Lesson Learned

Last night my stomach was KILLING ME. I have particularly noticed over the past few weeks how much more I can eat quantity wise. This is to be expected, as over time our stomach is supposed to stretch back out, and our rearranged intestines is what helps DSer's to maintain their weight loss. Even though I am almost 20 months out, I love having the restriction, and want to do the best that I can to maintain the restriction.


Last night, I had a LOT of food. For a regular person, no it was not a lot quantity wise, but for me it certainly was. I didn't feel sick at all. I didn't feel uncomfortable, until about 10 pm. I felt like I had rocks in my stomach, and I was in miserable pain. I was thirsty, but drinking only seemed to make it worse. The feeling finally passed, but did I ever learn a lesson. Moderation is the key. I've read that health expects say you should stop at a 7 and not at a 10 in terms of feeling full. (Ten would mean you feel that after Thanksgiving meal stuffed, and seven being content but not miserable.)


The changes I need to make are:


1. Going back to eating my protein completely first. This is going back to the basics. I need the protein, and it has to be a non-negotiable.

2. Examining the quantities of what I eat in a single sitting. I know I need to eat multiple times a day, but need to work on the quantity of food items. Just because an particular item goes down very well, doesn't mean I need to eat twice as much of it. One example I can think of right now is toast. I have been having two pieces of toast in the morning, and usually in the evening over the past two weeks. I need to scale that back. Perhaps my body would be just fine with one piece of toast in the morning.

A Rant

I went on a small rant with Ben last night. Poor guy. I felt bad afterwards, I guess I just really needed some reassurance. I had called to see if I could meet him to pick up something he had bought for my friend. He said he was going to Dairy Queen with some friends, but I could meet him afterwards. After I hung up, I immediately called back. I asked if he was ashamed to take the fat girl to Dairy Queen. (I also had brought up how one time a few months ago, after we went out, he said he was going to a party at his friend's house, and didn't invite me.) He did everything in his power to reassure me.

We ended up going out to Dennys afterwards, and I got some shrimp. (Mmmmmmm!) At the end of the meal, I had decided I wanted dessert, and he wanted me to assure him that I could eat all of it (in a fun sort of way). I told him that I would do my best. :)

The Day

I ate like CRAP today. Seriously. I have no more fun sized M&M bags in my classroom, and that my friends is a wonderful praise. I wanted to tell one of my kids to guard them and cut me off from them. M&Ms are a big trigger food for me. It doesn't take a second to have them gone either. Well, a handful here and a handful there certainly add up to way too many carbs.

I was proud of how I handled a situation today with one of my students, Andre. He was in a very testy mood, and it escalated when I took the kids to special area this morning. I really thought he was going to go off. I took him back to the classroom, and he was seriously trying to buck everything I said. I finally asked him what gives, why was he acting this way. He spilled everything about how he had a bad morning at daycare, and that it had affected his day thus far. I am happy I took the time to relate to him, and I know we made progress in our relationship.

I am so pumped about Christmas day. :) I saw an article in the paper about adopting a soldier on Christmas Day. I asked Ben about it, and he is game. We are going to pick up a soldier at 8am on Christmas Day, he/she will go to church, my grandmothers (to get a home cooked meal), and something else, before we have to take them back to the base at 9pm. I am very excited about this opportunity to be a blessing to our military in some small way.

Looking Forward to the Weekend...Already

I am ready for the weekend...already. I hope that doesn't make me seem like a bad person. I love my students....I love my job, but for the first time in such a long time my personal life has been so fulfilling, I do look forward to it.

Friday afternoon I am meeting my friend Wendy (who is my best friend that teaches at another school), after that I am going to see my friend Mandi who is in town for a training. On Saturday, I am going to watch my students play basketball. I have three ball players and two cheerleaders so I will get to support several of my students at once. Then, I will get to see Mandi for lunch. Saturday evening I will spend time with Ben. We are going to play Scrabble and pool, go for a walk (on an indoor track), and have dinner. On Sunday after church we are going down to Bardstown to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday.

I have eight more work days until I get a vacation. Woooo Hoooo!

A Crooked Kind of Perfect

I've never read this book, but the title seemed to really fit my thoughts for this post. I have blogged about how fierce the body image fit is right now for me. I am comparing myself to people whose weight is close to mine, and I wonder why my body doesn't look like theirs. I forget that they too have flaws with their body. I have to accept that there are so many different body types out there. My type may be a crooked kind of perfect, but so is everyone elses.

