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From Back in Skinny Jeans:

Loss for 2007...

Here is a recap of what I have lost since March 26, 2007:

I have lost 179.6 pounds.

For the month of December, I have lost 10 inches.

From September 1-December 31, I have lost a total of 67 inches. That is over five and a half feet off my body! (How I wish I had kept track of this all along!)

"Inches make champions." - Vince Lombardi

Not bad at all! :)

Woooo Hoooo!!!!!

Mini Goals...

Tia talks a lot about mini goals. She has broken down several goals she wants to achieve. I have come up with several I want to achieve in 2008.

Goals:

1. Reach ONEDERland. (199)
2. Lose half my body weight. (Reach 196.8)
3. Have an overweight BMI. (191 pounds)
4. Begin running. (180 pounds)
5. Doctor's Goal Weight for Me/Skydiving (175 pounds)
6. Reach First Personal Goal Weight (165 pounds)

I know it is going to take me a while to reach goal, but having these several mini goals will give me plenty to celebrate along the way. This year is going to be the year I achieve so much as far as being physically healthy and active. I can't wait.

Running

I have expressed before that I have a desire to become a runner. I don't want to run until I am below 200 pounds. I may even wait until I am at 180 before beginning running. I have a left ankle injury from years ago, and don't want to put any undue stress on that ankle. The less I weigh, the less stress I will place on that ankle.

I am very inspired by John "The Penguin" Bingham, who began running at 43, being overweight. I ordered three of his books tonight off of Amazon. I figure getting myself mentally prepared to run will be one of the biggest obstacles I will face as I lose the weight that I want to lose in order to start running. Here are the books I ordered:

• The Courage to Start: A Guide to Running for Your Life
• No Need for Speed: A Beginner's Guide to the Joy of Running
• Running for Mortals: A Commonsense Plan for Changing Your Life with Running

I held off on getting his book "Marathoning for Mortals." I'd love to complete one, but that is certainly a way off!

My Mom

I had a pretty serious conversation with my mom yesterday. I talked with her about getting the DS. My mom weighs about 265, so she would be considered a lightweight. Here is why I think she should....DIABETES. Her side of the family has a history of diabetes, and she has been monitoring her sugar now for over a year. She is very close to going on insulin shots. With the cure rate of Type II diabetes (being 99%), I think she would be a fool not to consider it. I believe she would be covered under her insurance, and could have her DS done with Dr. Inman in Indianapolis. Even if my mom only lost 50 pounds, getting the diabetes under control for life would be awesome. I'll keep you posted.

From Post Secret...

Looking Foward to 2008...

New Book

I am currently reading Dr. Ben Carson's Take the Risk. Dr. Carson has an amazing personal story, and is a man I greatly admire. I just started the book tonight. I have taken a lot of academic risks in my life. I have hidden behind my weight in taking social and physical risks. Well, many of the physical risks I was simply unable to do because of my weight. Now that I am shedding the weight, I want to work on taking more risks. I have lived my life in this obese cocoon, and I want out.

I don't just want to plan pie in the sky physically challenging activities...I want to accomplish them. I want to overcome my shyness and socialize more. I'm not far into the book, but something that I really liked was how Dr. Carson analyzes risk. He asks these four questions:

* What is the best thing that can happen if I do this?
* What is the worst thing that can happen if I do this?
* What is the best thing that can happen if I don't do this?
* What is the worst thing that can happen if I don't do it?

Treadmill

I have started walking on my treadmill again. It has been some time since I have walked on it. I cannot explain it, but it is so much EASIER walking on it now. I am not doing an incline or anything, but it just feels easier to do on my body. I still think I am getting a good workout, but just in a different way. I am up to walking at 3.3 miles per hour. I need to get in a daily treadmill habit so I can complete the 5K/10K this year as one of my goals.

The other good news is I should have two new career options should I ever grow tired of my current one. Whenever I walk, all I ever watch is the Food Network and HGTV. So, perhaps I'll be a chef in my next life or a home repair specialist.

I am due for a big weight drop soon. Looking forward to that GREATLY. I am also eager to record my measurements and see how many inches I dropped for this month, and to see how many inches I've dropped since September 1 (when I began recording them).

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From Back in Skinny Jeans:

Interesting Article...

Extra Weight, Extra Sick Days...

So what do you think???

A Scare...

I had a big scare for about an hour and a half last night. I had some roast beef (which is a routine snack for me), and about 15 minutes later, I start getting awful abdominal pains. The pains persisted for some time. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I alternated from pacing slowly up and down my hallway to sitting on the toilet. Nothing was helping me!!! I called my parents and put them on standby to take me to the ER. I have been so blessed not to have had any complications thus far. As a self-pay, I was especially worried about going to the ER, knowing that the bill would end up in my hands.

I looked up small/large bowel obstruction. I had a few of the symptoms, but did not think it was that. Finally, the pain subsided. What a relief. It truly did freak me out. I guess I just had really bad gas or something. I felt better last night, and feel fine now.

Randomness...

I tried on a pair of the pointed toe dress shoes that are in style now. NOT going to happen for me. When I tried them on, they looked like ELF shoes on me. It is a cute style, but my big feet cannot pull them off.

My best friend Mandi got engaged. She is engaged to a complete loser. I've talked with her about him several times, but she still persists. I told her she is an adult, and I will support her choices. She is planning an August wedding. We were talking about bridesmaid dresses, and Mandi brought up something that shocked me. She said, I bet you will be in a 14 by then. WOW...me, a 14!!!! Also thinking...that is eight months from now, I could very well be SMALLER than that by next August (and hopefully so)!

I still cannot get over how the DS has changed my perception of food. I hope to one day be able to adequately put the changes into words that really describe how different my life is now.

PCP Visit...First KADS Meeting

I had a great visit with my PCP. The nurse used the regular blood pressure cuff on me!!! It has been so many years since I have used this, I cannot remember the last time I've had the normal one used for me! :)

It has been two months since I have seen my PCP. I have lost 30 pounds according to her scales. I don't know why, but it always seems more tangible when I weigh at the Y or at my PCP's office as far as my actual weight loss.

My PCP is thrilled with my progress. I talked with her about goal weight. I told her that my normal BMI range is 130-159 pounds. She said that comes with a +/- 10%. She said she would be thrilled for me to reach 175. I still would personally like to reach 150.

Most importantly: I got my prescription for FLAGYL!!!! WOOO HOOO!!!

I got to meet Vicki today, and we had our first Kentucky Area Duodenal Switch Support Group meeting at Cheddars. She is such a sweetheart! She is a pre-op, and her surgery will be in April. It is a blessing to finally be able to start a support group for people who have had our surgery. Here is a picture of us together:

Nine Months Post-Op

Today I am nine months post op. I weigh 215 today. I have lost a total of 17 pounds for the month. I have lost a grand total of 178.6 pounds. I am not taking any pictures today because I took a bunch yesterday.

These numbers give me hope that I will see three major goals by my one year anniversary. Those goals are: 1) To have an "overweight" BMI, 2) To be in ONEderland, 3) to have lost 50% of my body weight from my pre-op weight.

