Tapping Into It...

From Bingham's Book:

"It may surprise you to know that no human physical achievement, no matter how extraordinary, was accomplished by someone with a body that was fundamentally different
from yours and mine. All of the extraordinary feats of courage or tenacity or will were done by people just like you. That same potential resides in your body. It's just a matter of tapping it."

Tapping takes time, energy, and effort. I have not always had the best self esteem in my life, but through my DS, I have learned that I am worth the effort. Tomorrow I will run again, and work on tapping into the inner athlete in me that is dying to get out.

"It's easy to excuse yourself from dreaming of physical accomplishments if you believe that your body can't be different than it is. But it can. It can be strong, firmer, and more powerful. And when it is, you'll begin to consider all the possibilities."

Watch out world, I'm grabbing the bull by the horns with this exercise thing.

Running

A few minutes after I wrote my last post, I got back on the treadmill and ran again. I ran for five minutes.

I got my running books by John "The Penguin" Bingham. I am reading "The Courage to Start: A Guide to Running for Your Life."

Here are some quotes from the introduction that really grabbed me.

"It was a mistake to quit running. I know that now. It was a
mistake to give up the joy I felt when I moved my body without nothing more
than my own legs, to let others steal my satisfaction from me. It was
a mistake that I won't make again."

As a SMO person, I have often let others steal my satisfaction from me. Yet, I am not going to let others take that from me. I refuse to let the stares of others, or their thoughts of me, stop me from achieving goals. I want to feel the joy of moving my body.

"Rediscovering the simple pleasure of running as an adult is a strange,
frustrating, wonderful, confusing, and ultimately immensely satisfying
preoccupation. It's hard to erase all the old images of yourself as clumsy
and uncoordinated and forget the feeling of isolation you felt when you were
always the last one chosen."

"Successful 'adult-onset' are made, not born. To those of us who simply want to run, the value of genetics is highly overrated. Running doesn't require an extraordinary combination of muscle and bone. It requires only the desire to move our bodies and the wisdom to accept the difference between our will and our won't."

I have never had an atheltic past. Here are my brief athletic encounterings: I played t-ball when I was five, soccer when I was in second grade, and a cheerleader in third and fourth grade. There is a lot of mental blocking to overcome that I could never become an athlete. Yet, Bingham says successful adult-onset athletes are MADE. I can choose to be a successful adult athlete. It comes down to whether I will or I won't.

"But as a runner, you have to face the truth about yourself on a regular basis, and it makes you more honest. You can't pretend to be faster than you are. You can't pretend that you are better prepared than you are. You cannot pretend to be a runner, you atually have to run."

"We all need to live out our dreams. We need to spend less time planning and organizing and more time doing. We need to spend less time worrying about doing things well and more time rejoicing that we are doing them at all."

This last quote really resonates deeply with me. I am a huge
planner and organizer. Yet I had this surgery to start living out my
dreams. To be able to have a life without limits. So what if I
can't run well, or I can barely run five minutes, I am running.

A WOW...

I ran for four minutes tonight on the treadmill.

Ok, for you hard core exercise people, you can laugh, but I am so proud of myself! I RAN. Run and Tiffany have never gone in the same sentence before.

I started thinking today about my whole waiting until I weighed 180 before starting to run. I was using my weak left ankle as the reason to wait. It occurred to me that I should at least TRY before deciding if I needed to wait. Maybe the fact that my ankle has 179 pounds less to support might make it ok with running now. I decided to give it a shot.

I'm not sure exactly what speed I was going, I know it was a jog. I was on my treadmill, but only had it going at 3.4 miles per hour. I just started to jog. I didn't change the speed up any higher because I've had some fears with the treadmill, and even faller off of it twice recently.

I want to make the transition. From the girl who could barely move, to the girl who moves all the time. I want to be fit. I saw a girl with a "26.2" sticker on her car today. I thought to myself, I'd love to run a marathon before I turn thirty. Here is to success....celebrate each victory along the way. Today it is running for four minutes. :)

Know Your Stuff...

(Sorry, another work related post ahead.)

