Weight and Other People's Pantries

I weighed in at 257.6 this morning. I am down 1.2 pounds! I worked out on the elliptical for ONE HOUR this morning! This is a personal record for me. The longest I have gone before was for fifty minutes. That has probably been at least four weeks ago. I burned 671 calories! The workout felt so good.

Now, onto the subject of other people's pantries. I have babysat for this family for right at three years. They are all normal "healthy" weights. My eyes really have been opened since having surgery to not only how I view food, but how I see that food impacts the lives of others. I am at their house at least once a week, but up to 7-8 times a month. I feel that I have gotten to know them pretty well. Here are a few things I noticed about them...

1. They have food that stays in their pantry for a long time. I'm talking "bad" type foods. Cookies...that will take them a month to consume (if they don't end up throwing them out because they are bad).
2. They eat fruit as a snack often.
3. Although the dad is a Chief Advertising Executive for a major fast food company, they maybe have it two times a month....if that.
4. They always have leftovers in their fridge. They seem very discerning about when they are full, and don't go back and get more just because it is there.
5. Physical activity is a part of their lives, but not a huge part. They exercise maybe two-three times a week.

It is just interesting to see the little things that can be done to help you achieve/maintain your goals. There are many things about myself that have changed since I had the DS.

1. I rarely have fast food. (Maybe 1-2 times a month. Usually that is chili from Wendy's or grilled chicken with no bun.)
2. Although I didn't exercise for the first 4 1/2 months, I am now a consistant exerciser.
3. When I buy food it lasts a whole lot longer. Granted my stomach size is much reduced, I could still eat a whole lot of something over the course of the day. I just don't do that.
4. Coke...I have not had a Coke since surgery. This is a huge deal to me. I was majorly addicted to Cokes. (I once calculated that based on the Cokes that I consumed each day, I had the potential to gain 54 pounds a year. How scary is that? What is even worse, after calculating that, it didn't make me stop drinking them.)

Surgery was not a major fix. Yes, it is a major help. I have to do my part. I really am trying.

MTV True Life

Very Interesting Video.

Thoughts...Pretty Much All Over the Board

I weighed in today at 258.8 pounds. I am down .8 tenths of a pound. I just finished up a 45 minute workout. I burned 500 calories!

On a most significant note. I only have 99.8 pounds until goal! I am under the 100 mark!!! I am 3.8 pounds from an obese BMI. I am 67.8 pounds from an overweight BMI. When I get to goal (at this time my goal is 159 pounds) I will have a NORMAL BMI.

I have come to the startling conclusion that I actually have RIBS. I have had so much fat and flab for so many years, I really never could feel them. When I lay down at night, I can feel them pretty defined. That is so wild to me.

Now, onto thoughts about my mom. My mom has not really been encouraging about my weight loss at all these past several months. It is not that she is mean or rude, she just simply doesn't say anything at all. This morning as I was working out, it hit me. I think the reason for this is because I am about 20-25 pounds from weighing the same weight as she does. In some weird odd way, I think she feels threatened by the fact that I could be smaller than her. Maybe it isn't the case at all, maybe she just doesn't care enough to compliment me. Who knows. I'd love to say that it doesn't bother me at all...but it does bother me. I do care. I wish that she did.

I am thinking about my trip which is in 48 days. I am going to be gone NINE days! I am very excited about this, but also apprehensive. I have decided that I am going to workout each day I am on the cruise (I think we are on the cruise 6 days and 5 nights.) I feel certain that they would have a scale, but I think I am going to call and ask. That way I can at least keep track of my weight for part of the trip. (I am so happy for those people who can stay off the scale for days and weeks at a time, I am simply not one of them. I wish that I could be. I just need the reality of the numbers each day.) If I knew that TSA would not take away my $75 electronic scale, I'd pack it with me as a carry on. I somehow feel that they might think it is a bomb. Perhaps I could just weigh myself on the things that weigh your baggage as you check in.

I know we are going to be pretty active for the whole trip, so I know I will get in exercise. I just don't want to "gain" weight on the trip. I am taking my Nectar Protein drinks. I am going to take enough for two a day, which would give me 46 grams of protein. I also am going to take some protein bars (enough for one a day if I needed them), and some nuts. On the cruise I intend to concentrate on my meats and cheeses to keep my carbs ultra low. Since food is always available on the cruise, I don't feel I will have a problem getting in my protein. I just want to have a PLAN. This is the plan thusfar. When I get back from the cruise the next day is my eighth month post-op. If anyone has any suggestions, I am very open to them.