The Current Stats:

• I have shaved 27.9 points off my BMI.
• I have lost 73.3% of my excess body weight.
• I have lost 45.3% of my weight from the time of surgery.
• I am 65 pounds from pre-plastics GOAL.
• I am 24 pounds from an "overweight" BMI.
• I am 16 pounds from ONEderland.

Life is good. I feel great!!!

Photo Comp....

My mom found two pictures of me from last year. They are from November and December 2006. December 2007

Scroll down to the bottom of my blog for my Christmas 2007 slide show pictures!

Casting Crowns - East to West

Excellent!

Merry Christmas

Forgot to Mention

The YMCA has a ROCKWALL!!! It is 27 feet tall. It is made of AWESOME!!! I SO WANT to do this!!!

PCP Visit on Thursday

When I go to the doctor I make lists, so I don't forget to talk with them about anything. Here is the list so far...

1. Discussion of Goal Weight
2. Going over my current vitamin schedule
3. ACNE medication
4. Flagyl - it's time folks, really, long overdue
5. Setting up my next set of bloodwork
6. Want her to run a urine test to make sure I don't have a kidney infection. This is per the request of my grandmother. My lower back has been hurting for about a week, and there is no real explanation for it.

I also want to get her some sort of small gift as a token of appreciation for all of her follow up care since my DS. She really has went above and beyond. She has really studied up on it, and made phone calls when she was uncertain of things. Anytime I have been worried or concerned about something related to my DS, she always makes sure that she gives me an appointment for that day. I'm going to make an effort to look for something at Hallmark the day after Christmas.

Quote

From Back in Skinny Jeans....

I really like this quote because it represents a lot of feelings that I have concerning some goals I want to reach in the 2008 year.

"Once an overweight couch potato with a glut of bad habits, including smoking and drinking, at the age of 43 Bingham looked mid-life in the face—and started running. Since then, he has completed 40 marathons and hundreds of 5K and 10K races—and developed a whole new outlook." www.johnbingham.com

From Post Secret...

Finally OFF!

I am so happy to be OFF for a few days. My patience was getting pretty short the last few days before break. I don't have a lot of big plans while I am off, but I really like it that way. :)

I am debating joining the YMCA. I so wish that I had a workout partner. It would be nice to have someone to do exercising with. I have two pieces of gym equipment at home, but really like the idea of having access to weights, the swimming pool, aerobics classes, etc. I like the community aspect of the Y too. If I am serious about wanting to be in a 5K, 10K, etc...there would be others there training for the same goal. I was very interested in a cycling class that they offered. The other advantage is how close the Y is to my house. It is about 1/2 a mile from my condo. I could not ask for anything more as far as distance. I am going to make up my mind in the next few days. The promotions that they offer at the first of the year are just too good to pass up.

I'm not sure what it is worth, but I recently redid my body fat analysis on my elliptical machine. I did it awhile back and I had "greater than 48.8%" body fat. (That was as high as the machine would go. I did it a few days ago, and it said my body fat was 38.8%. I love the decrease! I bet the Y has more sophisticated machines that could analyize my body fat. I might consider doing that.

My Thighs...

I spent some time looking at my thighs this morning. The fat is really starting to "break up" in that area. It is not a huge solid mass anymore. I hope that this continues. I am still losing in my thighs when I record my measurements each month, but the smallest amount of loss is always in the thigh area. Suddenly, I now notice that "cottage cheese" type fat that many people talk about who have been SMO for a long time. I certainly have the beginnings of the sharpee thighs. I honestly think that a Lower Body Lift will be my first plastic surgery!

Body Image Issues...Brain Operation Needed....

The scale says I weigh 215, but I don't feel it myself. When I look in the mirror I still see my thunder thighs, a pooching stomach, and other areas with fat. Yet my scale says I weigh 215 today. Before my DS, I really just tried to avoid looking in the mirror at all...I guess I had simply gotten so big I couldn't even stand to look at myself. Now that I am losing weight, I am often in front of the mirror for extended periods of time.

Another example of this body dysmorphia I seem to be developing....Yesterday, I was talking with my secretary saying how I wish that I could be thin like her for Christmas. She gave me the strangest look and said, "I'm a size 22." I thought to myself, "Holy Smokes, I never really saw myself as being smaller than her...yet I am."

So at what point does your head catch up with your physical body? I mean I am almost at the point where I realize that no matter what chair I sit down in, I'm not going to break it. That one aspect alone has taken me almost nine months! The mental aspect of this surgery really does take some getting accustomed to, especially if you have been SMO as long as I have been.

The one thing I am most thankful for by having the DS is that for the first time in my life, I feel like I am in control. Not only am I in control, but when I make the right choices, I typically see good results. It is such an empowering feeling after years and years of failure with dieting. The DS is a powerful tool!

KADS

Kentucky Area Duodenal Switch Support group is forming. We are small in numbers (3), but it is nice to have a network of support. I really feel our numbers will grow over time, as the word about the DS grows, and the fact that we are not far from several surgeons.

We are going to have our first meeting next week. FUN TIMES!

:)

I just realized that I am 18.7 pounds from losing 50% of my body weight!!! That is so wild to me, that I will soon be half the size I was when I went into surgery. That number will also put me a few pounds into ONEDERLAND!

Knowing this will really affect how I eat over the next few days. I have a lunch and a dinner to attend on Saturday, and Christmas with my family on Christmas day. Yes, I know that I can have a small bit of "anything", and its OK. Yet, I know that keeping with high protein/low carb food will give me the best weight loss results. Looking at how close I am to these TWO major milestones, the food is really not worth it. I can always have a piece of pumpkin pie or a bit from a casserole dish. These food items just seem very petty now because I want to reach these two milestones desperately. I want to finish the next three months (which will be my one year post-op anniversary) out with gazelle intensity!!!

Now, I need to keep my head clear. It is so easy to crunch numbers and make predictions of when I will reach what goal. Each step in the right direction is a positive one.

One Moment in Time

This song is very motivational to me. I feel like the DS has given me more than just "one moment in time"...but as many moments as I am willing to grasp. No, I will never be an Olympic athlete, but I will certainly have my priceless moments, some have already happened, but so many more are yet to come.

Working in an Office SUCKS!!!!

Well it really sucks around the holidays!!! All these people do is eat, and eat, and eat. Of course, all the food is loaded with carbs/sugars. I have thrown so much food away that people keep shoving in my face. I am proud of myself for resisting it. I only have two more days to resist! Thank heavens!

Day Three...

I just finished my third day of working out. Slowly but surely, I am getting back into the routine of things. It is really not bad at all. I want to feel better, and exercise helps me to accomplish this goal.

I do two quirky things when I exercise on the elliptical. One...I do most of the workout with my eyes closed. I have no clue why...wait, oh yes I do. When I first started using the elliptical machine in college, there were mirrors right across from me. I hated watching myself workout. GAG. Two...I do my elliptical machine workout in my flip flops. Since it is such low impact, the type of shoes that I am wearing really does seem to matter.

Well, off to work. Only two more days left in this week, then I am off until January 3rd! Woo hoo!

