Friday, October 31, 2008
Temptation is EVERYWHERE!!!
Halloween needs to be OVER! Temptation to eat candy and crap is everywhere. I am mortal, and weak!!!
Random Thoughts
These thoughts are pretty random, so here goes!
If I could lose five more pounds (and pick the location of where that weight would come from)...it would be my stomach. I really have to pay close attention to what I wear, because if not, I can look like "I'm starting to show"....which would be great, IF I WERE REALLY PREGNANT! Sadly, this area of my body is going to be the hardest to lose because I really need some plastics in my stomach.
Ben came over last night as a surprise. That was a very welcomed surprise.
I'm leaving at the crack of dawn for Seattle on Saturday, still need to pack and do laundry.
I am getting cold all the time now. I have been wearing my jacket over my sweaters to work.
Looking forward to Halloween fun tonight with Ben. I'll post pictures if I have time.
If I could lose five more pounds (and pick the location of where that weight would come from)...it would be my stomach. I really have to pay close attention to what I wear, because if not, I can look like "I'm starting to show"....which would be great, IF I WERE REALLY PREGNANT! Sadly, this area of my body is going to be the hardest to lose because I really need some plastics in my stomach.
Ben came over last night as a surprise. That was a very welcomed surprise.
I'm leaving at the crack of dawn for Seattle on Saturday, still need to pack and do laundry.
I am getting cold all the time now. I have been wearing my jacket over my sweaters to work.
Looking forward to Halloween fun tonight with Ben. I'll post pictures if I have time.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
So Many People Struggle With Their Weight...
Last night, I was fortunate enough to be able to (attempt) to attend a political rally with a friend. It turned into us waiting on the interstate for 2 hours, and then being told that the facility had been locked down, and no more people were being allowed inside. I had a great time being able to talk with my good friend for some time.
She was talking about how she had struggled with weight since getting married. At 393.6 pounds, I would have rolled my eyes and thought all sorts of things. Now, I actually listened to her. Ok, so she didn't have a ton of weight she needed to lose, but she was still struggling. Who am I to be judgemental and rude? It is kinda like how I now chuckle at some of my brother and sister's things that they think are major life deals, simply because I realize that they are not. I have been through that stage in life, and know in the end how minor they are. I'm sure many have thought the same of my struggles. Yet, we need to be sensitive because it matters to that person, because it is where THEY are.
I got an email from my best friend Mandi. She is hurting so badly. My heart aches for her. She was involved (engaged, and almost married) to a horrible guy. He felt it was his mission in life to help every single overweight person realize just what they were, etc. He was a big man himself, but of course that was different. I knew this man had messed with her self esteem, but it wasn't until an email I received yesterday that I started to realize the many layers of HURT this man had caused her. It is going to take awhile to get out of this mess.
Of course, this made me reflect on how Ben has treated me. He has seriously treated me like a queen. He met me when I weighed between 175-180 pounds. I now weigh 144 pounds. He liked me when I was heavier, and does not like me "more" now because I have lost weight. From the way he briefly talks about things, I get the impression that he would like me to put back on a few pounds (he certainly doesn't want me to lose any more weight). Before Ben knew (and after) that I had WLS, he knew that eating better/losing weight/getting fit was a part of my life, and he was ENCOURAGING to me. He has said a few insentive things about fat people in general, but knowing what I know of his heart, I knew he didn't even realize what he had said. When I would point out how that particular comment could be offensive to someone who was fat/or currently is fat, he was profusely apologetic. I am thankful for such a sweet and loving man. It makes me think of the comment that Vicki (a fellow DSer) said the other day, "My husband didn't even know I was fat until I told him that I wanted weight loss surgery." I am slowly getting the idea that Ben really does love me....not just a skinny me....but me for me.
Life is good.
She was talking about how she had struggled with weight since getting married. At 393.6 pounds, I would have rolled my eyes and thought all sorts of things. Now, I actually listened to her. Ok, so she didn't have a ton of weight she needed to lose, but she was still struggling. Who am I to be judgemental and rude? It is kinda like how I now chuckle at some of my brother and sister's things that they think are major life deals, simply because I realize that they are not. I have been through that stage in life, and know in the end how minor they are. I'm sure many have thought the same of my struggles. Yet, we need to be sensitive because it matters to that person, because it is where THEY are.
I got an email from my best friend Mandi. She is hurting so badly. My heart aches for her. She was involved (engaged, and almost married) to a horrible guy. He felt it was his mission in life to help every single overweight person realize just what they were, etc. He was a big man himself, but of course that was different. I knew this man had messed with her self esteem, but it wasn't until an email I received yesterday that I started to realize the many layers of HURT this man had caused her. It is going to take awhile to get out of this mess.
