FINALLY!!!

One of my favorite artists is coming to town in July!!! Amos Lee will be in Louisville on July 23rd. It is the day I get back from Colombia, and my friend Michelle and I got tickets. I can't wait to see him in concert. He is such a phenomenal singer and songwriter.

New PCP

Well, I interviewed my new PCP, and she is an excellent choice. I was very impressed with her knowledge of my surgery and bloodwork needed for a DSer. I started in with my story to her, then began explaining my vitamin routine. She asked if I was a medical professional for work! I said that I was not, but I believe it is critical for every patient to know as much as they can about any condition that they have. She took EIGHT tubes of blood for testing. I go back to see her in the next month.

Last Post of the Morning!

There were four things I wanted to accomplish this summer. These were things that previously my weight would have been a severe hindrance or impossibility to do the task.

1. Skydiving (May 24, 2008) DONE
2. Horseback Riding (Scheduled for July 25, 2008)
3. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
4. Go Whitewater Rafting

I have got to get the last two things scheduled before the summer is over! This summer is about breaking out of boundaries that I have once been tied down to. :)

Tiny Motivators from Back in Skinny Jeans

I think we often spend more time planning, and not enough time doing. Then, when I actually start to do something, I get upset because it is not going perfectly like I had invisioned in my head. I need to go ahead and do things instead of waiting for some ideal circumstance or time.



With the mental struggles regarding my weight/body image, this quote really hits home to me. I need to find the balance between high standards, yet realize that I am never going to reach perfection. I remember a quote by Salvador Dali that said, "Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it." For some time that quote was on my scale as a reminder that a perfect life doesn't start when you reach a number on the scale.

Possibly New PCP

I'm going today to interview a new PCP. This lady came highly recommended as being one of the best at monitoring bloodwork. As a DSer, this is something that I really need. I am hoping that she knows of my surgery, etc as well. I am hoping this lady is a winner, but I truly do need to be very picky, as I have to be the one who is proactive about my health.

This morning I am going to work in my classroom. It is so slow right now, and it is hard to see progress. I know it will look the way I want it to, but getting it to that point is going to take some doing.



We had our KADS meeting yesterday. It was good to be with the group. I am posting a picture of Ken and I. It is so weird, because I look so thin and healthy, but yet I don't see myself that way.

Friday Night

Last night Ben and I went to see Shakespeare in the Park, Julius Caesar. I made us a picnic dinner, and fun was in. He is very affectionate with me, which I really like. We were going to take a walk down by the river, but the weather was looking like it might turn bad. Instead, we went back to his place, and he showed me his pictures from the Holy Lands. Those pictures really made me want to go even more so!

This morning, I drove him to the airport so he could go back home to see his new nephew. Since I had some time to spare, we sat and talked for about an hour and a half before he had to leave for his flight. We got a lady sitting nearby us to take our picture together. That is our first picture together. I will post it when he gets back from North Carolina, since he is using my camera to take pictures of his new nephew.

My friend Wendy loaned me Skinny B*tch. I have been meaning to read this book for some time to see what all the buzz is about. It looks to be a very quick read. I will be posting my thoughts on the book soon.

Just Because It is There...

I've gotten so much better at not eating things simply "because they are there." Today, though I ate a lemon bar. Do I even like lemon bars....um not so much? Why did I waste my carbs on something that I don't like? Ridiculous. Behavior. That. Must. Be. Stopped.

So, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "It's no big deal, it was just one lemon bar." Yeah, that is true, but if I don't watch things, this is a behavior I could easily resort back to, and I don't want to do that. It wasn't one thing that got me fat, it was a series of small stupid choices that I made repeatedly. If I let my mind fool me into thinking that this one thing doesn't matter, then I will think that gaining five pounds is acceptable, and going back up a size in jeans is fine too.

Ok, I'm officially off my soapbox and going to bed now.

Goodbye to Some Great Friends

It has been such a priviledge to work with Vicki, Donna, and Mary. They are so talented, and I have learned so much from them! Today was a sad day, since we will not be working together anymore. I am thankful they were a part of my life for a season.