Officially Changing My Goal Weight For the Last Time

I have tossed my goal weight back and forth for some time. Last night I met Lori, and I know what she weighs because of how her weight loss ticker is set up. (I don't have the courage to walk up to people who I think look very healthy and ask them what their weight is.) Lori currently weighs 168 and looks amazingly healthy!!! (She also said she was a size 12.)

I am setting my goal weight at 150 pre-plastics. If I go below that, it will be a bonus. I know that will be a great healthy weight for me.

I can do this. I will do this.

Indy Get Together!!!

I HAVE A DATE!!!!!!!!

May 24th I will be going SKYDIVING!!!!

Woooo Hoooo!!!

Inching Closer to "Average"...

I have mentioned before in previous posts how I am starting to feel more and more normal out in public. I don't feel like my size makes me stick out like a sore thumb anymore. Just for curosity sake, I googled to find out some information about the "average" American woman.

According to the Center for Disease Control (2002):
"The average female weight is 164.3 pounds. The average adult BMI is 28."

This is from an unofficial source....The average female clothing size is a size 14.

Slowly but surely, I am creeping towards becoming average. I have always excelled in everything I've put my mind to....so I intend to become way above average by the time everything is said and done.

Feeling Amazing!

I worked out on the elliptical for 35 minutes this morning. It has been some time since I have been on the elliptical. It felt so good. I think something that I will start to notice about exercising is that the more I lose weight, the easier exercising will become and the better I will feel. The more I exercise, the more I will lose weight. They go hand in hand, I just have to make the choice to exercise. Exercising will become easier every few pounds I lose. It will feel easier on my body to exercise when I weigh 210, 200, 190, etc. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I will be able to "push" my body in ways that were not physically possible when I was at a much higher weight.

One day at a time. I will get there, I just need to focus on slow and steady....it one the race for the turtle, and it will help me to do the same.

Also, I am down two more pounds. Today I weighed in at 216 pounds! :) I have lost 45.1% of my body since the day I had WLS. I have lost 67.4% of my excess weight. I am 25 pounds from an "overweight" BMI. I am 16 pounds from ONEderland!

Going to ....

The Indy DS gathering tomorrow night!!! :) I am so excited. There is no DS network closeby. I am so pumped to get to be with fellow DSers. If you live near a support group, don't forget how lucky you are! Take advantage of it!!! If not, there are still plenty of resources for you via Obesity Help, Duodenalswitch.com, and DS blogs.

Pictures will be coming soon!

Encouragement

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:1-3

Survived!!!

I survived my dad's family holiday event. I hardly spoke to anyone. One person complimented me on how I looked. At least there was nothing that turned ugly. The one cousin that I was expecting to say something nasty, she didn't speak to me. Good thing I'm not crying tears over that one!

Tonight was my immediate family Christmas. We had to have it early, because of my brother and sister's crazy work schedules. We had a really good time. I did really good on the eating front. I had some country ham, and that was all. I tried on several of the things I got tonight and they fit well. When I was with my mom, I bought them super tight in hopes that they would fit. It it a great feeling! :)

I have a work party tomorrow and one on Friday for lunch. Hopefully, I can get through those without having to worry about any food stuff. I like my boring food and staying away from temptations as often as possible.

I am off from Christmas Eve through January 2nd. I am looking forward to the break.

Like a Lamb Being Lead To Slaughter...

I am off to my family reunion!!! Pray for me, I'm sure this is going to be one "fun" day. I've always felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole with my dad's family. With my WLS, now I know I will even more so feel that way.



Here is what I am wearing:
The sweater is a size 18/20, and the pants are size 18.

Some Goals for 2008...

Here are a few things I would like to accomplish in 2008:

1. Reach ONEderland.
2. Reach my Weight Loss GOAL. (The exact number remains to be determined.)
3. Go Skydiving.
4. Go for a ride in a hot air balloon.
5. Go white water rafting.
6. Participate in a 5K and a 10K walk.
7. Start running.
8. Be able to take a bubble bath with room to spare in the bathtub.
9. Stay diligent with protein, vitamins, water, bloodwork, and doctor's visits.
10. Be able to wear a single digit clothing size. (Thus being able to buy clothing in any store I want.)
11. Get some nice professional pictures made once I reach goal.
12. Work on socializing more.
13. Continue to work on becoming debt free.
14. Be able to comfortably wear panty hose.

I'm sure there will be more....but for now this is all I can think of.

Just Realized...

I am now officially below the lowest weight I lost down to on Phen-Phen (which was back in 1997-98). Before that, I was probably at this weight in seventh grade. (WOW, I am at the lowest weight I have been in 16 years. That is unbelievable!)

I feel better physically than I have in years. I guess I was so fat (and had been for so long) I really had no idea just how tired and run down I was feeling. It is nice not feeling so physically dead tired. Movement seems effortless. Nothing I do in my day to day routine exhausts me. On a random note, several people have complimented me lately on how healthy my skin looks.

I think I am going to go to my PCP and get on a prescription for Flagyl. Many DSers are on this as a routine prescription, and I think it would be helpful to me. Heck, at this point, I already take so many pills...what is a few more!

Another WOW: Yesterday at the consignment store, I bought a pair of Liz Claiborne size 1X velour black pants. On the tag, it had written 1X (16)! WOOT! WOOT!

Taking a Rest...

I think I am going to be hitting my first plateau. I am down a pound from the three pounds that I shot up. I just think my body is tired of losing weight so fast. I think it is ready for a rest. I can understand this, I just don't want it to be a long rest. Mentally, if that is the case, I will have a hard time dealing with it. I am almost at the half way point of my weight loss window, and I still have quite a bit of weight that I want to lose.



I don't mind slow progress, but I really do need progress. Hopefully, I will show progress when I measure my inches this month. Some days I also just think that I truly need perspective. For example, I have gone from a size 28 (in August) to now a comfortable size 18 in December. I have gone down a size a month in my pants. That is a great accomplishment. Yet, I can't wait to be in a 16, and will be THRILLED to be in a size 14! I don't know if I will ever reach goal (or even what that goal is), but I want to be able to shop in normal stores.



I am still not certain if I had an addiction to food as a pre-op, but I certainly did have a fascination with it. I would think all day about what I was going to eat. (Now, I don't really think about what I want to eat, instead I do a mental tally of carbs and protein grams all day.) Food does not really have that kind of hold on me anymore. One interesting thing is cravings. I will get a "craving" for something, so I will go out and order it. Last night it was a piece of Long John Silvers Fish. I got it, and I ate about half of it, and didn't even want it anymore. Food does not give me the mental satisfaction that it once did. It is just food. It is fuel for my body. Gee, maybe I'm starting to use it how it was intended all along.



I am sure I am going through the same emotions that countless other WLS patients have gone through. It is nice to have this blog to get them out. I hope it helps others in their journey as well.

This Time of Year...

When you stop letting all the holiday buzz get to you, this time of year can be really lonely. Meaning, this is a hard time of the year not to have a significant other. I really wish I were in a serious dating relationship with a man. I'm not so sure I am ready for marriage, but I would like a steady relationship.

I hate going to holiday gatherings alone. I don't want to settle for just anyone, but a little hope on the dating front would be nice.

