The Debate

I am debating about my trip to Niagara Falls and Toronto. My friend that was going to go has bailed on me. I understand her reasoning, it is just that I was counting on her half of the funds. I think I can still do it if I stay at a hostel to help with costs. I am looking around to see what exciting things there are to do. I will be making a decision soon.

KILLER AT LARGE trailer

Very thought provoking video!

Quote

"I just don't believe that God intended for any of his creatures to be petted with sticks. If some area of your life sucks - do something else, life is too short - and too long - to spend it being miserable. Life may indeed be short, but it is for a fact, wide. It is high time we started settling for more."
- Jill Conner Brown

Photo IDs

I am so ready to get my driver's license photo and work photo updated. My driver's license doesn't expire until August, so I am going to wait. I still think my face will change quite a bit over the next five months. I will have to take a picture of both to compare the before and after. :)

Inches Lost in the Month of February

I lost a total of seven inches for the month of February. This brings the total inches I have lost since September 1, 2007 to 86 inches! That is just a little bit over SEVEN FEET! That sure isn't too bad for five months!

Weight Update

For those who might be interested...

my weight keeps going from 200 to 201. I am gaining and losing the same pound over and over again. It is enough to drive this girl MAD! This is not typically the time of the month that I lose much weight, so I guess this is to be expected. I just want to be in onederland so badly. I want to be there by my one year anniversary. Not sure if that will happen though.

A Chore

Eating is such a chore. I still have no appetite. I cannot eat large quantities, so I feel like I am eating all day long. GAG. Here is the "flip" side...if I don't eat, I will not have enough calories. Since I malabsorb so many calories, if I don't eat a decent amount of calories, I will send my body into a starvation mode. Sorry, I am not trying to sound negative, but eating really is a chore more days than not.

My Thighs, Pants, and The Day

My thighs have been the slowest area on my body to lose weight. They ARE getting smaller though. Lately I have really been able to start feeling muscle and seeing 'some' definition in them. I am really ecstatic about this. I just want to look normal, not huge, not large....NORMAL.

Pants are another thing that really trip me out. I am constantly holding up a pair of pants thinking...."There is no way that I can fit into these." Yet, I can fit inside them. The pair I had on today even had room to spare.

I talked with a principal today. This is a man I greatly respect. This is his second year at one of the roughest and most challenging elementary schools in our state. I really want to work there. He is an excellent leader. I spoke to him frankly about how I want to go back to the classroom next year. He said he would love to have me on staff at his school. This would truly be my first choice. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to apply there. I want to work with high poverty kids where I can truly make a life long impact.

Humor

Giving Up a Security Blanket

I have had two scales since before I started the DS process. Since having the DS, I will weigh on both scales. Yes, I realize I have OCD this way. I have decided that it has come time to get rid of one of them. There is absolutely no reason why I need two scales. Having two scales only allows me to further obsess about my weight.


I can't get to the point yet of not weighing multiple times a day, but at least it is a start ditching one of the scales. Hopefully it is a step in the right direction.

Slowly Gaining My Life Back ....

My social calendar is starting to fill up some. I have a coworker who is a member of the Derby City Rollergirls, and I'm going to watch her play in a few weeks. Quite a bit is planned for this weekend too. Fun is in. :)

I am going skydiving in just under three months. I am so excited and nervous. I have been too cautious in my life, and I am ready to start taking some chances.

I am trying to decide how I can get out of going to Easter on my dad's side of the family on the 15th. I saw them at Christmas, and it has only been three months. That is entirely too soon to see them again.

Fence Sitter...

I am in the "fence sitter" size now. I wear a size 14, so I can still shop at places like Lane Bryant, yet I can also shop at regular stores. I cannot wait to be free of what is considered "plus sizes." I really feel that by summer I will be in a size 12. (So interesting considering last summer I began it wearing a size 30.)

After all, too much sitting on a fence post makes ones rear start to hurt!

11 Months Post Op

Tomorrow I am eleven months post op. I started this month at 205. I ended the month at exactly 200 pounds. I lost five pounds for the month. Actually though, I lost nine, because my weight shot up at the beginning of the month for no apparent reason. I had hoped to lose more, but I am still losing and that is what matters most.

I am wearing a size large t-shirt (loving the retro Ghostbusters tee!). My jeans are a Lane Bryant Right Size Blue 1. I am not sure what size these translate into because of how different they are made.

Here are the stats:

• Since surgery, I have shaved 30.2 points off my BMI.
• Here is my BMI category progression: Super Super Morbidly Obese, Super Morbidly Obese, Morbidly Obese, to where I am now: Obese BMI.
• I am exactly nine pounds from having an "overweight" BMI.
• Size 36W Pants to size 14.
• I have lost 79.6% of my excess weight.
• I have lost 49.1% of my total weight from the day of surgery.
• I have 50 pounds until GOAL.

