People don't succeed because they give up what they want the most, for what they want right now.
This statement is so true. It is easy to not look at the long term effects of making a certain choice. I have stated before that I becase SSMO because of a series of small ineffective choices. No one choice ballooned me up to 393.6 pounds overnight, but continually having what I wanted "in the now" affected me.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Something is Wrong
I went to Cato tonight and found a few things (tops) to purchase, and every single item I tried on I needed a small in. SMALL and ME do not go into the same sentence right? Small is for Barbie types, sorority girls, and the like. (Ok, I'm writing in sentence fragments, sue me.) I am thrilled, but so confused. My brain really does not see myself as this size.
On an unrelated note...
sometimes I forget just how much my students have been forced to grow up so much faster than their peers in other areas. I was talking with a therapist that works in our building today, and he was checking in on a student. This student had witnessed an armed robbery at the beginning of May.
On an unrelated note...
sometimes I forget just how much my students have been forced to grow up so much faster than their peers in other areas. I was talking with a therapist that works in our building today, and he was checking in on a student. This student had witnessed an armed robbery at the beginning of May.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Finally!
After two weeks with no movement down, the scale drops me a pound to 152 pounds. :) That puts my BMI at 23.8, and at a one pound loss for this month. I have now lost a total of 241.6 pounds, and am 7 pounds away from goal!
Off to work now...picking up the pieces after having a substitute is always fun. We have Open House this evening, and I hope to meet some of the parents I have not seen yet.
Off to work now...picking up the pieces after having a substitute is always fun. We have Open House this evening, and I hope to meet some of the parents I have not seen yet.
Monday, September 8, 2008
They Are Back....
Migraines. I have had several in a short time span. I have had four in the past two months. I really don't like this. I am going to set up another doctor appointment to see what newer meds might be available to assist me in decreasing their frequency. It wouldn't be bad (aside from the killing pain) if they didn't knock you out for practically a whole day, and usually the next day or so my body seems on slow motion for getting back into gear.
Going back to bed.
Going back to bed.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Break Thrus That Don't Involve the Scale...
Yesterday, I did a victory dance in the dressing room at Target. I am twelve days into this month and have lost no weight. This is saddening to me. I know I still need to lose a few pounds, and I want to finish this just as strong as I started. Throughout this journey, sometimes when the scale doesn't move, there are breakthrus that happen in other ways. This is so wonderful, because otherwise it could get very discouraging.
I took some pants back to try on. A pair of size 8 jeans fit me very nicely. Then, I tried on the size 6 pair of dress pants, and they FIT! They looked NICE on me. This is my first size six pair of pants! Wooo Hooo!!! I remember asking my mom to hem size 22 pants from Target last November.
Later on that morning, I tried on several pairs of size 6 jeans, and they are certainly within my grasp of reaching soon.
When I started this process, I was hoping to get out of Lane Bryant jeans and buying pants off the internet. Things have evolved so much more than that. I never before thought that I would be in the place that I am right now.
I sometimes wish that we lived in a society where numbers were not so important, but they indeed are. This new number is important in my life because I have never achieved it before, and I have worked hard to attain it.
I took some pants back to try on. A pair of size 8 jeans fit me very nicely. Then, I tried on the size 6 pair of dress pants, and they FIT! They looked NICE on me. This is my first size six pair of pants! Wooo Hooo!!! I remember asking my mom to hem size 22 pants from Target last November.
Later on that morning, I tried on several pairs of size 6 jeans, and they are certainly within my grasp of reaching soon.
When I started this process, I was hoping to get out of Lane Bryant jeans and buying pants off the internet. Things have evolved so much more than that. I never before thought that I would be in the place that I am right now.
I sometimes wish that we lived in a society where numbers were not so important, but they indeed are. This new number is important in my life because I have never achieved it before, and I have worked hard to attain it.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Date Night
Ben and I went bowling after I got out of work yesterday. I scored a 44. Way to go me!!! :)
I still cannot express the relief I feel knowing that Ben knows about my surgery and weight loss efforts. He continues to say words of affirmation and love. Words that I need to hear from someone that I love deeply. I don't take compliments that easy, but when I hear these words from Ben, I know that they are coming from his heart.
I sat in his lap last night, and again I was worried about hurting him. I asked him a few times, to which he reassured me that I was not. He reminded me that I see myself as much much larger than I really am.