Shopping Today

I stopped in the consignment store today. It was out by where my meetings were being held. I bought two pairs of size 18 pants. One was made by Coldwater Creek and the other was Ralph Lauren. I've never been able to wear any "mainstream" brands of clothing. I really thought they would run super small and I would not be able to fit into them. I was so amazed that they fit.

The scale still stinks. :(

Driving Me Nuts: The Scale!!!

I am up 4 pounds. This has happened over the course of the past three days. What pisses me off is that I have been following all the rules. I am eating low carb, and high protein/fat. This happened to me a few months back. It really is frustrating. As a DSer, I am used to staying the same for some time, even dropping weight.

Of course, I have a lot of fears shooting back into my head that I will fail my DS or that I have broken it. Those thoughts had actually been out of my mind for quite some time.

SIGH!

SICKO

I watched the documentary "Sicko" tonight about our health care system. WOW. I am so disgusted. As someone who was denied WLS, and self-payed, this documentary is an eye opener. I realize they are a business, but this is unbelievable. I do know that the CEO of Humana a few years back made $25 million as his salary. This was not counting stock options/bonuses, etc.

I was wearing a size 20 pair of pants today, and they were dragging the ground. They were way too big. I have to get some smaller pants.

Two Comments...

Yesterday I had two really feel good comments.

The first came as I was leaving the school where I used to work. A parent of a former student of mine yelled at me from the carpool line, and said that I was looking really good. When her son had me as a teacher, I wasn't even at my heaviest.

The second came from a secretary in our department. She asked if I was about ready to start "maintaining" my weight. This is no where near true, but the thought was very nice.

Enjoy the day.

Current Picture

Here is a current picture of me (218 pounds) front and side. Looking at these pictures makes it easy for me to see where the other 88 pounds I need to lose is going to come from. The shorts are a size 18/20 and the tank top is a 1X. I debated putting these pictures, because it shows a lot of my fat outside of clothes. This blog is about my journey, and it is just that a journey...I have not arrived at a destination yet.

I Bought

I bought Leslie S.'s "Walk Away the Pounds" DVD. I am really going to try to get back into working out. I really liked working out in the morning and evening. Having the Walk Away the Pounds would provide me some variety. Bottom line is: I HAVE TO GET MOVING!!!

I also got the IPOD Shuffle that clips on your clothes. I have a regular IPOD, but like the portability of the Shuffle. I live near a really awesome park, and look forward to working towards running by summer.

I am SO CLOSE to making my skydiving reservation for late May. I really want it to be something officially tangible that I am working towards. Calling and making a reservation would really make this REAL. Just like when I got my surgery date. It became real, not just something out there that "might" happen. Hopefully, I will get the courage up in a few days. It will be my Christmas gift to myself.

I No Longer Qualify...

for weight loss surgery!!! My BMI is 34.1 as of today. For insurance purposes, most require a BMI of 40 or greater, or a BMI of 35 with co-morbidities. This is going down as a WOW in my book!

Down...

3 more pounds! Weighed in at 218 this morning! That is a total loss of 175.6 pounds! Sometimes how much weight I have lost almost seems surreal. I have busted my butt for 6 months at a time and been "thrilled" to have lost 30-40 pounds on Weight Watchers. That is not even counting how miserable I was the entire time doing the program.

Ok, back to the clothing thing again. I guess part of my frustration is where I carry my extra weight. It seems like that area is the slowest to lose. As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, from about mid-waist up, I look completely normal. I don't really look obese (that is if I can hide my ugly arms!). I have a ton of excess weight in my thighs and hips. I still think I am a ways away from being able to wear a size 16, even though many people at my weight can wear that size. I know that really targeting exercises might help some, but I just need to accept the fact that the fat there is very clingy, and is only going to depart very slowly with a whole lot of kicking and screaming.

For those of you with kids out there, they have a children/teen BMI calculator. Here is the link:
http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/Calculator.aspx

Clothing Frustration...

I have a few holiday functions that are coming up, and I would like to put forth a bit of extra effort in looking nice, but my body is not cooperating. Nothing I try on looks good. Have I gotten super picky since losing weight about my clothes? Prior to WLS, as long as it "covered" me, I was set. Now, I actually want clothes to fit properly, yet hid as many of my physical flaws as possible. Shopping is hard when your body is trying to figure out what shape it wants to be.

I am going to go to the upscale consignment store on Tuesday, and see if I can luck up and find anything there. I have had quite a bit of luck there in the past. If I can't find anything, I am just going to give up, and wear something that I have in my closet.

The good news....in trying on many tops/sweaters, I am swearing a 14/16 in tops. If the top is really long I need an 18 because of the hips. I even tried on a pair of 16s just for kicks. I've still got a ways before I can wear them.

At least my hair will look good for the holiday festivities. I am going to get it cut and colored on Monday. I am tempted to get it permed, but you can't color and perm at the same time. I am also a bit leery of perms since my last perm experience (5th grade) was NOT a positive one. We'll see what I come out with. I have grey hair now, not a lot, but enough that I have to start coloring it. Fun times.

Skydiving Details

I just got off the phone with the skydiving place. There is no restriction on my height. I have to be 185 pounds to jump. Maybe by the beginning of summer I can skydive. I would actually like to be about 10 pounds under that weight before skydiving. No need taking any additional risks when you are jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet.

Can We Just Be Done Already???

Sorry today is one of those days. This post is pretty much going to be negative. I just want to be done with losing weight already. (No, I don't want to stop at my current weight, I'm just talking about the process.) I've been obese for 2/3 of my life. Most of that time I have been Super Morbidly Obese. I would like to close this LONG LONG chapter of my life.

I haven't lost steam...I'm still following the rules, just tired of it all.

Ok, two-year old tantrum is over. Back to your regularly scheduling programming.

STOP THE PRESS!!!

Today I was in a meeting and I crossed my legs. THEN, My legs fit UNDER the table WHILE CROSSED!!! WOOOO HOOOO!!!! This is certainly a wow that I have been waiting for! No more bruised knees from knocking my knee against the table.

Interesting

When you buy gas at the pump (you almost have to now if you live in a large city like me) things such as chips or other snacks don't follow you back into the car. It is better for me just to not go in gas station stores, just another place for temptation that I don't need.

I think I would like to get my feet measured by a nice shoe store. I know that I have went down in shoe size, I'm just not sure by how much. On one pair of dress shoes the difference is quite substantial.

Nothing else of note going on. I need to work on getting a social life.

Proud That I No Longer...

My dad and friends used to always say they couldn't understand why I wasn't thin, especially considering what I ate. I guess I always tried to have some self-respect and dignity, so my pig out sessions were always in private. I was ashamed for people to know what I ate at home. The biggest part of any WLS is that it only works on your body, not your head. I am so glad of some of the changes I have made. I am proud that I no longer...(I think I have written a post like this previously, but for some reason, I need to say it again for myself.)

