Wrap Up From The Weekend

The Louisville Fire game was great!!! :) We won our first game. Woo Hoo!

I had a very nice date last night!

As of this morning....

I HAVE AN OVERWEIGHT BMI!!!!!

191 pounds!!!!

Almost To...

an overweight BMI!!! I am two pounds away from this goal! I will have gone from Super Super Morbidly Obese to Overweight. What an amazing accomplishment!!!

Another thing...
Last night my dad and I had dinner with my sister. I am really starting to notice that I am catching up to her size wise. I honestly think we could wear most of the same tops. I am still a bit bigger than her on the bottom, but the gap is certainly closing. This was one of my goals as a pre-op. I wanted to be the same size as my sister. It just seems so bizarre that it is actually happening.

Some New Great Products I Discovered.....

Orville Redenbacher's Nautural "Buttery Garlic" Popcorn (21 carbs/4 grams of dietary fiber)
(Bags are mini sized)

Orville Redenbacher's Natural "Buttery Salt and Cracked Pepper" (24 carbs/ 5 grams of dietary fiber) (Bags are mini sized)

Bringing back childhood memories....
"SUGAR FREE TANG" (WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO)

Thinking about Goal....

I am 18 pounds from my PCP's goal for me (175).

I am 43 pounds from my personal weight loss goal (150).
(Anything below 150 is just going to be bonus!)


I have never in my life come so close to being my ideal weight.

Game Day - Season Opener!!!!

WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited!!!! :) Tonight's game should be awesome. I have great season tickets.

Making Some Choices...

I am really thinking a lot about traveling over Thanksgiving and Christmas break. I would actually miss Thanksgiving (because of how the school holiday falls), but I would leave after Christmas (since we get a longer break after Christmas). I have one friend in mind that might be able to go with me on a trip, but I am looking at the possibility of going alone as well. One place I certainly want to go is London. I've always wanted to travel there. The other place is still to be determined (but will certainly be international). I am going to start researching after I get back from Toronto, because the plane tickets will be the most expensive thing, and I don't want to wait until last minute to get that.

I know that if I choose these trips, I will be putting a hold on plastics. Yes, I still want them, but I also am thrilled about doing things that I simply could not do physically before the DS. I have lived a lot of my life on the sidelines, and I am done doing that.

For so many years, I have put others first. I don't necessarily regret that at all. I just think that it is ok that I am being a little bit selfish at this point in my life. I am uncovering a whole new me, and I like who I am discovering! :)

Interesting Blurb...Which Would You Choose?

Yesterday morning I heard an interesting blurb on the radio.

They surveyed a group of men and women. The choice was to either step on the scale in front of a room full of co-workers, or to reveal your salary to that same room full of co-workers. 71% of the men said they would step on the scale, while only 42% of the women said they would.

In thinking about this a little more deeply, it really touches on how women are held to such a higher standard weight/looks wise. While guys may throw out the occasional "you should hit the gym" chuckle to one another, it is much less an issue with them. Even my thinnest friends do not share their weight!

I guess I am thankful that my salary is public record, so the choice would be easy for me! :)

DOUBLE CENTURY CLUB!!!

I weighed in at 193 today! I have lost 200.6 pounds!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Said on OH Today

A girl was reflecting on her surgery anniversary and she said something that really struck me:

"Going into this; I wanted a fresh start. A place to begin where I wasn't trapped by choices and genetics that weren't of my own choosing."

I think there is a lot of truth in this statement. I wanted a fresh start as well. I think I would edit my statement to add not being trapped by PAST choices that I had made. While there were some choices my parents could have made to help me some, overall I have to take responsibility. I have been out of their care for many many years now.

Gee Thanks Dad!

Two nights ago I had expressed to dad my frustrations about the dating world. Both conversations ended with me crying, and my poor dad perplexed. Last night my dad tries to comfort me, and fails miserably. At least I didn't cry this time, I waited until I got off the phone to do so.

His "pep" talk to me about dating goes something like this:
"Tiffany, since you have lost so much weight you have a lot more to offer in the dating market now. You don't typically see a 120 pound girl with a man who is 280. She is usually with a man who weighs 190 or so. (I am thinking to myself at this point I can hang it up, because I'll never see 120!) Now that you have lost a lot of weight, you are going to have more dating options." (He continues on BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.)