New Coat

I had been wanting a new coat for a little bit because my other one is too big, and I wanted something that was lightweight for the next few months. The coat I bought in October was a size 22/24. Today I bought a LARGE jacket which was a size 12/14. The jacket is not even tight. It looks so much more flattering that my winter coat. Just for kicks I tried on the medium coat, and I could almost wear it!!! Do I ever in my life recall being able to wear a medium? NO.

I am not for display...

We had a family dinner out tonight. On the other side of the restaurant was my aunt and her family for a private party. Of my dad's family, she is the one I do like the most, but I am still not close to her at all. When we pull up dad wants me to go say hi so she can see how good I look, etc, etc. I am thrilled that my dad is happy for my weight loss, he truly has been one of my biggest supporters. I just felt like a freak show who was on display. I have never liked attention drawn to myself, but especially in this fashion. He has also told her that I was training for a 5K. I didn't want him to say anything, but I never specified that, so I cannot fault him. For crying out loud, I am doing my first 5K in the middle of Indiana just so I won't be around anyone in the world I could possibly know.

Feeling Better

I took a short nap, and decided to join my friends for a later brunch. I am already feeling better. I'm glad it wasn't a true migraine coming on.

I've been thinking about relationships. Last night I was all excited to see Nate today, who I didn't see. I really started thinking about things. I am just going to focus on redeveloping friendships right now in my life. I have started to socialize a lot more, and that is a good thing for me. A relationship will come in time, right now I just want to have some fun with friends. :)

I am having dinner tonight with my family.

So Much For...

Socializing after church. I went to service, but my head is killing me. I just took two Excedrin Migraine with my protein drink. Time to get some sleep.

Sad----Should Be True!

From Post Secret

A Good Day

Weight was the same today: 200 pounds.

I had a professional development all day today. I got to spend it with my good friend Michelle, so that was nice. We don't get to see one another as often as we would like. I also got to see a girl I used to work with several years ago.

Early this evening I went out with my friend Kristin. I had forgotten but I promised to attend a car show with her. It ended up being Kristin, her fiancee Kevin, Marie, and Aaron too. I am really enjoying socializing. It is something I have not done a lot of over the past few years. Here is a picture of the fun:

Tomorrow after church a group of people are going out to eat. I really hope that Nate comes. I am going to ask him to come. I also hope that we can exchange numbers, and start to rekindle the friendship that we once had. A girl can sure hope!

I Cannot Believe It

There is so much I blog about when I say I am trying to wrap my head around something, yet here is another one....

I am fifty pounds from goal. (I have revised my goal back to 150 pounds.) The end is in sight. For so long I was buried in fat. Yes, I could lose 30-40 pounds, but that wouldn't even cut the top layer off of what I really needed to lose.

• I can make goal.
• I will make goal.
• I will maintain my goal weight.

Tightwad Trail

Val from OH is always talking about her tightwad trail finds. I have developed my own tightwad trail. There are six high-up/upscale consignment stores within about 8 miles of one another. I only got to go to one today, because of a flat tire. I found an awesome Easter dress, a black button up sweater, and a pair of pants dirt cheap today. (Pictures will come soon!)

Today's Weight

I weighed in at 200 pounds even this morning. I am down another 2/10th's of a pound. It is going to happen! I am almost in the 100's for my weight!!!

Can't Sleep

I cannot sleep, so I am aimlessly on the internet. While I love to read there is only so much reading one can do. I am having a bout with acid reflux right now when I lay down. I have not had this since I was was very early out. I don't have anything at the house to help with it. The roads are too icy, so I'm not going out to pick something up. I guess I will try to sleep propped up tonight. I really did not eat anything different to trigger this.

Funny....and True

Mixed Feelings

I have mixed feelings about telling some people about how I have lost my weight. I am going back to a church I used to attend years ago. The last time these people saw me, I was a good 130 pounds heavier. Yet, it has been four years. I am not about lying, but at the same time, I don't always want to be known as "the girl who had weight loss surgery" either.

I suspect that my old roommate might know I had the surgery done. This is because a former co-worker I still see goes to the bank she works at. I imagine at some point it has come up in conversation.

There is one girl there I have never really cared for. If she were to ask me, I would probably just turn around and walk away. She is always trying to find out things that she had no business knowing.

So is it bad to deflect the question, and not really answer it, should it come up? I really wouldn't mind talking with someone who sincerely wanted to know about WLS, but otherwise, I really don't want to focus only on that. I know I have more thoughts that will emerge on this issue, and writing them out really helps me focus.

Serves Him Right....