Trying to Help Someone Who Was Hurting

I presented at a conference today. One of the coaches at a school I used to work at saw me, and congratulated me on my weight loss. She had lap-band three years prior. She asked what size I wore, and I told her 10. After lunch, she came up and asked to talk with me.

I could see the tears forming in her eyes, and it broke my heart. She started talking about how successful I had been with my surgery, and how at three years out, she still is twenty pounds from goal. I whipped out my calculator on my cell phone, and pointed out to her that she had lost 87.7% of her excess weight. Then I also mentioned how many lap-band patients gain a significant portion of their weight back, and here at three years out she had not. She said she had all these skin issues, so I pulled her in the bathroom before my session started and I showed her mine.

I think in the end, she walked away comforted, and feeling better about her accomplishments. This losing weight and maintaining weight is a tough, tough battle....lets be gentle towards one another guys.

15 Months Post Op

I think for the rest of my life I will always stop and reflect on the 26th of each month. That was the day that I had my DS. So much has changed in my life since I have had it. I will always be greatful for being able to have the DS, and regain LIFE in a way that I had never known it for 27 years.

This morning I weighed in at 167. I am down eight pounds for this month. This puts me at a 93% excess weight lost. I have lost a total percentage of 57.5% of my weight since the day of my surgery.

It is wild to think that I have lost almost 60% of my body in fifteen months. Although I found a picture of myself with my class when I was unpacking the other day, and boy was I ever huge. I wonder how I did anything in life being that size.

Something cool that happened this month was breaking into size 10! I have bought a skirt, dress, and a few pairs of pants in this size. What is amazing about this is that getting into a size 10 was back to school goal. By reaching this goal midway through summer, I hope to be universally in a size 10, and would love if I could possibly have broken into a few size 8's. (Wow...I would have never thought 15 months ago that I could possibly be on the brink of going into a SINGLE DIGIT clothing size.)

8 pounds until a normal BMI!

17 pounds until goal!!!

My Brain Just Can't Catch Up

Today I was speaking at a conference with the other people who do my job around the state. I've worked with these ladies for a year and a half now. They were so complimentary on my appearance. Former SSMO girls are not used to hearing the adjective "skinny" to describe themselves from others.

My two closest friends from this group are Donna and Vicki. Vicki asked me if I was in size 10 yet, and it was great to be able to tell her YES!!! :) Donna said that we wear the same size pants. That completely blew my mind. I've always thought if I could look like Donna I would be so happy. She asked what I currently weighed, and it turns out I am only ten pounds heavier than she is. (When I started to think about my bone density from all those years being SSMO, I guess that takes into account how I can wear the same size as she does, yet still weigh a few pounds more.) I am going to try to post a picture of Donna, Vicki, and myself together tomorrow.

When will my mind ever catch up?

Colombia

It is just a little less than three weeks, and I will being going on holiday to Colombia. I need to find another good probiotic to take. The kind I take, I really like, but it has to be refrigerated. I'll have to start shopping around for that one.

Then, I worry about what I will be able to eat. I have never done well with strange foods. I want to try a few new things, but I don't want to mess up my digestive system either. That would certainly make for a miserable time.

The biggest problem I have is not being able to WEIGH for that many days. I obsess over the numbers on the scale. I love when they go down, and I want to watch like a hawk that they don't go up ever again.

The other thing I want to make sure doesn't happen is that my vitamins don't get taken at airport security. I would hope that I am not the only person in the US who takes a zillion pills a day. I would flip out if they made me leave my vitamins behind.

Ok, off to go to a convention downtown to present. :)

On Elitism

I was reading from John Bingham's book tonight and came across a good quote:

"For a long time I was embarrassed to be standing in a group of runners with a number pinned to my chest. How presumptuous of me, I thought, that I should try to join in. How outrageous of me to think that I am, a waddling middle-aged man (for me: a former 393 pound fat girl), could be one of them."

There is certainly an intimidation factor when it comes to racing. I don't want to let this keep me from racing though. I really want to try this.

The other quote from tonight's reading was,

"I used to believe that there could only be one winner. What a moment of enlightenment it was to discover that there are individuals who are winning races irrespective of their finishing time."