• Order a Large Thin crust meat lovers pizza, 2 liter of coke, and family size order of cheese sticks....and polish that off in the course of two meals.
• Stop at the drive thru two times a day. Always "super sizing" my meals and drinks.
• Buy two batches of those "just bake" cookies, and eating all of them in the course of a week.
• Pick up two candy bars any time I was at a checkout (buying gas, a coffee, etc.)
• Always getting a dessert when I went out to eat.
• Ordering salmon, mashed potatoes, a dessert, and the cheesy-bacon fries from Outback once a week curbside.
• That I no longer eat the portion size that an NFL lineman needs to eat in order to maintain his weight.
• Happy I don't feel like I always need something in my mouth.
• Downing coke like there was no tomorrow. Easily drinking 4-6 cans a day.

After reading over this list, which is by no means exhaustive, it sure makes me feel good that now my only indulgence is five sugar free dove chocolates a day. I am not justifying my replacement behavior, but compared to what I did as a pre-op, it is certainly a MAJOR improvement.

Bored with Food

I have stated before that I really don't have an appetite. I have not had one hunger pang since having my DS. I primarily eat by the clock. I do this so I don't look at the clock at 8:00 at night and realize I need to drink several protein drinks before going to bed.

I am getting bored with the food choices I currently have. This seems to be a long term pattern for me. I will eat something until I am completely sick of it. I need to get creative. Many people have been doing extremely well living on an Atkins-like diet for years. I just have to put my mind to it.

The cool thing is that I don't really miss a lot of things that I used to eat pre-op. For example: bread. Yes, it is ok, but not something I am "dying" for. The few times I've had bread, I honestly felt bloated. Other things that I surprisingly don't miss are: pizza, most fast food items (I was a big fast food junkie), and many sweets. I count not missing those things as major blessings! I would love to be able to incorporate fruit back into my diet, but know that is not possible at this time. A few months back fruit would actually make me more sick to my stomach than having something really rich (such as a small sliver of chocolate cake).

I've Lost...

I seem to have lost the 9+ month old child that I was carrying around. I was looking in the mirror today and saw my side profile. I don't look pregnant anymore. Yes, there is still fat there, but I am looking more close to "normal." I've wanted for all my life to be "normal" size wise, and it feels weird that day by day I am starting to get there. It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I am not as huge as an elephant anymore. I wish I had been taking side profile pictures all along to notice the change in that area. I know having excess weight in the stomach area is the most dangerous place to have it.

My Reward for When I Reach ONEDERLAND

I have tossed many things back and forth in my head about how I will celebrate hitting ONEDERLAND, but I have decided I am going to go

SKYDIVING!!!!!

I have already emailed the local place to find out about height and weight restrictions. I am hoping that 199 will let me in. I've heard they will go up to 235 (usually for males). This past eight months really has been an amazing ride, and I want to do something BIG when I hit ONEDERLAND. I am ordering the video of my skydiving adventure when I do it, and will post it to the blog!

Life is Good...

I am at home, sitting in my size XL (16/18) flannel PJs. A year ago, who would have thought it? Very very nice.

Jazzercise

I am considering going back to Jazzercise. I went back at the end of high school when I was losing weight on phen-phen. I felt accepted there. The routines are not too complicated to learn. After you learn some basic steps, it gets much easier. I would like to be in a workout type community, but don't want to go the gym path right now.

I have also been checking out different workout videos. I have Netflix, so I thought about renting several until I found one that was workable to me. That way I would not be stuck with something that I would never use.

Regardless, working out has to become a way of life for me. I need it. It makes my body feel good. I feel like I am accomplishing something worthwhile.

WOW

I've dropped 11 pounds in one week! The DS is so cool! Yes, I have to do my part, but I can honestly say that I have never had an easier time losing weight in my life. After all these years of struggle, it is really nice not to have to struggle each day. I will dig my heels in and keep plugging away knowing that the DS will be there to help all the way.

On an unrelated note...I have the most excess weight in my thighs. They are much smaller than before, but still they are big. If pants are going to be tight on me anywhere, it will always be the thigh area hands down. I wish that I could really "target" that area, but I know that my body will lose there as it wants. Thunder thighs be gone!!!

I should be most thankful that my stomach area is shrinking. That is the area that is always worrisome to doctors because of all the diseases (diabetes, etc.) that it could lead to.

Changing My Goal Weight...

I am revising my goal weight back to my original one: 130 pounds. I have been thinking about the 10 "rebound" pounds, and I want to have a little bit of cushion. I don't know if I will keep it at this number, but for right now, it sounds really good. Part of me wants to get there, just to know what it would feel like. I also want to be at the lower end of normal as far as BMI is concerned. I know I can get to goal, whatever that final goal ends up being. Tonight it is 130 pounds.

WOW...Immediate Post-Op Picture Comparison

My mom found one of my pictures with Dr. Huacuz after I had surgery. I believe she took three or four. (I willl try to post more as she finds them.) I cannot believe it. It really amazes me just how far that I have come.

Thank you Dr. Huacuz for saving my life!!!

Eight Months Later...

Who Knew?

Today, I was drying off, and I wondered...will the bath towel fit all the way around my body? Guess what....IT DID!!! Who knew that a bath towel was supposed to COVER your entire body. This is coming from a girl who used to use HUGE BEACH TOWELS to dry off each day.

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!

Inches Lost for the Month...

For the month of November I have lost...

18 inches!!!

From September 1-November 30 I have lost a grand total of...

57 inches!!!

That is over 4.75 FEET!!!

My waist is 36", and my hips are 49".

I keep looking at stores online (the ones that I never even bothered with as a pre-op because I knew they wouldn't have anything to fit me). I look at their clothing sizes for women's, and realize that I can actually WEAR their clothes. Over the holidays I might actually brave going into some of these stores just to try things on for fun. I really am going to try to hold out and not buy any new clothes until spring. Anything else I get at this point will be from the consignment store. There is one super nice store that has a large plus sized selection. I can't wait until I hit size 14, because there are several more upscale consignment stores that I should be able to shop in at that point.

I have lost

71.8% of my excess weight!!!

It's Early

I am slowly waking up here. I weighed in this morning at 225 pounds. It would be so awesome to see ONEDERLAND by my one year anniversary of having the DS. That is only 6.25 pounds per month. I am always a number cruncher (even with work stuff), but I know that my body will do what it wants. I am hoping that it wants to KEEP ON LOSING!!! :)

My dad always asks me how much I have lost. When I told him last night, he asked me how much more I was going to lose. I told him that I didn't know yet. I just know that I am not to where I want to be. Of course, my dad had no idea what my pre-op weight was either.

I wore the size 20 pair of pants that I bought yesterday. Before my cruise, they fit pretty decent, but were tight in the waist. They fit great now, and are very comfortable.

There is family stuff going on. My sister continues to con my father out of money. Honestly though, at this point it is his fault for being stupid enough to believe her even when everyone else knows she is lying. I pointed out how I knew she was lying about the latest way she got $100 from dad. Dad said that he was the only one that had some faith in her. Whatever.

My Car

I have always had to have my car seat pushed back as far as possible. Today when I got in, I actually had to move the seat up. It was too far back. I guess I have lost so much padding in my rear, I really needed to move up the seat. Anyway, it is a small wow, but a wow nonetheless!

Also, I am thinking of venturing into Old Navy tomorrow. It has been probably two years or so since I have been there. When I was there, I certainly wasn't there shopping for myself. I was looking at their sizing chart on the website, and I really think that I can wear their larger ladies size (size 18 or 20). I am really trying not to buy much of anything until the spring, but I really would like to have one really new nice outfit for Christmas.

