Sunday, August 31, 2008
One thing that I did do on the trip was firmly make up my mind that I am running a half-marathon next year. I would like to run it next spring. One lady on the boat runs one every year. She was at least 40-45 years old, and was probably 20 pounds heavier than me. I thought, if she can do it, so can I. I would like to run it late spring, but before it gets too blistery hot in the summer time.
I ordered some books on training for a half-marathon. This is a goal I want to become reality. I know it will be challenging, but so worth it. I am also looking into joining a running group that meets nearby my house. I think it might take a little bit confidence wise to feel like I "fit in" with these people, but I think training with like minded people would really be of great assistance. I hope to find one other lady that I really connect with who would be a great mentor to me in running.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Now onto some of the conversation tidbits that I have had with Ben. He has been so sweet and adorable with the whole WLS stuff. He was looking over my list of things that I wanted to accomplish, and he remarked on how many I wanted to do. He commented very specifically on a few of them. One was to look good in a two piece bathing suit. Then I had crossed that out, and wrote to look good in a one piece bathing suit. He replied that he thought I would look cute in a two piece bathing suit. Another goal was to be light enough that a man could pick me up and give me a piggie back ride. He said that he was certain that he could give me a piggie back no problem. He said he had given girls that he had dated in the past (who were bigger than me) piggie back rides. (Can I also tell you what a relief it is that he has dated girls who were bigger than me! Not to mention that his mom said I was the first girl he dated that was on his same intellectual level.)
Tonight, he complimented me again how beautiful I looked. At the end of the night, he said lets try something. He sat down in a chair, and asked me to sit in his lap. I got tears in my eyes and told him I was just not ready yet. He hugged me, reassurred me, and told me when I was ready to try he would love to have me sit in his lap. (Can I tell you how much I love this guy!!!)
I do have another thing I want to add to my "to do list"....parasailing! Perhaps I can knock parasailing and zip lining both off late spring.
Also, booked tickets today to go to Seattle election weekend. We are also going to drive up to Vancouver, B.C.
Life is good. God is Great!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
-- C.S. Lewis
Love is worth the risk.
I would love to see my feet planted firmly in the 140's for next month.
I think the quote that really summarizes my thoughts at this point is the Neil Armstrong quote. "Accomplishing a goal is not nearly as important as the person you become accomplishing it." I will have to write more about this later.
Monday, August 25, 2008
How do I feel now....RELIEVED!!! Ben was very sweet and understanding. He said he knew almost from the onset that there was something that I wasn't telling him. He went on to say, not that I was being deceptive, but that there was something more I had not shared with him. He knew of me going skydiving, and the other things I had planned for the summer, and in his mind wanted to know what the motivation was behind doing all these new and exciting things. He applauded me for being proactive about my health. I showed him pictures of what I looked like before.
It feels good to have that out in the open.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I now weigh 153 pounds, and have lost a total of 8 pounds for this month so far. My BMI is a 24.
After I did my victory dance this morning, my mind started whirling again. I thought, I wonder how low on the scale I could get to. (I've actually heard this from several DSers. They say for a short period of time it became competitive as far as the number on the scale.) I would love to see 135 on the scale for certain. I am also worried about the bounce back weight that seems to happen for most DSers after reaching their lowest weight.
Right now, I just need to concentrate on getting to 145. Once I get there, I will reevaluate my goals and go from there.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
He went on later to say a bit later that he was starting to feel a bit self conscience about his own body image. I immediately reassured him that he was PERFECT for me.
Here is hoping I find the courage SOON!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Penny and I:
Sam and I:
These guys were posing outside of the movies in Lexington. I made Penny stop the car, and I ran up to ask them if I could take my picture with them. Something I would have never done pre-DS.
My class this school year. I was missing one student. The picture is not perfect, but I felt bad asking the person to keep retaking the picture. This picture really freaks me out because of how "normal" I look. All my previous class pictures I have been so huge, I really like how I look in this picture.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Aside from that major reason, I want to achieve this goal. I've never reached a weight loss goal like this. I want to achieve 100% success.
Another thing that is just very interesting to me is how much flab you can still have on your body, yet be considered a reasonable weight. I still have a decent amount of flab on me, yet many people think my weight is fine.
I got eight hours of sleep last night, and I feel good. Here is to trying to get MORE sleep. (Man, I feel like I am getting OLD!)
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
We went to several stores that I never in my life dreamed I could shop in. Not only could I shop in them, but I don't wear the biggest size in that store. I bought clothes from New York and Company, Express, and Talbotts. I also got my new winter coat...a size 8. Last October, I bought a size 22/24 winter coat. I got mediums in all my clothing, and for the clothing that had a size, I bought 8's.