Of course, this made me reflect on how Ben has treated me. He has seriously treated me like a queen. He met me when I weighed between 175-180 pounds. I now weigh 144 pounds. He liked me when I was heavier, and does not like me "more" now because I have lost weight. From the way he briefly talks about things, I get the impression that he would like me to put back on a few pounds (he certainly doesn't want me to lose any more weight). Before Ben knew (and after) that I had WLS, he knew that eating better/losing weight/getting fit was a part of my life, and he was ENCOURAGING to me. He has said a few insentive things about fat people in general, but knowing what I know of his heart, I knew he didn't even realize what he had said. When I would point out how that particular comment could be offensive to someone who was fat/or currently is fat, he was profusely apologetic. I am thankful for such a sweet and loving man. It makes me think of the comment that Vicki (a fellow DSer) said the other day, "My husband didn't even know I was fat until I told him that I wanted weight loss surgery." I am slowly getting the idea that Ben really does love me....not just a skinny me....but me for me.
Life is good.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Fall Festival...
Ben and I had a great time working at my school's Fall Festival last night. He worked really hard, and was so eager/sweet about it. (I was telling him later that most boyfriends/husbands that help at a teacher's school are usually very bitter that they have to be there.) I got to see several of my kids. I learned more yesterday after school about my bosses upbringing in a very poor environment, and I cannot tell you how my respect continues to grow.
Afterwards, I still wanted to spend time with Ben. I told him that I needed to eat. I am getting more and more confident about vocalizing that I need to eat, even when I know he will not be hungry. He has been very accommodating.
Ok, time to have another great day!
Afterwards, I still wanted to spend time with Ben. I told him that I needed to eat. I am getting more and more confident about vocalizing that I need to eat, even when I know he will not be hungry. He has been very accommodating.
Ok, time to have another great day!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Replacement for Bread Crumbs...Texture is Back
Bob's Red Mill "Textured Vegetable Protein"...
Low in carbs (3 net carbs) and higher in protein (12 grams).
Sad
One of my student's father was shot and killed this past Saturday. I wish I had the words to say to comfort him. He did stay extra close to me yesterday. Mom is not in the picture at all. It is just dad. He has two younger siblings as well.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Cram Packed Week
This week is so jam packed. I'm not going to face it with a bad attitude though...but I am going to face it head on with some STARBUCKS. :) I have not a clue what we are doing in Seattle, and I'm ok with that. I'm just looking forward to the long weekend there.
Yesterday I got to see Vicki and Ken at our KYADS meeting. That was a good time. I always look forward to hearing their perspective on all things WLS related, and in general. Both of them are extremely wise people.
Last night I got to go to church to hear a special speaker. This is at my church. (I have been going regularly with Ben to his church.) The one comment that was said that really struck me was, "We worry about failing in the eyes of man, when we should be concerned about succeeding in the things that don't matter to God." I need to let that comment seep in and marinated in my brain for some time.
Yesterday I got to see Vicki and Ken at our KYADS meeting. That was a good time. I always look forward to hearing their perspective on all things WLS related, and in general. Both of them are extremely wise people.
Last night I got to go to church to hear a special speaker. This is at my church. (I have been going regularly with Ben to his church.) The one comment that was said that really struck me was, "We worry about failing in the eyes of man, when we should be concerned about succeeding in the things that don't matter to God." I need to let that comment seep in and marinated in my brain for some time.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
19 Months Post Op...
This morning I am nineteen months post op. I weighed in at 144 pounds. I have lost three pounds for the month. I have not tried to lose weight at all this month. I am trying to stay where I am. Although, I would love to lose one more pound, so I can say I have lost an even 250 pounds from my DS. I have pretty much ate whatever I wanted this month, not really watching anything other than protein.
I will post some pictures this evening of our KY DS group meeting. I am trying to be pretty regular about posting pictures, since I don't feel the need to hide behind the camera anymore.
ETA: I have my scale back in the condo. Why? I am keeping an AM/PM weight for my PCP, so I can show her the pattern that I really am not losing much, and am staying within a few pounds at my next PCP visit.
I will post some pictures this evening of our KY DS group meeting. I am trying to be pretty regular about posting pictures, since I don't feel the need to hide behind the camera anymore.
ETA: I have my scale back in the condo. Why? I am keeping an AM/PM weight for my PCP, so I can show her the pattern that I really am not losing much, and am staying within a few pounds at my next PCP visit.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sweet
Ben has told me that he wants me to stay healthy and to stop losing weight. I know for certain tonight that he wants me to stop. At the beginning of dinner he suggested we get a dessert and split it. Ben hardly ever eats dessert when we go out (ok...he has done it ONE time in five months). I know it was a small subtle way for him to help me add calories to my diet.
Ok I WILL Be Making This!!!
Tuna Casserole
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
Ingredients:
8 oz dry egg noodles (8 grams Protein per serving)
2 cups milk (8 grams Protein per cup)
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
3 cans tuna (6-oz), well drained (37.5 grams protein per can)
1/2 cup frozen peas, thawed, drained (4 grams protein per serving)
4-oz shredded cheddar cheese (16 grams protein per serving)
**I skip the bread crumbs and add extra chese on top 4-oz shredded cheddar cheese (16 grams protein per serving)
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cook the noodles in salted water, one minute less than the directions call for. Drain well, and add to a large mixing bowl. Add the milk, mushroom soup, salt, and pepper, tuna, peas and 3/4 of the cheese. Mix with a spatula to combine. Pour the mixture into a buttered 9 x 13 casserole dish, and top with the rest of the cheese. Mix the breadcrumbs and melted butter until combined and spread evenly over the casserole. Bake for 35 minutes, until bubbling and browned.
