Funny

Seize the Day...

Well one thing I've noticed,

wherever I wander

Everyone's got a dream he can follow or squander

You can do what you will with the days you are given

I'm trying to spend mine on the business of living

These are lyrics I listened to from an old Carolyn Arends song today. Part of me just wanted to nap the entire afternoon/evening away. I did take a shorter nap this afternoon, but I decided to go with Ben to a birthday dinner for a friend. I am so glad that I did. I've spent so long on the sidelines, I've gotten too comfortable. I forget that there is so much more to life than watching it pass by. Yes, I want to be well rested, and not run myself into the ground. I am still at a point where there are days when I need to force myself to socialize. Not once after I have done that do I regret the choice that I have made. I have some years in my life where I really hid behind my weight, and I didn't truly live. I have much time to make up for. Each day matters, each moment counts.

Tonight Ben and I went to a Tapas Restaurant, and I ordered two great dishes (they are very small, even for a DSer). The atmosphere was ultra trendy, and it was great to be around good friends. I even got to meet another girl who was very sweet.

Next weekend's plans are:

Friday night: Ben and I are getting our Christmas tree (my first REAL Christmas tree), decorating it, and the like

Saturday: Having lunch with my DS group, going to a play that evening

Sunday: Church, lunch, and maybe something else

North Carolina Pictures

Hitting Home

I saw this picture on the "Weighty Matters" blog. It hits very close to home. Fast food was very much a part of my childhood. It was not a "treat," but instead something that we got at least three times a week. Once that pattern develops, it is hard to break it as an adult. I didn't break that habit as an adult, and the scale continued to skyrocket. What we feed kids matters. The one family I am close to packs lunches when they drive to places that are a few hours away. He is a fast food executive. I still go to fast food places, although much less frequently, but I am smarter about what I eat (as far as the boundaries of my surgery).

While I was at the Biltmore....I ate like a queen. It was amazing the stuff that I ate. I didn't really feel guilty about it because I thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I was able to monitor my weight on the scale. I wish that America would become so health aware that all hotels would have scales as a standard part of their room.

D-R-A-M-A

I got home this afternoon from North Carolina. While I was waiting for my luggage, I gave my mom a call. She tells me that we are now having Christmas with my grandmother (my only living grandparent) on December 26th. That is the day I fly back to North Carolina to be with Ben's family for the holiday. I was crushed. My family has always done Christmas on Christmas day at my Gran's house. The only "changes" we have ever made was to adjust the time by an hour or so. Why are we doing this? For ONE relative. Yes, I am a little mad right now. I know I shouldn't be, but I am.

Ben has been really supportive of me on this trip. He has made it pretty clear (in a nice way) that he is very happy with where I am weight wise, and doesn't want me to lose anymore. I felt weird about eating so frequently in front of his family. He found ways for us to get away from the crowd so that I could eat, or he would eat something small himself, so we both were eating. It was really sweet. I've told him that when we go back down in December, I'm just going to get my normal food from the grocery store, and just explain to his mom that I eat more frequently than most people.

My house is driving me nuts. I really need to do some heavy duty cleaning and organizing. I just don't have the energy to do it right now. I know that is nothing but an excuse, but seriously, I don't even want to think about it. I have GED for the next two weeks, but the following week I don't have it. That week I'll just do my day job. I'm going to work on it that week so that I can have it DONE for the holidays. I won't have to worry about doing it over the holidays.

I had a conversation with a girl at the Biltmore, since I saw her in a "trail marathon" shirt. I was asking her about how it was different training wise from a traditional marathon, etc. She said, "You look like a runner. You are very thin." I would love to be able to get back into running. My doctor just wants me to take it easy for awhile, and I think that would be for the best.

Off to bed. Church in the morning, NAPPING in the afternoon (along with putting away the clothes from my suitcases), dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday in the evening.

Thanksgiving

I had a great Thanksgiving day. I missed being with my family a little bit, but last year I was not with them either. The spread of food at the Biltmore Inn was beyond belief. There was anything you could have imagined, and I tried quite a bit.

One thing that I am proud of myself in how I am different is: If I don't really REALLY like the taste of something, I don't eat it anymore. This has happened twice at the Biltmore with pastries. The pastries were ok, but that was it. I took one bite, and didn't finish them. This has been a pattern I have developed back home as well. My friend Wendy says, "If I don't love it, there is no point in wasting my calories on it." The formerly SSMO me, would have been all about finishing it just because it was in front of me. I really like this change that I have made over the past 20 months. Early out, it was just because I didn't have the stomach space to waste though.

