Two Comments That Made My Day...

Of course the scale still sucks. It continues to defy all logic. I have twenty days left before my six month anniversary, and I want to see some POSITIVE movement.

At work, my cubbymate said something really sweet. She said, "You are really starting to get a defined waist, and it is really small. You have a nice hourglass shaped figure." The other comment came from a secretary of a building that I frequent. As I was leaving today, she stopped and asked me how much weight I had lost.

The timing of the compliments could not have been better. I am convinced that the majority of the battle is not with the actual scale, but the scary "battlefield of the mind." That is where things get really tough. This surgery is more than just losing pounds, it has to deal with the spirit and mind too.

Today at work we had a retirement party for our secretary. It was a potluck event. I got an entire plate of food, and I ate about 3/4 of it. At first this really freaked me out, then I started looking around the room at how people PILED their plates to the point where they were almost ready to break. Yes, I did have food that covered almost the entire surface area of the plate, yet it was just a spoonful of this and that, etc. Then I watched as so many people got back up and got a SECOND heaping plate. Yes, I used to be one of those people. Thank heavens that desire is gone. I no longer want that at all.

Time to go exercise.

Fears...

While in the shower, it hit me why I have been so fearful about the slowing down of my weight loss. I am now at a point weight loss wise that I have never been at before. Back in 1996-1997, I lost around 90ish pounds on Phen-Phen. That is the most weight I have even lost in a single dieting attempt. The most weight I have lost on my own outside of medicine has been 40-45 pounds.

I am so afraid of failure. Here I went to a foreign country (to an excellent doctor I might add) to have a surgery that I paid for out of pocket...and what if this is it? What if I don't lose any more weight? My head keeps telling me this. I am doing all the right things to take care of myself....getting my protein and water in, taking all my supplements, etc. My bowel movements are very normal, etc.

Yes, I have made great progress over the past several months. The fact is that I still have a LONG way to go in order to be considered "healthy."

Time to go face the day, whether I am ready for it or not. Thanks for listening.