I also came up with a pretty hard rule today. I would not buy anything that was bigger than an 8 or a medium. I realize that there are not sizing standards in women's clothing like the mens, but I need this rule. I still hope to lose at least 11 more pounds, but would eventually love to get down to 130. I need a limit for how high a number I will let the clothes in my closet get. Once you buy the next size up, it gets so easy to keep climbing up. I know, I did that for YEARS. NO MORE. The only time I will "go up" will be when I have children of my own. I am going to be a success story.
Tonight I watched the boys. It has been about 5-6 weeks since I have seen them last. The mom was talking about how skinny I was. She said I was not allowed to get skinnier than her. (She was very much joking. She has been so supportive through this whole process.) Tonight the dad kept commenting on how much I had lost, and he couldn't believe the difference in my face and neck. He said you have to be done already. You look great.
Ben and I continue to grow closer. I am really enjoying getting to know him better.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Pinch Me. I MUST BE DREAMING! I never in my life thought I would hear those words! Of course, they had me beaming from ear to ear. What wonders hearing that does to my self concept. I am so thrilled to be his girl. We took pictures of us together with his cell phone. We are a really cute couple.
Work is going well. I'm not so sure if my teammates (other 5th grade teachers) like me that much, but that is ok. I have other friends in the building. I am really looking forward to learning more about my students in detail, and helping them to succeed academically and personally.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Even if I get pretty tired over the next few weeks, I'm not going to be discouraged by that, because redirecting children and teaching them to follow your procedures and routines is VERY exhausting. Yet, if I don't take the time to do it now, I will end up having to nag all year long, and I CERTAINLY don't want to do that. I love the feeling come October when my classroom is a well oiled machine. I'll keep pressing towards that goal.
I went to Borders last night just to look around. Ben called me, and we ended up meeting to have a late dinner together. I forgot to mention that on Monday night I started the conversation with Ben of some of the mental battles I've had concerning my weight loss. Did I tell him I had surgery yet? No, I didn't. The point for me is that I opened the door. I guess in my mind I needed to stick my toe in to test the waters before diving full force in. His response to what I did share...nothing but love and compassion. Honestly, I didn't expect anything else, but it was still a RELIEF! :)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I am pumped and ready to start my first day back to teaching in the classroom. This is my "seventh" first day of school as a teacher. (One year I started the year as a Literacy Specialist.) Cheers to a great day!
Monday, August 11, 2008
I'll try to post a picture of by "Back to School" outfit tomorrow evening.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
After white water rafting, I need to take some time to reflect and decide what some other goals are that I want to accomplish. :)
Last night Ben and I went to see Batman: The Dark Knight. It was an excellent film, but man was it ever intense. Today I am taking him to meet my grandmother. She is so excited about meeting him. I think it will be a great visit. This afternoon we are discussing the Love and Respect book, and going over a few more questions from the 101 Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged.
Ok, I've procrastinated long enough. I need to actually get moving and become productive for a few hours.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Today is my first offical day of work. I have meetings all day today and Monday. Unlike with my old boss, I am actually looking forward to these meetings because of my principal's vision for our students. I truly feel they will be productive and on target.
I'm going out to see the new Batman movie with Ben tonight. I am looking forward to more time with him. :)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I feel so great!!!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I went to meet Ben and his mom. We were going to go eat, when Ben's mom said she would like to see my classroom. She really enjoyed going to my classroom. Afterwards, we went out to eat a later brunch. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, his mother asked me if I would like to join them for Thanksgiving at the Biltmore Estate. I would be leaving the Friday evening before Thanksgiving, and returning that following Saturday. We would stay three nights at the Biltmore Estate, and the rest of the time at his mom's house. I am going to share a room with her. I AM SO EXCITED!!!
This afternoon I had a meeting for the staff at my GED Center. I was a bit nervous about leading this meeting, because I was allowing all staff to voice their concerns about how the center could be improved. I am also considerably younger than most of the workers under me. I was able to come up with a few immediate solutions to some problems, and the rest are going to take some time to work on, as they were not created overnight. I know I would not have the confidence to lead meetings like this had I been SSMO.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I think one issue that my PCP (and many PCPs may have) is that our society is so big now. When a person my size comes in, I appear to be normal, or even "small." I have also stated earlier that she is on the bigger side herself (not really big, but a bit chunky), and I think perhaps when she sizes me up to herself she thinks I don't need to lose any weight.
Ben came to see my classroom today. He was very complimentary on how it looked. I got to introduce him to a few coworkers as well. Then we went to pick up his mom from the airport and have dinner together. She was a very sweet lady, and we got along very well. Tomorrow we are going for brunch together.
I am off to bed. I want a FULL night's sleep tonight.
Today I am going to see my PCP, and proably get some labs done. I am working at school this morning, and this afternoon I am taking Ben down to see my classroom, and meet some of the people I work with. Then, we are picking up his mom from the airport, and going to dinner. She really seems to like me, I hope this carries through when we spend time together this afternoon and evening.