I Sorta Get It

I used to hate those "One Size Fits All" shirts. When I became a teenager, the label changed to "One Size Fits MOST." Ben's mom recently got back from Disney, and brought me a large lounge type shirt from the park. Let me just say I could SWIM in it. I could easily take away 40% of the material, and it would still be plenty roomy. Now I get why thin people couldn't believe there are actually some people who couldn't fit those shirts. Being on the other side of the fence, I remember what that was like as well.

A New Lowest Weight...

We interupt this blog for a new lowest weight...142. I have lost two pounds so far this month. My BMI is now a 22.2. The biggest thing is that it put me to losing a cool 251.6 pounds. I had said how if I were to lose one more pound, I would not be bothered by that because I wanted to be able to say I had lost 250 pounds.

I am going back to bed now. I went to the ER for a bad migraine headache. Now I need to get some extra sleep.

Different Weekend

This weekend has been really different. I guess I really hadn't thought about how much of my weekends revolve around doing things with Ben. Since we are both very busy during the week, the weekend is the best time for us to spend some quality time together. I am not saying it was bad that I spent this weekend without him, but it is so different from what I have become accustomed to doing.

A WOW! (And Other Updates)

I bought my first SIZE FOUR pair of dress pants!!! Woooo Hoooo!!! :)

I also was getting my toaster out this afternoon. I had it stored up high in a cabinet. I brought over a chair, and stood up on top of it, and rooted around in the cabinet for it. For so long I would never stand in these chairs (hardly ever sat in them), because they were so rickety. I didn't even realize how long I had stood on it, and it wasn't moving at all.

Basically for the past month, I have been eating whatever I want. Getting a scary call from my PCP really worried me. Suddenly the number on the scale and the size of my pants took a back seat. I wanted to stay healthy. I have had a truckload of carbs, and to be honest, more of them have been sugar related.

It was fun for a while, but I am ready to go back on my full DS "diet." One thing I was doing was having a large blueberry muffin from Starbucks every work day morning. I am giving that up, and going to a slice (maybe two) of low-carb bread with peanut butter or cream cheese. I am going back to two protein shakes a day. (I was at one this past month.) Especially since I have found protein shakes that I know are very tasty, there is really no reason not to utilize them. I am also going to start doing tuna once a day again. I think Ricotta fluff will also be coming back. I am going back to cheese sticks too.

Last night I took one of my students, Bry'shawn, to have dinner and get ice cream. His mom had written me a really sweet note about how he had matured this school year. She said how she knew that I had a big role in this process. That made me feel really good. Tonight I am going to go to the Oyster Supper fundraiser at my mom's old school.

Wasn't Sure What to Say...

I have mentioned several times before about my best friend who got the lapband. (For newer readers, I am not bashing her. We are all fighting our way out of obesity.) She had not been to her doctor in six months, and had gained 23 pounds. I honestly did not know what to say. She went into this surgery so uneducated. She has not tried to lose weight.

What does her situation do for me? It serves as a stern reminder. The thought of gaining weight back scares the crap out of me. I don't want to be a weight loss statistic. I want to beat the odds. My friend's situation also completely reinforces for me the need for a cap. I have blogged about how most thin people have this....a "something has got to give," point. For me, that point is 150 pounds. I cannot go back over that number. It is so easy to let the weight creep back on.

Now onto things that I completely suck at....

1. Airport Eating: I take the airport as my time to graze as much as I want. I buy nothing but CRAP. I did this when I went down to Colombia and out to Seattle. I know that I won't do this when I travel with Ben later on this month and next month. Why? I would not embarrass myself like that in front of him. The most I will probably do with him is get a cup of Starbucks.

2. Remembering what this whole journey is all about. It is not just about fitting into a certain size of clothing, or achieving a certain number on the scale. This is about my life long health. The decisions I make each day will impact my health in the long term.

3. Realizing that the specifics of my weight are not affecting Ben' (possible) long term plans with me. I think if I were a size 4, if I were 10 pounds lighter, etc...Ben would want to marry me. Again, Ben has done nothing to associate my weight with how much he loves me. He goes overboard to assure me he loves me regardless of my weight. It is just stupid head games that my mind plays. They stink.