I am not in the least bit concerned about ever winning a race, but I do want to compete against my own personal best every time I do race. I am becoming an adult onset athlete, one day at a time.

Move in Day at JBA!

Today (and tomorrow) I moved into my new classroom for the fall. I have so much STUFF. Don't get me wrong, it is all good stuff, but getting it organized is going to be a big pain. Above is a picture of me with two of my former students. I must admit these boys are very near and dear to my heart. I know they will accomplish big things in their lives, and I'm so happy I got to be their teacher. Must go to sleep now, I have another LONG day ahead of me tomorrow!

Success

Success is not an event; it is a lifelong journey. You cannot possess what you are unwilling to pursue. Success comes to those who plan, to those who prepare, to those who are persistent, and to those who are willing to endure pain to achieve their goals.

The easy life is the empty life. Whatever the status quo is in your life, bust out of it, you owe it to yourself.

From Post Secret

This post secret has an interesting perspective, since I have only found the OPPOSITE to be true. I feel the smaller I get the more people are willing to listen to me, and take me more seriously. I guess we all come from things at different perspectives, but for me, the evidence in my own life contradicts this post secret.

Date Night

Ok, here is an update on my date, and it sort of relates to my weight loss journey as well. Thanks so much guys for being sweet and letting me gush about Ben. He really is a treasure!

Ben was really surprised about the murder mystery dinner theater for his birthday. We had a really good time. Afterwards, I had nothing else planned, and he said the night was young, and we should do something else. We went to Borders for a few minutes, then went to Starbucks. When we got back to campus, I got the longest best hug from him. He told me that he loved holding me.

My mind is still really warped as far as what size I am. I really felt so small because when he hugs me, I feel like am wrapped so tight in his arms. His arms go all the way around my body, and it makes me feel so tiny and petite. It is such an incredible feeling.

He then asked if I wanted to take a walk around campus. We walked for some time. We met a guy he had class with, who was a teacher from Nigeria studying at the seminary. It is so fascinating to me to learn about other people's cultures.

When he took me back to my car, I got another long hug, and my first kiss. Ben also said something very sweet to me, "You are getting prettier every time I see you." With how my self-concept has been so low, I really needed to hear this. :)

New York City Ad

Breaking Through....

The scale weighed in at 168 this morning! I am now down seven pounds for this month. WOOO HOOO!!!! Goodbye 170's!

I am nine pounds away from a normal BMI!!!

I am 18 pounds away from my goal!

Mama Loves Mambo

I had dinner and went dancing last night with Ben. I really had a great time dancing. He was again very complimentary of me, and said I had improved quite a bit from last time. We did work on the mambo for quite some time. Dancing is so much fun!

I met a lady who taught ballroom dancing at my school last year to the 5th graders. That would be a cool thing to work with her in the upcoming year, so I could help teach my students to dance.This girl also asked me how long I had been dancing. I told her it was my second time. She said that I catch on quickly. I have a STRONG suspicion that she was just being nice, but it was still sweet to hear.

Then the awkward part came, his ex-girlfriend came into the dancing studio. So what is the first thing I immediately do in my head....I compare my size to her size. (Ok, I do this with practically every girl I meet, but this time it meant more, because it was his ex-girlfriend.) I am guessing I am about 10-15 pounds heavier than she is.

The best part of the evening was as we were leaving the bookstore, and driving towards the dance studio. He said, "Tiffany, what do you say about making things official?" I asked him to clarify what he meant by that. He then asked me to be his girlfriend. :) I said YES! (I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to have met a guy who knows what he wants, and doesn't want to stay in the just friends stage for ten million years.)

More updates later...time to go teach GED. Tonight we are going to a murder mystery theater performance.

Quote From Back in Skinny Jeans....

RIBS

One of the joys for almost anyone who loses a large amount of weight is the rediscovering that they actually have ribs, bones, etc. I made this discovery quite a while back. Today when I was looking in the mirror, it was a long double take. Not only do I have ribs, but I can actually see ALL of my ribs. I have so little fat in that area that they are very prominent. WOW!

Ok, back to work!