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
Ingredients:
8 oz dry egg noodles (8 grams Protein per serving)
2 cups milk (8 grams Protein per cup)
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
3 cans tuna (6-oz), well drained (37.5 grams protein per can)
1/2 cup frozen peas, thawed, drained (4 grams protein per serving)
4-oz shredded cheddar cheese (16 grams protein per serving)
**I skip the bread crumbs and add extra chese on top 4-oz shredded cheddar cheese (16 grams protein per serving)
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cook the noodles in salted water, one minute less than the directions call for. Drain well, and add to a large mixing bowl. Add the milk, mushroom soup, salt, and pepper, tuna, peas and 3/4 of the cheese. Mix with a spatula to combine. Pour the mixture into a buttered 9 x 13 casserole dish, and top with the rest of the cheese. Mix the breadcrumbs and melted butter until combined and spread evenly over the casserole. Bake for 35 minutes, until bubbling and browned.
Such Good Conversations!!!
Above is a picture with my former boss, and my former co-worker after we had dinner together last night. What a great time we had visiting. We have already set our schedules to do it again in January after the holidays are over. :) Of course things that came up relating to me were Ben and my weight loss (I have lost about 25 pounds since the last time I saw them.) Dot always gives me such great advice. She was truly one of my biggest champions throughout the weight loss process. She told me that I didn't need to lose any more weight, and to take this time to really celebrate where I am at, and where I have come from. She said that I am every bit as pretty as I think I am, and not to forget that. Last night we had our indoor campout at Cassie and her husband's house. That was a lot of fun. I did of course do the whole size comparison thing, and for the first time in a long while, I really think that I accurately compared my body to someone else's body. I think I am the same size as the host of the get together, Cassie. I felt very at ease, and not out of place. That really was a blessing. After sticking out for so many years, blending in (in certain aspects) is such a welcome change.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Low Carb Pumpkin Pound Cake
I haven't tried this, but perhaps I will make it over the Christmas holiday...
Recipe courtesy George Stella
Show: Low Carb and Lovin' It
Episode: Holiday Dinner
Prep Time:15 min
Inactive Prep Time: hr min
Cook Time: 1 hr 30 min
Level: Easy
Serves: 12 servingsVegetable oil spray, as needed 2 tablespoons wheat bran 2 1/2 cups almond flour 1 1/2 cups sugar substitute (recommended: Splenda) 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1/4 teaspoon salt 7 eggs 1 1/2 cups canned pure pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling) 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract (no sugar added, imitation is usually best)
Equipment: 9 by 5-inch loaf pan
Serving Suggestion: homemade sugarless whipped cream
Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.
Spray the loaf pan heavily with vegetable spray and sprinkle with the wheat bran, shaking the pan to coat on all sides--this will prevent sticking.
In a bowl whisk together the almond flour, sugar substitute, baking powder, pie spice, and salt. In another bowl, beat the eggs and then whisk in the pumpkin and vanilla. Combine the dry and wet ingredients and stir until combined. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and stir to combine.
Bake until golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean when stuck in the center, about 1 1/2 hours. Cool completely before removing from the pan. Slice into 12 portions.
Nutrition Facts
Nutritional Analysis per serving
Calories 244Protein 23
Fat 18
Saturated Fat 2
Carbohydrates 12
Fiber 48 net carbs per slice
Recipe courtesy George Stella
Show: Low Carb and Lovin' It
Episode: Holiday Dinner
Prep Time:15 min
Inactive Prep Time: hr min
Cook Time: 1 hr 30 min
Level: Easy
Serves: 12 servingsVegetable oil spray, as needed 2 tablespoons wheat bran 2 1/2 cups almond flour 1 1/2 cups sugar substitute (recommended: Splenda) 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1/4 teaspoon salt 7 eggs 1 1/2 cups canned pure pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling) 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract (no sugar added, imitation is usually best)
Equipment: 9 by 5-inch loaf pan
Serving Suggestion: homemade sugarless whipped cream
Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.
Spray the loaf pan heavily with vegetable spray and sprinkle with the wheat bran, shaking the pan to coat on all sides--this will prevent sticking.
In a bowl whisk together the almond flour, sugar substitute, baking powder, pie spice, and salt. In another bowl, beat the eggs and then whisk in the pumpkin and vanilla. Combine the dry and wet ingredients and stir until combined. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and stir to combine.
Bake until golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean when stuck in the center, about 1 1/2 hours. Cool completely before removing from the pan. Slice into 12 portions.
Nutrition Facts
Nutritional Analysis per serving
Calories 244Protein 23
Fat 18
Saturated Fat 2
Carbohydrates 12
Fiber 48 net carbs per slice
Change of Plans for the Night...