I am going to take my measurements again tomorrow. I took them on September 1. I wish I had done this from the beginning, but I didn't. It will be cool to see how they are changing each month.

My BUM

My butt hurts. I think I need to buy a donut pillow. I wish I could redistribute some of weight so I could have more cushion on my tail. I loved watching Hamlet last night, but the chair killed my bottom.

So Long, Farewell....

to the 260's!!! I weighed in at 259.6 this morning! I am down another 1.2 pounds today. I have lost 134 pounds to date. The biggest thing is that I am 4.6 pounds from an obese BMI!

I was eating soup last night outside at Panera. I overheard another table's conversation. There were three women in their thirties, who were all normal to slim weight wise. One of them was talking about her daughter, and how she shouldn't let her "weight" stop her. That she could do anything she wanted. (In this instance the lady had been talking about a sports team.) I have no idea what her daughter weighed, but what she is saying is not true. Weight stops you from doing so many things. Some things it stops you from are physical, you just cannot do them. Others, it is much more of a mental battle. Her perspective was certainly coming from someone who had never been overweight a day in their life.

Exercise Routine and Random Information

I have been doing 30 minutes on the elliptical machine each morning. I am doing this at level 3 resistance. I average between 330-345 calories each time. In the evening, I have been doing 15 minutes on the elliptical machine at level 4 resistance. I average about 170-185 calories burned then. I like this system. I want to bump up the time in the evening. I want to have a thirty minute evening workout. :)

In other news...I am getting a Pink Motorola Razor Phone. Ok, so I know the rest of the planet has had a razor forever. My contract came up, and it was time for me to get a new phone. That is the one I picked. I should have it in two days.

I am going to see Hamlet tomorrow night with my mom. Fun times. We are going out to eat. All I can say is SEAFOOD!!! SHRIMP SCAMPI with lots of garlic butter! I love my DS!

Weight and Weird Comments

Today I weighed in at 260.8 pounds. I am almost out of the 260's!!! I'm down another 1.8 pounds. I am getting so close to that obese BMI I can taste it.

Another significant thing for me is that I am about to break the barrier of having less than 100 pounds to lose. I am just barely over 100 pounds until goal. That is so wild to me. Having lost over half my weight gives me more confidence that I can reach my goal. THIS IS SOMETHING OBTAINABLE TO ME. I can do this. (Although, after reading Sharon's blog about WLS failures, I do realize that there is due diligence in maintaining your weight loss.)

I had a really crappy comment about my weight loss the other day. I was at the school I used to work at for a meeting. After the meeting, I see one of the assistants I used to work with. She says that I am looking really good. I tell her thank you. She asked me how much I lost. I told her 131 pounds. She replies, "I never thought you were THAT big." (With a whole lot of emphasis on the "that.") I know this lady, and really know that she was trying to be sincere. Do people not think at all before just BLURTING stuff out of their mouth? I know people have had much worse said to them, but this is my first experience with negative comments.

I can honestly see why people after a while don't really want to share a "number" as far as how much they have lost with the masses. You can be instantly judged for it. I am going to start reserving the specific "number" of how many pounds I have lost to those whom I am the closest to.

Six Months Post-Op Today

Wow....what a journey it has been the past six months. I weighed in at 262.6 this morning. Down another two pounds. I have lost 11.4 pounds this month. (I am only 7.6 pounds from an obese BMI!)

So here are some fun facts for your reading pleasure....

• I have lost 53.6% of my excess weight.
• I have lost 33.2% of my weight from surgery. (How cool is that, I've lost a 1/3 of my body in SIX months!)
• If you average it out per day, I have lost an average of .69 pounds a day.
• I have lost 131 pounds to date.
• I have shaved off 20.5 points off my BMI. (I am so close to an obese BMI. That is pretty remarkable considering I was "Super Morbidly Obese" prior to surgery.)
• Pre-Op I was wearing a size 36 pants. I can now wear a size 24 pants.
• Pre-Op I was wearing a size 4X-5X shirt. Now I can wear a 18-20 shirt.
• I am now exercising 30 minutes a day on my elliptical machine. I have been doing this for almost 6 weeks now.