I will post more this evening, I have to get ready for breakfast, pottery, and to see Gingerbread houses!

Happy

20 Months Post-Op to me! I forgot until this evening that 20 months ago (wow!) I was being operated on to save my life. My stats are in the previous post. I will show pictures in a few days, as I have several from the trip I want to post.

More later.....off to bed.

Down Two More Pounds!!!

I am at a new low this morning! 140 pounds! I am down two more pounds, a total of four pounds for this month. My BMI is 21.9, and I have lost a total of 253.6 pounds! :) WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I am five pounds away from my final goal.

This morning I was having a conversation with Ben's mom, and she says, "Ingrid is very thin, just like you...." I couldn't tell you what she said after that, because she used VERY THIN and used those words to describe ME! Pinch me I must be dreaming!

I Have a SCALE!!!

Today we arrived at the Inn at Biltmore Village. Each of our rooms has a scale in the bathroom. This place is ultra fancy. I've never stayed at a place that had a scale in the bathroom. Since mainly wealthy people stay at this type of hotel I found that interesting. There are statistics that support that wealthier people are thinner because it is valued at a much higher level. I weighed in at 143.6 pounds. This was in the evening, and I had not been to the bathroom. I am happy with that weight, and hope to report a lighter morning weight. The food here has been AWESOME. The dessert was awesome at lunch, but they had quite a bit of great food that was healthy.

Tomorrow is going to be a fun filled day. We are going to have breakfast, go on a carriage ride, and then tour the Biltmore Mansion in the evening at a special holiday candlelight event. I love the mansion, and am pumped about seeing it decorated for Christmas. Ben and I have taken several pictures together. I will post those after the trip is over.

There Goes The Neighborhood...I Mean Simple Carbs

Today was not a good day on the eating front. Let me get started....

Breakfast: 1 piece of peanut butter on toasted bread, 1 banana, and a protein shake

Lunch: Bacon and Tomato sandwich with extra bacon and mayo (mmmmmm), very small bag of chips, one piece of pumpkin spice cheesecake along with 1 chocolate chip cookie

Snack: Hershey's bar

Dinner: 10 chips with lots of queso, 2 beef taquitos with lots of cheese

Snack: 1 Tootsie Roll Pop, and 2 peanut butter crackers

Before I go to bed, I will have another protein shake

I am having a great time with Ben. Today we toured his hometown, then we made a gingerbread house together, and watched some Avatar. :) I had him take me to Belks (a local department store), because I wanted some long underwear bottoms to wear when we go on the horse ride at the Biltmore. I was looking at the sizing for these things, and I wear a SMALL. Woooo Hoooo! Ben got to see a glimpse of my excitement, and I think he is starting to understand just how big of a deal this is to me. Tonight, when we were checking out at Wal-Mart, there was a picture of a woman in half of her pants. Ben looked at me and asked, "Can you do that?" I said yes I can! I can't wait to show him. I said I can even fit on one side with that side now being a bit loose to boot!

So my plan with food for Tuesday and Wednesday is to avoid as many simple carbs as possible, and then I won't feel as bad about indulging on Thanksgiving day. I know that there will be some awesome desserts available at the Biltmore, and I want to be able to partake in them without feeling horribly guilty.

Off to make a few phone calls then to the Biltmore in the morning!

Thanksgiving in Room 120!

Here are the pictures from our Thanksgiving feast in Room 120. It was a very special afternoon. I could not have done it without Ben. He really enabled me to pull the whole thing together. My kids had a very special meal. I know for many of them this is the ONLY Thanskgiving that they will have, so that made it all the more special. :)

I am Different

Spending all day with non weight loss surgery people makes me realize that I am different. I really need to eat on a few hour basis. This three meals a day thing is really not for me. I have gotten so used to eating many times throughout the day. Since I cannot do that now, I have been thinking about food non-stop.