I am meeting my former boss and coworker at 5 today. I have been looking forward to seeing them. I loved working with them, I just missed teaching students all day. It will be so great to see them.
Ben and I were going to go get a pumpkin and carve it tonight. We had been invited to a camping overnight trip, but we already had plans on Saturday morning. Since the weather is so yucky, the camping trip was cancelled. Now, the couple is having an overnight party at their house. Ben and I are going to go to it, then drag ourselves to a church function early Saturday morning.
Ok, seriously need my nap now. :)
Ben and I were going to go get a pumpkin and carve it tonight. We had been invited to a camping overnight trip, but we already had plans on Saturday morning. Since the weather is so yucky, the camping trip was cancelled. Now, the couple is having an overnight party at their house. Ben and I are going to go to it, then drag ourselves to a church function early Saturday morning.
Ok, seriously need my nap now. :)
Ben
Ben is so sweet. He has read my list of things that I would like to do, and we have commented on how I have been able to do many of them. One of them is that I wanted to be light enough that a man could give me a piggy back ride. Ben really wants to be able to do this for me. He has suggested it several times. Last night we were down by the waterfront, and he wanted to try it again (this is the second time he has been so eager to do it). I told him that it wasn't him, but it was me. It took me forever to sit on his lap, because there is so much in my head about what I weigh. What I weigh in my head is not what the scale says to me. It is hard for those two numbers to align. He was very sweet about it, and says that the offer stands any time when I am ready.
The boy is working like crazy to help my self concept. Seriously. He is saying so many nice things, I think it may finally be sinking into my thick scull. He was trying to load me down with Hershey's chocolate that his mom sent up. Last night, I was sitting next to him, and he wrapped his arms around me, and commented how he could wrap his arms all the way around me with a whole lot of room to spare. Later on he had his hands on my waist, and was saying how he could almost wrap his hands completely around my waist. (I almost cried thinking about that comment, knowing how huge I had been.) Last week when I was sitting in his lap, he commented that I was significantly lighter than the last time I was in his lap. (Of course, he prefaced the comment that I wasn't heavy that time either....just that he noticed a difference.) He also says that me sitting in his lap is his favorite way to hold me.
Off to get labs drawn today. I hope that my acidosis is better after taking all this potassium.
The boy is working like crazy to help my self concept. Seriously. He is saying so many nice things, I think it may finally be sinking into my thick scull. He was trying to load me down with Hershey's chocolate that his mom sent up. Last night, I was sitting next to him, and he wrapped his arms around me, and commented how he could wrap his arms all the way around me with a whole lot of room to spare. Later on he had his hands on my waist, and was saying how he could almost wrap his hands completely around my waist. (I almost cried thinking about that comment, knowing how huge I had been.) Last week when I was sitting in his lap, he commented that I was significantly lighter than the last time I was in his lap. (Of course, he prefaced the comment that I wasn't heavy that time either....just that he noticed a difference.) He also says that me sitting in his lap is his favorite way to hold me.
Off to get labs drawn today. I hope that my acidosis is better after taking all this potassium.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
My Mastercard Commercial Moment
Fitting into an alumni shirt from your college in a size SMALL (with a thermal shirt on below it)...
Everything I bought at my alumni's bookstore over Homecoming Weekend was a size small. Last year at Homecoming, I was so excited that I was wearing extra large. What a difference a year makes huh?
On a more serious note: Since I am trying to maintain my weight now, I've pretty much not been paying attention to carbs. Here is the situation though...I am getting way too many SIMPLE carbs. I worry about really crappy habits forming. There will be a day when my DS doesn't malabsorb to the extent that it does now.
One change that I am going to start this weekend is introducing toast (with peanut butter) into my daily routine. (Much better than the cookies, etc that have been in my daily routine the past two weeks.) The other item I had thought of adding was a banana a day. (Still not sure about this one yet.) I just don't want old habits to creep back with a vengeance. One thing I am holding strong to is the no Coca Cola. I know myself too well for this. It is stronger than crack, and I would be an addict again after the first sip.
PRICELESS!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Everything I bought at my alumni's bookstore over Homecoming Weekend was a size small. Last year at Homecoming, I was so excited that I was wearing extra large. What a difference a year makes huh?
On a more serious note: Since I am trying to maintain my weight now, I've pretty much not been paying attention to carbs. Here is the situation though...I am getting way too many SIMPLE carbs. I worry about really crappy habits forming. There will be a day when my DS doesn't malabsorb to the extent that it does now.
One change that I am going to start this weekend is introducing toast (with peanut butter) into my daily routine. (Much better than the cookies, etc that have been in my daily routine the past two weeks.) The other item I had thought of adding was a banana a day. (Still not sure about this one yet.) I just don't want old habits to creep back with a vengeance. One thing I am holding strong to is the no Coca Cola. I know myself too well for this. It is stronger than crack, and I would be an addict again after the first sip.
TGIF --- For Me!
My week will be ending early. Woooo Hoooo! :) I have bloodwork tomorrow in the middle of the day, so I am taking off. I think a three day weekend is in order. I am getting observed today by my principal. He is in my room quite often, so the only difference is that he will be writing this one up.