I really want to get get to the point where others are so accustomed to seeing me like I am now, that they have forgotten how big I used to be. Not because I am ashamed of where I've been, but somehow I think it will help with my mindset.
Today is going to be a full day, but a great one. I am going to go shopping for some fall/winter clothing, go to the nursing home with Ben, then I am watching the boys this evening. While I am at the boys, my friend Sam may be stopping in.
I still cannot express the relief I feel knowing that Ben knows about my surgery and weight loss efforts. He continues to say words of affirmation and love. Words that I need to hear from someone that I love deeply. I don't take compliments that easy, but when I hear these words from Ben, I know that they are coming from his heart.
I sat in his lap last night, and again I was worried about hurting him. I asked him a few times, to which he reassured me that I was not. He reminded me that I see myself as much much larger than I really am.
I really want to get get to the point where others are so accustomed to seeing me like I am now, that they have forgotten how big I used to be. Not because I am ashamed of where I've been, but somehow I think it will help with my mindset.
Today is going to be a full day, but a great one. I am going to go shopping for some fall/winter clothing, go to the nursing home with Ben, then I am watching the boys this evening. While I am at the boys, my friend Sam may be stopping in.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Goal Achieved...and The Most Fun to Date!
I finally did it last night. I ended up eating dinner with Ben, even though we had not planned to do so. Afterwards, we went back to the seminary, and spent some time together on a bench. He was talking about how a year or so ago, he noted a guy who had his girlfriend sitting on his lap and they were making out pretty intense. So I said, "Want to give that a try?" He was thrilled because that meant that I was consenting to sit on his lap. I sat on his lap, on two different occassions last night, and we kissed. Man did we ever kiss!
It felt so good to be able to sit on his lap. Although my mind was working against me for some time, I was too busy enjoying kissing to pay much attention. Trust me, there will be more of sitting in Ben's lap in the very near future!
It felt so good to be able to sit on his lap. Although my mind was working against me for some time, I was too busy enjoying kissing to pay much attention. Trust me, there will be more of sitting in Ben's lap in the very near future!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Why It Is Important To Have Goals....
Jeanette, aka Pasta Queen, says....
"I'm very proud of all that I have accomplished, but I don't want to be waving my fat pants around 20 years from now and saying it's the only thing I've accomplished. It is time to evolve."
I can relate to Pasta Queen's quote. My dad was saying to me the other day how I should be about done with all my big goals, etc. I said yes I am, now it is time to dream up another list. Yes, some of them will still directly relate to my weight loss, but others I just want to continue to live my life to the fullest. I love the concept of evolving.
"I'm very proud of all that I have accomplished, but I don't want to be waving my fat pants around 20 years from now and saying it's the only thing I've accomplished. It is time to evolve."
I can relate to Pasta Queen's quote. My dad was saying to me the other day how I should be about done with all my big goals, etc. I said yes I am, now it is time to dream up another list. Yes, some of them will still directly relate to my weight loss, but others I just want to continue to live my life to the fullest. I love the concept of evolving.
Reluctantly I Agree... Point Proven
I had a great weekend with Ben. We spent from 2:30 until about 10:30 together last night. Towards the end of the evening, he gets up, and sits in MY lap. He said, "Now see, if I can sit in your lap, and it doesn't hurt you, then you can sit in my lap." I go on to tell him that I only weigh 42 pounds less than he does. He assures me that this makes no difference. I am going to do it soon. Heck, I've been dying to give it a try! :)
My school is a "Health Promotions School of Excellence," which I don't mind, and actually am happy that we have that emphasis. Here is the kicker....at this school TEACHERS have to weigh the students. WHAT? I remember the trauma of being weighed when I was younger, and I don't want to be the person inflicting it. Do I have the students step backwards on the scale, as not to diminish their self esteem? Do I raise a fuss, and not do it at all? I am so confused here.
My school is a "Health Promotions School of Excellence," which I don't mind, and actually am happy that we have that emphasis. Here is the kicker....at this school TEACHERS have to weigh the students. WHAT? I remember the trauma of being weighed when I was younger, and I don't want to be the person inflicting it. Do I have the students step backwards on the scale, as not to diminish their self esteem? Do I raise a fuss, and not do it at all? I am so confused here.
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