My dad and I were having a conversation about my uncle, which is his youngest brother (about 45). He has put on some weight recently, up until this point, he had been naturally thin. Dad was saying how he was faithfully working out, and really watching what he was eating this past month. He got on the scale yesterday and had only lost half a pound. I could never have been happier. Why you ask? My aunt Pam (his former wife), has struggled with obesity throughout her life. She would diet and yo-yo, as so many do. He would always ride her about it, belittle her, and just be an all around jerk. I'm glad he is getting a good taste of that it isn't always easy to lose weight.

Who Are My Health Role Models?

Steph (at Back in Skinny Jeans) posed this question to her readers about who their health role models were. I think this is an excellent question. Here are my health role models:

1. My best friend Wendy: Wendy has never been "heavy," but a few years back she did set her mind to lose 25 pounds. She is now at the lower end of her BMI range, but looks very healthy. I admire her because she really works at keeping fit. She watches what she eats, and works out regularly. She has been super encouraging to me throughout the process of me losing weight.

2. My dad: Growing up all I ever remember was my dad being active. He played on competitive softball teams up until the twins were born (then travel got to be too much). He would always jog 2-3 miles a day every week. Many times I would ride my bike while he jogged. I remember him being on a basketball league. He did all these things even though one leg was 1 1/4 inches shorter than the other. My dad ended up having to have a hip replacement, and cannot be as active as he once was. He was a great example of someone who made being active part of their lifestyle.

3. Tia: Tia is a fellow DSer. I found her blog "just in time." I savored over every word of her journey. She gave me hope when I really did not have any left of my own. She has been the most dedicated to following the DS rules, and I have learned a lot by her example. Her motivation to exercise is also inspiring. I would not be where I am today without her words. I am greatly in her debt!

4. John Bingham: He is a runner. Many of you know about him if you have been a reader of my blog for a bit of time. He started running at mid-life and he was overweight. He has since gone on to run marathons. His book "The Courage to Start" has provided so much motivation to me as a non-athlete who is working towards becoming an adult-onset athlete.

Who are your Health Role Models?

Quote From Back In Skinny Jeans

Weight Update

I am down 2/10'ths of a pound to 200.2. I am so close, and yet so far away. I know my day will come, I just want it to come sooner. Isn't that how we are about so many things? I guess a large part of my impatience comes from the fact that I really don't know the last time I was under 200 pounds. It was before seventh grade. That has been fourteen years. Yet, I would have never imagined that just shy of eleventh months post-op I would be where I am now. Though I've griped some along the way, this DS ride has been nothing short of amazing.

When I am out in public and see my reflection, lately I have been doing a double take. I really am not huge anymore. This is hard for my brain to wrap around. I still feel like a bull in a china shop, but that is not the truth. Last night in particular, I noticed that I am "starting" to take on a nice hourglass shaped figure.

I have been tired lately. I feel like I am fighting coming down with something. Here I thought I could possibly escape this year without doing so.

Blah Day

I could hardly eat anything today. I don't know why, but nothing seemed appealing. I had a really great lettuce-free salad at Cracker Barrel, but I only ate about 1/3 of it. It was a cold day, so coffee felt so great.

Weight stayed the same.

I went to a singles group at Southeast tonight. They spoke on one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis. A few weekend plans are starting to take shape.

Nothing else going on....pretty boring here.

Lap Band Billboard

This is the billboard I was talking about. I have actually seen two of them. Again, I appreciate them not using a stick figure as the "post" picture, but this woman still looks like she needs medical intervention for her weight. I don't want this post to come off very critical of one type of surgery, but I would not be happy if that was the end result of my surgery.

That Will Be A NO

I finally had my braces consult. There will be no way I am getting braces. First, I would have to go have my jaw broken and wired shut. This has to be done by an oral surgeon. That is before the braces work even starts. The braces alone would cost $4800, not counting the oral surgeon work. My teeth really are not that bad. I am going to check in and see if I can get someone to make me a retainer so that I can wear it at night to prevent my teeth from moving further.

There are simply too many other things I want to do with the money.

One Of My New Outfits

Ok So I Have No Willpower

Yes, I went shopping today. At least I am not eating, I am SHOPPING! Shopping is so much more fun than eating. I guess I could have worse addictions. Here is the amazing news.....
I can now wear a size 14 pair of pants! I only bought one pair, but how cool is that!!! They are a bit too tight for my personal taste to wear just yet (I am still getting used to wearing clothes that actually fit properly).

What makes a size 14 pair of pants so significant? A few things. One, it is another size DOWN in pants. Two, I am inching closer and closer to a SINGLE DIGIT clothing size. Three, the average female clothing size is 14. I am the size of an average woman in the US. (I am not going to settle on being just average though!)