I'm going to write a post about Ben tonight. I have a lot to process (in a good way) about him, and I want to share.
Time to get ready and get some STARBUCKS!
I'm going to write a post about Ben tonight. I have a lot to process (in a good way) about him, and I want to share.
Time to get ready and get some STARBUCKS!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A Talk With My Class Today...
Today my students and I had a talk about nutrition. I voluntarily eat lunch with my students every day, instead of taking a twenty minute break. I like learning more about them, and I feel that they are better behaved when they eat lunch with me.
I have made it clear to my students that they need to get a fruit, protein, vegetable, and grain as they go through the lunch line. (Keep in mind that breakfast and lunch are the best meals most of my students get due to circumstances in their lives.) They still buy chips or bring in chips, gatorade, candy, and the like. Today I talked with them about how eating chips is ok, but NO ONE needs to eat chips every day. No one needs multiple cookies a day, etc. My kids were pretty into the discussion.
What really made me think was that there would be no possible way that I could have this discussion with my students when I weighed 393 pounds. I never felt I could talk with them about nutrition, because I was so overweight. I would have felt like a complete hypocrite. I could only image how much more this pressure is within the medical community, as the "norm" for what people should weigh continues to creep up.
I have made it clear to my students that they need to get a fruit, protein, vegetable, and grain as they go through the lunch line. (Keep in mind that breakfast and lunch are the best meals most of my students get due to circumstances in their lives.) They still buy chips or bring in chips, gatorade, candy, and the like. Today I talked with them about how eating chips is ok, but NO ONE needs to eat chips every day. No one needs multiple cookies a day, etc. My kids were pretty into the discussion.
What really made me think was that there would be no possible way that I could have this discussion with my students when I weighed 393 pounds. I never felt I could talk with them about nutrition, because I was so overweight. I would have felt like a complete hypocrite. I could only image how much more this pressure is within the medical community, as the "norm" for what people should weigh continues to creep up.
A Big Photo Post
Homecoming Weekend Photos:
Photos of Thomika and I on our night out. (I know I am white, but I really think the camera is showing me more white than I really am.)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Great Weekend!
I had a blast at Homecoming this weekend. I will try to post a recap on Tuesday. Tomorrow is jam packed. Now I am off to BED!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I Didn't Start the Fire...
That's right, I didn't start the fire. I wore corduroy pants yesterday! Wooo Hooo! I've always wanted to wear them, but was afraid that I would start a fire with how much my legs rub together. While my legs still rub together, it is nothing like before. Ben even commented last night on what a lovely figure I had! :)
I am taking Thomika with me after school to go vote before we go to dinner. I want her to see how important voting is, since we have been talking about it so much at school. I am so glad to get to spend the evening with her. Pictures will be sure to follow!
I am taking Thomika with me after school to go vote before we go to dinner. I want her to see how important voting is, since we have been talking about it so much at school. I am so glad to get to spend the evening with her. Pictures will be sure to follow!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A WOW I Had Taken For Granted...
I teach in a very high poverty inner city school. I LOVE it! There is no other school that I would rather work at. Because of how our funding is set up, I only have 20 students (soon to be 19). This is different than almost any other public school setting where numbers easily run 29-33 in elementary classrooms. I essentially have the size of class that a private school teacher would have. This provides me with many luxuries in how I choose to teach my students.
During Social Studies time, we are doing a research project on the Native Americans, and I call a group of five boys up to work with me. I plop down on the floor to be in the middle of them to start our mini-lesson. During this time, I get up 4 or 5 times to go walk around and check on the progress of the other students. I teach small groups like this at least three times a day. It hit me as I was getting up the last time to check on the class, I could not have done this two years ago. I have never been able to sit on the floor and work with a group of students. Now, it is something that I do multiple times a day. I will continue to do it, simply because I CAN. My body is not holding me back anymore. I am NOT a prisoner of it. I can use it to do the things that I desire. How liberating!!!
Makes me think of the quote by Frederick Douglass, "I didn't know I was a slave until I found out I couldn't do the things I wanted." I am no longer a slave of my body!
During Social Studies time, we are doing a research project on the Native Americans, and I call a group of five boys up to work with me. I plop down on the floor to be in the middle of them to start our mini-lesson. During this time, I get up 4 or 5 times to go walk around and check on the progress of the other students. I teach small groups like this at least three times a day. It hit me as I was getting up the last time to check on the class, I could not have done this two years ago. I have never been able to sit on the floor and work with a group of students. Now, it is something that I do multiple times a day. I will continue to do it, simply because I CAN. My body is not holding me back anymore. I am NOT a prisoner of it. I can use it to do the things that I desire. How liberating!!!
Makes me think of the quote by Frederick Douglass, "I didn't know I was a slave until I found out I couldn't do the things I wanted." I am no longer a slave of my body!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Today
Ok, no original post title...not that my titles are ever really that original anyhow.