Shopping Late Tonight

I bought a dress and two pairs of capris in size 10!!! I am not ready to officially say I wear a size 10, because overall I still wear a twelve. Here is the cool thing, I love breaking through!!! Once you get in a few of a certain size, you know you are on your way to being able to claim that size as your own! :)

I will certainly take a size 10 over a size 36W anyday!!!

I am beyond pumped about dancing tomorrow night. Have I mentioned that this guy is sweet and I really like him? I am getting way girly!!!

Oh Yeah

I am presenting at a training institute for our district teachers. Yesterday, I ran into several people I know from the district. One of the ladies said, "You are at goal now aren't you?" Another lady said I was down by half since she last saw me. Those are great comments to hear.

I did end up buying the Eating Disorders book last night from church. I think it can help with my mindset some.

I need to seriously get in gear and finish packing up for my move into my new school on Monday and Tuesday. I have about 75% of it done, but have really been too busy to finish everything. I will be glad to have all this school stuff out of my house and back into a classroom.

Sleep would be GREAT right now, but when one can't sleep, there is always STARBUCKS! I will certainly be stopping on the way.

Good Quote:

"All great accomplishments were, at one time, considered impossible."

Gush! Gush! Gush!

My second date was last night. :) I took him out to a local restaurant by the river. (It was his birthday, so I planned something for him.) I really love how easy the conversation flows. Afterwards, we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. He kissed my hand three different times. Folks, this guy could seriously be a keeper!

On the scale front, I am down another 1.2 pounds. 171.8 this morning!!! Hey I will take it! I am certainly ready to say GOODBYE to the 170s!

I was talking with my friend Mandi on the way home from my date last night. I told her what I weighed, and she says, "You weigh less than Barbie." Barbie is the name we gave to her mother in college. She is gorgeous. I was floored that I weighed less than her. Good times!

Good Times with the Scale

I am down another pound to 173 pounds. That makes for a total of two pounds lost this month. I am thinking that this ballrom dancing might help with my weight loss numbers if I keep it up. :)

I also just calculated this: I have lost 90.5% of of my excess weight! WOOT WOOT!!!!

I am thankful that I had the Duodenal Switch. I am far enough post-op that people with other surgeries reach the point where they start to regain some of their weight. This is just a common statistic of the other WLS out there. That doesn't mean those with the DS cannot gain weight, but statistically they are less likely to do so, especially to the extent that RNY and Lap-Band patients do.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I am giving the biggest presentation of my life. By that I mean, I am presenting to more people than I have ever presented to before. Had an opportunity come up like this prior to my losing the weight, I would have never had the confidence to share and lead a presentation. I am ready for the presentation, and it is nice to know that I can reflect a polished professional image too.

Big Priority

I need to find some GOOD shoes in order to keep up with this ballroom dancing. I am excited about it, but will be shoe shopping on Thursday. I am going to start at Easy Spirit, and see what luck I have there.

Right now I am a bit awestruck that someone wants to ballroom dance with ME. :)

A Few New Photos

This is my newest outfit. The skirt is a size 10, and the top is a medium (size 8/10).

This is a new pair of blue jeans that I got. They are size 12. I've been in 12's for a bit of time, but I really like how these pair fit. It really takes seeing photographs to realize just how much LESS of me there actually is.

I love my daddy....

but he is really trying to get me to put the brakes on losing weight. I am still 15 pounds from a normal BMI. I am still 23 pounds from my first goal weight. There is still fat that I can lose. Every bit extra that I lose for plastics is going to put me in a better place as well.

I'm not going to get unreasonable and lose down to some ridiculously low weight, but I do think the BMI index is appropriate for me. (I have seen many people who carry a bit higher BMI, but really do look fine. I am just looking at where I am now, and where I want to go to. I think it is pretty much on the money for me.)

Here is to being HEALTHY and having a weight in the NORMAL BMI RANGE!

Another First! (Thanks DS!)

Tonight I had an AWESOME first date!!! We had dinner at the Olive Garden, and then he asked if I would want to go ballroom dancing with him. We danced for almost THREE hours. He even twirled me around a bunch of times throughout the night. I really felt like a princess out there dancing. I had such a great time! Not only was I ballroom dancing, I was wearing cute high heeled wedge shoes while I did it. :)

I got up at 6:30 this morning, taught GED for six hours, and went ballroom dancing all in the same day. Never before would I have had enough energy/stamina to do such a thing as a pre-op. He was super encouraging as well, telling me that I was doing a great job, etc.