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast: 1 piece of toast with peanut butter, and a banana
Protein Shake
Lunch: Chinese Buffet (1 serving spoon full of rice, baked salmon---a really nice sized portion, stuffed cheesy crab things, and 2 cookies)
Dinner: Salmon, 2 small wheat rolls, and about 10 bites of mashed potatoes
Protein Shake

I do this every time I go out of town, I obsess on whether or not I'm gaining weight. I seriously ruin parts of my holiday because I continue thinking about these things. I don't want to think like this. Grrr!

A Few WOWS!

Tonight I was visiting with the family, and I was holding a baby. I got up with the baby. No holding onto the side of the sofa. I was able to get up with the baby in my arms safely and effortlessly.

After dinner tonight, Ben's mom said she was sorry, but there wasn't any dessert. She looked at me and said, "Do you eat dessert? You don't look like a person who eats dessert." I was laughing so hard on the inside. I just smiled at her.

The trip in was "almost" uneventful. I have NEVER lost luggage in all my years of flying. I only find ONE suitcase when we arrive in Charlotte. I panic. We look everywhere, it is MISSING. I packed many things in each suitcase (like all my underwear in one, etc.), and here I have to meet his entire family for the first time. I go through the lost luggage, and when we leave I burst into tears. My money is really tight right now with the holidays and the fact that I did that special Thanksgiving dinner for my students. I don't even have money to spend right now. Ben comes around to hold me, and right out of the corner of my eye, I see my missing baggage. It wasn't there ten minutes prior. I was so relieved!

I did not bring my scales down for a few reasons. The first is I was afraid how the cargo trip might damage them, but the most important reason is I am on an alternate bathroom schedule....which I HATE. I was never super regular pre-DS, but I have gotten accustomed to this as a post-dser. Whenever I do something out of the ordinary, my bathroom system locks up. Right now, I am sharing a bathroom with Ben. In a few days, I will be sharing a bathroom with his mom. My weight would not be accurate anyhow.

As far as food goes, I am trying not to stress about it. I brought enough to have two chocolate protein shakes a day (62 grams of protein). I did have 2 pieces of garlic toast tonight, and one piece of regular toast with peanut butter on it for breakfast. At lunch today I had a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup with a very small wheat roll, and about 1/2 of a 5 bean salad. The five bean salad was so yummy. I am going to look for some recipes to try to make that on my own in the future. I am trying to comfort myself in the fact that I am eating complex carbs, and so far have not indulged in any simple carbs. I don't feel that I am making horrible food choices.

I met Ben's brother, sister-in-law, and their two children tonight. I bonded with Ben's mom all this morning while Ben was sleeping. Things are going very well so far.

North Carolina Bound

I'm leaving this evening for North Carolina. I am so excited and nervous. I was trying for about ten minutes to pack everything in one suitcase, and I realized that was going to be impossible. I was going to have to check two bags. I told Ben's mom that I hoped she didn't think I was high maintenance, but since I would be doing several different things, I wanted to be prepared.

Today is my Thanksgiving meal with my kids. I am really excited about this. :) Lots of pictures coming soon!

Fat Girl Fears

I always have this fear that I will bust out of my pants. Seriously...that in the back of my pants the stitching will give, and I'll be showing my panties to everyone. I know it is crazy, but I am always checking the seams on the seat of my pants just to make sure they look secure (even though I have never busted out of a pair of pants).

Anyone else have that fear?

:)

Progress is being made....

Laundry is being washed.
A MOUNTAIN of clothes have been hung and put away.
My bed is completely clear for the first time in AGES. (Being smaller has it's advantages...I don't take up near as much bed as I used to.)
Ben is coming over with dinner....shrimp....mmmmmm.

Life is good.

So Cute....

Prior to losing all the weight, I used to keep two framed pictures out on display in my classroom. One was of me with my first ever class back in 2001, the other would be the current class I was teaching. I have them tucked away in a cabinet. One of my students was putting away a calculator and said, "Ms. E, do you have a sister?" I replied yes, and she motioned me over. She saw a picture of me at around 320 pounds with my class from 2005, and she thought it was my sister! Again, it is so hard to register there are now people that have never known me as "fat."

I am getting ready to start some laundry and major cleanup. My mom is going to help me out with cooking for my class tomorrow night. She was already originally coming up to help me pack. Her attitude is so sour. If one of her friends asked for help, she would bend over backwards in a heartbeat. She will do it for me as well, but not without lots of complaining. :(

Needs and Wants....