At work, our librarian stopped and asked me if I had lost weight. Then, I was talking with a teacher I have known for some time, and she said, "So what are you down to now, 125?" WHAT? I was so on cloud nine that she thought I weighed that!
I was telling this to my sister and mom at dinner and my sister says, "Well you can't weigh much more than that!" When I told her I weighed 146, she kept saying how she didn't believe that at all.
I bought thermal undershirts at Target tonight. It is time to get toasty. :)
At work, our librarian stopped and asked me if I had lost weight. Then, I was talking with a teacher I have known for some time, and she said, "So what are you down to now, 125?" WHAT? I was so on cloud nine that she thought I weighed that!
I was telling this to my sister and mom at dinner and my sister says, "Well you can't weigh much more than that!" When I told her I weighed 146, she kept saying how she didn't believe that at all.
I bought thermal undershirts at Target tonight. It is time to get toasty. :)
Monday, October 13, 2008
Another Reason I Know I am Smaller...
I am searching for thermal underwear online. I really think I am going to need it this year. I would love to get a few pairs of flannel lined jeans from LL Bean, but it is cheaper to buy a few sets of thermals to stay warm. I cannot believe how easily I get cold now.
I have decided to take Thomika, one of my students out on Thursday. We are going to a very nice restaurant. I had her call today and make the reservation. Afterwards, I think we are going to hit up Incredible Daves for some grown up Chucky-Cheese time. :) Woooo Hooo! Fun pictures will certainly follow.
I have decided to take Thomika, one of my students out on Thursday. We are going to a very nice restaurant. I had her call today and make the reservation. Afterwards, I think we are going to hit up Incredible Daves for some grown up Chucky-Cheese time. :) Woooo Hooo! Fun pictures will certainly follow.
Comment From Another Teacher on My Team...
Another teacher on my team says to me this morning, "How does your closet keep up?" I looked at her strangely. She said you keep on slimming down, how can you keep buying new clothes to accommodate? I have lost 13 pounds since starting my job. When you started where I was at, 13 doesn't seem like anything. I really forget how every few pounds really does make a difference at this stage in the game. (I just did the math, those "thirteen" pounds represented 8% of my body weight --- since school started, that I have lost. Wow, seeing it in that light really does make a difference.)
I spoke with my principal about my acidosis, and needing to get bloodwork done on the 24th. I hate missing on Fridays or Mondays, because it does look like you are trying to "pad" your weekend. I have always wanted (and had) great relationships with my bosses, and it is important to me for that to continue. Especially with the small possibility that Ben and I could get married, and I will want an excellent reference for applying for new positions. He was very concerned for me, and asked if I needed to take tomorrow off to go get things squared away. I said I was on meds, so that would not be necessary. It is nice to work for someone so thoughtful.
I spoke with my principal about my acidosis, and needing to get bloodwork done on the 24th. I hate missing on Fridays or Mondays, because it does look like you are trying to "pad" your weekend. I have always wanted (and had) great relationships with my bosses, and it is important to me for that to continue. Especially with the small possibility that Ben and I could get married, and I will want an excellent reference for applying for new positions. He was very concerned for me, and asked if I needed to take tomorrow off to go get things squared away. I said I was on meds, so that would not be necessary. It is nice to work for someone so thoughtful.
When Buying Your Protein....
Here is a list of the best (most digestable) to worst forms:
Whey Protein Isolate Blends
Whey Concentrate
Whole egg
Cow's Milk
Egg White (Albumin)
Fish
Beef
Chicken
Casein
Rice
Soy
Wheat
Beans
Peanuts
Whey Protein Isolate Blends
Whey Concentrate
Whole egg
Cow's Milk
Egg White (Albumin)
Fish
Beef
Chicken
Casein
Rice
Soy
Wheat
Beans
Peanuts
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Ben's Comments
On Friday night, Ben asked me to please not lose any more weight. He said I was perfect where I was. He even goes on to say that if I wanted to put back on some weight that would be fine with him. It feels so amazing to hear those words from someone that you love and you know cares and loves you.
I am also seriously considering a mission trip to Peru with the church I have been attending with Ben. I mentioned it in email to him, but decided that I am going to call him in a little bit to talk about it. Regardless of whether or not he is going to go, I am going to seriously consider going myself.
I am also seriously considering a mission trip to Peru with the church I have been attending with Ben. I mentioned it in email to him, but decided that I am going to call him in a little bit to talk about it. Regardless of whether or not he is going to go, I am going to seriously consider going myself.
Final Weigh In (For the Moment)
I am taking the scale to Ben's apartment this morning. I had to do one final weigh in. I dropped a pound, so now I am down to 146 pounds. That puts my BMI at 22.9. Whether I want to admit it or not, the reality is that if I were to have the plastics that I need today, I would be darn close to the bottom of my BMI range (almost close to the underweight category....as I have lost 247 pounds....Many people estimate that for every 100 pounds you lose, you have about 7 pounds of excess skin. That means that I am probably in the range of 17-18 pounds of excess skin.)