Nice Motivational Sign...

(I saw this on the "Half of Me" website, and wanted to share it!)

Moving Down

I weighed in at 228 pounds this morning. I have lost 165.8 pounds!!! I am 37 pounds from an overweight BMI. Man this feels so good.

I am eight pounds away from the lowest weight I achieved on Phen-Phen. In the back of my head there is that thought that I will get stuck, and not go below 220. I don't want to think that way. I want to know what it feels like to do so many things....I am thinking about when I reach ONEderland I will celebrate by SKYDIVING! :)

I am going to really think through what I want my strategy to be over the next ten months of my window. I am a "game plan" type of person. More on that in the next week or so.

On another odd note....before long I may be able to SEE my BELLY BUTTON. I was looking in the mirror, and I still have fat on my stomach, but it is remarkably shrinking. Wouldn't that be cool to actually see my belly buttom without having to lift a layer of fat?

Day Off..

I went to the dentist today. She took off my crown, and is redoing my root canal. There is an infection there. Here was the best part....when I came time to pay. Since she had already worked on the tooth, there was NO CHARGE!!! WOOO HOOO!!! I was easily expecting to have to pay $500. I go back on Monday to get it worked on again.

We went shopping, and I got brave and decided to try on a size 18 pair of pants. They fit! They were a bit too tight for me, but I want to wait until I lose about 10 more pounds before I would wear them. I stared at the pants thinking there was no way that I would be able to fit into them, but I DID! I bought two size 16 sweaters as well.

At the store, they also had "elastic waist" pants. I never want to go back to elastic pants. I remember back when I could ONLY wear elastic pants. I like being able to zip up pants and button them. It really makes me feel great.

Eight Months Post Op

Eight Months Post Op: 232 Pounds (Above)

Five Months Post Op: 275 Pounds

I am down 161.8 pounds total.

I have lost 12.8 pounds this month.

I have lost 25.3 points off my BMI.

I have lost 68.6% of my excess weight.

I have lost 41% of my body since surgery.

I am 41 pounds away from an obese BMI.

I have 73 pounds until I reach goal.

I can fit into a size 18! That is down from a size 36W prior to surgery!

Vacation 2007

WOWS of the Trip

• I fit into the plane seat with NO problems. There was no "spillage" into another seat.
• I was able to BUCKLE my seatbelt, with NO extension. Not only that, I was also able to tighten it, so that there was about five inches of seatbelt to spare!
• I hardly sweated at all.
• At Disneyland, I hit the park RUNNING. I had energy to spare. I was bouncing off the walls. After a full 13 hours at Disney, I was barely tired. My feet were a bit sore, but no swollen ankles, aching back, etc.
• I rode the roller coaster "Space Mountain" at Disneyland!
• I was able to go through all the turnstiles at Disneyland with no problem!
• It feels good not polishing off food. I like seeing food left on the plate. I would eat a few bites of dessert, then stop. This is what people who have a NORMAL weight do. I really loved that feeling.
• I saw pictures of my two best friends and I together. I really am the smallest of the three of us now. It was so weird seeing that in pictures.
• I could lay up in the bunk bed on the cruise. The weight limit was 250. (I was 235 pre-cruise).
• I am starting to feel so much more "normal" within a crowd. Although mentally I still have that fattest girl in the room syndrome, physically that is just not true.
• I had to tighten the straps on by backpack.
• I wore size 20's the whole trip. Honestly, several of them were big. I may be breaking into an 18 before too long.

I'm sure there are more, but that is all I can think of right now.

Back Home

My vacation is over. I got back into town at eight this evening. My vacation was pretty good. I am working on creating a photo slide show to show everyone. Tomorrow I am eight months post-op.

Although my vacation was good, I think it will be quite some time before I take another vacation. I really like my routine for food now. I have ten more months of my prime window (many people say you have up to 24 months of prime losing time, but for certain I have 18). I really want to use this time to shed as much weight as possible. I was also very afraid of gaining weight. I did not have the safety net of my scale to see how my eating was affecting my weight. Once I am in maintenance mode, I think I will be more open to traveling. I know this may sound silly to some, but I think this is what I need for now.

I have a dentist appointment in the AM. She thinks I have an abscess tooth. Why is it that I always get to personally finance my dentist's new BMW? I have really crappy teeth. Sigh.

At the airport there was a news clip on CNN about binge eating. It says that 1 in 35 Americans suffer from binge eating. It is a more "hidden" eating disorder, but they actually believe it is more common than anorexia and bulimia. I wonder if I was a binge eater. Just gave me a lot to ponder.

Signing Off...

We are leaving at 8:00 in the morning for the airport. We should arrive in Orlando at 12:30. I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be back to give all the details (and pictures) from my trip on the 26th!

It is vacation time!!!!

A Vice

DOVE SUGAR FREE CHOCOLATES

I am addicted to them. For the longest while, I kept eating them because they didn't "hinder" my weight loss. Now I am rethinking that....maybe they are NOT helping my weight loss. I wish I were the kind of girl who could have a piece or two, and be done. Lets face it, I would have never got to the weight that I was if that were the case. I'm going to steer free of the Dove SF Chocolates, and see what happens. Of course, since I am getting ready to go on my trip, I really won't know the true impact of this, since my eating will be "off."

I am proud of myself last night. I had to work late, and they had lots of CARB FULL food. I stuck to 6-7 pieces of broccoli and 3 Cherry tomatoes, with some ranch dip. I didn't touch the cookies, chex mix, sandwiches, or chips. I'll take that as a victory.

The scale is not budging. I have lost a little over 9 pounds this month. I hope to be able to say that when I return. Tonight I pack. Will probably need a last minute run to Wal-Mart as well.

What the HECK???

I saw this ad on a site. Does she look like a BBW? She maybe has what....20-30 pounds to lose. She looks small in comparision to most of the female population. She is curled up in the chair. I would love to have enough "chair" to be able to curl up like that. My tail would take up the whole chair.

Met the Pet Sitter, Vacation, Happiness

I met my pet sitter, Lisa a few minutes ago. She seems very nice, and is a real animal person. I was worried about this. I have two amazing bengal cats, and I want them in good hands while I am gone. She was very professional, and asked lots of questions.

Speaking of my vacation...I have not packed a blasted thing. I have managed to get the suitcase from my car into my house. I am not going to pack until tomorrow night. My friends Mandi and Penny are bringing up clothes that they think I might be able to wear. If not, I'm going to be buying some cheap clothes at Wal-Mart/Target once I get down to Florida.

While getting to goal is ultra important to me, I am happy right now. I have so many things to be happy about. I weight under 300 pounds...under 250 pounds. I enjoy having so much more energy than before. I am happy that food no longer rules my life. I love not feeling hungry. I like sitting down in chairs, and not having them cut off my circulation, or wonder if they can support my weight. I like being able to slide in a booth without feeling my stomach rub up against the table. I am glad that the scale is no longer my enemy. I love feeling that I am doing so much more than simply "existing."

One More Thing...