I don't really need a Starbucks everyday. I've gotten into such a BAD habit. This is day three without one. I am so wanting a coffee from the bucks!

Head Is Spinning So Busy

I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Ben got my car fixed, so that was one less thing on my to do list. He not only got the tire repaired, he washed it, and filled it up with gas. (Gotta love this boy!)

Tonight we went to dinner and then to see Madagascar 2. It was a nice break.

I'm trying to finish up report cards that go home on Thursday (only 4 more remaining), and to coordinate a Thanksgiving meal for my students on Friday. Once I heard that most of my students don't have any plans for Thanksgiving, it broke my heart, and I want to do something very special for them. If I do have something, it will be store bought, because I just don't have the time to do anything else.

Something I did notice the other morning....when my arms are down at my sides, they are REALLY skinny. It really motivates me to want to get the plastic surgery on my arms. I also want to be able to wear short shirts and sleeveless outfits. I know it won't happen for this summer, but I am looking forward to it.

Carb and Sugar Control Yogurt

I tried Dannon's Light and Fit Carb and Sugar Control Yogurt earlier out as a post-op, and I didn't like it. I have not tried it since then until yesterday. I bought the strawberries and cream flavor, and added four Splenda packets to it. It takes great now. I've really missed yogurt. It only has 3 carbs. :) I plan on added some Textured Vegetable Protein to beef up the protein count (only 5 grams), but it is in my car, which Ben has.

Two More Pictures

Today we celebrated my dad's 60th birthday. It was a great day. I felt like a million bucks in the dress I wore today. For the first time in a long while, I am actually excited about what I am seeing when I look back from the mirror and in the camera.

Reality is also setting in quickly. I am leaving on a plane on Friday to meet my boyfriend's entire family. Yes, I knew our relationship was going in that direction, but Friday becomes reality when I start to meet and spend time with his family. I have already met his mom, and have interacted on a limited basis with his sister-in-law, and one brother on Facebook. This week is so full, I really won't have much time to think about until it is almost time to happen.

Adventures in Panty Hose!

I hate panty hose. I've never been a fan of them. I remember all the nightmarish events I had when I would try to wear panty hose. It seemed like it would take twenty minutes to get them on. I could never wear a pair of panty hose twice. I would usually have the crotch ripped a large way by the time I had rangled them on. The panty hose often ended up in the trash before lunchtime. Heaven forbid that I even have to go to the bathroom! So, I went with the fat girl alternative....knee highs. Even those were miserable.

Today is the first time I have worn panty hose since I had the DS. I did wear thigh highs one day, but that is it. The dress I wore today really cute, but seriously needed panty hose in order to look as dressy as it should. I went to Wal-Mart this morning and bought panty hose. I went to the restroom and put them on. Here was a sight....I was standing in one shoe (no way my feet were going to touch the floor in a Wal-Mart restroom), and putting my other foot into the panty hose. Here is what I discovered....

1. Panty hose are not that bad when you weigh 142 pounds.

2. The panty hose actually went where they were supposed to.

3. It was a breeze pulling them up and down throughout the day going to the restroom.

4. The crotch did not rip, and I was able to wear them all the way up the way they were intended to be worn.

Here is the dress: (I got this dress for $14 at Ann Taylor, and it was originally $140!) Ben LOVED this dress!

Voluntarily Upgraded :)

On Thursday night, I hit the curb, and my tire now has a "zit". It is an accident waiting to happen. I should have gotten it fixed Saturday, but I slept instead. Ben insisted that I use his car since I do far more driving than he does. I am using it until Tuesday evening when I will be able to get my car fixed.

Last night we ended up going to a friend's house for dinner. They are both GREAT cooks. I knew we would be having some good eats. It was pasta with an amazing sauce. Our hosts loaded up our bowls. I was thinking about the previous night and how I tried to "out eat" myself, and the pain that I was in. Everyone else cleaned their plates, and I still had about half of my pasta remaining. I was proud of myself that I stopped prior to being stuffed. I was content. When we had dessert, I only ate the top part of my cinnamon roll, and not the entire thing. I liked that I was able to exercise some self-control.

Ben was cute last night. We got on the subject of women being pregnant. I told him how there are some women who end up having miscarriages unneccessarily because they are too worried about the number on the scale than their child. Ben said he had a hard rule for me if we were to marry. He said he wanted me to eat until my heart was content, and not to think twice about the weight that I would be putting on.