This seems so surreal, that I am reaching a point to stop losing weight. I will still probably weigh on the 26th, just to keep things in check. I thought I would be in more of a celebratory mood upon reaching goal, but right now the top things on my mind are the acidosis and getting my bloodwork back in order.
This seems so surreal, that I am reaching a point to stop losing weight. I will still probably weigh on the 26th, just to keep things in check. I thought I would be in more of a celebratory mood upon reaching goal, but right now the top things on my mind are the acidosis and getting my bloodwork back in order.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
SINBAD!!!
Ben and I went to see Sinbad tonight, and WOW was he amazing! What a great comedian! He kept us laughing for the whole time. I especially loved how clean he was.
Since we saw the early show, we went to the ballroom dancing studio and danced for two hours. It was good to do that, since it has been awhile since we have been able to go.
Time to get some zzz's. I am tired.
Since we saw the early show, we went to the ballroom dancing studio and danced for two hours. It was good to do that, since it has been awhile since we have been able to go.
Time to get some zzz's. I am tired.
The Scale is LEAVING the CONDO...
I got a call from my doctor yesterday morning at 7:40 am. We were on the phone for twenty minutes. I love my new PCP, and she is a whiz at bloodwork. I have acidosis right now. She said that my body needs a balance between acids and bases, and right now my body is too acidic. She is starting me out on a prescription for Potassium, and I get my labs redrawn in two weeks. If things don't improve, I may possibly be getting bicarbonate through IV. I still have a lot of questions, but I am waiting to talk with my cousin who is a nurse practioner so she can explain much more to me. I am scared though.
I really wanted to get to 140, but I am at 147. I think this is where I am going to stay. After talking with my PCP, clearly my health is where I need to focus on, instead of the number on the scale. I am a scale junkie. I weigh all the time. I am really affected by the number I see. As hard as it is going to be, this is the right step for me right now. I am going to give the scale to Ben tonight to keep at his place. I am usually at his place once every week or so. Not sure if I will weigh (I know I will want to), but I will have access to it if I want it.
Edited to Add: I watched an HBO documentary called "Thin" about six months ago. It was dealing with girls who were in treatment facilities for aneroxia. One thing the clinic did was weigh them backwards so that they could not see the number. I am seriously considering having Ben check my weight for me, and not know more of the details dealing with the number. Might seem extreme for some, but I am entertaining the thought.
I really wanted to get to 140, but I am at 147. I think this is where I am going to stay. After talking with my PCP, clearly my health is where I need to focus on, instead of the number on the scale. I am a scale junkie. I weigh all the time. I am really affected by the number I see. As hard as it is going to be, this is the right step for me right now. I am going to give the scale to Ben tonight to keep at his place. I am usually at his place once every week or so. Not sure if I will weigh (I know I will want to), but I will have access to it if I want it.
Edited to Add: I watched an HBO documentary called "Thin" about six months ago. It was dealing with girls who were in treatment facilities for aneroxia. One thing the clinic did was weigh them backwards so that they could not see the number. I am seriously considering having Ben check my weight for me, and not know more of the details dealing with the number. Might seem extreme for some, but I am entertaining the thought.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Another Photo Post
We took a carriage ride after dinner around downtown Louisville.
I really love how I look in this picture. I feel so normal (aka THIN) in this picture.
Dinner at the Spaghetti Factory.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Photo Post
I took one of my students out this evening, and we had a great time. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for this bright young girl.
Note my puffy blue vest, and I didn't feel like the Good Year Blimp wearing it.
I am starting to tackle some Christmas shopping. I at least want to get my familys done with so I can do Ben's family once I get back from Asheville after Thanksgiving.
Tomorrow Ben is going to come have lunch in my classroom, and then stay for a little bit to watch me teach. Yikes! I get nervous when someone I really care about is watching me! Tomorrow night we are going to a play and the Old Spaghetti Factory. Saturday we are going to see Sinbad. Sunday I plan on resting like a champion after church.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Shopping Trip
I am now the owner of a quilted vest. I bought it tonight. I have wanted these before, but never would buy one, because the last thing I wanted was some "extra padding" on me. It really looked cute on me tonight. I got a blue one. Hopefully, there will be a picture of me in it, AFTER I get my hair cut and colored on Saturday. I also got several skirts and sweater type things. I had zero winter clothes that I can wear. I got quite a bit for the money, as I bought them at Cato. Now I need some new flannel pjs, and life will be swell. Ok, I am also thinking about splurging and getting a pair of flannel lined jeans. I've always wanted them, but not been able to have them as a former fat girl.
As I was shopping the woman who was helping said some interesting things to me. She was joking about how I was taking down all her display clothes. I thought about it....display clothes are always the SMALLER sizes, because they look the best when displayed. I am wearing the display clothes! Woot! Woot! Then when I was checking out the same lady was saying how she would buy cute clothes just like me if she were as small as me.
I got to have dinner with Ben tonight. That was nice to be able to see him for a little bit.
Need some zzzz's, will write more later.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Weekend Recap and Next Steps...
I had a great time in the mountains this weekend! :) It is such a gorgeous area, and fall to boot! I had lots of great food. Time to get back on track. I did well with my protein shakes, but certainly heavy on the carbs.