Here was the other thing....there were about 6 other women there, and I really didn't feel like I stood out in the crowd. I felt normal. I felt like I was an equal to them, that I had just as much of a right to be on the dance floor as they did. They were all super nice ladies.

He asked me out on a second date. :)

GED Class

Today I started my newest GED course. I had 24 enrolled, but 14 showed up. I guess that is pretty good considering this is a Saturday class. I was a bit worried about this class because of the number of young people who had dropped out. The group seems to be a good group. I even had two girls score a perfect score on the Official Practice Test in Science that we took this afternoon.

I have a date in two hours. I am a bundle of nerves! This guy and I have really hit it off on the phone, and exchanged pictures, etc. I hope he likes the me he sees. I figure I'm almost 29 years old. The only person I can be is myself. I feel that I am pretty consistent on a day to day basis, and there is no need to pretend to be anyone else. (Not saying that I do, but I do think this is a common practice when you are younger. You try to "mold" yourself into the person you think that guy might be interested in.)

The only thing special I have done for this date was to get a manicure and pedicure. Trust me, the pedicure was WAY overdue. I think the pedicure was needed for anyone who had to look at my feet during sandal season. :)

Also just another small suggestion that has helped me as a Post-Op: If you are going to a major restaurant, look up the menu online. This way you have time to really think about the best choices that are DS friendly on the menu. I am nerdy, and like to plan ahead. I think this has helped me to make better choices than perhaps if I had felt pressured to make a quick decision at the restaurant table.

I'm off to get ready for my date. Fun times.

Things I am Thankful For...

Since I have had such a negative self-deprecating disposition concerning my body image lately, I decided to list things I am thankful for regarding my body. Most of these things have been listed before throughout this blog, but I need to remember them again. Thanks for reading along with me.

• I no longer wear size 36W jeans.
• I no longer wear size 5x/6X shirts.
• My cholesterol has gone from 189 to 120. (At one point it was 105.)
• I will be able to live to see 40, wheras before I wasn't even sure I would make it that far.
• I am able to work. I never lost this ability, but with how my weight was increasing, I could certainly see that as being a possibility a few years ahead had I not had WLS.
• I no longer sit down in a chair and worry if the chair can withstand my weight.
• I can easily fit in booths, with tons of room to spare.
• I can shop in regular stores.
• I was able to go skydiving.
• People no longer move out of my way when I am walking beside them. They know there is enough room for me to pass without their moving.
• People look me in the eye more. (This one is especially hard to relate to unless you have been SMO.)
• I feel like I am treated more professionally at work than before WLS.
• I hardly ever sweat anymore.
• I have so much more energy.
• People actually think my sister and I look alike now.
• I can fly on a plane with ease.
• I am diligent about taking my vitamins/supplements.
• I am extremely proactive when it comes to the healthcare I receive, especially regarding my labs/bloodwork.
• I am able to run!

Keep working on your own journey to health. That is why we are all in this. I have been discouraged lately, but better days are sure to come.

While we all want to achieve better health, I am personally trying to not let the number on the scale define me. There is more to Tiffany than just that number!

Smiling

Finally, the scale budged. 174 this morning. Yet, I am still baffled. I am in many ways a concrete person. I would have done well in any science/math related field. I like formulas. I like precision. I like RESULTS, especially positive ones.

As I have blogged about before, there seems to be NO connection between the amount of carbs I eat and the number on the scale. Granted, I have not gone wild with the carbs, but my body does not seem to respond any different from 30 carbs than it does to 100 carbs. I don't understand this.

Then there is my current mental disposition. Since there is actual progress on the scale, I am on cloud nine. My mind forgets that I bought a size 10 zip up skirt last weekend. It is like I want there to be progress every single day, and when my body doesn't allow me that, I get upset with myself.

I did call and get the name of a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. I am going to call her this afternoon and see about at least setting up a consultation.