I'm already dreading Christmas with my dad's side of the family. Individually, some of them are not that bad. Collectively, there aren't enough happy pills on the planet to make the event manageable. I usually only go to one event a year. That is all I can handle. Seriously. I don't want to hear their questions/comments about my weight loss. I don't want them staring at my plate and what I put in my mouth. Thank heavens I am going to be on vacation for Thankgiving so I don't have to make up a reason why I am not attending that function with them.

Little Things....

A few random little things....

• I don't need to hold onto the rail when going up or down the stairs. I used to always do this. I still find myself doing it occasionally, but more often than not, I am not clinging to the rail.
• I went this weekend to borrow a suitcase from my parents. They have a better traveling size one that I needed for this trip. I just brought it in from the car tonight. My mom had put some shorts in there of hers that she thought I could wear. They were all too big. Granted, they fit better than anything I currently own, they are still too big. I tried on a pair of 22 blue jean shorts (with elastic waist, not a zipper and button), and they were too big. I could have certainly worn the 20. I am smaller than my mother size wise.
• I have been carrying my trash to the dumpster. In the past, I would always load it up in my car, and drive it over to the dumpster. The distance is so short, I am embarrassed to say that I did that!
• More and more in larger groups I am starting to feel normal. It really is a nice feeling.
• I desperately want to reach (or exceed) my goal weight. I was number crunching today in my head during a meeting. I have just a little over ten months in my prime weight loss window. Of all the things I have done in my life, there is nothing I have wanted more badly than to be successful at getting to my goal weight.

Putting Away The Digital Scales...Future Goals

My digital scales are driving me crazy. I paid $70 for the scale. It has a mind of it's own. Clearly possessed. It can add 5-9 pounds within minutes of weighing. I realize there is some fluctuation, but this is getting ridiculous. It is no longer mentally healthy for me to weigh on the digital scales right now. The digital scales are going up in the closet, and will make a reappearance sometime, but probably not for a few months. As long as the number on my traditional scale continues to go down, I will be happy.

I would really like to do something big to celebrate my one year DS anniversary in March. I have talked about going on a trip, and that is certainly still in the works. I would also like to do something physically challenging to really "push" my body. It would certainly keep my focus on the "prize" of reaching GOAL. I am thinking of walking a 10K. I am going to keep my eyes peeled for one that I can enter in around March/April of 2008. My ultimate goal is to be in ONDERLAND by March 26, 2008. That is my one year anniversary. I strongly feel I can make it, even if it is to 199. I hope that my body wants to go along for the ride.

I would really love to run a 5K/10K, but I am just not there yet. I broke my ankle in 1998, and have screws and a plate in it. I just don't want the extra strain on that joint, without my weight being much lower. I would "love" to become a runner, but I don't even want to start entertaining that idea until I am under 200 pounds. Other people may be fine with running prior to being under 200, but for me this is most comfortable. I am thinking that by the time I finish the 10K, I should be under 200 pounds, and I could start training for a 5K RUN.

Iron Grip No More?

I was a complete fast food junkie as a pre-op. Last night, I was really craving White Castle. I went there, and got two White Castles, and an order of fries. I ate the two White Castles without the top buns, and have 5-6 fries. I just sat there and thought about how "fast food" really doesn't have the effect it used to have on me. I really don't crave it. Even when I craved it, I was sorely disappointed with what I got.

The only things I really have been ordering at fast food places are: Chili and salad from Wendy's and occasionally chicken nuggets.

I watched the documentary with Morgan Spurlock "Super Size Me." He talked about how he really started to crave the fast food, and how he would even find himself checking his watch waiting for the next time to go get it. He went on to say how good it made him feel after having it. I can certainly relate...this was me as a pre-op. The hold that was once there, simply isn't anymore. All that makes me want to do is rejoice!

I Love BENTO Boxes!

Here is my lunch for tomorrow! :) I am such a container nerd.

Pictures with Mallory!

I got to see my niece today. It was the first time since I saw her at the hospital. She is so cute! She is made of awesome!

Hitting a Little Too Close To Home...

Last night I watched the movie "Norbit" starring Eddie Murphy. Several parts of the movie hit a little too close to home. I was reminded how it seems very acceptable to our society to have a laugh at a fat person's expense. (This is the second movie that Eddie Murphy has been in that has done this...the other being The Nutty Professor.) Several things that happened to Norbit's wife, stung pretty deep as I thought about my personal experiences with being SMO.

The scene that hit the hardest was they were going to a water park. You have to go through those turnstile (spelling?) booths to be admitted. His wife was struggling to get through there, and finally broke the booth. I remembered a few years ago I went to a concert with my best friend Wendy and we had to go through one of those. She went through first, and kept walking. I struggling to get through it. (Keep in mind, I was probably 50-70 pounds less than my surgery weight.) I finally got through, and raced to catch up with her so she wouldn't think anything was wrong with me. Back in August, when I went with my family to the zoo. I saw the turnstile booth again. It literally sent me into a panic. Luckily, we did not have to go through this. I am fully suspecting we will be going through when we go to Disney on vacation.

Even when I reach goal, I hope I always have a sensitivity to SMO people. Letting them know I've been there, and I know how bad it hurts. Not trying to sound pious, but I don't ever want to have a laugh at the cost of someone else's self-esteem.

I am Such a Nerd

More Stats (Yes, AGAIN)...

• I am 36 pounds from ONDERLAND!
• I am 44 pounds from an "Overweight" BMI (29.9)
• I am 76 pounds from GOAL. (NORMAL BMI)

I am scared about riding on the plane. I have always worried about this. I am worried that I will spill over into another seat. I am hoping that I don't need a seat belt extension. I don't want to get looks of disgust from other passengers. I don't want to have to walk "sideways" down the isle. I rode in first class to and from for my surgery. I completely filled up the first class seat, and of course, I needed the seat belt extension. I keep trying to remind myself that I don't weigh almost 400 pounds anymore, but most days I truly think the mental aspect is the hardest part of the WLS journey.

I have talked with one of my friends who is going on the vacation with me. We are going to exercise every day. She talked about a few mornings waking up early to walk the deck of the ship and watch the sun rise. I will certainly be all about swimming on the trip. I am also loving my elliptical machine, so I want to do some of that too.

Tia made some good suggestions about how she handled eating while on her vacations. It is ok to indulge on one thing a day, and try to stick to your plan the rest of the time. In thinking about her comment...this is what thin people do on vacation. They have a little bit, but don't go overboard.

Friday

This week has been so busy. I am so glad that it is Friday! One of my co-workers at the state (I see her on a monthly basis) said that I was looking so much smaller. That made me feel good.

I was craving chips so bad today. I literally had a huge battle going on in my head to justify why it would be ok to buy a .99 cent bag of chips. I ended up not getting them. I knew I didn't need them. It was still a huge struggle.

Lately, I have been comparing myself to everyone. For the first time in my life, I am not the fattest person in the room. I am constantly sizing people up and seeing where I "fit" in at. I know that this will end soon, but I am just fascinated that I am a smaller person that I have ever been in so long. I hope this doesn't seem too weird.