The tops I bought were all size L. It is nice not having an "X" in front of any of your clothing. I really tried to look for some more fitted type tops. My only criteria was that the sleeves were there to cover up my upper arms some.

One other thing I saw today that hit a little too close to home. I saw two friends shopping together. One was the size of a twig, and the other was a pretty plus sized lady. The plus sized lady was helping the skinny lady pick out clothes, and lathering her up in compliments. It reminded me of my high school days. I used to go shopping with my skinny friends. I was never one who went shopping for me, I just tagged along to all the stores they could shop in like Express, Gap, The Limited, etc. I was too mortified to ever ask them to come to the one store I could shop in.

Onto other news....I got my two season tickets for the Louisville Fire Arena Football team! I got some AWESOME SEATS!!! I will be at all eight home games with bells on, and we also get to attend an away game in Lexington as part of the season ticket package.

I also purchased tickets to the Southeast Easter Pageant. It is something I've always wanted to attend, but never have.

There is ANOTHER Lap Band Billboard (like I described in the post yesterday)! I am going to take a picture of it, and get the insight of those who read my blog. I really don't like it.

Obsession

According to the American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary the definitions are:

a) compulsive preoccupation with an idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion,
often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety

b) a compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion

I am completely addicted to the scale. I don't always post my weight here everyday, but bet your bottom dollar I weigh myself many times throughout the day. The closer I become to the goals that I have spoken about that are just right around the corner, the more I am weighing myself.

I hope once I reach goal (whatever that is), that I will be able to back off the scale some. I'd like to get to only weighing once a day. I just know I don't want to ever get back to the point I was before, and that is going to take some effort on my part.

Weight is the same as it was yesterday.

Another Thing I Plan To Do This Year....

I am going to ride a mechanical bull!!!

Wooooo Hooooo!!!!

Good Day

The service today at church was really good. As I was getting ready to go into service, I saw a guy I really liked for the longest time leaving the earlier service. He said he almost didn't recognize me. (Keep in mind I was a good 130 pounds heavier the last time he saw me, and I wore glasses.) After the service I was waiting for my friend Kristin, so we could go have lunch together. We were both hanging around in the lobby. He didn't say anything else to me, but I really feel that he was just shocked at how much weight I had lost.

Lunch was great. It was nice being around a group of people my age. Although I would have never said so as a pre-op, my weight really did hold me back as far as relationships (even friendships). I had just gotten so big that I really did start to close everyone out. I miss all the times I spent living, and now I want to make up for them. It is not going to be a simple journey, but I am going to start socializing more. One day at a time, it will get easier and easier to do. There is more to this life than going to work and coming home. I've chosen to sit on the sidelines for so long. Now, I am ready to step up and start investing my life more into others.

Random Note: I saw a billboard advertising for the Lap Band on the way to church. It had a picture of a couple, and the sign said: "Lap Band Surgery: Weight Lost, Health Regained." The man was normal size, but honestly the woman was morbidly obese. I am not sure what their objective was for this billboard. I appreciate that they didn't use some aneroxic looking woman, but if I looked like her after working my "tool", I would not be happy.

Smiling Some More....

I am down to 200.4 this morning. That is another 6/10th's of a pound. I am almost to Onderland. I have lost a little over 193 pounds. I am so excited about all the small goals that I have approaching....getting to onderland, losing half of me, having an overweight BMI, and losing 200 pounds. They will all be happening in such short succession of one another. I can't wait.

Time to get ready for church. I am going out with a group of people afterwards that I used to be semi-close to. I have mixed feelings about it, especially if one girl in particular is going to be there. I am going to keep a positive attitude, and try my best. :) Hopefully the situation won't be too weird.

!!!

I want to shop so bad! I want some newer (smaller) blue jeans that fit me better. I would love more than just jeans, some dresses would be nice too! My closet is so bare. I know I need to wait, but it is so hard! I am going to Toronto/Niagara Falls the first full week of April. Lets see if I can wait until then. That is six weeks away. I'm not so sure, but that is the goal. It would be cool if I could have one of those magically skip an entire size moments. I just might if I can find the patience to wait.

On The Verge of a Miracle....

I weighed in at 201 this morning!!! I am down another 1.6 pounds.

All I can think about is the lyrics to a Rich Mullin's song "On the Verge of a Miracle" now....

When you've played out Your last chance
And your directions Have all been lost
When the roads that you look down
Are all dead ends
Look up
You could see if you'd just look up

You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
You're on the verge of a miracle

Getting Older!!!

