Saturday, January 31, 2009

A Good Bit of Healing

We had a really good time having dinner at our friend's house. There was lots of good food, and some great conversation.

We came back to my place and were goofing around on youtube, when I decided that it was time. Time to take the next step. I have yet to wear a t-shirt that showed my arms because I was embarrassed. I told him that I wanted to change into a shirt so he could see my arms. We have discussed the subject of me having excess skin, so it wasn't coming as a complete surprise. I told him this was a really big thing for me, even though he already knew it was.

I took a deep breath and came back out with a short sleeve shirt. He greeted me with love. He kissed both of my arms. He told me that my arms were pretty, and that I had nothing to worry about. I was sitting in his lap when he was telling me these things. I leaned up against his chest and I sobbed for a little bit. He just wrapped his arms around me really tight and held me. After I quit crying, I told him that I just wanted to be attractive to him, and I struggled because there are parts of me that I cannot change. He pulled me up so I could look him in the eyes. He told me that he loved all of me, even the parts that I wasn't sure that I loved about myself.

Another piece of me began to heal tonight. Hearing words of affirmation from the man that I love helped in this process. In part knowing that he loves me so fully allows me to love myself just a little bit more.

1 comment:

Anne said...

I'm a recent new reader (I've read your entire journey over the past week!)

I have so much admiration for what you've achieved - your total committment to your goals.
And I have so much admiration for what you've discovered along the way and for how well you've articulated it.

You're as beautiful on the outside now as you *always* were on the inside.
Ben is a STAR! He puts extra sparkle in your Fairytale Tiffany :)

I've lost weight, and am continuing to do so - you're an amazing sourcwe of inspiration. Thank you!!!