I am ticked off when I get off the phone with him. Yes, I know what he is saying is true, but still he is my DAD, he doesn't have to tell me these things. He is right, "almost" all my fat friends are single. The ones who are not were married younger, and became fat during marriage. There are a few that are fat and are with someone else who is fat. I'm not presenting you with some scientific study, I am just telling you about the many personal examples in my life.

I guess my thinking falls to this now....what is the magic number on the scale? I know it takes all sorts of men to make the world go round, but when do they stop seeing you as an ugly monster, and start seeing you as girl they would like to be seen with in public?

Tom Petty - I Wont Back Down

I've been listening to this song for the past few days on my IPOD. Seeing Onderland for the first time in so many years this morning has completely restored my drive to reach all the way to goal. I WON'T BACK DOWN!!!

UNBELIEVABLE

I just now thought of something....

I now have lost MORE weight than I currently weigh!!!

One Year Anniversary...

The Stats:

• I have lost 198.6 pounds.
• I have lost 81.5% of my excess weight.
• I have lost 49.5% of my body weight from the day of surgery. (So close to half of me!)
• I have dropped my BMI by 31.1 points.
• I have gone from Super Super Morbidly Obese, to Super Morbidly Obese, to Morbidly Obese, to Obese. (I am only 6/10'ths of a point from crossing over into overweight!)
• I have lost 86 inches (or 7.16 feet). I have only measured inches since the beginning of September.
• My pants size has gone from a 36W to a 14. (I even have bought two size 12 skirts!)
• My top size has gone from a 4X/5X to a size Large (12/14).
• I have not had one Coca-Cola in a year. (I was WAY addicted as a pre-op.)
• I have 45 pounds left until I reach goal.
• I only need to lose 10 more pounds to skydive on May 24th!

For month twelve:

This month certainly tested my patience. I rocked back and forth between 200 and 201 for just over three weeks. This last week I have lost five pounds. That puts my weight at 195. I am now solidly in ONEderland. I don't mind losing only five pounds this month, I am just happy to report that I did indeed LOSE this month.

I really don't feel like I have been on a diet. This honestly has been the easiest weight loss I have ever known. I watch my carbs, keep my protein high, and drink lots of water (the water part is really easy). My craving for sweets has tremendously decreased as compared to how it was as a pre-op. Yet, I know it is ok to have a treat every now and again.

I don't really know what else to write about now. I am just amazed beyond belief about what this last year has brought. I will post some pictures tonight hopefully.

Just Because It is Funny...

According to Dr. Oz....

my waist size is below the average waist size! He says that the ideal waist size for a woman is 32 inches. My waist size last month was 31 inches. How cool is that?

Mini Motivator From Back In Skinny Jeans

Reflections from Onederland....

I had fully intended to write a more detailed post yesterday, but most of the day was spent in a happy-go-lucky fog. :) Here goes my best effort...

There are so many words I have in my head, yet hard to form on here. I guess I come from a different perspective than some. I have always been fat. I've never known how good life can be as someone with a healthy weight. I love how easy it is to move around, and how much energy that I have. I love naps, and think that I always will cherish a great one. The difference now is that I don't "need" them just to make it through a day.

While there still are some mental body image issues, I like the person I physically see in the mirror each day. I am not ashamed or disgusted of what I see. I feel like more and more of my personality is coming out. I think by being so heavy, I never wanted to draw attention to myself. This meant that I was completely quiet and reserved.

One thing I have sadly noticed is how differently people treat me now. I feel like I am respected 100 fold more at work. Men will wait and hold doors open for me. People look me in the eye and smile more. I don't think many people would say that they treat fat people like second class citizens, but those of you who have been there know that you have experienced it.

I also have noticed that I now have goals which involve being physically active. I have always had academic and professional goals, now I am branching out. I want to sky dive, go white water rafting, etc now. I want to do things that previously my weight would have stopped me completely from doing.

I am so thankful for the support of many DSers that have gone before me. There are many things I have not had to go through because I have been able to rely on the experience of others.

My Body Is In.....

ONDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dropped three pounds!!! :) I weigh 197 this morning!!! I have so many thoughts! I'll be posting more this evening.

Who.Is.That.Girl?!?!?!

These pictures were taken today at Easter. The first two are with my Gran, and the last is with my dad. I seriously cannot believe how small I look in these. My head really does have a long way to catch up with my body.

Another thing that I thought of this morning, that I never would have thought of prior to the DS. I was getting ready and I thought, "I need to get a full-length mirror."

Happy Easter!

He is risen! He is risen indeed!

Happy Easter everyone!

Yeah It Was FUN!!!

My sister and I went to watch a co-worker perform in a roller derby. These girls have some decent athletic ability. I was impressed from that regard. There were a few girls that were a decent size, which gives me hope that I can do things that are more active. (I'm not starting with Roller Derby that is for sure.) I would like to join a kickball league. :)

Goals Update

I was looking through some old posts, and wanted to update my progress on some goals that I made last July.

1. Be able to cross my legs. DONE
2. Be able to feel my hip bones and rib cage. DONE
3. Be able to comfortably sit in any seat, and also not to have to think that the seat might break. DONE
4. Skydive. Scheduled for the end of May.
5. Ride in a hot air balloon.
6. Be able to shop from ANY store in the mall.
7. Lose so much weight that people don't recognize me. DONE
8. Be able to fly comfortably. DONE
9. Not be the fattest person in the room. DONE
10. Travel and tour the Holy Lands.
11. Be able to wear heels. DONE
12. Be able to get a pedicure (sitting in the chair that they have is impossible now.) DONE
13. Be able to date. DONE
14. Have increased self-esteem. DONE
15. Be able to move around at a crowded event (like stadium seating, without making everyone stand up to let me through).
16. Be able to look cute in a bathing suit (ok, it most likely will never be a two piece, but I am ok with that.)
17. Start working somewhere where they never knew I was fat.
18. Hike the Grand Canyon and Half Dome.
19. Climb to the top of a lighthouse. (I love lighthouses!)
20. Learn how to ballroom dance.
21. Wear a size without without an (or multiple) "X" in front of it. DONE
22. Be in a single digit clothing size.
23. Maintain my weight loss.
24. Participate in a 5K Run. (Actually RUNNING, not walking....and complete it.) Scheduled for one in June and July.
25. Help others along the way who are trying to lose weight. DONE
26. Swim with dolphins.
27. Be able to relax, take a bubble bath, and actually have room to spare in the tub.
28. Be able to squat. DONE
29. Be able to get up from the ground without having to use a prop to help get me back up. DONE
30. Go White Water Rafting. Scheduled to go this summer with my dad in West Virginia.
31. Be light enough that a man can pick me up, and give me a piggy back ride.
32. Buy cute underwear at Victoria's Secret.
33. Be the same size as my sister.
34. Hike part of the Appalachian Trail.
35. Regularly take the stairs to my 4th floor office - and not be winded. DONE (Ok, not regularly, but I don't get winded!)
36. Stay a member of the "not cleaning my plate" club. DONE
37. Go skiing and snowboarding.
38. Become a runner/jogger. In Progress
39. Be able to wear cute jewelry.
40. Drink 100+ oz of water per day and get in 140-150 grams of protein per day. DONE
41. Hike through many of the National Parks in the west.

I can't believe how many of these goals I have accomplished in such a short period of time. I think I am going to have to come up with a new list of goals to accomplish. :)

So Many Thoughts and Emotions

I am coming up on my one year anniversary of my DS surgery. I have so many thoughts and emotions as I am processing this past year. I have started really rereading my blog entries from the beginning, and that has been cool to watch the evolution. I am so thankful for the life that I now have.

Supplementation, Labs, and Bone Density

EXCELLENT REMINDERS!!!

Vitalady, Diana, or Carolyn are probably more suited to write this then me....but I saw this on another post and was a bit freaked out that a newbie would take it as their "DS Bible".

If you are a newbie, please understand that the DS is by far the BEST WLS currently available, but it does have a condtion: MANDATORY FOLLOW CARE. It's not optional. Not having follow up care is like playing Russian Roulette (sp?) with your body. Unlike stubbing your toe, or getting into a car accident, malnutrition sneaks up on you very slowly, and pounces on you like a cougar. Once it "attacks" you, your pretty much on the verge of permanent damage to your body, and possibly death. .

