off several examples of the wording. We are going to decide so that I can have hem printed.
* Get another bridesmaid to place her dress order.
* Have my mom order misc stuff from Oriental Trading Company (unity candle, etc.)
At the DS dinner, it was so fun meeting new pre-ops. This one girl was a teenager of pre-op, and she was blown awa at my weight loss. She kept saying how I was skinny just like her. :) It is so nice to be able to give others HOPE.
Also, tonight at the GED center, I had a "Pasta Queen" revelation moment...people don't really stare at you when you are eating when you are not morbidly obese. They actually assume you need food or are hungry. That is so nice considering some of the weird stares I have gotten as a SSMO person when I want to eat something.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I've been reading the book, "I'm Not the New Me." There was a quote from the book that really resonated with me:
"I've always felt one of the worst things a person could think about me was that
I couldn't prevail over my own body, that in addition to my fat I had some
poverty of self-worth; I hate the thought that I'm just some kind of Russian
nesting doll with the big outside and inevitably, rattling around under all the
layers, a crude little peg with a face is the truth of me."
I've prevailed over my old body physically, but working on the "poverty of self-worth," is certainly a work in progress.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tomorrow is work, Old Chicago Pizza with former co-workers, and The Rudyard Kipling to see As You Like It. Best thing is: SLEEP IN SATURDAY!!! Nothing to get up early for....WOOO HOOO!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
* Ballroom Dancing
* DS Dinner (for certain)
* Seeing "As You Like It" at a cool trendy pub
* Seeing Company at a local college
* Laptop Shopping
* Seeing a film with the Jewish Community Center Film Festival
Nothing to report weight wise, I am staying the same, which I am very happy about. :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Sunday night I was very unhappy with myself as I laid in bed. My stomach was tight, bloated and I felt miserable. I had enough hours of sleep Sunday, yet I didn't sleep well. I'm certain this had to do with eating so close to going to bed, and eating more than I should to top it off. I hope that this lesson is a lesson learned so I will not repeat this experience again. MISERABLE.
As the wedding approaches, I'm learning something about Ben and I. For the past eleven days in a row, we've seen one another. Granted many days, it was for dinner, but we made time to see one another. I've noticed how I really like him being a regular part of my day. I am looking forward to being his wife.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
- Nim's Island
- Saint Ralph
- Ugly Betty Seasons 1 and 2
- Army Wives Season One
- The Office: Seasons 1 and 2
- John Adams
- Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
- Dear America: Letters Home from Vietnam
- Vantage Point
- Darfur Diaries
- The Bucket List
- Samantha: An American Girl Story
- The Jane Austen Book Club
- National Treasure: Book of Secrets
- Tin Man
- Planet Earth
- The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep
- Jesus Camp
- The Kite Runner
- Into the Wild
- Love in the Time of Cholera
- Agent Abbey
- Bones: Season 1 and 2
Yesterday was Valentine's Day so I wore my Burberry Brit perfume. I love this perfume, yet I rarely wear it. It is not cheap, but not horribly expensive either. I thought about it, why do I wait and only wear it on special occassions? When I look back at my life, I think I will probably remember the more common things than just the big things. What if the small moments are just as important as the big moments? One of the things that Ben and I love to do is go to Bufalo Wild Wings. I think I will remember the laughs and conversations we've had there just as much as our bigger moments. I'm not going to wait anymore to wear my special perfume (or special fill in the blank), because who knows when I will have a moment that I never expected.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
At the first restaurant we went to for lunch, Winstons (a really nice restaurant), there was a woman to come in who was my size prior to having WLS. My heart was so heavy. Heavy to see the emotional/physical pain this woman was in, and also worried about my own pain from not ever wanting to be that size again. As my heart breaks, I also get a total sense of freaking out. I know that I could return to being large again, and it terrifies me.
Off to get some good rest! What a great Valentine's Day!
Our Honeymoon Weekend Suite (We went to look at it today! We will be here the weekend of our honeymoon, then off to Washington, DC!)
Last night we took Andre, one of my students, out to dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory, and then to the basketball game. We all had such a good time. After dinner Ben was explaining to Andre how to tip the server, and why it was important to tip the server. Many of my students have never been to a restaurant where they were served a meal. Andre had one dollar, and he insisted on using it to tip the server. This student was one of my toughest kids, but as so often it has happened before, the toughest kids win over my heart as they become young ladies and gentlemen.
I told Ben last night at dinner about how I felt like a beached whale yesterday. Ben is such a good listener. I told him one thing I couldn't promise him was maintaining my weight. I'm going to try my hardest, but I have never maintained my weight. He said that even if I gain all of it back, he is still going to love me.
After we have our nice lunch, we are going to check out the bed and breakfast we will be staying at for the weekend after we get married! We are staying in Louisville, then flying out Sunday afternoon. We both didn't want to be tired and cranky starting off our honeymoon.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Cut up tofu slices that I had patted dry:
Today in morning assembly a teacher walked up to me and said that I was going to have to buy a size two wedding dress! (If she only knew what size I used to wear!)