Can't wait until I get off work on Friday. I am going to go to the park and hike. :)

Not a Moment Too Soon

My friend Cheryl sent me flowers today. The whole mental aspect of the weight loss is really taking a toll on me. Hopefully we will be able to connect on the phone tomorrow. I missed her call. It is hard making the calls work when she lives in Germany. She has struggled with eating disorder type stuff, and I hope she can offer words of encouragement and hope.

Mental Battles....

Tonight I went to a Bible study at a large church in town. I went with a co-worker. Before the study, we went into the bookstore that is located within the church. There was a Bible study on Eating Disorders. I really wanted to purchase it. No, I don't think I have a traditional eating disorder, but I know I have elements of something because of my constant flow of mental thoughts and my inaccurate body image. I think I am going to purchase it next week. I could really use some thoughts from a Christian perspective on this issue.

Onto the next subject...there is a guy I like. We are going out on a date Saturday. This brings up an ocean of thoughts, mainly questions. He has seen my pictures, and he is still interested in me. What will he think when he sees me in person? Is there a thought that he might actually want to have a relationship with me? (I struggle with always being Miss Congeniality. You know, the person with a nice smile and sweet spirit, but the girl that guys only want as a "friend.")

Off to bed. I hope I can turn my brain OFF.

How to lose 192 pounds in 7 seconds

What an inspiration Jeanette is! Her book is also EXCELLENT!

Humbled and Blessed

This week I am doing consulting work with the Adult Education program I work for. I am doing some observation of classes, but I also wanted to work in small groups with students to see how I could best offer my advice.

All I can say is that I am so humbled and blessed. I have never really struggled with learning. School work has always come easy to me. Watching and helping these people who are struggling with basic reading, math, and writing concepts has truly put things into perspective for me.

It also makes me think more about teaching my students. Every minute I teach them matters. I don't want my students to struggle through life as many of these people have done.

Photos

HUGE NEWS!!!

My sister came over to my house today while I was out at church. I went to weigh myself this evening, and I noticed a the number 155 on my scale. I have been struggling for many months about how close in weight and size am I to my sister. She apparently didn't know that my scale saves the last weight under each number.


I weigh only 20 pounds more than my sister!!!!


I had an awesome time with Vicki shopping today. She is so sweet! :) I got a super cute dress and shirt. The skirt was a size 10!


WOOOO HOOOO!!!!

TIRED

I've done presentations for SIX days in a row. JOY! Actually, I really don't mind them, and had quite a bit of fun presenting, but I am ready for a BREAK!



I went to see Prince Caspain tonight with my friend Michelle. That was fun times. Last night went over and picked up a few books at the Friends of the Library Booksale.



My bone density scan came back and everything was within normal range for my age/gender.



I love countdowns.....


37 days until I go to Colombia

60 days before I start teaching 5th grade



Count UPS I don't like....


Day 14 of a nasty STALL!

Exploring Whole Foods: A Product At a Time

At one point, I was pretty big into organic products. Well, I let that all slip to the wayside. I would like to move back toward products that are less-processed. I am going to start doing a little write up about new products I find at Whole Foods, and my thoughts on them.

I have heard people rave about Fage Greek Yogurt. It is a very DS friendly food, as it is high in calories from fat, low in carbs, and a solid amount of protein. I tried it, and did not like it whatsoever. I even tried to doctor it up some with sugar free syrup, but overall it was too tart for me.

Way To Go Utah! (NOT!)

Utah schools lead nation in access to junk food

The AP (6/6) reports, "Utah schools give teens more access to unhealthy foods and drinks than anywhere else in the country," according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which noted that "86 percent of Utah schools allow students to buy soda, compared to the national average of 63 percent." Additionally, "[e]ighty-three percent of Utah schools offered chocolate candy in 2006, compared to the national average of 40 percent." The AP explains, "Instead of ordering a ban, the state school board last year said schools could prohibit unhealthy food or drinks."