Taking a couple of multis in the morning isn't going to cut it. I dont' know any DSer (and i've been on this forum and several other DS forums for the last 3 years) that would be able to survive on that....heck I don't know any RNYer who could survive on that. Multis are like the saftey net of your suppliment regime, it kind of picks up anything you might have forgotten or dont' need much of like copper. More then likely as a DSer you will be adding in extra dry A, D, E, and possibly K and Zinc. This of course is in addition to Calcium citrate, and possibly Iron. Yes supplimentation is not just popping a few vits in the morning, it is a carefully orchestrated regime that you get into after months of testing and retesting to find out what works for you....some find their doctor's original suppliment plan perfect....others take 2 years to find their perfect regime. FYI it can change too..what worked for you last year, may be failing you this year...this is the reason for REGULAR BLOOD WORK.

On that subject, having the DS means you need to have REGULAR BLOOD WORK. Now regular to me means at least every 6 months, some surgeons say 1 time a year if everything is going ok...but seeing how things can change quickly, I doubt that I would ever be happy with 1 time a year. Having blood work also means that you will at some point pick up some skill in reading, tracking, and understanding your own labs. Yes you have a surgeon, but most surgeons are far too busy to track your labs for you, they won't see that your RBC went from 4.9 to 4.2 from one set of labs to another, they won't see that your D went from 48 to 30 from one lab to another, and since both these numers fall into "normal" they will say your bloods are normal or even great....but if you know anything about your own labs...you will say, "HEY MY D FELL 18 POINTS, I BETTER CALL VITALADY AND GET SOME MORE D". Or, hey my RBC is falling, I should keep an eye on this.......what is my iron level at? Am I getting in enough B vits? what about zinc? etc etc etc.

Every year or every other year (depending on your insurance) you should have a bone density scan. Just because your "levels" seem good, doesn't mean it's translating to bone density. If you lose bone mass, you can find out right away instead of waiting until your bones turn to mush. It might mean adding more calcium, D, or weight lifting to your exercise regime, but you dont' have to lose all your bone mass before you take action.

FINALLY......(or at least the last thing I want to say).....Just because someone has a few years on you in DS wonderland, it does not mean they are well researched, understand the surgery they have, are a DS example, or are able to give good advice to you. Remember, it just means they (or their insurance) was smart enough to fork over money for the best WLS available. What they did with that sugery is totally up to them. I really feel and FEAR for DSers who do not stay connected to a live or an online support group. WHY? Because information is always changing, nutritonal information is being updated, knew understand of what our surgery does to our bodies is coming out regularly...and if you are not connected, you are not aware of what you should be looking for...or should tell your surgeon you need. I remember when I first came to OH...no one was talking about copper and zinc....no one (or hardly anyone) was talking about mega doses of D.....we were happy with D levels in the 20s...and such. THINGS CHANGE......STAY CONNECTED.

Scott (Used with permission by author)

Beyond Ridiculous!!!

I know that I have complained before about the eating habits/rituals of my office, but today really takes the top prize.

At 9:25 this morning my co-workers were having CAKE! What the heck??? There is NO reason for that.

Thankfully the person I share my cubicle with is very healthly, and we both just shook our heads. It is a blessing that she watches what she eats so I am not tempted to eat bad things either.

Random Friday Thoughts

I've been a little down over not getting to ONEderland yet. I want to keep things in perspective mentally by talking about some things that I am grateful for since having my DS. :)

• I actually feel like I look "cute" when I wear certain outfits.
• I spend more time getting ready. By that meaning I think I take more pride in how I present myself to others.
• I love being able to go into (almost) any store and find clothing that fits ME.
• Although I really don't like general attention to myself on how much weight I have lost, compliments from sincere close friends really feel great to hear.
• I am starting to want to do things that before I would have never let myself do. What is more interesting is that I'm getting better at not worrying about if the activity is something that my weight will prevent me from doing.
• While the scale has not been my friend as of late, for the first time ever in my life it is so amazing to watch it STEADILY go down!
• My doctor is thrilled with the level of health that I currently have achieved.
• I actually have a waist.
• Sometimes when I catch myself in a mirror out in public, I stare, because I cannot believe my head is attached to that body.
• I don't feel exhausted anymore. I had been obese for so long that I truly didn't realize just how exhausted I was each day.