Here is is, just a bit after seven in the morning, and I'm awake. I have NOTHING to do today that requires me to be up early. I can still sleep in, but man not like I used to be able to! :(

I spent last night with my mom. We went to pick up my gran from another city who had been on a trip. I love my Gran. She is an amazing woman. I am frustrated that she keeps on saying how much weight I have lost. I am past the point of telling people in general the exact number of pounds I have lost. There are many reasons behind this, but I guess most specifically that I can see in their head they are trying to do the math to see just how fat I was to begin with. I know I can never say anything to my Gran, because it would hurt her feelings, but it is just frustrating.

Now onto the subject of things that no longer fit. My winter coat is too big. It is a safe bet that it is now a full TWO sizes to big. I can wrap it around me to where the coat overlaps a good six inches. I bought this coat at the beginning of October, and it fit. Last night, I forgot to bring my coat when I went with my mom, and I wore one of her XL fleece jackets. It was big on me. I am certain I could have worn it in a size L.

I have struggled with acne off and on for years, and typically it is more ON than off! Prior to having the DS, I was on a prescription that I took orally that was supposed to help. It did help tremendously, but also killed my stomach. When they took away the majority of my stomach, I could not handle that presciption anymore. My acne has been raging up quite a bit. I have noticed that the right side of my face is worse than my left. I put two and two together, and I think a large portion of this is coming from using the telephone!!! I have been faithful with using my bluetooth and speakerphone at home, and my acne is starting to clear up. I think this may have been the biggest part of the problem all along.

My best friend Penny will be in town at the end of March. We are going to go to the season opener of the Louisville Fire Arena Football team! WOOT WOOT!!!! I LOVE ARENA FOOTBALL!!!! :) I am so pumped about it! I need to call Monday and see the best seats that they have available.

Ok, enough typing now. I am going to attempt to go back to sleep.

I Finally Used A Tool...

Several years ago when I bought my condo, my dad told me I needed to get some tools to have on hand. I told him to make me up a list, and I went to Target and got such tools. In a tool box these tools sat in my laundry room, lonely waiting to be used. The other day I used the screwdriver. I had to use it to pry apart my door that was frozen shut. I am guessing that it will be a long time until I use a tool again, but hey everyone has to start somewhere.

My weight is still maintaining. I still have eleven more days before the month is out. Hopefully I'll lose a few more pounds.

I purposefully spent Valentine's Day at a school instead of the office. I didn't want to be around a bunch of people who would be getting flowers, etc. I think that was a wise move. I had an early dinner with my friend Stephanie at Red Robin, and then we went to church. It was nice not being along on Valentine's Day.

I am cold all the time. I am so happy that I lost all the weight that I have, but seriously, I am freezing. I keep my heat cranked up very high, and need to break down and buy a really nice electric blanket. Even when I have been at the office or out at a school, I've found myslf just keeping my jacket on to try to stay warm. Ah well.

Now some sad news...I had posted a while back about my former student and her mother being shot by the stepbrother. My dad left me a voicemail yesterday saying that the dad killed himself in his car while parked in the driveway of their house.

Quote

This quote is from Back in Skinny Jeans. I am longing for that day, and can't wait to be with my beloved!

Being a Grown Up

I am doing lots of grown up things with my tax money. I am paying a few misc. bills, putting away money for emergencies, finishing paying off credit cards. No, it is not the most fun thing to do, but it is the right thing to do.

My new pair of Spanx arrived yesterday. The woman who invented that stuff deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. I got a size XL, and they worked awesome. When I held them up I thought no way would they be able to work. In November, I had a pair of 3X Spanx. Nothing short of amazing the progress that has been made.

So how is everyone celebrating their Valentine's Day today? I will be in the classrooms of two teachers who are less than thrilled to see me. Fun, Fun, Fun.

Hardee's Low Carb Burger!

I had this today for lunch and it was AWESOME!!! :) WOW! It tasted just like a Whopper without the bun. Next time I am going to add extra cheese to it, to make it more protein friendly (although it has 30 grams of protein already).

YUMMO! Try one today!!!

Staying Prepared

Today we have a big staff meeting for about three hours. I know that there will be tons of candy there because of Valentine's Day (and the fact that I think my office just gets together so we can eat). I put a bunch of Dove Sugar Free Chocolates in my purse. I am too close to several goals to blow anything. I am maintaining my weight drop of a few pounds right now.

I am thinking about trying Hardee's Low Carb Burger today. It has 30 grams of protein, and only 5 carbs. I will get it without the onions though.

This morning for breakfast I am having cracked pepper bacon. It is yummy. I kinda got burned out on bacon a while back, but the cracked pepper makes it worth another go around. As I was making it I thought to myself, I definetely can live a DS type diet for the rest of my life. Protein first, veggies, then a bit of bread, fruit, or dessert.