I got this dress from E-Bay. It was from Lane Bryant. I got it for $15. It is a size 18. Although my arms look pretty bad, overall, I think the dress looks good. Besides, I don't want to only focus on the negative. I had several 34W dresses that I could not fit into as a pre-op. I am thrilled that I can fit into an 18! I am going to take it on my vacation.

Here is picture of me in some new blue jeans. These are the best fitting jeans that I have. They are Lane Bryant Size 3 (Blue). I am guessing the size is 20/22.

Vacation Worries

My vacation is seven days away. I am scared to death now that I will gain weight on my vacation. It won't bother me if I don't lose an ounce, but I certainly don't wait to GAIN. Although I occasionally stray, I generally do like my food and shake routines that I have developed on a daily basis.

Next Thursday night, my two best friends that are going on vacation with me will be staying the night at my house. We are going to the airport early in the AM. They are both bringing down some clothes that they think might fit me. It will be interesting to see what fits, especially since clothing seems to vary so much based on whoever has designed it. I sometimes wish that women's clothing sizes were more streamlined like mens.

Although this WLS process is going so fast, sometimes I wish I could just hurry up and get to the part of maintaining my weight loss. I am trying not to think like that, but sometimes I do.

Wrapping My Head Around Things...

I am trying to wrap my head around my changing body. Here are a few things I've been thinking about...

• I can easily wear size 18/20 in almost everything now. It is scary to me to think that next summer I could easily (and hopefully will be) out of the plus size section. I have shopped in the plus sized section every since I can remember. Even when I was young, there was a special line by Sears that mom used to get my clothes in ... "Pretty Plus" or something to that effect.
• I have been in a few meetings lately. Sitting at a table, I pretty much look like everyone else. You can't tell that I am obese. I have checked this out at every single meeting I have been at.
• I was talking with our secretary about how much weight I had lost, and how much more weight I wanted to lose in order to reach goal. She has been super sweet to me throughout the process, and is really genuine about her interest in my progress. When I told her that I wanted to lose another 80 pounds, she was surprised. She said she figured that I did not have that much left to lose. I am guessing that I am carrying my weight pretty well.
• I am the same size as my mom, or smaller. I believe that I am smaller than her, but I have not tried on any of her clothes to confirm this.
• Sometimes I just stand and look at myself naked in the mirror. I am just amazed at how my body is changing. I really have a lot less fat, especially through my belly. I still feel like my thighs are enormous...that is definitely the area where my body is losing weight the slowest.

Breaking Up With Coca Cola

I was a huge Coca-Cola drinker pre-op. I drank them up until the day before I had my DS. I have not had a drop since I had my DS. I would drink 4-6 cans a day. I once figured out that I had the potential to gain 52 pounds a year, just from Coca-Cola alone. There are some things that I cannot have...not even in moderation. I know that sodas are the easiest way to gain back your weight regardless of any surgery. I don't want to try diet or anything, because I don't want to give my body the chance of possibly going back on Coca-Cola.

Seven months is the longest I have gone without Coca-Cola. I am so glad that I have been off it. We had a good relationship, but at some point all relationships end. Coca-Cola....the breakup is official and permanent.

Lazy Day

Today was election day, so I had the day off. I laid around in my PJs until about 1pm. I just relaxed and ddin't do much of anything. It was so nice! After that, I got ready and went out to vote.

The rest of the week will be busy, but it is almost vacation time. I am so ready!!!

How Do Your Fat Friends Treat You Now?

Since you have had WLS, how do your fat friends treat you? I have one significantly overweight friend (who is at least my pre-op weight, maybe more). We were great friends before I had WLS. Now, we are not so great of friends. She didn't want me to have the surgery, in fear of complications. I never bring up anything related to WLS around her. It just feels so awkward, like we are both trying to avoid the pink elephant in the room.

I have one co-worker who treats me pretty badly. I've talked about her on here before. She thought she knew everything, and tried to get me to have the lapband (because she had it). I had already done my research, and I knew that the lapband was not going to cut it for me. I know she is probably sticking needles in a vodoo doll praying that I regain every bit of my weight and then some.

I am still considering how awesome it would be to work at a place where no one ever knew that I was fat. It would just be nice to have a place once I am at goal where my "fat ghost" won't haunt me. A place where I could just blend in...

The Scale

I've told you guys that I have been trying to make the scale less of a focus. I want to focus on living each day, and not checking the scale multiple times a day. I did weigh today. I weighed in at 240.8 pounds. I am down 4 pounds since I last weighed!

The Stats:

• I have lost a grand total of 152.8 pounds.
• I have lost 65.1% of my excess weight.
• I have lost 38.8% of my body (my pre-surgery weight).
• I have shaved 23.9 points off my BMI.
• I am 40.9 pounds away from ONEDERLAND.
• I am 49.8 pounds away from being considering just "overweight" (according to BMI).
• I am 81.8 pounds away from GOAL.

I am so thrilled. I feel like a success. It is such a wonderful feeling. I want to keep going. I am encouraged. :)

One More WOW for Today!!!

I bought a pair of PJs in a size XL! I tried on the XXL, and they were too big! These PJs were in the regular clothing section at Target, nothing to do with the "Plus" sizes!!! Also the material is so soft. I love my new red PJs. I have not bought PJs in 3-4 years.

WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Guess What My Arse Fits In???

A SIZE 20 pair of dress pants!!!!

I am looking at these new dress pants I bought, and I can't believe that I can wear these. My mom needs to hem them up, but still. I have not worn a size twenty in so long. Size 20 was the lowest size I got down to when I was taking Phen-Phen. I am really almost in completely new territory!

I have heard people on the DS board say that their weight loss was different with their DS than previous diet attempts (even for those who had lost a lot of weight). I am still almost 20 pounds away from my lowest phen-phen weight, yet I'd imagine by the time I lose another 20 pounds, I will be in a smaller size. I wonder if others who read my blog have had similar experiences along your weight loss journey with your WLS.

The other thing that amazes me is that I actually fit in these pants. Tonight I just kept staring at them. I kept thinking, my body fits in those pants. They seem so small, yet I can wear them...zipping them up and all. I am truly not accustomed to clothing this small. (I realize this is huge clothing compared to some of you all, but not for me.) I have actually put these pants on four or five times tonight. I guess just trying to make sure that it is real. Each time, thinking I won't be able to pull them up over my hips, but I can. We all face our mental blocks, and on so many days, I still see myself as a 393 pound woman, but I am not that woman anymore. Looking at these pants helps ground me in some (WONDERFUL) reality!

*I keep trying to separate the paragraphs, and Blogger keeps on mushing them together! Sorry!

Pictures with My Gran...And A WOW!

These pictures were taken with my Gran today. She is 82 years old. The WOW part is that she put her arms completely around my waist. It has been so, so, so long since anyone I know could do that.

Our Greatest Fear

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously giveother people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson (Also attributed to Nelson Mandela)

Party in My Pre-Op Clothes

I don't even think these pictures do justice to how my body is swimming in this top and pair of jeans. The top is a 4X, and the pants are 36W. They were both TIGHT the day I had surgery. Losing 148.8 pounds really does make an amazing difference. I really have come a long way. Perhaps when I reach goal I can give my pants to the circus for clowns to wear with their suspenders.