Having the DS has saved my life!

Things are Good

I weighed in at 264.6 today! :) I am down another 1.6 pounds! Only 9.2 pounds away from an obese BMI!!!

I have lost 129 pounds!!!

I will be back in the office today for the first time in two weeks. Things have really been swamped. I have been on the road non stop. I think my boss may have to mortgage her house to pay my travel check.

I have to stop by the school I used to work at this morning. I have had to make several stops there since the year has started because of various things my new job entails. I have received many compliments. Today, I am wearing an outfit that actually is a great fit for my body. It will be interesting to see what people say. Not that I am "trying" for compliments, but it sure is nice to hear them from people who have known you for a long time.

Six Month Pictures Two Days Early

This top is a size 18/20. The pants are 26/28, but I could certainly wear the size below in them. I just have not bought new ones.

I cannot believe how much LESS of me there is from this side profile!

This dress is a size 20/22!!! :)

A Drop

I weighed in this morning at 266.2. I have lost 127.4 pounds. I am down another pound. Only 11.2 pounds until an obese BMI. I am continually amazed at my increased energy level. I simply don't feel lethargic anymore. That brings a huge grin to my face.

I was successful both Saturday and Sunday at maintaining low carbs.

I am seeing my dad this morning since I have a doctor's appointment. I am going to get him to take a full body shot and a face shot for my six month update.

I am quickly approaching a place I have never been. Before, when I lost close to 100 pounds on phen-phen, I got down to about a size 22. (Maybe a 20 on a really good day.) On Saturday, I fit into a size 24. I cannot imagine what it will be like to get into the "teens" sizes, where the first digit is a 1 and not a 2. (Heck, at least I am OUT of the sizes where the first digit was a 3!!!)

Lane Bryant Shopping...

I went to Lane Bryant after the conference yesterday. I was going there to try on their "Right Size" jeans (which I absolutely love). I had bought a pair of 7's (new sizing system) around the second week of August. They are noticeably lose, but are still the "best fitting" pair of jeans that I have. I can now wear the size 5!!!

Since the new sizing system is completely throwing me off, I got several different pairs of 24's to try on. They all fit. Yes, they were tight, but I was able to get them on, zip, and button them. I was wearing a size 36 before going into surgery just less than six months ago. Now, I can fit into a 24!!! I did a jig in the dressing room. (I probably would have done cartwheels, but there was not enough room for that!)

I am thrilled about the day that will come when I no longer need to shop in Lane Bryant or the "Women's" department. I look forward to being able to shop in trendy stores, boutiques, and the like. Right now, I am just happy that I can buy clothing in a store, and not have to shop online.

What is especially nice is that this trip to Lane Bryant really helps to reconfirm that my body is indeed changing, even though I am not seeing much progress on the scale right now. I am going to have my dad take pictures of me today when he visits. I will post those soon. Now, it's time to exercise.

No Wonder

It is no wonder our nation is so fat. I have experienced this several times. When I go to a fast food restaurant, it is often MORE expensive to order an item a-la-carte. This makes no sense to me. Of course, I pay the extra money, because I don't even want the temptation to "nibble" on the food I don't need.

A small wow for me. While I was at the conference, I was sitting at the end of the row. The session got very crowded, so people were coming down the row to fill up all remaining seats. Several people passed by me. Before, I would have stood up to make sure that they had room to get through. I didn't need to stand up to give them room.

Yesterday was much better on the carb front. I kept myself under 40 grams of carbs. That is the plan for the next week. I really want to get the carbs back under control. This should be much easier, since I am not driving/traveling all the time.

Trying Again

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is that quiet little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I will try again tomorrow."

Today is the "tomorrow" for me trying again. I will get my carbs back in control today. I would love to get to 130 pounds lost by Thursday. I am only a few pounds away. I am packing tuna to eat for lunch, since the food court choices at the conference are crap. I am brining a protein shake mix too. Having the DS put me in control, and took the power food had over me away. Some days my body just needs a reminder of who is in charge.