I love sitting in Ben's lap. One thing I told him last night is that I am amazed that he is able to lift his leg (to cross it) with ME sitting on top of him. This floors me. He reminds me that I am not used to how light I am. He really has been a blessing on the self-esteem front as I am working on developing a more positive body image.

I Was Tagged...

by Fat Mum Slim.....

Randomness of Tiffany....

1. I love my Netflix subscription. It has allowed me to develop my interest in foreign films. Also, I have become quite the fan of watching a TV show by the season. I actually like being able to watch it in an indepth manner like that.

2. I love my IPOD. I have fun looking for and creating new playlists. Music makes me feel so good.

3. I am very uncomfortable around my dad's family. As I've gotten older, the less this bothers me. I've started to come to terms that it is ok that we are not close.

4. I'm a dipper. I love being able to dip my food into something. It seems to make it taste so much better.

5. I'm learning how not to be the person that always bends. I do not like confrontation, but as I've gotten older, I've learned that there is value in not always being the door mat. Some issues are simply worth holding your ground.

6. I really enjoy keeping a blog. I didn't know how I would like doing it when I first started, and I find it very therapeutic. I am not at the point where I would want everyone in the world to read my blog. (I have not let Ben read my blog yet. I have sent him snipets that I have pre-selected, but I'm just not ready for him to read everything yet.) I like the anonymity of it just mainly being people I don't see everyday. On the flip side, I've met some AMAZING people I would LOVE to get to know from having a blog.

7. I am learning to love the camera. I used to HATE having my picture taken, but now I think it is fun. The digital camera has become one of my best friends. :)

I'm supposed to tag seven more people. I will come back to edit this post and do that at a later time.

Fun Photos

Wow....does Ben make me feel like a princess. He had me stand up on top of this planter, and he motioned to have Mandi take a picture of me. He made some comment like, "Look at this...behold this beauty."

Mmmmm.....at the Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen. YUMMO! This was actually Ben and my desserts, I just posed for dramatic effect. :) I ate the Buckeye and about 1/3 of my ice cream and pie.

Lesson Learned

Last night my stomach was KILLING ME. I have particularly noticed over the past few weeks how much more I can eat quantity wise. This is to be expected, as over time our stomach is supposed to stretch back out, and our rearranged intestines is what helps DSer's to maintain their weight loss. Even though I am almost 20 months out, I love having the restriction, and want to do the best that I can to maintain the restriction.


Last night, I had a LOT of food. For a regular person, no it was not a lot quantity wise, but for me it certainly was. I didn't feel sick at all. I didn't feel uncomfortable, until about 10 pm. I felt like I had rocks in my stomach, and I was in miserable pain. I was thirsty, but drinking only seemed to make it worse. The feeling finally passed, but did I ever learn a lesson. Moderation is the key. I've read that health expects say you should stop at a 7 and not at a 10 in terms of feeling full. (Ten would mean you feel that after Thanksgiving meal stuffed, and seven being content but not miserable.)


The changes I need to make are:


1. Going back to eating my protein completely first. This is going back to the basics. I need the protein, and it has to be a non-negotiable.

2. Examining the quantities of what I eat in a single sitting. I know I need to eat multiple times a day, but need to work on the quantity of food items. Just because an particular item goes down very well, doesn't mean I need to eat twice as much of it. One example I can think of right now is toast. I have been having two pieces of toast in the morning, and usually in the evening over the past two weeks. I need to scale that back. Perhaps my body would be just fine with one piece of toast in the morning.

A Rant

I went on a small rant with Ben last night. Poor guy. I felt bad afterwards, I guess I just really needed some reassurance. I had called to see if I could meet him to pick up something he had bought for my friend. He said he was going to Dairy Queen with some friends, but I could meet him afterwards. After I hung up, I immediately called back. I asked if he was ashamed to take the fat girl to Dairy Queen. (I also had brought up how one time a few months ago, after we went out, he said he was going to a party at his friend's house, and didn't invite me.) He did everything in his power to reassure me.