Today at Mallory's party, my uncle thought I was my sister. After he realized it was me, I thought in my head...."I'm actually about 15 pounds smaller than her," but of course I didn't say that! I got several compliments on my weight/appearance. My one aunt said I had to start eating...ha ha, if she only knew! When it came time to get chili, she said, "You are getting in front of me, so I can make sure you eat something." Funny.
At Scale Junkie, she talks about there being 87 days left of this year. She gave herself 8 free days, and the rest of the days, she wants to stick to her plan. I really like the thinking behind that. Here are my for sure free days:
Halloween
One Day While in Seattle
Thanksgiving Day
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day
New Years Eve
2 Floating Days
It is nice thinking you have some planned free eating days. I know some people who stick to their plan for six days, then whatever they wanted on the seventh day. This is too much freedom for me right now. More on this later.
Today at Mallory's party, my uncle thought I was my sister. After he realized it was me, I thought in my head...."I'm actually about 15 pounds smaller than her," but of course I didn't say that! I got several compliments on my weight/appearance. My one aunt said I had to start eating...ha ha, if she only knew! When it came time to get chili, she said, "You are getting in front of me, so I can make sure you eat something." Funny.
At Scale Junkie, she talks about there being 87 days left of this year. She gave herself 8 free days, and the rest of the days, she wants to stick to her plan. I really like the thinking behind that. Here are my for sure free days:
Halloween
One Day While in Seattle
Thanksgiving Day
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day
New Years Eve
2 Floating Days
It is nice thinking you have some planned free eating days. I know some people who stick to their plan for six days, then whatever they wanted on the seventh day. This is too much freedom for me right now. More on this later.
Why You Should Always Have Your Digital Camera With You...
I actually saw this from the parking garage! How cool is that!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Hissss.....
Wish I could find a real hissing noise....that would reflect the wind deflating from my sails. I went to see my PCP today. She is worried about my body's ability to do the heavy duty exercise that is required for training for a mini, and still be able to eat enough calories to get my weight to stabilize out. Basically, she wonders if I can truly eat enough when factoring in my malabsorption. She gave me quite a bit to think about. I'm not quitting at all yet, but I do need to think about how to form a serious plan of attack.
I'm off to eastern Kentucky. :)
I'm off to eastern Kentucky. :)
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Looking Ahead....
I am going to the mountains of eastern Kentucky this weekend with my friend Sam. I will also get to see my best friend Penny while down there.
In two weeks after that, I will be going to my undergrad's Homecoming weekend. Wooo Hooo! I went with Penny and Mandi last year, and had a great time. Looking forward to doing this again.
Election weekend, I am going to Seattle and we are going up to British Colombia as well. We leave on Saturday and come back late Tuesday night. I still need to pick out what I want to see while we are up there. I always like going places with a "must see" list, and a "might be nice to see" list. I am such a nerd.
Then there is the week of Thanksgiving, I will be with Ben and his family at the Biltmore Gardens in Ashville, North Carolina. I am probably most excited about this one, as I think Ashville is one of the most gorgeous places to be in the world! I know we are doing a carriage ride around the estate. I hope the estate is decorated for Christmas. I have been twice, but never seen all the lovely Christmas decor. This should be a great time for R&R as well, since Ben will be busy studying for his finals the following week.
I try not to "live" for holidays, but man I do quite enjoy them!
In two weeks after that, I will be going to my undergrad's Homecoming weekend. Wooo Hooo! I went with Penny and Mandi last year, and had a great time. Looking forward to doing this again.
Election weekend, I am going to Seattle and we are going up to British Colombia as well. We leave on Saturday and come back late Tuesday night. I still need to pick out what I want to see while we are up there. I always like going places with a "must see" list, and a "might be nice to see" list. I am such a nerd.
Then there is the week of Thanksgiving, I will be with Ben and his family at the Biltmore Gardens in Ashville, North Carolina. I am probably most excited about this one, as I think Ashville is one of the most gorgeous places to be in the world! I know we are doing a carriage ride around the estate. I hope the estate is decorated for Christmas. I have been twice, but never seen all the lovely Christmas decor. This should be a great time for R&R as well, since Ben will be busy studying for his finals the following week.
I try not to "live" for holidays, but man I do quite enjoy them!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Jealousy
I got to have lunch with my sister and dad yesterday, since I was at the conference. My sister jokingly comments to me, "Do you have any boobs left?" I chuckled along, and said, "Sure, provided by Victoria's Secret bras."
I know that my sister is very jealous of me. It might sound selfish, but right now I don't care. I am probably 15 pounds lighter than her, but she got 21 years of being the smaller sister. It is my turn!
I'll probably look back on this post in a year and think it was petty. Right now it is how I feel.
I know that my sister is very jealous of me. It might sound selfish, but right now I don't care. I am probably 15 pounds lighter than her, but she got 21 years of being the smaller sister. It is my turn!
I'll probably look back on this post in a year and think it was petty. Right now it is how I feel.
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