5 Weeks Now

I have exercised for five weeks IN A ROW now!!! :)

My food choices have sucked the past several days. I have not been low-carbing at all. I am so thankful that I typically do not travel constantly. When I travel, I usually only end up eating one meal out. This week, I have been eating out for all of them. I am getting my protein in, but lots of carbs are coming in as well. I am going to get this back under control PRONTO.

Weight

I weighed in this morning at 267.2 pounds. I am down another 1.6 pounds. That is 6.8 pounds for the month so far. 12.2 pounds until an Obese BMI!!!

I apologize in advance for the somewhat mundane nature of my blog. This blog has several purposes. I really wanted to document my journey every step of the way. I think it is helpful for new WLS patients, or those considering WLS. It is also an encouragement to me, to see the steps in the right direction, however small they may be. I'm sure as I get closer to goal there will be many other things that I will ponder, but right now the number on the scale is very important to me.

The next three days are going to be crazy busy with a conference I am attending. I am stocking up on portable protein. I am not sure how great the food choices will be for me, and I want to get enough protein in. I am very sure it will be hard to do low carb today through Saturday. I just hope I maintain, and don't gain.

Weight Update

I weighed in at 268.4 today. That brings my grand total to 125.2 pounds. I have lost the entire size of my best friend Wendy. (That really blows my mind!)

I have only lost 5.6 pounds this month so far. (Actually I have lost more, but that was because of the stupid rebound weight that came from out of no where. It does not count.) I have seven more days until being six months post-op.

I was expecting to be really sore from my work out last night, but I am not. I feel like my body needs another hard workout today. It felt so wonderful yesterday.

Sticking It To The Man

I am really upset about this IRS thing. I had planned to work out this evening, and stuck with that plan. I decided to take out my frustrations while I was working out. (Lord help me to remember what a GREAT stress reliever working out is!!!) I worked out on my elliptical machine for FIFTY minutes. I burned 555 calories.

I guess this really got me thinking about how I "used" to handle stress. Here are a few of the ways...

• eat half a bag (or more) of Rainbow Chips Deluxe Cookies
• have three candy bars
• drink 4 or 5 sodas
• hit any available drive through
• eat half of a large pizza

This list really could go on and on, but I am going to stop with a few examples.

No stress in life is worth jeopardizing my health. Emotional eating can kill a body (and soul). I will not be a victim of that anymore. From now on when the man gets me down, I will beat him by prayer and some intense exercise.

Life!

GRRRR!!! I get a letter from the IRS today. I owe $757 from income I failed to report in 2005. I wish that it were not true, but I saw the source, checked my records, and it is accurate. I really thought I had reported all my income, because I am pretty detailed when it comes to keeping up with all that information.

Zits....

My face is starting to get covered with them. I have battled acne for some time. This past January was when it was the worst. The doctor actually said I had "nodules" on my face. He put me on some hard core antibotics and a cream. This seemed to help. When I had my DS, I quit taking the antibotics, because they were hard on my stomach pre-DS, I could only imagine how they would feel on a significantly smaller stomach. My acne actually got better for some time. Now, it is rearing it's ugly head up again. Only this time it is much different. They are little tiny bumps, and there are a great number of them all over my head.

I call the dermatologist to see if he will call in the hard core antibotics for me. (Keep in my I am seeing him next Monday.) He would not have any called in for me. Why? It wasn't like I was calling in asking for Vicodin or Oxycotton. It was ACNE medication!!! This means my face is going to have to look like a teen disaster for a whole week, when it could have been avoided.

What makes me the most mad about this is my new job. I am a consultant/specialist. I often get the "your so young," line from many people I work with. Having acne only compounds this problem. It is challenging to get people to take me seriously when I look like a pimpled face girl.

Goodbye...

270's!!! Hello 260's! I weighed in at 269 this morning!

I have shaved 19.5 points off my BMI since March 26th!

I don't have to go to work today, since I will be working all day Saturday. I got up at 6:30 this morning, and was ready to start the day. I have decided that I am going to do some major cleaning. Not exactly sure what all I will clean, but I don't want to sit around. I have so much more energy. Last night, I was literally pacing around my place. This is such a change from the person that I used to be.

Quote

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."
- Unknown

Every Ounce Counts!