Speaking of wedding dresses...mine is IN! I go to pick it up on the 27th. It is being pressed now.
There is some junk going on at work. I'd rather not blog about it right now. Sometimes when you do your job really well, you get extra work. That is the short of it. Ben just left my condo a few minutes ago. We went to dinner after I got out of GED since the power was out at my condo when I got home. (We've had crazy strong wind today.)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
We have thirty minutes after the students get back from their specials class before we go to lunch. I decided that we were going to have a class discussion about talking about people's weight. I have several overweight kids in my classroom. I would venture to guess that my students probably come close to meeting the national average for overweight kids. It was interesting listening to the things that they had to say. One kid (who was skinny) mentioned that sometimes skinny kids get picked on just as much. I acknowledged that this was not right either. I told the whole class how I used to be very overweight, and that knowing comments like this were occurring were very hurtful to me as well.
I want to write more about this, but for now I'm off to bed. I have a feeling this is not the last time I will have to address this issue this school year (or the years to come).
Monday, February 9, 2009
(Ok, so it does not look that great. It is packed with protein and complex carbs. It tastes great. I'm bringing it for lunch and snack tomorrow.)
I am proud of myself for trying to put a recipe together. This was something I thought of while grocery shopping. I decided to add seasoned tomatoes to it, along with some Italian salad seasoning. I had some bean salad back in November that was quite sweet, and I'm glad that this one had a salter taste to it.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Tonight, I made some REALLY good choices on what I put in my cart. Most importantly, I did not put one piece of crap into my cart. I once heard a man who had always been thin say that he did his dieting at the grocery store. There is so much truth to that statement. I got a few new items that I am excited about:
* Arnold's Sandwich Thins (Multigrain)
* 13 Bean Soup (I'm going to add ham to it, and try it this week.)
* 5 different types of beans to make a bean salad out of
* Low Carb Strawberry/Banana and Strawberry/Pomogranite (spelling is off I know!)
* Salmon Cream Cheese Spread
- I like foreign films. Thankfully Netflix has helped me to be able to watch more of these.
- I hope I inspire my students to be better people. While teaching academics is important, wanting them to be good human beings is more important to me.
- I do not like large group settings. I want to blend into the background as much as possible. This has gotten a little bit easier since I have lost weight, but is still an issue.
- I don't need a large circle of friends, just a few good ones to lean on.
- I am not easy to trust people with details about my life. (Blogging aside of course!)
- I have very average intelligence. I've achieved the academic goals in my life by hard work.
- I love encouraging people. It delights my heart to see people encouraged and uplifted.
- I wish I could achieve half of the goals I set for myself. I am proud that I do set goals, and that I meet some of them.
- I love trying new restaurants. Although once I find a restaurant that I like, I tend to stick to one particular dish.
- I say I'm sorry way more than I should. I always try to be a peacemaker.
- I am thankful for how close I am to my dad.
- I feel so alive when I travel... Experiencing other cultures and places leaves me in awe.
- I love learning about the Holocaust. This sparked when I was in 4th grade and I read the Diary of Anne Frank. I especially want to hear the stories of survivors.
Today after church Ben and I were going to go to a play, but decided to cancel that idea for a nap instead. I'm getting ready to take mine. Napping on Sundays is one of my favorite things to do.
I've got some good things from Netflix I am going to try to watch this week.
I've been shopping for Ben for Valentine's Day, and I've really noticed that it is a girl's holiday. 95% of this stuff is geared for girls. He is going to get some boxers, candy, a DVD, and maybe one or two other things if something strikes me that he would really like.
Friday, February 6, 2009
I had a few minutes waiting for Ben today, and I stopped in New York and Company to try on a few items. Above is a picture of me in a SIZE TWO PENCIL SKIRT!!! I could not believe it! I looked up the size chart on their website, and their skirts are supposed to fit a size 25.5 inch waist and a 35.5 inch hips.
I showed Ben the pictures, because I opted to not buy the skirt at this time. He said, "Wow, that really settles it. You used to be really heavy, but now you are a size two. You really are in a new chapter in your life." Later on we were talking, and he told me that even if all the chemical makeup changes in my body and I get heavy again, he wants me to know that he will always love me. :)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
(Disclaimer: This post is NOT meant to come off like I am blaming my mom for me being overweight. At some point, I had to start taking responsibility for what was going in my mouth.)
This morning I was buying some doughnuts, and I saw the creme filled doughnuts I used to get as a child. I had an instant flashback to "Debbie Moss Doughnuts." I coined the doughnuts with this name because another woman that my mom taught with liked them, so I always wanted that type of doughnut. I remember getting doughnuts at least one day a week. My mom would take them to work with her, and she would always let me have some.
I remember we were also frequenters of fast food. We had fast food at least one-two times per week. Many times my mom would only order a diet coke for herself, but would get us a full meal.
I often got a candy bar when my mom would go to the store to buy gas. When I was in middle and high school my mom would take me to school. Usually three days a week we would stop at the store. I would either get something to add to my lunch, or I would get a soda, candy bar, and a BLT sandwich.