I could go on listing a bunch of different things, but I wanted to share a few on my blog. If you are a pre-op, please take time and learn what will work best for your body. I made one of the best decisions of my life last March. This decision will help me to have a much more full and complete life as each day progresses forward.

So Happy!!!

I just tried on some rings that are very special to me. These rings are not expensive, but they are very sentimental. They belong to my grandmother. They fit perfectly!!! It means so much to wear the rings of someone I love deeply. I've kept them in a jewelry box for so long, and now I can wear them with pride.

I did twenty minutes on the treadmill this morning. There is nothing glamorous to report, but it is a start. I can do this exercise thing. I have to do this.

Becoming More Open About Clothing

I have always tried to stay away from patterns and bolder print because of my size. I didn't want anything at all to draw more attention to how big I was. I am also starting to wear more skirts that are knee length. As a pre-op I would only wear skirts that went to my ankles. It is a difficult thing to get adjusted to. I bought two skirts tonight that were a size 12! Here are a few pictures of my newer clothes.

Confronting the Truth

In this blog I have tried to be very honest about my struggle out of the world of being morbidly obese. Talking about this next subject is not something I'm excited about doing, but I know that I need to do it for myself (and perhaps someone else out there, who knows).

I really suck at carrying through when it comes to exercise. I exercised consistently for one month since having my DS almost a year ago. I've had a few starts here and there, but overall not so much. Basically, I lost 193.6 pounds from my DS alone. Yes, I did a pretty decent job with food choices, but I really cannot take much of the credit. I have never in my life lost weight so effortlessly.

At first, exercising was a logistical nightmare. It is hard to move your body when you are a massive size. I simply needed to drop some weight in order to make it easier. Now, I don't have that excuse. I am at 200 pounds, and can move my body so much more easily than I could as a pre-op. I have been frustrated with a loss of only five pounds last month, and this month a loss of nothing so far. YET, I have not been frustrated enough to take action.

THIS STOPS TONIGHT! The line in the cement is drawn NOW.

I have lost 193.6 pounds effortlessly. I'm fifty pounds to goal. So what if I actually have to WORK at it to reach it? I have used the cold rainy weather as an excuse, but I have the equipment in my household to make it happen. I am going to use my blog as a source of accountability, and will share my struggles and successes along this next leg of the journey.

Post Secret

I really want to get married and find the love of my life. I hope he comes my way sometime soon!

Habits of Thin People

I have become much more mindful of the habits of thin people. I used to think that all thin people had it so easy, but the more I watch, the more I realize that many of them "work at it" (whether they would classify it as that or not).

My office mate is thin. She is probably 140 pounds, and she is 47 years old. She has been extremely supportive of my WLS and we talk openly about diet and exercise. She was telling me this morning about her trip to the doctor Friday and how she has put on ten pounds. She said, something has got to give this is ridiculous.

Her statement really got me thinking. Thinner people have a much lower threshold on how much weight they are willing to let their body gain. This was something that I didn't have. I weighed myself each day, I just chose to ignore the numbers and continue doing what wasn't working. My turning point came when I realized how poor my health and quality of life had become.

What is different now? There is no way that I'm going back to where I have been. What will be my magic number? I don't know that that number will be, but it will certainly never ever get to the point it was before.

Colombia Trip

I met with Sam and Laura and we finalized our Colombia trip this July. I am glad to go ahead and have that on the books, and ready to go. I am excited to be traveling outside of the United States again.

I want to say that I love that I have restriction with my surgery. The common channel part of it is great as well, but I seriously hope I don't stretch my stomach out much more. Tonight I made some super cheesy macaroni (with Dreamfields Low Carb pasta), and I added a ton of bacon to it. It was so yummy. I ate about 12 bites of it. As a pre-op, there is no telling how much of that I would have been able to put away. I made a small amount of it, and it will probably be 5-6 more servings worth for me. Even the other day at a family get together, I ate less than my size 2 sister-in-law. I still am all about eating more frequently throughout the day though.