On Sunday evening while waiting for the crew to get our hot air balloon ready, Ben and I were on the sidelines watching. He decided to sit down, and asked if I was going to do so as well. I said no, because of bugs. (I seem to attract all types of bugs, and end up with a million bug bites. After going to two outdoor dramas this weekend, I didn't want to be closer to any of them that I had to.) He said well you can sit here, and patted his legs. I politely declined. In my head I couldn't believe he would actually think I am light enough to sit on his lap.
Yesterday, I was talking with a woman who used to be my co-worker. She asked if I was ready to stop with my weight loss. I said no, because I still have pockets of fat that I can grab. She said I have that (she is pretty small), and that most people have that. I realize this is true, but I really want to be at the lower end of my BMI range. I want to have some cushion in case I bounce back a few pounds a year or so from now.
Monday, August 4, 2008
I am at that place again. I am TWO pounds from a normal BMI. My body has been parked for a little over a week and a half here. This time I know that I will breakthru, I just have no clue WHEN I will do so. I know in the past eating more has helped me, so I could certainly try that.
I am off to go work in my classroom, then I will be going to the GED center this evening. I am so thrilled that school will be starting in just a few days!
Ben took my picture up in the air:
This summer I was able to go skydiving, riding in a hot air balloon, and horseback riding. The only thing I didn't accomplish was white water rafting. There is still a few more weeks left that I could possibly do that, but I will certainly get it done next summer at the very latest.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I can wear a size 8 dress pants!!! Talk about doing a happy jig in the dressing room. It is so strange how your body always shrinks even when the scale isn't budging. I also bought TWO size small skirts!!! (They are the looser fitting type.)
I held up the pants, and could not believe that my entire body fit into them. I am still in awe of the fact that I am really not as big as I think in my head. Putting on these pants made it tangible.
I bought a pair of size 10 jeans, and they fit very nicely. (I have noticed that I will go down a size in dress pants before I go down a size in jeans.) I was asking the lady at the checkout counter if she felt these jeans ran true to size (since we have so much vanity sizing these days), and she said yes. She said, "I'm an eight." Then proceeds to hold the jeans up to her, and says they look very true to size. (I am also thinking in my head that there is no way I am just one size bigger than her. Why can't I see what is actually there?)
This is the first year of teaching that I will start out as a non-obese person. It thrills me.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Afterwards we came back to my house to start discussing the book we started reading together, Love and Respect. We also started 101 Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged. I told him how hard it was for me to open up to people. I take a really long time to form deep friendships. For example, I worked at a school for five and a half years, and I had three really close friends. While I was nice to everyone, I would only tell personal things to those three people. He has commented that I make friends so easily in new settings. What I keep forgetting to tell him is that if you listen in on the conversation, 95% of it will be me asking questions about the other person's interests, etc. I only tell very general things about myself. This man is worth the investment of getting to know (and in turn me revealing personal things about myself), and I'm going to work on being more open about big questions.
Time to go to ZUMBA class. I can't wait to report back on how I like it. I really hope it lives up to the hype that I've heard about it.
Friday, August 1, 2008
My dentist and her assistant, Mary, were talking about how great I looked. I told them both that I wanted to lose another 15 pounds. The both said that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. I still have several places with good size pockets of fat. I think there is some shock value when people who have known me look at me. They see where I came from and think wow she looks great. While that is wonderful, I still want to get into the middle range of a healthy BMI.
I am stocking up on protein bars, etc at netrition.com. The school year is getting ready to start, and I want a lot of quick and easy products easily at my disposal.
I know it will take work, but I am more confident than ever that I can maintain this weight loss for life. I need to stay diligent, but it can happen.
Off to the dentist. Oh happy days...
I forgot to mention one thing last weekend that sent me into a complete and utter panic. Ben was holding me, and went to lift me off my feet. My body immediately was trasported back into a 393 pound woman. I locked up all my muscles, and didn't let him. I want to be at a weight where a guy could pick me up, but I am by no means there yet. I wonder if in my mind I will ever be there.
Last night at the nursing home, Ben and I visited a lady in her fifties who was SSMO. It was so difficult for me, thinking that I could have been her. (Also thinking that at the rate I was headed, I could have been her in my forties.) My heart broke for her. She couldn't walk at all when she came in. Now she can walk extremely short distances. She cannot sleep flat, because of airway restriction. Seeing this made me even more determined to get these last few pounds off, and try to maintain a healthy weight.
Yesterday on three different occassions Ben mentioned that he could tell I was losing weight. He said I had a very slender waist. Never would I have expected to hear those words from a guy. WOW! Interestingly enough, while he has been saying all these sweet comments, the scale won't budge.