I really want to go skydiving, and that is about 3 months and 1 week away. I have to be at 175 pounds. Even though this has been a slow month, there are many people that have come back from a slow month and had big losses in the months to follow. It was just like their body was taking a break from all the massive losing. I hope that I can make that weight by May 24th so I can skydive, otherwise I will have to push back my skydiving date. Skydiving is one place where you wouldn't want to lie about your weight!

Another thing I want to do this summer is go whitewater rafting. I am not really a "camping" type girl, but I want to do the whitewater rafting. I am checking into some places in West Virginia, since that is not too terribly far away. I would love for it to be a thing that I did with my dad.

Another Closet Purge

This is my second really big closet purge. Nothing in my closet is now larger than a size 20. It wasn't too long ago when nothing in my closet was below a size 28, and I was praying to get into those size 28's! I am bagging them up, and taking them over to Goodwill tomorrow. I think I got out a good two bags worth of stuff.

The closet has slim pickings. I liked the challenge that one of the post-ops on the DS board said she created for herself. She built a "designer" wardrobe from thrift stores. Up until this point, there has only been one really nice thrift store that sells high quality clothes, but I am almost to the size where five or six more will open up to me. I can start doing the "tightwad trail" as Val calls it. I would love to be in a size 12 by summer, and I believe I just might make it. Gee, lets think about this....last summer I was wearing 28's, and could possibly be in size 12 this summer! WOW! WOW! WOW!

SNOW DAY!!!!!

WOOOO HOOOO!!!!! :) I just wanted one this year, and I got it today. What made it even better was that the weather was so bad, they announced it last night before bed. They never do that! Our school system always waits until 5:30-6:00 am to announce the closing. I slept in, no alarms, it was heavenly!

Farewell....

I made a phone call to the "Woman Within" catalog today to have myself REMOVED from their mailing list. (I did not realize that they also published Jessica London, and a few other women's catalogues I receive.)

It felt so good. Less than a year ago, these were the only ways I could have clothing. I was at the largest sizes within those catalogues. Now, I don't need them anymore. I don't want to see reminders of them every other day in my mailbox. May I never take advantage of the fact that I can go into many stores and buy clothing now. I actually have choice, not just what will cover up my body.

:)

I weighed in at 202.6 today. I am down another 8/10th's of a pound. That gives me a grand total of 191 pounds lost since March 26th!

I am so close to onderland. I know I keep harping on and on about it, but I have not seen those numbers since SIXTH GRADE. Seventeen years have since passed, and I want nothing more than to be in the promised land of having a weight that begins with a ONE, instead of a two or a three (heck I was just a few pounds shy of having a weight that began with a four).

As I have blogged about before, I have a really bad habit of comparing myself size wise to other people in the room. As a pre-op, this was a quick thing, 99.999999% of the time, I was the largest person in the room, hands down. Yesterday, before Sunday School started, I was looking around, and discovered that I really did look pretty normal compared to the rest of the group. Size 14 is supposed to be the average American female clothing size. I am one size away from that. (I am really a 12/14 on top, but I can't do the pants in a size 14 yet.) It is nice to blend in.

So Close and Yet So Far Away

This post is all about giving props to myself (sorry to sound vain). I have been wanting/CRAVING/dying for a huge Rice Krispy Treat from Starbucks. I have wanted it for weeks and weeks now. I have been going to Starbucks regularly because it has really seemed to help with getting the weight loss moving the past two weeks.

The treat is 55 carbs, and 2 grams of protein. NO WAY. There is no way I am going to jeopardize my loss by eating this. I want goal. I want my mini-goals. The pleasures of certain foods just are not worth the sacrifice of stalling out my weight loss. As a pre-op, I really didn't have a lot of will power or control. The DS has given me a great majority of that back.

Down

I am down another pound! 203.4 this morning! I have lost 190 pounds now! I am going to try to stick with my same eating pattern that I have had for this past week, because I have been dropping weight. Perhaps it is just the right balance of carbs, calories, and fat that my body needs.

So many big things are in store, and I feel as if they will happen soon! I am almost in ONEDERLAND. I am a few pounds from losing half of my body weight, and having only an "overweight" BMI. I strongly feel that these things will happen before my one year anniversary.

This journey has been such a ride. A year ago I could not fathom being where I am today. I couldn't understand not having my day full of being tired, my ankle killing me, always thinking about food, etc. My life is so different now.

I am off to get ready for church. I am going back to the church I visited on Wednesday. I used to attend it many years ago, and really feel lead to go back. I am nervous about seeing so many people that I used to know. I know this is a good move for me.

More Cool Signs of Progress

I can really really feel my hip bones now. They are very prominent. It is so weird. Also, I can curl up into a fetal position. Small things I know, but it is weird relearning the body you have lived in for 28 years.

Woooo Hoooo!!!!