The DS does not cure all your head issues, but what I will say is that some of the things I used to struggle with truly are non-issues now. That really is amazing to me.

These lyrics from Ginny Owen's "Free" song keep going through my head. I am so much more free today than I have even been.

Turnin' molehills into mountains
Makin' big deals out of small ones
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens
This is how it's been
Afraid of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can't do too well
Afraid I'll try real hard And I'll fail
This is how it's been
Till the day You pounded on my heart's door
And You shouted joyfully You're not a slave anymore!

You're free to dance
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to Me
You're free to love
'Cause I've given you My love
And it's made you free I have set you free!

My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity and Changed the course of history
Because You loved us so
And my heart cannot understand
How You accept me as I am
But You say You've always had a plan
And that's all I need to know
So when I am consumed With what the world will say
Then You're singing to me, as You remove my chains

Free from worry
Free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile

From Post Secret

I used to do this all the time. I also cut the tags out because I was afraid that they would be sticking out of my clothes and someone would see what size clothes I wore. For the first time in my life, I am proud of the size that is on my clothes.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. Today I am working on an online module for the GED courses I will be teaching, then I am going to meet my friend Sam so we can get our trip to Colombia all lined up.

TGIF!!!

Finally, the weekend is here! Weight is currently 200.2 pounds.

Saturday is pretty much jam packed. I have an interview for a summer program I am wanting to get accepted to. Then I am going to my dad's side of the family for Easter (GAG), then to watch the boys I nanny, and from there to watch a band with some friends.

I love Easter, and springtime in general. I have a really cute Easter dress that I am looking forward to wearing.

Funny Cartoon

Weigh In Wednesday

I am starting to report my weekly weigh-in to www.talesfromthescales.net

I didn't end up bringing my scale, so I will have to report my weight tomorrow.

People's Perceptions....

I am working in Frankfort. Tonight over dinner I brought up my support group meeting, and how we were thinking about going out for seafood next time. One girl makes a comment about her boss. She has the lapband, but doesn't want a lot of people to know it. The girl was making a comment about how they go out to eat once a month. She said how odd she found that because they were all WLS patients. She referred it to AA members meeting at a bar. I know she wasn't being mean, but I said, "Well we all have to eat. It is not like you can give that up for the rest of your life." That comment from me kinda killed the conversation, and a few minutes later she agreed with my statement.

I am glad I am coming home tomorrow. We have been working really hard.

Lots of plans coming up soon....seeing a band this weekend, have plans to watch a coworker in the Rollerderby, Louisville Fire Season Opener, and seeing The Blue Man Group and Bill Cosby perform. Not to mention I'm driving to Canada when gas is currently $3.50 where I live.

Saving Face?

I am packing to stay out of town for work the next few days. I am staying with a few of my co-workers who do my job in other parts of the state. They are very nice, and I have gotten to know them pretty decently over the past year and a half. These two girls know I had WLS, etc etc.

Here is my dilemma....do I pack my scale? Those who follow my blog know I am a scale junkie. I weigh multiple times a day. I honestly would have taken it on vacation had I not thought it would have been damaged in cargo (and for fear they wouldn't let me carry it on the plane). It WILL be going on vacation with me as I drive to Niagara Falls and Toronto in a few weeks.

I have rational thoughts like normal people don't take their scale with them to a hotel when they are just going to be gone two or three nights (or ten). Then I see the reverse side of the coin too....normal people don't balloon up to 393 pounds either. Normal people don't have to seriously consider medical surgical intervention for their weight in order to see the age of thirty.

I will probably bite the bullet and take my scale, regardless of the comments. I have gotten used to strange comments, comments on what I order, how many vitamins I take, and so on. Yeah, it may be that I swallow some of my pride, but I need the scale to keep me in check, and knowing that fact is half the battle.

Mini Motivator From Back In Skinny Jeans

The Week Begins

I'm not ready to start the week, but I must anyhow. Crawling back in bed sounds so nice right about now. I am staying in a hotel a few nights this week while working on a big project for the state. I am so ready to go back to working with students on a daily basis.