The theme I notice in all this is the lack of the word NO. I rarely was told no when it came to snacking or what I wanted to eat. To add to that, I never recall being told to "wait" to see if I was still actually hungry. I didn't learn to listen to my body's natural cues of saying it was full. I never learned that certain things were supposed to be "treats" because they were available to me almost anytime I wanted them.
I was talking with Ben about how I really wanted to stay where I was at weight wise, so I wouldn't have to get my dress altered too much. He said, "Besides, you look really hot at this weight." :)
Ben and I are going to have dinner in just a little bit. He is going to work on the computer for a paper that he has due. While he is doing that, I think I will work on organizing and cleaning some. Of course, my cleaning plan I had at the new year went out the window FAST. Since he is doing the paper, that would not leave me with many other attractive options other than to clean. I guess it wouldn't kill me.
As far as wedding stuff goes, we are going to pick the design of our cake most likely this weekend. I am asking a former music teacher to play piano for us. I have a girl in my class that I would like to be the junior bridesmaid, but I have to figure out how to ask without all the other female students in my class finding out.
Sorry this post is so random.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Ben took me out to dinner tonight. Afterwards, we went to two Walgreens so I could have a Snuggie. This thing is warm. I am in love. My electric bill the past two months has been the highest ever since I have lived in my condo. I really cannot complain since it is so much cheaper than most people that I know.
One thing I've noticed since losing weight is that I am more aware. I am aware of how certain foods will affect my body. I know the things that will make my weight swing up from eating them. It makes me feel good recognizing trends that my body has.
Monday, February 2, 2009
1. Nothing tastes as good as having low cholesterol.
2. Nothing tastes as good as not being diabetic.
3. Nothing tastes as good as being able to move about and do the simplest of daily tasks. (climbing one flight of stairs, tying my shoes, making my bed, walking a parking lot, etc.)
4. Nothing tastes as good as not being stared at when in public because your size is so massive.
5. Nothing tastes as good as being able to get clothes out of almost any store you wish, and not having to special order them off the internet.
6. Nothing tastes as good as looking decent in photographs, and actually wanting to have my photo taken.
7. Nothing tastes as good as being able to fit in a restaurant booth.
8. Nothing tastes as good as being able to do almost any physical activity that you want, and not have to worry about injuring something more than the average person.
I'm sure there are more, but wanted to throw out a few to you all!
1. It's a special occassion....why not? I wouldn't do this every day.
2. I even had the brief thought of "sneaking" a drink with no one looking. (Again, MAJOR addiction sign!)
3. I would only do it this once.
With Coca-Cola there is NO treading water or anything for me, it is a complete slippery slope that would only end in me back to drinking at least 4-6 colas per day. I am stronger than that. I didn't have surgery and fight to regain my life only to lose it to some stupid Coca-Cola. NOTHING is that good. Am I perfect? Have I arrived at this weight loss/maintaining thing? By no means, but I am not going to let a sugary soda make me lose this battle.
So...if I go to a private blog, would you all take a few moments and request to join? Please share your thoughts.
I saw an ad for this item when I was looking through a catalog at my mom's house. I use six inch plates at my house. I know that the US is one of the few places that uses nine inch plates for meals. My nine inch plates are on the top of my cabinet, since I never use them. I particularly liked that they have a child's plate. I am all for any tool that is going to make the weight loss or weight maintaining journey easier on an individual.
Today was a full day! We went down to Bardstown to visit with my parents. We had lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant. Afterwards, we stopped by the Bourbon Heritage Center, and Ben and I had our picture made by this cute man made completely of whiskey barrels. We checked out the place where we will most likely have our rehearsal dinner. It was so awesome. It is a renovated theater that is a super nice restaurant. We also drove by the church that we are going to get married at. Ben had talked about staying down and just watching the Superbowl at my parents house. I said I was ok with that if we were not having school. They made the announcement that we were not having school tomorrow (still way too many places without power), so we decided to stay. It was a good time spent hanging out with my parents.
Below is a picture of my thighs. I've always thought my thighs were HUGE. Even currently, they are my least favorite part of my body. Today when I was sitting in the barstool at my parents house, I noticed that my thighs really don't look that bad. I called Ben in from the other room to take a look. He said of course your thighs are not big. (He has been so great at giving me reassurance when I need it.)
Need I not forget that Ben said to me, "You are becoming a BEANPOLE."
I weighed in at 139 this morning.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Before Wicked, Ben spent 45 minutes getting my car cleared off. He did all that while I was inside staying warm. :)
Afterwards we went to my church. I'm so glad. I've missed going to my church. We are going to make a habit to start attending on Saturday evenings, and going to his church on Sundays.
Next, we had dinner with some great friends. You know the kind I'm talking about, the ones where you feel so encouraged and uplifted after spending time with them. :)
Off to ballroom dancing....OH YEAH!
Ended the night with blizzards from Dairy Queen.
I mentioned on Twitter a few days back that I had entered the world of selling on Ebay. I am happy to report that 10 of my items sold. I had no idea that it would be so easy to do. I plan on putting a few more items on there over the next few months. My place has a LOT of work to do to become "OUR" place by the end of July.