I am down another .6 pounds! I weighed in at 270.6 this morning. 15.6 pounds until I have an obese BMI! I have lost 52.5% of my total estimated weight loss. I have lost 31.2% of my total body (from my surgery weight).

I have lost 123 pounds!!!!

I am twelve pounds from being in the double digits on how much weight left that I want to lose. That is so amazing. Especially since I started with wanting to lose well over 200 pounds.

This afternoon I am going to try on some clothes to see where I am size wise. I also need a light jacket. Fall is starting to hit, and I don't have anything I can wear. I should be ok with my winter coat, since I have an older coat that I "grew out of."

I feel so healthy. What a priceless feeling!

Moving on DOWN

I weighed in at 271.2 this morning! I am down another pound! I am almost out of the 270's!

I am only 16.2 pounds from having an obese BMI! (That would give me a BMI of 39.9)

Time to go help my sister move! Enjoy your Saturday.

Last Post of the Day!

Three posts in a row...my brain is really loopy tonight.

Just an interesting observation concerning who has really been there for me the most throughout this whole weight loss process...my dad. Don't get me wrong, my mom went down to Mexico with me while I was having surgery. She also did some of my basic aftercare when I got home. My dad has been more of a pillar for me throughout this process.

He is so supportive and sweet to me. He really listens to whatever I have to say. It really means a great deal to me. I am really thankful of the close relationship that we have formed over the last eleven years.

Being The Fattest Girl in the Room..

Today at the meeting I started thinking about "being the fattest girl in the room." See, for so many years, that has just always been the case. I have been the fattest girl in the room. At today's meeting, and at a meeting the other day, I noticed that I am probably 10-15 pounds from NOT being the fattest girl in the room. My heart goes out to the person who will be the fattest person in the room. Honestly, it is a title I am beyond ready to give up.

28 Days

I have worked out on my eliptical machine for at least 30 minutes per day for the last 28 days. It was not easy every day, but I can say as time has gone on it has gotten better. Exercising is not something I "dread" doing.

Something else I have discovered...my legs don't rub together as badly when I am exercising. Yes, they still rub, but it is not the horrible stinging rub I used to have.

A new goal I have...I want to be able to cross my legs UNDER a table. I was at a meeting today, and I noticed that a few ladies were able to do that. I thought of how cool it would be if I could do that too.

Tonight we went out to dinner to celebrate my sister's birthday. When we were lined up waiting to pay for the meal, I looked at my reflection in the glass. I cannot believe how much smaller I am. It was weird. It was like someone else's body was there, and my head was attached. I have spent a fair amount of time looking at myself in the mirror over the past several months (watching how my body is changing), but this was just a real eye opener to me. I loved what I was seeing.

I got season tickets to Actor's Theater with my friend Michelle. She has been asking me for three years to get them. My biggest reason for saying no was in my mind I was worried whether or not I would fit into the chairs. I know they still may be a tighter fit, but I know I can fit.

Tomorrow I am helping my sister move. I am not exactly thrilled about it, but hopefully it will be ok.

Another Thing That Feels Fantastic

I love not having to "stretch" my shirts in order to get them to be lose around my stomach and hips. I used to have to stretch them on a daily basis. Now, I just put them on and they fit. Not only do they fit, they are LOOSE! I am fairly certain that I am in the XXL size, and out of the XXXL size. I have not tried to see yet.

I am only 17.2 pounds away from having an obese BMI!!!

I am only 63 days from my vacation!!!

I lost...

1.8 pounds! I weighed in this morning at 272.2! I have not weighed this amount in at least nine years. I am truly amazed. I am grateful for this opportunity at a new life. A life where my weight does not hold me back. This surgery has given me the tools for my weight to never be a stronghold in my life again. NEVER.

I know there are statistics about people regaining after WLS. I will not be one of those statistics. I will follow the rules, and get to my destination. I plan on being so caught up in living an active lifestyle that the weight doesn't even have a prayer of coming back on. My best friend is in Hawaii now. She told me she went on a bike ride near a volcano yesterday. These are the types of things that I want to be able to do. I know I am on my way.

My Calves

are killing me!!! Man the eliptical the past two days has really done a number on my calves. I have muscles in places that I didn't know existed. It feels good though knowing that I am pushing myself physically.