The Salt Lake Tribune (6/5) added that, overall, "Utah has the most schools that allow the sale of unhealthy foods and drinks during lunch -- 81 percent versus 35 percent for the national median." However, soft drink companies "have voluntarily agreed to remove sodas from elementary and middle schools and sell diet sodas in high schools" by the 2009-10 school year, and "the results also showed" that currently, "Utah schools do a better-than-average job of offering healthy drinks, such as low-fat milk and bottled water." But while state policy "encourages healthy environments" through guidelines, officials say that "few schools are willing to cut out junk completely, often citing the needed revenue."

Pretty Funny

Need a Mental Vacation...

I really need a mental vacation. There is no chance this month for a real vacation as I am doing trainings/consulting left and right.

So about that mental vacation...

I have done a 180 over the past 14 months. Physically, my body has changed so much. You have heard me blabber on about this more times than I can count. The mental part is getting beyond belief tougher than tough. I have gone from trying to ignore the elephant in the room for oh so many years, to NON STOP thinking about my weight/body image/size.

I am constantly sizing myself up to the size of other women in the room I'm in. Truth is, I still don't have an accurate perception of myself, so I don't even know what that is. I think about carbs, why I am in a stall, will I ever get these last twenty-five pounds off, what I would look like in a size 10 or size 8, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. It is exhausting. I have spoken many times about finding balance, I just wish it were easier to find.

My Mind Doesn't Comprend....

I'm bidding on Spanx off of Ebay tonight. Around last September I bought a 3X in the bodysuit. Around January or so I bought an XL in the bodysuit. Now, I looked at the sizing chart before bidding, and according to the measurements I need a medium.

My body is changing, even though the scale is staying the same.

DS verses the RNY (Gastric Bypass) Study

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/DS/a,messageboard/action,replies/board_id,5357/cat_id,4957/topic_id,3630544/

Morning!

My air conditioning in my condo got fixed yesterday!!! It was so hot in my condo that it took the air conditioning about 6 hours to cool it down! I am thankful they were able to work me in on such short notice.

My body seems very happy at 175. VERY happy. I on the other hand, would love to see that number go DOWN. Hopefully this will happen sooner, rather than later. I am scared I'm going to stall. I don't want to stall. At least if I am going to stall, I hope that I will continue to lose inches.

My best friend Mandi is getting married at the beginning of August. Buying a dress has proved to be difficult. She has finally picked out the dress, and after looking at the sizing chart, I need a MEDIUM! Woot! Woot! :)

Not too much else to report. My brother's graduation party went over well. I wore a sleeveless pink dress.

Hotter than LOVE

My condo that is....

My air is completely out in my condo. I have no clue what is wrong with it. A guy is coming over tomorrow to look at it. PLEASE let him be able to fix it!!! I couldn't imagine how I would have handled this pre-DS.

Perhaps I should just sleep on my balcony tonight. I think it is about 15 degrees cooler out here than in my condo.

My mom made me a really cool collage of my skydiving pictures. It looks so awesome. I can't wait to hang it up. :)

Then and Now (Measurements)

Today is measurement day. I lost a total of 3 inches for this month. That is an overall total of 101 inches.



I first took my measurements on September 1, 2007. I wanted to do a "then and now comparison with the numbers.



Area of Body 9-1-07 6-1-07 Total Inches Lost



Waist 46 inches 29.5 inches 16.5 inches

Area above Waist 49 inches 32 inches 17 inches

Hips 60 inches 40 inches 20 inches

Breasts 43 inches 34 inches 9 inches

Right Thigh 31 inches 20 inches 11 inches

Left Thigh 31 inches 21 inches 10 inches

Right Upper Arm 15 inches 11.5 inches 3.5 inches

Left Upper Arm 15 inches 11.5 inches 3.5 inches

Above Right Knee 21 inches 15 inches 6 inches

Above Left Knee 21 inches 15 inches 6 inches



This chart really speaks volumes about my journey over the past nine months!
(Sorry about the spacing, Blogger would not honor my spacings when it went into publish mode.)

From Post Secret

Ok...this post card above hits home. Pasta Queen talks about having that "fat layer" to hide behind. Now that I am not morbidly obese will people like me for me? This postcard alone could really spark a long long blog entry.

As I get closer to a goal weight, I wonder what is "thin enough." What is the magic number on the scale where I am cute? Many many thoughts on this secret as well.