We ended up going out to Dennys afterwards, and I got some shrimp. (Mmmmmmm!) At the end of the meal, I had decided I wanted dessert, and he wanted me to assure him that I could eat all of it (in a fun sort of way). I told him that I would do my best. :)

The Day

I ate like CRAP today. Seriously. I have no more fun sized M&M bags in my classroom, and that my friends is a wonderful praise. I wanted to tell one of my kids to guard them and cut me off from them. M&Ms are a big trigger food for me. It doesn't take a second to have them gone either. Well, a handful here and a handful there certainly add up to way too many carbs.

I was proud of how I handled a situation today with one of my students, Andre. He was in a very testy mood, and it escalated when I took the kids to special area this morning. I really thought he was going to go off. I took him back to the classroom, and he was seriously trying to buck everything I said. I finally asked him what gives, why was he acting this way. He spilled everything about how he had a bad morning at daycare, and that it had affected his day thus far. I am happy I took the time to relate to him, and I know we made progress in our relationship.

I am so pumped about Christmas day. :) I saw an article in the paper about adopting a soldier on Christmas Day. I asked Ben about it, and he is game. We are going to pick up a soldier at 8am on Christmas Day, he/she will go to church, my grandmothers (to get a home cooked meal), and something else, before we have to take them back to the base at 9pm. I am very excited about this opportunity to be a blessing to our military in some small way.

Looking Forward to the Weekend...Already

I am ready for the weekend...already. I hope that doesn't make me seem like a bad person. I love my students....I love my job, but for the first time in such a long time my personal life has been so fulfilling, I do look forward to it.

Friday afternoon I am meeting my friend Wendy (who is my best friend that teaches at another school), after that I am going to see my friend Mandi who is in town for a training. On Saturday, I am going to watch my students play basketball. I have three ball players and two cheerleaders so I will get to support several of my students at once. Then, I will get to see Mandi for lunch. Saturday evening I will spend time with Ben. We are going to play Scrabble and pool, go for a walk (on an indoor track), and have dinner. On Sunday after church we are going down to Bardstown to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday.

I have eight more work days until I get a vacation. Woooo Hoooo!

A Crooked Kind of Perfect

I've never read this book, but the title seemed to really fit my thoughts for this post. I have blogged about how fierce the body image fit is right now for me. I am comparing myself to people whose weight is close to mine, and I wonder why my body doesn't look like theirs. I forget that they too have flaws with their body. I have to accept that there are so many different body types out there. My type may be a crooked kind of perfect, but so is everyone elses.

I Sorta Get It

I used to hate those "One Size Fits All" shirts. When I became a teenager, the label changed to "One Size Fits MOST." Ben's mom recently got back from Disney, and brought me a large lounge type shirt from the park. Let me just say I could SWIM in it. I could easily take away 40% of the material, and it would still be plenty roomy. Now I get why thin people couldn't believe there are actually some people who couldn't fit those shirts. Being on the other side of the fence, I remember what that was like as well.

A New Lowest Weight...

We interupt this blog for a new lowest weight...142. I have lost two pounds so far this month. My BMI is now a 22.2. The biggest thing is that it put me to losing a cool 251.6 pounds. I had said how if I were to lose one more pound, I would not be bothered by that because I wanted to be able to say I had lost 250 pounds.

I am going back to bed now. I went to the ER for a bad migraine headache. Now I need to get some extra sleep.

Different Weekend

This weekend has been really different. I guess I really hadn't thought about how much of my weekends revolve around doing things with Ben. Since we are both very busy during the week, the weekend is the best time for us to spend some quality time together. I am not saying it was bad that I spent this weekend without him, but it is so different from what I have become accustomed to doing.

A WOW! (And Other Updates)

I bought my first SIZE FOUR pair of dress pants!!! Woooo Hoooo!!! :)

I also was getting my toaster out this afternoon. I had it stored up high in a cabinet. I brought over a chair, and stood up on top of it, and rooted around in the cabinet for it. For so long I would never stand in these chairs (hardly ever sat in them), because they were so rickety. I didn't even realize how long I had stood on it, and it wasn't moving at all.

Basically for the past month, I have been eating whatever I want. Getting a scary call from my PCP really worried me. Suddenly the number on the scale and the size of my pants took a back seat. I wanted to stay healthy. I have had a truckload of carbs, and to be honest, more of them have been sugar related.