After doing extremely low carb for the past five weeks. I have had higher carb days the past three days. (Higher meaning 65-100 carbs.) My body is responding well. I am going back to low carb tomorrow.

On an unrelated note, I made a really positive work contact today. I am going to start doing some consulting for a few schools she work with. She is a very influential person in our district. She could easily help me in the future if she is impressed with my work. I also know that I can learn a lot from her.

Embracing Life

Be sure to embrace life, every bit of it. There is a time and a season for everything. Don't miss out on today because you are thinking about how things will be in six months or two years from now. Life is for LIVING! Seize the day! I feel like I have spent a great deal of my life in the "fast forward" mode. I can only wonder how many marvels I have missed by doing this. Yes, I'd love to wake up tomorrow and be at goal. We all know this is not going to happen. I need to simply acknowledge the positive steps I take each day towards making this a reality, and be happy.

I have so many things in which to be thankful for. Today I hope I show that gratitude.

What I am Wearing...

A few weeks ago, I bought three pairs of dress pants size 22/24. I tucked them into the closet, because they were very tight. I put on the black and white striped pair today, and they fit wonderfully. I am seeing how my body can continue to change even if the scale is not moving much.

As The Scale Spins...

The scale keeps spinning downward. I have finally gotten off the six pounds that popped on me last week for no reason at all. Hopefully now the rest of the month will be filled with some steady weight loss. I want to finish up my six months strong.

I have meetings all this week and all next week. What is interesting that is as a pre-op weighing 393 pounds, meeting days never bothered me, because I loved to sit. Now, I love to be able to MOVE. When I am consulting in schools, I get to move around a lot. I absolutely hate meeting days now. It totally pulls my energy down. I really do like the shift that I have made. I can only imagine how much this will continue as I keep losing weight. Gee, who would have thought that there was more to life than sitting on the sofa each evening watching tv or reading? I know now, and I don't want to miss a second of it!

Intensity

I worked out this evening at resistence level 3 on my eliptical machine. Wow, it really took my workout level up a level. I burned 333 calories in thirty minutes. I can feel the intensity. I had a great workout!

:)

Down Another

1.6 pounds!!! I am almost back down to where I started the month on the 26th. I have 16 more days before I am six months post-op. (Wow! It has been such an amazing ride! I cannot believe how quickly six months has come and gone.) I hope that I will show a lose for this month.

I can't explain how great it feels to be alive. How much more energy is in each step.

Good to Great

I am reading the book "Good to Great." It talks about what takes good companies to the next level, and how they become great companies.

"Good is the enemy of great."

(This is the quote that the book opens up with.)

I think this quote applies to my journey with WLS as well. Will I be happy and satisfied with "good" or will I continue to push to the next level, "GREAT"? I am going to really ponder this over the next few days. What makes me a good WLS patient? What makes me an excellent WLS patient? What steps do I need to take to get to the "great" category? When I think of good, especially as I am reading this book, I am starting to pair it with the word "mediocre."

My weight has always been the one area of my life I could not excel at. I have done excellent at civic commitments, job obligations, college, etc. (No, I'm not perfect, but I hope you get the point!) Now that I have been given this second chance with WLS, what will I do with it?

Funny Quote!

"I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heart beats and I'm damned if I am going to use mine running up and down a street."
- Neil Armstrong

I thought this quote was funny. I guess we all have our vices about what kind of exercise we want to do. I truly hope that one day I will be a runner. Right now, the eliptical is much more low impact for me.

Something Very Cool

I have been exercising consistently now for 23 days in a row. Each time, I burn at least 285 calories. (Truly, I think it is more than that, but I cannot figure how to set the machine up for my weight. I assume it is set for an average weight of 150-175.) I have burned 6, 555 calories! That is equivalent to 1.8 pounds. (To lose a pound is 3500 calories.) It is sad to admit this but, I have owned my eliptical machine for three years now. I have used it more in the past month that I have the entire time I've owned it. I am certainly making up for lost time!

News on the scale front...I am down another .6 pounds. That is three pounds down in two days. :)

The Scale

The scale moved down 2.4 pounds this morning!!! Here is to hoping it continues to move downward. Allergies are kicking in, and I feel kinda blah. Nothing looks appetizing. Blah!