Nothing upsets me more when people don't know their stuff. When you are a specialist, you should be on top of your game. Today, during my presentation, one of the people from the state sat in on our meeting. She asked me what something in my presentation meant. Normally, I would be very patient (if I were doing a training with teachers), but I was appalled. This is her field. The term was not a new one, and was something that she should have knowledge of. I know I was not the only person that couldn't believe she didn't know the term.

I don't want to come off cocky, but it is critical to know your stuff. When you leave college, it is your job to stay educated in your field. I know I am a nerd, and really like reading about my field. I just feel that you should be passionate about what you do. It takes time to really stay well read in your profession, but so critical.

Back to the Salt Mines....

Vacation is over, and it is back to work this morning for me. I have to work in Frankfort at the Department of Education today. This morning I will be presenting a 185 page power point presentation that I have developed to the other 11 people who have my job across the state. They will get to tear it apart, and then I will regroup and revise it from there. Days like these remind me that I really am an adult. I will definitely need a coffee this morning.

Since losing weight, I have so much more confidence in getting up in front of groups. Before, I always felt as if they were staring at me, only thinking of how huge I was. Now I feel that people are actually listening to the content that I am delivering. There is one graduate professor, Coach South, I owe a huge debt of gratitude for as far as my public speaking abilities. He really worked with me, as they were HORRIBLE. He saw a gem, and really encouraged me to keep trying the public speaking. It is so much easier now than it used to be.

I don't like days I have to travel out of town, because I feel like it throws my eating off track. Today, I'm just going to stick with chicken salad and hard boiled eggs for lunch.

Some highlights of January that I am looking forward to:

* Getting to see Phantom of the Opera with some friends
* Seeing an old high school friend that now lives in Portland, Oregon (there are also some trepidations about that, which I will elaborate on later)
* The annual "Girls Just Want to Have Fun Weekend"

Please!!!

There is being cautious, and there is just plain obsessing over stupid things.

Today I had lunch with my friends, and had bread with my meal. I didn't have a lot of it, but on the way home, I started to obsess over it. I seriously was mad at myself for letting myself eat the bread. Just a few minutes ago, it hit me. I have not had ANY bread for over 6 weeks. Why am I beating myself up for just a little bit on occasion?

I like how my perspective has changed post DS. Prior to surgery, just having some bread would not have even come close for me considering that as "ruining" my day. My eating was so out of control, even my worst day on the DS, makes me look like a saint pre-op. I like that I have a shorter check on myself now. I think things through. Yes, today I really did over think it. I'm so happy I'm not the person that I was.

Last Day Off....

Today is my last day off work. I'm going to have lunch with some friends. One friend I have not seen in a few months, so I am excited about that. Other than that, I don't plan on doing much. I want to relax. I am ready to tackle the new year, and the challenges that will come from my job. I have learned a lot in my position, and try to take each day as an opportunity to improve my skill set.

I forgot to mention...it is cold, freezing cold. When you lose 179 pounds, you are COLD all the time. (Well, at least I am.)

Starting to Socialize...

I am going to join a Bible study on January 15th. It will be a multi-age women's group Bible study. It is a Beth Moore bible study. I have done these before in small groups, as well as on my own. The group will meet 13 times.

This will be good for my spirit.

I Can't...

SQUAT!

I have been obese my entire life. I can squat, but feel really akward with the whole balance thing. I guess there are so many muscles that I have not used there, that it makes the exercise difficult. This is something I will have to practice in order to be able to do it effortlessly.

It fascinates me to see how effortlessly people do this every day. I see people bend down to tie their kids shoes, or squat down to pick things up. One day, I will be one of those people.

Clothing Size Charts...

I have been looking online at different websites. I am looking at their clothing size charts. My waist is a size 16. My hips are still a size 18. If they had measurements for thighs, I'm sure they would still be a size 18. I want to get into a 16. I want to go down a size.

I have these brief thoughts that I'd be ok with just losing a little bit each month, as long as I get to goal. I so want to reach goal. I have such little patience. While I have accomplished so much, I don't want to be satisfied. I am scared of becoming complacent. I am happy that I am the size that I am now, but I don't want to stay this size. While life is grand here, I want to be smaller! I want to be healthier!

Keep pressing on!