My friend Sam comes in next week, and we will be making flight arrangements for my trip to see him in Colombia.

This is still a WLS blog for those who may be wondering because of content lately. I just don't have much to report in terms of losing weight. I am doing the right things, but am stuck right now. I feel like a hypocrite talking too much about losing weight when I am not losing right now. (Ok, I am losing but it is that same stupid pound....how many times can I lose/gain that one stupid pound?)

From Post Secret

This secret hits a little bit closer to home than I would like. :(

Quote

"Each handicap is like a hurdle in a steeplechase, and when you ride up to it, if you throw your heart over, the horse will go along, too."
-Lawrence Bixby

Yummy Low-Carb Pizza

1 Low-Carb Tortilla (I use wheat)
Barbeque Sauce (This is not low carb, but I used this very sparingly.)
Taco Cheese
Pepperoni
Canadian Bacon
(More Taco Cheese)

Cook in the oven at 400 degrees for ten minutes.

View from My Balcony: Part II

Scroll down to see the picture taken yesterday afternoon. I had to go dig the Direct TV dish out of the snow so I could watch TV this morning. PLEASE STOP SNOWING!!!

Thanks DS!!!

I saw so many people do this after losing a ton of weight. I just never thought that I would be one of them. Here I am in the pair of jeans that I wore on the day I had surgery on March 26, 2007. They are size 36W. Today I wear size 14. These pants were very tight too. It will be cool to retake this picture when I reach goal.

View From My Balcony...

I am bored, bored, and BORED. Nothing on TV to watch, not in the mood to read, no movies on Direct TV that I am interested in.

Shadowing

I start shadowing a GED teacher at the end of the month. This will prep me to be allowed to teach GED courses on my own. I am very pumped about that.


It is snowing....and IT IS MARCH. I am so ready for some sunny days.

Computer Problems...GRRR

My hard drive completely crashed on my laptop yesterday morning. It has been completely replaced. I am currently on the phone with Verizon trying to get my internet access card back up and running. So I am blogging from Panera. I cannot believe how addicted I am to having computer access. Several of the sites I want to access are blocked by my normal work laptop.

Quote From Back In Skinny Jeans

I'm going to have lunch with my friend Kristin today. It will be nice to get out of the office, as I have been working on a project all week.

Nothing new to report on the scale front. I've gone ultra low-carb, middle-carb, and carb-fest. My body is content where it is right now. GRRR! Someday my day will come I suppose.

I am going to training after work today to get started in the process of becoming a GED teacher. I am really excited about this. I think it is an excellent opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others.

On Tradition

Reasons People Eat In My Office....

1. My great granddaughter started tenth grade....lets have cake.

2. I had to put my hamster to sleep...lets have brownies.

3. It is Arbor Day...lets have doughnuts.

4. I just came back from a lobotomy...lets have pastries.

I could go on and on and on. I bring my lunch, and I bring my snacks. I am good at not eating whatever is out on the infamous carts. I think I am going to have to start purposefully walking the other way around, because the other side of the office doesn't seem to eat non-stop. Thank heavens I didn't work in an office prior to my DS, I would have been twelve zillion pounds as my surgery weight.

I got to talk to a patient who is going to have surgery with my doctor in April last night. That was really nice. It feels great to pay it forward.

Weight is still the same, yo...yo...yo. Up a pound, down a pound. Still not cracking below 200. I typically don't even lose this time of the month anyhow. I lost five pounds last month, and I hope to show a lose for month 12. I know I have 20 days, but still I am nervous.

Conversation with My Boss

We were waiting for our meeting to start, and the subject turns to weight loss/dieting and the like. She has always been very complimentary of my weight loss. She is very tall (5'11'') and lean. Looking at her I would guess she weighs 140 pounds. She was telling me how upset she was because the scale said 161 pounds this morning. I would have never thought she weighed that much.

As she was talking about it, I thought to myself, I am only forty pounds from weighing what she weighs. For so long, I have weighed SO MUCH MORE than everyone else, it is weird thinking that I just weigh a few pounds more than she does. It is the whole mental thing again, with me thinking, "Surely I am still a good XXX pounds heavier than she is." The mind is so much slower to process the body's changes, especially where I have been obese for so long in my life.