Also, a wow with the boys that I watch. The oldest boy is about to turn 13. The last time I was over, we were having a conversation, and he really kept staring at me. He didn't say anything, but I could tell he knew something was different. I was telling his mom about it last night, and she said he commented to her about how different I looked, and how much weight I had lost. :)

Time to go workout.

Continuing to Defy Logic

I decided to take my measurements today. Since September 1st, I have lost 5 inches. Hmmm, I gain SIX pounds, yet lose five inches. The human body is such a weird creature.

Tonight I am going to babysit, and they have a rowing machine. After the kids go to bed, I'm going to give it a whirl. :)

A Big WOW!!!

This pair of jeans was tight as tight could be on me on March 26th, the day I had my surgery. Honestly this picture doesn't even do it justice, but I was taking it on my own with the self-timer. These jeans were tight everywhere...in the waist, hips, thighs, and butt. Today, these pants couldn't even stay up with a belt.

I have looked many times at those pictures were people had their entire body in one half of their pants, and thought that was so amazing. I also thought, "I'll never reach that point." After trying these pants on today, I can definitely see that I am on my way to doing this.

Oh Happy Days!!!! :)

Updating my Goal Weight

I have really been going back and forth with deciding my goal weight. One of the biggest struggles has been just not knowing what a "normal" weight looks like. I have started asking a few close friends what they weigh, so I can get an idea of what normal looks like size wise. I have decided that my goal weight is going to be 159 pounds. That puts me at the higher end of my normal BMI range. I would be able to wear clothes that are not plus size. (Most people who are at this weight can wear an 8 or a 10.) This is also a goal weight BEFORE plastics. So eventually, I will be less, but plastics are a long way off for me for a few reasons: 1. I still have quite a bit of weight to lose. 2. I want to maintain that weight for several months before setting up plastics. 3. I will be doing plastics out of the country, and will need to save up money for them.

Since I have updated my goal weight, here are my new stats!

• I have lose 50.8% of my total excess weight.
• I have 115 pounds more to lose.
• I have lost 30.2% from my highest body weight.

THREE PEAT!!!!

I have worked out now for at least thirty minutes a day for THREE WEEKS IN A ROW!!!! I am loving my eliptical machine! It feels good to work out. I want to keep going. I am really proud of this accomplishment, especially after how crappy the scale continues to be towards me.

Not a Sigh of Relief

but progress none the less. I got on the scale this morning, and I had only gained two tenths of a pound. Since the scale has been shooting up like wildfire for NO reason at all, this was a very positive note.

I am determined not to let the man (aka the SCALE) get me down. I was reading through Tia's journey on her blog, and she has had several similar experiences like mine. No one said this weight loss trip wasn't going to have dips and potholes. I am not exempt from these.

I am really starting to like my job. I am not saying I want to stay in it forever, because I really do miss teaching students. I am learning a great deal, and getting to work with some really gifted individuals. The experiences I am gaining are invaluable. I know when I do go back in the classroom these experiences will help to mold me into an even better teacher.

Conversation with Mom

I was talking with mom the other day about how I feel like I will never find a great guy. She started asking me if I was trying to meet guys, etc. Then she started to scold me saying that if I didn't try to meet them, I wouldn't find anyone. While she has a point, I was quick to come back with my rebuttle. "You met your husband when you weighed 100 pounds. Things were a little bit different for you than they are for me."

She wanted to say something, but I really did stop her dead in her tracks. It really is a different world dating when you are morbidly obese.

Although there are days when I do get really lonely, I know that right now I need to concentrate on me now. Bringing a guy into the equation would only make things too complicated now.

Two Comments That Made My Day...

Of course the scale still sucks. It continues to defy all logic. I have twenty days left before my six month anniversary, and I want to see some POSITIVE movement.

At work, my cubbymate said something really sweet. She said, "You are really starting to get a defined waist, and it is really small. You have a nice hourglass shaped figure." The other comment came from a secretary of a building that I frequent. As I was leaving today, she stopped and asked me how much weight I had lost.

The timing of the compliments could not have been better. I am convinced that the majority of the battle is not with the actual scale, but the scary "battlefield of the mind." That is where things get really tough. This surgery is more than just losing pounds, it has to deal with the spirit and mind too.