I am finally at a new lowest weight!!! I weighed in at 204.4 pounds this morning. About two weeks ago, I reached 205, then it spiked up four pounds. I am so thrilled! The glass ceiling has finally broken!

I went to Borders yesterday afternoon before going to eat with Steph. I was looking through the book called, "Eat This, Not That." It was quite interesting. For the DSer, it was kinda opposite though, because you really should eat the one that was higher in fat, because we malabsorb so much fat. It did not include a lot of carb information or I would have bought the book.

It listed the 20 worst things to eat while eating out. The number one item was Outback's Cheddar Cheese and Bacon Fries appetizer. It came in at a amazing 2900 calories and 280 fat grams. Pre-DS I would eat this at least three to four times a month. Not JUST this, keep in mind....I would have a huge side of ranch to dip the fries in. I would also order salmon, mashed potatoes, and a piece of cheesecake. There is no telling how many calories I consumed in that one meal. Believe me, I totally consumed it. I wonder just how big my stomach was. I should ask Dr. Huacuz, maybe I had the stomach the size of a small third world country. Regardless, I am so thankful and grateful that I don't have that now. My desires for food have changed. What a miracle the DS is!

And She Eats SUSHI!!!!!!!!

I did it! I had sushi when I went out to dinner with Steph tonight. I had the California Roll, which actually has some cooked crab in it. It was very good. I could only eat a little bit, or otherwise I would not have gotten in enough protein. Good times! Thanks for expanding my horizons Steph and answering my zillion questions about Japanese food.

Jen posted a picture of what she has written down on her scale. I really enjoyed this. As someone who weighs daily, multiple times a day, I can see this being helpful to me. I am going to think about the words I would like to have on my scale. VERY POWERFUL!

Today I found Hershey's Sugar Free Chocolate Syrup at Target. I was quite impressed. I bought a thing of it to try at some point. I'm not sure when I will use it because I really like the Hood's Chocolate milk "as is." Adding the syrup would make the drink too rich.

Today

I went to the viewing for my former student at the funeral home. It was quite difficult. I got to see several of my former students who were classmates of Tessa. I had mentally prepared myself that because of the manner of death, that it would be a closed casket, but it was not. That was hard.

Some Advice to Give On How to be Insensitive....

I went to church with Steph tonight. I love hanging out with her. I really got a lot of out the service. Steph helped me go back to a church that I LOVED, but had left a few years ago for personal reasons. I really think I am going to start going back to this church. :)

So the down part....there is a meet and greet, and a lady asks me when I was "DUE." As she was asking she patted my stomach. I told her I wasn't, to which she apologized. I have been asked if I was pregnant before (since I taught in a school with elementary kids), but I could always write it off, because hello they are KIDS. I could have even written off the comment had the woman been a senior citizen. She wasn't. It is crushing to hear that comment when you have lost 188 pounds. CRUSHING. Tears welled up in my eyes, I was so hurt. I have tears in my eyes right now as I am writing this.

If there is a thin person out there reading this blog ever, please never ask a fat woman when she is due. If she happens to be pregnant, let her tell you. For heavens sakes, keep your hands off her stomach!

I have promised Steph I would try sushi on Friday night! We may need to capture that one with a camera.

Old Adage

There is an old adage that states "Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy." I am a complete non drinker. I think that was a misquote. Here is the actual quote....

"Shoes are proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy!"

I found three ultra cute pairs of shoes this evening! I am so excited! Two of them are certainly spring shoes, so I will have to wait at least until the first of March to wear them. Plus, they will give me an excuse to get a pedicure.

Random Early Thougts

The new Jack Johnson CD is awesome. I would love to see him in concert. As he is currently touring in Australia, I see how this shouldn't be any problem in the least. I think my favorite song so far is "Angel" on this album.

I would love to start getting some ideas of summer concerts. This Friday, REO Speedwagon is playing in Southern Indiana, and I had thought about going to that.

"When the solution is simple, God is answering." -Albert Einstein
As humans we try to make things so complex, and our best solutions in life are often simple.

I think I have procrastinated as long as I possibly can, and I really have to get ready for work now. An extra hour or two of sleep sure sounds yummy. Wish I could make that a reality!

The Day

I got to eat lunch with Meredith. She is the daughter of my sister's boyfriend. She was so surprised to see me at her school. It was so cute. I brought her a McDonald's Happy Meal. Why did I ever like McDonalds? Did I lose my mind? The smell was so nasty, I thought I was going to get sick. I even smelled it again after I got back in my car, and was sick from it. YUCK!!!

I met with a principal I used to work under. At the time, she was a principal intern in my building. I spoke very frankly with her about wanting to work under her if she had any openings. She was very excited about it. She said to put her building down as first on my transfer list, and she would make sure that I had a job. I love this woman because she is so motivating, and is very sincere. I would also get to work in an at-risk school, which is where my true calling is. The meeting gave me hope.