It was fun for a while, but I am ready to go back on my full DS "diet." One thing I was doing was having a large blueberry muffin from Starbucks every work day morning. I am giving that up, and going to a slice (maybe two) of low-carb bread with peanut butter or cream cheese. I am going back to two protein shakes a day. (I was at one this past month.) Especially since I have found protein shakes that I know are very tasty, there is really no reason not to utilize them. I am also going to start doing tuna once a day again. I think Ricotta fluff will also be coming back. I am going back to cheese sticks too.

Last night I took one of my students, Bry'shawn, to have dinner and get ice cream. His mom had written me a really sweet note about how he had matured this school year. She said how she knew that I had a big role in this process. That made me feel really good. Tonight I am going to go to the Oyster Supper fundraiser at my mom's old school.

Wasn't Sure What to Say...

I have mentioned several times before about my best friend who got the lapband. (For newer readers, I am not bashing her. We are all fighting our way out of obesity.) She had not been to her doctor in six months, and had gained 23 pounds. I honestly did not know what to say. She went into this surgery so uneducated. She has not tried to lose weight.

What does her situation do for me? It serves as a stern reminder. The thought of gaining weight back scares the crap out of me. I don't want to be a weight loss statistic. I want to beat the odds. My friend's situation also completely reinforces for me the need for a cap. I have blogged about how most thin people have this....a "something has got to give," point. For me, that point is 150 pounds. I cannot go back over that number. It is so easy to let the weight creep back on.

Now onto things that I completely suck at....

1. Airport Eating: I take the airport as my time to graze as much as I want. I buy nothing but CRAP. I did this when I went down to Colombia and out to Seattle. I know that I won't do this when I travel with Ben later on this month and next month. Why? I would not embarrass myself like that in front of him. The most I will probably do with him is get a cup of Starbucks.

2. Remembering what this whole journey is all about. It is not just about fitting into a certain size of clothing, or achieving a certain number on the scale. This is about my life long health. The decisions I make each day will impact my health in the long term.

3. Realizing that the specifics of my weight are not affecting Ben' (possible) long term plans with me. I think if I were a size 4, if I were 10 pounds lighter, etc...Ben would want to marry me. Again, Ben has done nothing to associate my weight with how much he loves me. He goes overboard to assure me he loves me regardless of my weight. It is just stupid head games that my mind plays. They stink.

Seattle/Vancouver Photo Post

I Must Be in Kansas!

The WOWS do not come as often these days being 19.5 months post-op, but the one I had last night was AMAZING! Ben has been wanting to pick me up, and I have resisted to the utmost. Last night he was kissing me, my hands were around his neck....and he did it. He picked me up off the ground. I felt like a fancy actress in the middle of a love scene. MY MAN PICKED ME UP!!! WOOOOO HOOOO!!!

Hatred Abounds

It saddens me just how often people look for a way to show themselves superior to others. I am ever noticing hatred towards fat people, and it breaks my heart. I heard several comments while on the trip. Here are a few...

"That fat b*tch should be grateful, after all, I just paid off her credit card."

"She is a big one." (Commenting on the size of a female flight attendant.)

"Some people should just be sent away and forced to diet."

What gives these people the right? For oh so long, I have given people this right. I'm sick of this game. It is time people be treated fairly regardless of their size.

Back

I just got in from my mini-vacation. So much to write and share, but I have to be up in a matter of hours. Gotta get some rest. I'll update tomorrow night.

What a GREAT Day!!!

I was going to post a few other pictures, but blogger is taking forever to load for some reason. My day started off most excellent at 6:30 this morning when my beloved called to tell me that he had been standing outside the entire night waiting for WICKED tickets to go on sale. He had the first spot in line for when the box office opened at 8:00. :) Wow...did I feel loved!

I had a great day with my students. I had my conference about my job evaluation today, and things went extremely well. He seems very pleased with my performance. He even said he saw me teaching methods courses for the University of Louisville as part of our signature partnership. That was a real blessing to me. I am trying hard, and I want to do well.

After work, Ben and I went to get our pumpkin. We had some chinese, watched Luther while he carved the pumpkin. Then we went walking down this street in town where almost everyone decorates big time for Halloween. The picture above was the two of us in front of the Charlie Brown theme house. It was my personal favorite. Ben showered me with compliments about how beautiful I am, and how skinny I am.

I have not gone to bed, and I'm getting ready for Seattle. I am so excited to be going out of town for a few short days. I'm going to allow myself some complex carbs, but I am not going to have candy this weekend. The slope is way too slippery.