Today at work we had a retirement party for our secretary. It was a potluck event. I got an entire plate of food, and I ate about 3/4 of it. At first this really freaked me out, then I started looking around the room at how people PILED their plates to the point where they were almost ready to break. Yes, I did have food that covered almost the entire surface area of the plate, yet it was just a spoonful of this and that, etc. Then I watched as so many people got back up and got a SECOND heaping plate. Yes, I used to be one of those people. Thank heavens that desire is gone. I no longer want that at all.

Time to go exercise.

Discouraged...

The scale sucks. Why can't I stay off that blasted thing??? Over the past three days, it has crept up SIX pounds! WHAT?!?!?! Sometimes the human body makes absolutely no sense. I could see this if I been doing all the wrong things, but I really have been doing the right things. REALLY, I HAVE!!! I have been exercising. (I did thirty-three minutes on the eliptical this evening and did the stairs (all sixty-three of them) for the second time in a row.) I have been sucking down water like there is no tomorrow. I have been low-carbing. I am getting in my protein. I am having regular bowel movements.

I know that the body can fluctuate. I started my period early last month. I am not sure how early, so I might be bloating from PMS. I could be just retaining water. Heaven only knows, perhaps I have even gained a small few ounces of muscle from exercising consistently.

I am just discouraged, because thoughts flood my head of failure. What if this is the end of the road for me? I still have a significant amount of weight that I need to lose. Not just to lose it to be a twig, but I need to lose a significant amount in order to be healthy. I have failed so many diets. I don't want to think that I have broken my DS.

I am going to keep plugging away, day by day. Hopefully the tide will turn soon. I need some encouragement ASAP.

On an unrelated note, I got to see an old friend, Cheryl today for lunch. I don't get to see her that often, but it is amazing, because she is one of those people who it was just like yesterday since I last saw her. I thank God for her friendship.

63...Is a Magic Number, Oh Yes It Is....

Sorry School House Rock, but 63 is a magic number, not 3! 63 is the number of steps from the first floor to the fourth floor where my office is. I have been eager to try taking the stairs, but scared at the same time. I am very self aware when considering doing the stairs in the morning, because there are many people who regularly take the stairs. Today, I was coming into the office late, and thought I would give it a try. I got to the third floor, and I took about a 15-20 second breather, and then finished the climb. For a girl who used to weigh 393 pounds, it felt like I had just reached the summit of Everest. Here is to more times of taking the stairs!

How Bad Do You Want It

I listened to these lyrics yesterday while working out. (Tim McGraw, "How Bad Do You Want It")

Are you hungry?

Are you thirsty?

Is it a fire that burns you up inside?

How bad do you want it?

How bad do you need it?

Are you eating, sleeping, dreaming

With that one thing on your mind?

How bad do you want it?

How bad do you need it?

Cause if you want it all

You've got to lay it all out on the line

I want to be free from the chains of obesity like nothing else. Each day I am making positive steps toward this. I pray for help to "stay the course" even when things are difficult. Nothing worth having in life comes easy.

Sometimes my lack of patience amazes me. I have been obese my entire life, and now I get so impatient wanting the scale to move. I truly think in a year or a year and a half, I will look back to some of these entries in my blog and laugh. I have been obese since I was 8-9 years old. I am ready to live a life with no chains.

A Few Pics

I had a pedicure done today. It felt fantastic!!! I am going to start having more of them done. I think my toes look cute!

My siblings and I together.

This is a picture of my brother and me.

This is a picture of my sister and me. What is significant about this picture, is that I am only 16 pounds from losing the amount she weighs. It is a very tangible way of seeing just how much I have lost.

Conversation at the Target Checkout...

As I was checking out at Target the other day, the small girl (probably 115 pounds) checking me out lifted the cat litter to scan it. Her comment was, "I don't see how you can hardly even lift this let alone carry it."

When I got out to the car, I looked to see how many pounds it weighed. The cat litter weighed 20 pounds. I started to think to myself, I have lost the equivalent of SIX of those cat litter containers! It is amazing to think of the toll that was putting on my body. WOW!

On the Biggest Loser (a show I DO NOT endorse, but do watch from time to time), after the contestants had lost a good bit of weight, they had them put on weighted suits so they would weigh what they weighed at the beginning of the show. They made them do some running and other exercises. It was amazing watching what a toll this took on their body.