When Will I Break Through This Invisible Glass Ceiling?

I am so ready for another drop in weight. My body seems very comfortable at being 205. I am ready to bust through this glass ceiling, but when will it happen? I know many people have hit a wall when they get so close to ONEDERland, but still! This nonsense has to give sometime soon, or I will go insane.

Also...have been itching to travel VERY badly. I was talking with Penny yesterday, and we started to think that perhaps a weekend trip was in order in order to hold us over for our Spring Break trip. We were thinking of Portland first (I have a friend from high school that lives there), but Seattle is actually cheaper as far as plane tickets go. We could leave Thursday afternoon and return on a Sunday. I think a trip may be just what the doctor ordered. We are going to try to have plans firmed up by the end of the week.

The new Jack Johnson CD is coming out tomorrow on ITUNES. I have had it preordered for forever. I am excited about finally getting it! :)

Sad

I found out that one of my former students and her mother were murdered this weekend.

http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200880202004

This is going to be a tough week.

Grocery Store Finds

I found some marinated mozzarella cheese at the grocery. It looks really good. I am trying to branch out and find some different things to eat. They are out there, I just have to keep searching!

EDITED: The marinated mozzarella cheese tasted so nasty. Yuck....never again!!!

I also got some of the Special K Protein Cereal. I like cereal as a snack, and it has 10 grams of protein per serving (and 9 net carbs). The carb count is a bit high, but I am still going to give it a go. Maybe it will be more of an occassional treat.

Art of Illusion....

Interesting quote about beauty and the art of illusion from Back in Skinny Jeans. In our photoshop world it is nice to know people can be real about their appearances.

KADS Meeting

It was so awesome meeting Ken today. He is three years post op! Boy did we ever pick his brain. He is doing amazingly well. Steph and Vicki will be having their surgeries before we know it. It was a great afternoon! :)

Doing Something Healthy and I Didn't Even Know It...

Steph from Back in Skinny Jeans posted the above picture in her blog. Shopping the perimeter of the grocery store is really where most of the healthier foods are. I started reflecting on my recent grocery store trips, and this is really where I get the bulk of my food from. Pretty cool that I am doing something healthy and I didn't even know it!

How does that old adage go..."The best place to diet is in the supermarket." If it doesn't make it home with you, then you won't have the temptation in your house to eat it.

Proposed Bill in Mississippi

House Bill 282AN ACT TO PROHIBIT CERTAIN FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS FROM SERVING FOOD TO ANY PERSON WHO IS OBESE, BASED ON CRITERIA PRESCRIBED BY THE STATE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH; TO DIRECT THE DEPARTMENT TO PREPARE WRITTEN MATERIALS THAT DESCRIBE AND EXPLAIN THE CRITERIA FOR DETERMINING WHETHER A PERSON IS OBESE AND TO PROVIDE THOSE MATERIALS TO THE FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS; TO DIRECT THE DEPARTMENT TO MONITOR THE FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS FOR COMPLIANCE WITH THE PROVISIONS OF THIS ACT; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:SECTION 1. (1) The provisions of this section shall apply to any food establishment that is required to obtain a permit from the State Department of Health under Section 41-3-15(4)(f), that operates primarily in an enclosed facility and that has five (5) or more seats for customers.(2) Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor. The State Department of Health shall prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese, and shall provide those materials to all food establishments to which this section applies. A food establishment shall be entitled to rely on the criteria for obesity in those written materials when determining whether or not it is allowed to serve food to any person.(3) The State Department of Health shall monitor the food establishments to which this section applies for compliance with the provisions of this section, and may revoke the permit of any food establishment that repeatedly violates the provisions of this section.SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2008.

Is this not crazy? I know Mississippi is one of the most obese states in the country, but still. What do you bet you can still smoke in almost all of their restaurants? Sigh!

Why can't they do something more sensible like NYC's new ordiance where nutritional information must be listed on the menu (I believe this is only at fast food venues)? I am fully supportive of that.

Fun Day

I am going scrapbooking with my mom and some of her friends today. She is going to help me scrapbook some of my vacation pictures from November. She is a lot more creative than I am, so I think it will turn out nicely.

Then, it is off to the KADS meeting in southern Indiana! I am excited because our group is growing. We have a new guy coming from Indiana to join us. I will post a picture from our group later.

The scale is almost back to normal from the sudden (and uncalled for) shooting up it did at the beginning of the week. Thank heavens!!!

Inches Lost in January

This month I have lost 12 inches.

I have lost a grand total of 79 inches. That is a total of 6 1/2 feet!!!

I have measured myself for a total of five months now. I love seeing the progress this way.