I am working on the details of my Niagara Falls/Toronto trip. One of the things I have decided that I want to do is this "Air Flight Simulator" thing in Toronto (www.aircombatzone.com). As I was making my reservation last night, one of the warnings was that "large persons may feel very uncomfortable in the small cockpit space." The warning didn't even phase me. I knew that I would be ok, and not have to worry about it. How cool is that?

Motivation....

Warning: This is another one of those posts where I am not exactly sure what my thoughts/feelings are completely on an issue, but I am just blogging to process my thoughts. Here goes...

A lady in my office is getting divorced. It is actually voodoo lady. (The one who had lap band surgery, and has been really rude to me since I had my WLS.) I am truly sad for her. She has two kids as well. I complimented her yesterday on losing weight. She says, "I have lost 11 pounds. I have to lose weight so I can get back on the market."

Ok, into my head rush a sea full of thoughts. I realize that we all got overweight and obese in a variety of ways. Why was she not good enough to lose weight for herself personally? If I were her spouse, it would be hurtful to think that I was not good enough to be healthy for, yet some random stranger I would be going on a blind date is worth that effort.

There are many studies that talk about weight gain and marriage. I don't have any exact statistics, but a vague one I remember for people in their twenties was an average weight gain of 15-20 pounds for each spouse within the first three-five years of marriage. Couples figure they can let themselves go, because they have already "attracted" their mate.

I want to look good for my future mate. I really really do. I have experienced the whole "letting oneself go" philosophy of life, and I'm scared as I don't know what for that to ever happen to me again. I now have the powerful tool of the DS on my side so I don't let this happen again. It is not even about looking good for a mate, I want to look good FOR ME. I want to be happy with the person I see staring back at me in the mirror.

Jammin in the Car

Ok, really weird post...
I usually jam in my car on the way to work or between appointments. Here are a few of the songs I listened to on the way into work yesterday....

Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Piano Man, Summer of 69, Lets Get This Party Started, among many others.

Then I get to work, go in and am a professional adult for the remainder of the day. It would be interesting if we could see the songs that others listened to each morning on their ride into work.

Mini Motivators From Back in Skinny Jeans

New Hair Style

Wrapping My Head Around the DS

I have been bouncing up and down between 200 and 201. I ate lots of carb heavy stuff yesterday, and the scale moved me back down to 200.4. I really don't understand how the DS works sometimes. I realize that if I was always heavy on the carbs, the scale would not reflect this. It does seem that the DS allows you a little bit more cheating room than any other WLS.

I wish I had the willpower to put away the scale until the end of the month. I know I cannot do it though. I know several people who have had the DS said that they have had wicked stalls right around the 200 mark. Some people write happy fluffy letters to their body as mental exercises to help with things....I on the other hand, am getting ready to write a letter to my body telling it how ticked off I am that it is not cooperating!

The weekend was good, but busy. I only have a four day work week this week. Why is it that the four day weeks sometimes seem to drag on worse than the normal five day weeks? I am going to have lunch with my friend Kristin one day this week. That will be nice. I am going to try to get my hair done Thursday afternoon. Ok, I seriously need to get moving, or I won't have time for Starbucks....and that won't be pretty.

High Carb

I have been doing fairly well with low carbs, but I think it is time to switch up my body. I am having a high carb day. The scale tomorrow will tell which direction I'll go from there. Hopefully it will help with my DS bathroom issues returning to normal too.

Quote

"If there's magic in fighting battles beyond endurance, it's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you."
- Million Dollar Baby

Last Night

After our KADS dinner last night, I suggested we go to Graeter's Ice Cream. They have the BEST ice cream in the world. I made this discovery in college, and have since been a frequent customer. (Why is it though that I crave ice cream more in the winter during the cold than in the hot months of the year?)

I order my standby favorite: Double Chocolate Chip with chocolate sprinkles. I only ate about half of the ice cream, and I threw the rest of it away. It just made me smile to know that I ate until I was satisfied, then I threw the rest away. This is what normal, NON-OBESE people do.

Just wanted to share, I've got a busy day, so it is time to get moving.